by Mason, Dana
I walk the six blocks to my house and then, as I’m unlocking my front door, I call Celia.
She answers in a tone much too chipper for this early on a Saturday for someone as hungover as me. “Celia, are you heading to my mom’s for breakfast? Can you pick me up on the way?”
“Of course. I was just getting ready to leave, I’ll be there in about ten minutes.”
“Great! I need a ride to my office––my truck is parked there. I’ll leave the door open, just come on in when you get here.”
“Okay, see you in a few.”
Her sing-song voice echoes as I hit the end call button, strip my clothes off, and jump in the shower. I have ten minutes to get my head together and get back into Dad mode before the idiot who took over my body gets me in more trouble.
Thirty
Emily
I can’t move. I’m so hurt and so disappointed, I’ve turned to stone. I hear the front door close, and all I can think about is the fact that Drew’s so anxious to get away that he’s quite literally running away from me. The thought of not wearing a condom and knowing it could mean I get pregnant is that repulsive to him.
This truth breaks my heart.
I melt into the bed as I dissolve into tears.
* * *
I spent the rest of my morning throwing up. Morning sickness? Maybe. Heartache? Another maybe. Either way, I’m now dressed in black and ready to give my speech. A speech to immortalize a man who deserves every accolade they can give him. A man who gave his life for the lives of others. I glance down at a photo of Tucker and smile. I need to focus on him today, not on everything else. I know this, but it still isn’t easy to avoid thoughts of Drew.
I hear a knock at the front door and rush to get it. I can hear Kelley and Mac chatting as I open the door and once they’re inside, Mac’s first to give me a big hug. I need it, too. I embrace him and linger, so glad of his familiarity and affection. When he releases me he says, “Why do you look so tired?”
“Probably because I am tired.”
“I imagine this isn’t going to be easy.”
“It’s been four years. I can handle it.” I turn to peek outside. “Where’s Mom?”
“Oh, she has to leave as soon as the ceremony is over so she’s driving herself.”
I hear a chuckle from Kelley. “Actually, she was going to follow us over, but Mac was freaking out because she was making us late.”
“Jeez, Mac, you’re so neurotic sometimes.” As I say this, I reach out and hug Kelley. “I’m so glad to see you.”
“We’ll have to plan a girls’ night soon, it’s been ages,” she mutters into my shoulder as I hug her.
I hear the tapping of heels approaching the open front door and then hear Rebecca say, “Girls’ night, count me in.” She has Eddie in tow, and they all crowd into my living room.
“I’m sorry for the mess,” I say. “It’s been a busy week.” I can see my brother glancing around with a raised eyebrow, and I know he’s going to see everything I’m trying to hide from them.
I meet his eyes and say, “You guys ready to head out?”
Mac nods. “Ride with us.”
Yep, saw that coming a mile away. I agree and grab my purse. “Let’s go.”
Once we’re in the car, I’m thankful we’re not going far and so I won’t have to be trapped with my observant brother for very long.
“What’s going on?” he asks, looking over at me from the driver’s seat.
“I’m fine, Mac. You don’t need to worry.”
“Bullshit.”
I glance into the backseat, hoping for a little help from Kelley, but she just shrugs.
“I had a feeling something was up with you when you canceled on brunch yesterday, but I let it slide. Now I can’t ignore it.” He reaches over and turns the radio off. “Tell me what the hell is going on with you.”
“You knew something was up with me because I told you something was up. I told you about Drew and running into him this week.”
He jabs a finger in my direction. “Um, no, there’s something else.”
I sigh and roll my eyes. “Mac, everything is fine. Can we just not do this right now?”
“Emily, we’re not getting out of this car until you tell me what’s wrong with you.” He makes the final turn then veers into the school parking lot. They’ve decorated it like a party… I can see balloon arches in the school’s colors: blue and white with a little green mixed in. On the side of the school gymnasium is a mural of the school’s new mascot: The Dolphins.
I slap a hand on my thigh. “Come on, seriously. Are they really using a dolphin? This has to be a joke, right?”
“What the fuck is wrong with people?” he asks. “Didn’t they consult you on this?”
“Yes, about the name change but I didn’t know anything about the mascot.”
I hear Kelley in the backseat gasp. “That’s so inappropriate.”
“Yes,” Mac grinds out. “Very inappropriate.”
I take a deep breath and place my hand on his arm. “It’s okay. Just… let it be.” I meet his eyes and the apologetic expression he gives me makes me smile. He finally grins too, and we both start outright laughing.
“Assholes,” he mumbles, still fighting the humor. “It shouldn’t be funny.”
I glance back at Kelley, and she looks mortified. I dab at my eyes and take a breath.
“It’s okay,” I sigh, as I fight my laughter. “Tucker would have loved the irony.”
Mac grunts and his head bobs up and down in agreement. “He’s having a great laugh over this, I promise. The sick bastard.”
This makes me laugh harder, and I glance out at Rebecca and Eddie as they’re standing outside the car, watching us with strange expressions.
“Okay, let’s get this over with.”
Mac grabs my hand before I can open the door. “I’m not letting you off the hook so easily. When this is over, you’re telling me everything.”
“Fine. Let’s just get through this, okay?”
When I get out of the car, Eddie says, “Did we miss the joke?”
I nod, still fighting with the giggles. “Yeah, but I’ll tell you about it later.”
I glance around but don’t see my mom.
“Where’s Mom?”
Mac rolls his eyes and throws his hands up. “She’s freaking late, of course. That’s why we left her behind.”
I pat his shoulder to calm him. “It’s okay. I’m sure she’ll be here before the speeches start.” Taking his arm, I let him lead me into the crowd, under the ridiculous balloon arch, as we approach the school district superintendent. When she sees me, she reaches for my hand.
“Mrs. Tucker, we’re so happy to see you. Thank you so much for coming.”
I smile, still trying not to giggle. “No, thank you so much for this honor. Tucker would have been pleased. We appreciate that he was even nominated.”
“Oh, my gosh! He won the vote by a landslide. He was a very popular teacher in Sacramento. Many of his former students offered to speak today. We had trouble narrowing it down.”
“Wow, that’s wonderful.” I turn and introduce my family and friends then she shows us where we’ll be sitting.
“But I hope you’ll look around and see the renovations. We’ve got game booths for the kids and various district organizations exhibiting today.” She waves around. “Lots of people came for the celebration, as you can see.”
I nod and grin. “Yes, thank you, we’ll look around.”
When she leaves us alone, Rebecca tugs on my arms. “The fucking Dolphins?”
I start laughing again and face her. “Yes, that’s what we said.”
“They’re truly clueless, aren’t they?”
I’m about to agree with her when I see her eyes narrow over my shoulder.
“What is it?” I ask. I start to turn, but she stops me. “What are you looking at?”
“Em, Drew’s here… and he’s not alone.” Her eyes are stony a
nd her expression stiff. I feel my face heat into a blush.
Across the expanse of people, I see Drew squatting next to a small, redheaded little girl. He’s smiling and talking to her, then she bounces on her toes, nodding expectantly. The crowd parts some more and I see a little boy too. Then a young woman.
The heat in my face drains instantly, and I clutch Rebecca’s hand on my arm. “What the hell?” I breathe. “That looks an awful lot like a wife and kids, doesn’t it?” How could he have lied to me? How could he have betrayed me?
“Yes… I’m afraid it does,” she mumbles.
Drew points to the playground and then both kids rush away. He straightens back up to his full height and addresses the young woman, before pointing to the school building. She nods and gestures, then walks away.
Just like this morning, I’m concrete. I cannot move. All I can do is stand there and watch him. He walks over to the information counter and picks up a brochure. As he takes it, Rebecca hands me one exactly like it. I glance down and see the front: it’s a photo of the new sign with Tucker’s name on it, along with his photo.
My heart squeezes as I look at it. He’s in a wetsuit, and he’s just come onto shore, his board under his arm. He was so beautiful, and I have to lay a hand on my chest because I remember the day this photo was taken. The school board asked me for pictures of him so I knew I’d be seeing his face while I was here, but it still takes my breath away. I’m instantly fighting tears, but not just for my lost husband.
I open the flap and read a list of events, including my scheduled speech. Then I flip to the back and read the story of how my husband died.
On a warm October day, four years ago, Charles Tucker, a Sacramento School District High School Teacher, lost his life in the act of saving two California students off the Central Coast. He was on the shore at Pleasure Point, a popular surfing spot in Santa Cruz, when he recognized two young boogie boarders being pulled out to sea by a rip current. They’d both lost their boards and were struggling to stay above water. Immediately sensing the danger, Mr. Tucker paddled out to bring them in. Both boys survived, thanks to him, but tragically, the heroic act cost Mr. Tucker his life.
After a year of planning and voting, the School District has officially renamed Grove Elementary School in his honor. Today, Grove Elementary will be christened Charles Tucker Elementary School.
Our District is proud to commemorate the life of this brave young teacher who was taken from us much too soon.
I glance up from the brochure to see Drew reading the very same words. Then he lifts his face and searches the crowd. It only takes him seconds to meet my eyes, and I see the sorrow and regret in his features. I shake free of Rebecca’s grip and walk toward him. When she falls in line behind me, I’m so thankful. I have no idea what I’m going to say to him, but I know I can’t get up on that stage and give my speech without purging some of this anger first. With every step, I’m thinking, How could he? How could he? How could he?
Drew looks like a deer in my headlights, but he also looks resigned. When I reach him, I want to slap the expression right off his face, but I haven’t forgotten why I’m here and I will not disgrace myself or the memory of my husband over this man.
“Please tell me that woman is not your wife.” Thankfully, my words come out in a whisper. It’s taking every ounce of strength I have not to scream at him.
He holds up his hands as if to stop me from freaking out. As if I need him to help me maintain my self-respect. “Emily, I’m not married. I didn’t lie about that.”
“Drew, are these children yours? Please tell me they’re your niece and nephew. Please.” I glance over at them, one at a time, and I know in my heart they’re his. Then it occurs to me… his two roommates, Kyle and Hannah. I look back at him and as I’m staring into his regretful expression, the redheaded little girl runs up and grips his leg.
“Daddy, see, I told you, your friend would be here too.” She looks up at me with bright, sea-blue eyes and dimples that match Drew’s exactly.
Drew’s hand lands on her head, and he nods down at her. “Yeah, she is, honey. Can you say hello?”
She glances from him back to me. “Hello…” Then her eyes grow big, and she looks back at Drew.
Drew mouths the words, “Ms. Thomas.”
She grins and corrects herself. “Hello, Ms. Thomas.”
My heart is heavy. I don’t want to lose my shit here in front of this little girl. She’s certainly the sweetest thing I’ve ever laid eyes on. It’s a good thing for Drew too because if it weren’t for her, I would have already walked away. How can I now? I’m staring at the girl who’s destined to be my child’s big sister.
Forcing myself to be calm, I squat down so that I’m at her level. “You must be Hannah.” My voice doesn’t sound as sure as I want it to, but she doesn’t seem to care.
She nods, and I can see a sudden shyness now that she has my full attention. “How did you know?”
I glance up at Drew and say, “Lucky guess.”
She points behind her. “That’s my brother… over there. He’s Kyle, and um… um, he’s eight.”
I look over to where she’s pointing. “How do you know who I am?”
“Oh, my daddy! My daddy has your picture on our fireplace.” She points her finger at me. “You’re with a helipopter.”
“Helicopter,” Drew and I both mutter at the same time, correcting her.
Before I can say more, I hear a crackle over the speakers and then the Superintendent’s voice. “I want to thank everyone for coming today.”
“Emily, your mom just arrived,” Rebecca mumbles.
I reach my hand out to shake Hannah’s, trying to regain some composure. “It was lovely meeting you, Hannah.”
She stands erect and takes my hand in an exaggerated shake. “Thank you,” she says, with a big, dimpled grin.
I lift to my full height and give Drew a death stare before turning away from him and walking to my seat in the front row. Mac, Kelley and Eddie are chatting with my mom, who looks a little harried.
I’m so thankful Rebecca is the only one who really knows what’s happening. She’s staying close, and after I’ve greeted my mother and taken my seat, I turn my head so she can see my eyes.
“I’m okay, I promise.”
She gives me a good long look and her mouth splits into a smile. “I know you are because you’re fucking fabulous.” Then she reaches in and gives me a tight hug.
I listen as several speakers talk about how Charles Tucker exemplified the values of the school district. They’re not wrong. Tucker was the very best kind of person. He wasn’t just a hero to those kids that day on the beach, he was also my hero. I’m thankful I’m not the only one who recognizes how wonderful he was.
When they introduce me, I stand and slowly climb the three stairs on the riser. I approach the microphone and smile. Smiling isn’t easy, but when I think about how special he was to these people as well as me, I have to.
“Most of you knew my husband as Mr. Tucker or just Tucker. Unconventional to his core, he never liked the formality that came with being a teacher. He wanted to be friends with his students and most of the time he was. And though he was friends with his students, he still garnered a great deal of respect from them.” I grasp the podium for support and glance around before continuing. “This love, friendship, and respect are what lead us to today. Honestly, I’m not sure what Tucker would think about having a school named after him.
“Tucker was always about living, and when he was here with us, he lived every day fully. He wouldn’t want us to dwell on his passing. He wouldn’t want to be remembered for how he died or what led to his death. He’d want to be known for how he lived, and I think this tribute, although brought about by his death, this tribute is a testament to how he lived. He was loved. Not just by his family and me, but by you.” As I say this, I gesture to the group of Tucker’s former students. The same students who are now finishing up their college careers, the
same group of students who still occasionally check up on me and still send Christmas cards, and who all wept at his funeral. “I want to thank you, his students, his fellow teachers, the school board, and the City for this honor and for wanting to remember him for the great man he was. While he might not have understood why we’re dwelling, I understand, and it means the world to our family and me.”
Thirty-One
Drew
I stand off to the side for Emily’s speech, and as I watch her, I’m struck by how strong she is. But I’m also incredibly embarrassed… so ashamed of myself I can barely breathe. How could I have kept up with this lie when I knew how it would end? I see now what I’ve missed over the last few days. I see my glaring blunder. Emily’s not the kind of person to judge me for being a single dad, she’s the type of person to judge me for lying about being a single dad. I’m so stupid. How could I not be upfront and honest about who I am—about who they are?
I’m disgusted with myself and with what I’ve done. Those kids are everything to me and I’m proud to be their dad, I’m proud of my family. Lying about them isn’t something I do. I’d never… so why did I? I’ve got to be completely out of my own head to do something so crazy.
Losing Emily is what I get. This is karma, and I deserve for her never to speak to me again. I frown and lower my eyes to the ground. If she ever lets me see her again after today, it’ll be a fucking miracle. Heart sinking, I glance over to make sure Kyle and Hannah are still where they’re supposed to be playing.
A couple of Hannah’s friends are here and I’m glad, for her sake. Kyle’s playing basketball with a couple of other boys, and he seems pretty content too. I’m the only one miserable. As any liar of my caliber should be.
I had every intention of telling Emily about the kids last night. I just completely lost my nerve. You’d think even after all the drinks, I would have slipped and told her. But no, I remain a liar and horrible person for keeping my kids a secret.
