by Mason, Dana
“How about after dinner?” he murmurs.
“How about I wear it down for dinner?” I wink and watch the grin spread across his face. It reminds me of the first time I laid eyes on that dimpled smile and my heart does a little flutter.
“I can’t wait,” he says as he steps away from me. “I’ll see you at seven.”
* * *
When I arrive, my hair is down, and I’m wearing the red dress Drew bought me in Maui, hoping it’s a good omen. I still haven’t had time to unpack completely, but l did make sure to have this dress cleaned. Remembering the state of my house is embarrassing. I spent my first few weeks home working sixteen-hour days and spent the last week between the sheets with Drew.
I’m going to be a mom and that means I have to stop the nonsense. I look up to the sky and make a promise to get my act together. I promise to stop dwelling on the past and over things I can’t change. I promise to take this life more seriously and at the same time, I promise to have a little fun once in a while. Just please let this evening go well.
As I enter The Dinner Club, I see Drew sitting at the bar. I walk over and place a hand on his back as I lean in to say hello. He jumps at first, but then hauls me in for a kiss. Awkwardly, I fall into the stool next to him as he does and I can taste beer on him.
“Already started, huh?” I ask as he withdraws from our kiss. His face is flushed and I know for sure he’s already two or three beers in.
“Emily, Emily, I’m so glad you’re here,” he says in a hushed tone. “Sorry, I really needed a drink, but you have time to catch up.” He looks me up and down. “Wow, you look amazing.” His grins spreads. “Aw, you’re wearing my favorite dress and red is perfect for you.”
“Thank you.” I glance over at the hostess, and she gestures to a table for us. “Come on, we have a table.”
He grabs his beer and slides out of the barstool. Our hands are locked, and as we’re walking, he’s tugging on my hand as if I’m walking too fast. I turn to look at him, and I can see he’s having a bit of trouble. Is he already drunk?
Once we’re seated and have menus, I look up at him. “So, you’re already drinking?”
He holds up a finger. “What’s happened is… I haven’t had enough drinks.”
“Is that right?” I can’t help but feel irritated because I cannot tell him I’m pregnant if he’s already had too much to drink.
“Emily, sweetness, have a drink. Relax.”
My eyes drop to the table. “No, I’m not drinking today, but that’s good, I guess. I can drive you home.”
“Oh, right, I um…” he points to his right. “I walked here. My truck is at the office.”
I feel like there’s something I’m missing. This isn’t like him––at least, not what I’ve seen from him so far. But then, I guess in reality I don’t know him well. “Drew, I don’t understand, did something happen today?”
“Um, yeah. We’re having a talk, and I’m afraid of it, so I had a beer… or three.” He reaches for my hand. “You’re so awesome. Do you know that?” He tilts forward so that we’re closer. “You’re just the most incredible person. Really.”
“Thank you… I think.”
“You think?” He has a weird grin on his face. I can see he’s trying not to smile, but can’t help himself. “I’m sorry, babe, but I may have had some scotch too.”
“How long have you been here?”
“Couple hours, I think.”
As amusing as he is when he’s drunk, I’m disappointed, and more than a little worried. What on earth can be so bad that he had to drink away his nerves? I’ve never seen him nervous, he’s always so cool and collected. “What is it that you need to tell me that you’re so afraid of?”
“Well, Emily, there’s a lot. Probably too much for tonight. I have to tell you one important truth.” He holds up his finger as if to stop me from interrupting. “This morning, minutes after leaving your office, I realized, not quite so abruptly, that I love you.” He lifts a brow. “Like I said, it wasn’t an abrupt realization, I sort of felt it coming… well, in Maui, if I’m honest. But see, today, I realized it’s probably going to do some serious damage… one way or another.”
I hold my breath. Emotions are welling in me, emotions weighing me down. I came in here ready to share my feelings with him… but now I feel off-balance. He loves me. Can I believe a man who says this after so many drinks? I inhale deeply, then clear the lump in my throat. “That’s why you’re drinking? Because you love me or because you’re afraid to tell me you love me?”
His eyes grow soft and watery, and mine do too. “I’m not sure I can manage it. It’s going to hurt, and I’m not strong enough to…”
I squeeze his hand. “Drew, babe, why does it have to hurt? Love shouldn’t hurt.”
He tugs free of my grip. “Love shouldn’t hurt… but it does, Emily. You know that. You know very well.”
A nagging fear creeps into my heart at the pained expression on his face. What the hell is he trying to say?
“Why don’t we go home and talk?” I ask.
He bites his lip. “I think that’s a good idea.”
Twenty-Nine
Drew
I feel such a dick, but it’s too late now to make better choices. My nerves got the better of me, and now my mouth has run amuck, and it’s doing damage. I can see the hesitation in her eyes. I can see the questions.
After stumbling through her front door, I fight to right myself and head into her kitchen. “Do you mind if I have some of your scotch?”
“I don’t mind, but I thought we were talking.”
“Yes, we’re talking.” That’s why I need a drink. “Liquid courage.”
“You don’t need that with me, babe. Just be honest.”
“I’m sorry.” I reach out and grab her. “I really don’t want to lose you. God dammit.”
She strokes my hair back away from my face. “You’re not going to lose me. Why would you even think that?”
“Do you promise?” I hold her tightly, afraid she’ll try to get away. “If you promise, I’ll be happy. If you promise, this crazy, unbearable fear might go away.”
“Can we talk about what you said at the restaurant?”
I hold up my hand and say, “First, let me make us a drink.” I release her and head into the kitchen. After scouring her liquor cabinet, I grab the bottle of Jameson and take out two glasses. She comes in behind me and pours a glass of water. When I hand her the drink, she says, “No, thank you. I really don’t want a drink.”
“I’m sorry.” I look down at the drinks fisted in my hands and say, “I guess I’ll have to drink them both.”
We walk back into the living room and I sit down on the couch. After a few sips, I look up at her. “You okay?”
“Fine, but I’m worried about what you said before.”
I squint at her because, to be honest, I don’t really remember what I said that could have worried her. “Can you remind me which part you’re talking about? Oh, and by the way, you’re fucking hot in this red dress.” I reach out and pinch the fabric between my fingers. The memory of sitting on the beach with her, watching the sunset, comes to mind.
“Thank you,” she hands me the glass of water. “I think it’s probably a good idea for you to hydrate.” Then she sits sideways on the couch to face me. “I want to talk about when you said you love me.”
“Oh, that… yeah. It’s true, but you already knew that, right?” I lean forward, and we’re nearly nose to nose. I can smell her perfect peaches-and-cream skin from here. I run my nose along her cheek, taking her in, getting a hint of what I now recognize as her expensive face cream… and coconut shampoo… just like in Maui.
This connection we have is strong, fierce even. It’s a grasp I can’t tug free of—don’t want to be free of. It’s a magnetic field, luring me closer until my lips touch hers. I kiss her gently, then say, “I mean, you’re probably not in love with me, but I still can’t help the way I feel, even if i
t means I have to lose you.”
“I hate that you think that. Why would you lose me?”
“You need more. You need better.” I shake my head because that’s not what I wanted to say. I can’t think clearly, but I’m trying. “That’s not what I meant.”
“Drew, you’re all I need, and you’re all I want.”
“Exactly. See, that’s exactly it. I’m all you want. Me. Alone.” I point to my chest as I say this, but I can’t finish. If I can put off telling her for one more day, if I can have her one more time, maybe then I can accept losing her, maybe I’ll be a little more ready. “One day, you’re going to want more, and you deserve a full life. You deserve someone who can give you that. I’m just going to fuck it up.”
“Drew, you’re not making any sense.”
I rub my hand over my face. “I know. I’m sorry.”
“Whatever you’re doing, stop. I’m not sure why you’re trying to be so self-destructive, but I want you to stop.” She kneels up and leans against me, her hands framing my face. “Drew, I love you, too, but more than that, I need you—so get your shit together, okay?”
This sends me reeling. “I c-could be wrong… I mean, I’ve been wrong before.” I stutter this, fighting with my welling emotions.
“If you think I don’t love you, you are wrong. Now shut up and kiss me.”
She loves me. Fuck. That’s such a relief. “Will you say it again?” I ask, and I know my voice sounds small, but I can’t help it.
“I love you, Drew.”
I tug her closer, taking her mouth with mine. Her hair is already down, making it easy for me to tangle my fingers in it. She tilts back and says, “The next time you want to question my feelings, talk to me, okay?”
I slide my hands up her dress and say, “Your turn to shut up and kiss me.”
She straddles me and fuck, she feels good. She slides down my body until she’s on her knees, her hands on my belt. It takes her seconds to get my pants unfastened before my cock springs forward, standing at attention.
She bows forward, her mouth open, and her eyes on me. Christ, it’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen. Her caramel hair is wild around her head, her bright blue eyes staring up at me like she’s about to devour me, and her soft hand on the base of my cock. Dreams do come true.
As soon as her hot, red lips surround me, my body comes alive, every cell singing with pleasure. She drags sounds from me I didn’t know I could make and my fingers get lost in her waves and waves of silky hair, giving me something to hold onto while I struggle to maintain my composure.
It’s been so long since a woman has made me feel so wanted, so out of control. Being alone to take care of two kids forces me to always, always, be in control. My Maui trips being the exception, I’m never given the opportunity to just lose my shit. Drink until I can’t stand up. Say shit I shouldn’t say. I’m never allowed to be irresponsible. It’s never okay to just relax and say fuck it. If I can just have that tonight. Just say fuck it, and have this night with her before weighing down the beauty of this relationship with too much real life, I promise, I swear to God, I’ll tell her everything tomorrow. Please just give me a few more hours of not giving a shit about anything else but enjoying this woman.
She takes me deep, her red lips stretched around my cock. The expression on her face makes me believe it’s all she wants in life and I’m watching her eyes as they watch mine, as my hips jerk forward.
“Oh, God, baby!”
I grip her hair and it’s all I can do to let her control the pace. When heat shoots up my center, I have to stop her.
“Emily, Christ, come here,” I groan. “Come here, please.”
She stands up and licks her lips as she slips out of her panties under her dress. She’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever laid eyes on, without a doubt. After the lacy swathe of red fabric drops between her legs, she straddles my lap again, her hands on my shoulders and her amazing breasts at eye level. I reach behind her and tug at the zipper until the dress is loose enough for her to pull it over her head.
Once it’s gone, she leans forward, and I tug her nipple until it fills my mouth. She tastes sweet, like honey, and that drives me crazy. I place my hands on her hips and push her down, sliding her over my straining cock, and it’s the most incredible feeling. She’s hot and tight and ready for me. I lift her by the hips and then push her down again.
“I can’t wait, baby. I need you now,” I mumble around the mouthful of her breast. I grip her nipple between my teeth and tug as it slides out of my mouth. She leans down, locking her lips with mine as she starts moving up and down on top of me.
It’s taking every ounce of strength I have to open my eyes, but I want to see her. I want to see the glow of her beautiful skin and the look on her face as she rides me. I want to watch her red mouth circle into an O as she gets closer to losing control. I move my hands up her body and can feel the contrast of her soft and supple skin against my rough hands. She’s such a work of art, and tonight, I get to call her mine. I palm her breasts and when I do, I watch as her eyes flutter closed.
“Can you come with me, baby?” I ask, praying she’s caught up with me. “I can’t wait, I need you now.”
I slide my hands around her back and hook them over her shoulders, pulling her down harder. She’s lifting against me, allowing me to drag her back down.
“Fucking harder, baby, I want to feel it all, okay? Fuck me harder.”
“Oh, God, Drew,” she cries, and with each thrust, her breasts bounce up and down, and it’s so fucking hot. I grip her shoulders harder and bring her down over and over, not letting her stop. I love the sound of her cries, the sweet little noises contrasting with my stronger grunts. It’s erotic as hell and drives me even higher. Then her eyes squeeze shut and her back arches. I’m holding her upright, but I’m not sure how. Every muscle in my body flexes and pulses as I watch her come with a long, salacious moan.
When we’re both spent, she falls against me, her head draped over my shoulder, and we’re both fighting for breath. Her hair has fallen over my face, and I have to close my eyes as I wrap my arms around her.
“Emily… I fucking love you.”
* * *
When I wake up, a bright strip of light is shining across the room. My head is pounding, and for a moment, I don’t remember where I am. My eyes focus on the dresser, then the perfume bottles on top of the dresser, then on the half-unpacked suitcase across the room, and that’s when I know where I am… but that’s about all I remember. I gently roll over, and Emily’s back is to me. She has handprints marring her perfect alabaster skin, evidence of what we got up to. I sit up quickly, slanting closer to get a better look.
Without realizing it, I rub my hands gently over her skin, making her stir. I jerk back instinctively. Dammit. I didn’t mean to wake her up. She stretches and rolls slightly, until one bright blue eye focuses on me.
“I’m sorry.” I lean forward and let my lips land on her shoulders. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
She turns the rest of the way and nuzzles into my chest. I trace a hand up and down her back, my eyes trying again to focus on the dark marks along her shoulders. “I’m so sorry, Emily.” I pull her closer and say, “I’m an asshole. I’m so sorry if I hurt you last night.”
Her head pops up, and with a sleepy voice, she murmurs, “What are you talking about?”
“I was too rough. You have bruises…” I brush the hair away so I can see her face. “I’m sorry.”
She snorts in laughter. “You didn’t hurt me last night. Don’t be dumb.”
I gently stroke the marks and then down her arms. “This doesn’t hurt?”
“No, of course not. And if you remember correctly, I was the aggressor, not you.”
I think about that, but I have trouble believing it. My mind is muddy, and I don’t remember everything. I try to go over the evening, from leaving the restaurant to stumbling our way to bed. Slowly, I focus on each step, and as I do, my dick grows h
ard under the blankets. Emily must feel it because she travels closer toward me.
I remember her on her knees and her sultry red lips… I remember the cherry-colored dress coming off, and I grin. After losing the dress, Emily… Oh, fuck!
I freeze, my body turning to ice when I realize what I’ve done. The blood in my veins ceases to flow, and I can’t believe I was so stupid and irresponsible.
“What the fuck have I done?” I blurt before I can stop myself.
“Drew…” Emily gives me a slight squeeze. “I told you, I’m not hurt.”
I reach back and remove her hands from around me, inching away to sit up on the edge of the bed. I drop my head in my hands and groan. “Fucking hell, dammit. I fucked up—we fucked up, Emily.”
“What on earth are you talking about?”
“Condom,” I grunt, standing and grabbing my clothes from the floor. “I can’t believe we forgot a condom. How did that happen?” Christ, that’s what I get for drinking so much. “Shit!”
“What’s wrong?” she asks, the color draining from her face.
I lean over Emily and rest my hand on her cheek. “Do you think you could’ve gotten pregnant last night?”
She pushes my hand away and sits up, clutching the blankets to her chest. “No, I don’t think I could have gotten pregnant last night.”
I close my eyes for a second. “Thank God.” Then I glance at my phone and remember where I’m supposed to be this morning. “Crap. It’s Saturday…” I pull on my underwear and jeans. I only have about twenty minutes to get to my mom’s. With my shirt in my hands, I lean over the bed again and plant a kiss on her lips. Then I mumble, “I know we need to talk still, but I gotta go, I’m really sorry. I’m supposed to meet my mom for breakfast, and I’m late. We’ll talk later. I love you.”
Emily scoots farther into the bed and burrows under the blankets.
“I’ll call you later,” I say, as I rush out of there.
