“Alright, what? What do you have to say? Hurry up.”
“That night I was about to go get your sister when you jerked me back and told me you had it. I went to find Deuce for back-up. Everything happened so fast. With the big crowd, we couldn’t easily get to you. It wasn’t about lack of trying or caring or not wanting to be there. I was a part of the paramedics being called. I did not flee anything. I was with your sister, and as I took each breath for those first few days I thought about it over and over and over again. I prayed for you. And when they said it looked bleak for you I grieved, man. Wishing, hoping, and just trying to trust God that He would give you another chance.”
“Another chance for what?”
“For me to ask you, are you saved?”
“A month of my life is gone, man, from me trying to protect my sister. There is no need in trying to get me to be some Holy Ghost–filled whacko. I’m alive because I kept pushing and I wanted to be here. I’m sick of you and my sister trying to make me believe otherwise. Sell that God nonsense to some other fool. I ain’t buying it.”
I shrugged and turned around and opened the door, but this time I was on the outside. I looked down and thought, Devil, you might have won the battle, but you ain’t winning the war.
“I’m sorry this isn’t the ideal date,” I said to Savoy as we went out on Valentine’s Day. She was looking out the window of my car, with her lips pouted like the day was messed up because I hadn’t presented her with flowers or her gift. But shoot, I had forgotten about all of that. Although it was a last minute thing for me, I was excited about us being together. Both of us had had a real rocky start to this year.
“I said I was sorry,” I said to her, trying to get her attention.
“It’s alright, it’s alright. What do you want me to say, that I am excited about going to the Varsity to meet some recruit? Either he’s going to come to Tech or he’s not. Why you have to babysit on Valentine’s Day is crazy. And then to go to dinner with the chaplain and his wife—I know we need to figure out a way to not be all over each other, but I ain’t trying to get counseling. This should be romantic. You’re going from babysitting somebody to someone babysitting us. Forgive me for not jumping up and down with excitement.”
She had a point. I couldn’t do anything about the recruit; Coach said it was our turn to hang out with the prospective player. We had no say in it. “It’s only going to be a few minutes. We’re just going to have dinner with the guy and answer any questions that he has about Tech, and then we’re out of there. Plus I didn’t expect you to eat at the Varsity. Sorry you don’t think that going over to Coach Moss’ would be nice, but he invited us. I thought it would be a great insight into what we want to do. After all, you haven’t really talked to me lately.”
“Aw, Perry, don’t even use that as an excuse. You haven’t talked to me either. My brother’s not just mad at you anyway. He’s mad at me too. So, if you’re taking it out on me that he has an attitude with you, it’s not fair.”
“No, no. Where are you even getting that from?” I asked, really frustrated how our night was kicking off.
We got to the Varsity and it was really crowded. Everyone was looking for a cheap date, but the Varsity was a historic place known for great hotdogs, hamburgers and chili cheese. The place was smelling so good, but I couldn’t be tempted. I couldn’t go to Coach Moss’ house with a full stomach. I had the name of the recruit and I was supposed to meet him at the door at six. Six-fifteen came and I couldn’t find him.
I said to Savoy, “I’m just gon’ walk around, I’ll be right back.”
“That’s cool,” she said, still a little salty about earlier. I wasn’t gone for two minutes when I heard Savoy scream out, “Don’t touch me! Get your hands off of me!”
I rushed to the back side of the building and found Savoy moving away from this young, buff dude who fit the description of the recruit.
“Are you Jeff Wade?”
“Yeah, man. Chick is trippin’.”
“Yeah right. You felt me up and said a little bit more than that. I can’t deal with this, Perry,” she said, coming over to me.
“I ain’t do none of that.”
“You are going to believe him over me?” she asked.
I was so torn; I knew she was a little paranoid from everything that happened at the beginning of the year at the club. Maybe she was on her cycle or something, because she had an attitude with me all the way over here. Or did I really need to take in what she said and deal with this chump for being too forward with my girl? Quickly I thought of my options. If I jumped on him I could possibly be arrested and be in the newspaper again for some foolishness. He could tell Coach, he could probably go to another school. Talk about a recruiting trip gone bad. But if I didn’t, I could lose my girl with her thinking that I really didn’t have her back. I didn’t want our relationship to be built on lies—we needed trust. She needed to know that I would be there for her, and with her brother accusing me of bailing during his fight, that’s the last thing I wanted on my conscience. So I thought about it for real. I prayed, Alright Lord. Savoy stood with her hands on her hips and her head rolling, waiting on me to do something. Jeff had his hands folded like he was the best recruit in America and I had better not do anything to jeopardize it. Can you give me some insight Lord; can you help me out here? I pointed one finger to Jeff and put my arm around Savoy and said, “Let me deal with this, man.”
Jeff nodded. “Cool. I’ma step in and grab a lil’ something to eat.”
As soon as we were alone, Savoy grabbed my shirt and passionately said, “You do believe me, right? Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I have to deal with this the right way, and he is a recruit for the school. I’m not going to tolerate his actions toward you but I can’t just go off on him in public, you know? When we tell Coach that recruits are not of good character, Coach backs off of them anyway. We’re a class act school. It’s not about just throwing the ball down the field. If we get this guy it could be a big deal, but let me go about it the right way. Can you trust me to do that, baby? I mean I am sorry that our date started out on the wrong note, but I’ll make it up to you.” I kissed her cheek and put her in the car.
I went inside.
“Alright man, what’s up? You hitting on my girl, man?”
Jeff gave me a smug look. “She’s fine, man. I had to touch.”
“I understand, but you can’t be touching up on women like that.”
“I mean it was just a little tap.”
He admitted to me what he had done. I had come at him the right way. I had figured him out.
“I didn’t know she was your girl anyway.”
“Yeah, but you come to Tech or any school really pushing your weight on these females and you’ll get yourself into all kinds of trouble. Besides, my girl has had a lot to deal with. I can’t have anyone messing with her.”
“Aw snap, my bad. Your girl is the one whose brother is on the team, too? Some gang guy messed him up?”
“Yeah, all that.”
“I’ma go apologize. Naw man, that’s cool, let’s just talk about Tech for a little bit. Some of the other guys are going to come and swoop me up. Show me around A-town.”
“Alright, let’s get you a burger.”
“Cool.”
An hour later I was sitting with C. Moss. Savoy was with his wife.
“It’s just hard to get this dating thing right. She has such high expectations and sometimes my motives are so impure. It’s like I can’t be with her, but it’s too hard to be without her. I just don’t know where we fit in. If it’s in the cards for us at all. I think I did the wrong thing by bringing her here for Valentine’s. She’s really ticked at me.”
“There’s nothing wrong with thinking outside of the box and making sure that y’all don’t cross any lines that y’all don’t need to. You know what I’m saying,” he said to me.
“Yeah, I got you.”
“There’s no need
to reinvent the wheel either. Just keep God in prayer, get on out of here and take her to a movie or something. You can finish the night doing something that makes her excited. Stay on your prayers and the Lord will continue to show you where to lead in this dating relationship. You’ll figure it out, stay open. There’s nothing wrong with recruiting new ideas.”
Showing True Feelings
“I’m sorry, can you forgive me?” Savoy said to me as we left the Moss’ home after dinner. Because her attitude had been chillier than the February air, I was taken aback that she was apologizing, and honestly I didn’t know what exactly she was seeking forgiveness for. There was a grocery store nearby so instead of driving right to the movie theater to see a romantic movie to salvage our Valentine’s evening, I pulled into the parking lot. I figured we needed to talk and I wanted to look directly into her eyes and listen to what she had to say and speak from my heart.
“I’ve been angry at God!” she said to me.
Wow, I thought. She was one of the most solid Christians I knew.
“Yes, He saved my brother. Yes, He put us back together and yes I should love Him just because He’s God, but I’ve been really upset with Him. Because I am upset with Him I have been mad at the world, particularly you.”
“So do you feel like your brother, that I let you down after the big game?”
“No, you explained everything that happened and it makes complete sense and I can’t blame you for any of that anyway. You know I blamed myself for trying to make you jealous. And I guess that is just it. I guess what makes me so angry is that as much as I prayed to the Lord to have Him try and help me stay on the right path things come up, and it’s like Satan is able to come in my mind and corrode it. I feel like frazzled wires connected to nothing, and every time I try to tell my brother about God he says so many other things that make me doubt salvation is real, and that scares me. I just found out that my dad’s sister, Tad’s mom—”
“Yeah,” I said.
“—She has cancer,” Savoy told me with teary eyes.
“Oh man, are you serious? I hadn’t even talked to Payton.”
“I’m sure she knows because Tad is real torn up about it. We sort of just found out but I don’t think she has long to live.”
And all of the things that I really felt to tell her—it’s okay, this is not where we are supposed to be, that we live here to get to Heaven, that God is going to take care of us, that it’s all going to be fine—I’m not sure of it myself. Some mornings are shaky, just thinking about my body being underground in some box that I can’t get out of.
“I’m just afraid. The Lord is not giving me any comfort or any answers and if He was really real don’t you think I’d have peace?”
I hugged her, I really appreciated her being vulnerable and sharing her concerns with me. I didn’t know if I had the answers that she was looking for but I did know that I truly understood where she was coming from. I mean, not too long ago I was questioning my own salvation, battling with God for the things I felt He wasn’t doing right. Thankfully He brought me to a place of comfort, because I had to just trust and have faith and believe.
“That’s Satan trying to mess you up, Savoy. That’s Satan trying to get into your mind to make you think that all you know to be true is a lie. He’s the one who’s a liar, call him on the carpet, speak the word. Satan cannot touch or destroy you; you have the protection of the Almighty.”
“Why does it feel like everybody that I love is suffering—you with your grandmother, my brother with his life, and my aunt with cancer. I just, I just don’t know.”
“I don’t know a lot, Savoy,” I said, holding her hand, “but I do know that the word says to be absent of the body is to be present with the Lord, and my mind can’t even conceive what He has in store for us in Heaven and I want to be there. I want to see my grandparents, I want to see my Savior face to face, and I want to hear him say, ‘Job well done.’ And I know I haven’t been living a life that, if He took me right now, He would want to reward me for, but I know that I am alive today and I can do better than I did yesterday. And I know that it is tough to witness to people but that doesn’t mean that we are supposed to give up.”
“Yeah, but what are we supposed to do? They say so many things about Him not being real that you question yourself.”
“You have to trust and believe,” I told her. “You’ve got to stand just as firm as they are. It’s like planting seeds in soil and watering them. I mean a seed doesn’t automatically become a full bloom. It comes in stages, so who knows what stage you are in at helping people grow in Christ. We want to see them automatically grow up and be some pretty flower, but they might just be a seed, it might be the first time they ever heard the gospel.”
“Here I am supposed to be the water of what someone else has said.”
“You might be the sunshine that gives them hope that God cares.”
“I don’t know what stage this is but I will not know all the answers until I am with Him.” She got out of the car and walked into the wind. I turned off the car, got out and went over to her.
“I care about you a lot, and me and you have got some issues but that doesn’t mean that I am going to give up. That doesn’t mean that I am going to stop striving to work this thing out. I know it’s harder for me when you’re not around, girl, but to get this thing worked out I am surely going to try. We just got to keep going through it, keep praying for each other. Some days I’ll be stronger than you, some days you’ll be stronger than me.”
“So, you’re committed to us for real?” she asked, looking at me with the most precious eyes I had ever seen.
“Yeah!” I said from the heart. “I really want you to have my heart, but we’re young you know, and just because I don’t give you everything you’re looking for doesn’t mean I’m not giving you all that I’ve got.”
She put her arms around me and squeezed real tight. What we had may not have been perfect but it was real good. Salvation was secure. Our witnessing could be stronger, but because we wanted it to grow we were in a good place. We were real secure and that was awesome.
“Perry, man, come here. Come here,” I heard a voice call out as I was about to enter the football complex. “Come on man, don’t front and act like you don’t know me, dang.”
I looked to my left and I looked to my right and all I saw was a bum on the street. As the dingy person walked toward me I swallowed hard. It was Mario, our former quarterback, truly looking like he was strung out on something. If you don’t have anything good to say you’re not supposed to say anything, right. Well, the guy knew me too well to think that I would be cool with the image before me. I had to be honest, I had to ask what was up. “Man, what’s been up with you, why do you look like crap?”
He couldn’t even get his words out—he started stuttering and stumbling. He clearly was high. “Perry, man. I need, I need some money. I need some cash, come on. Give me what you got,” he said as he approached me and started looking for my wallet, digging in my pockets.
“Aw man, Mario. Back up, man.”
I was stuck between a rock and a hard place for a lot of reasons. One was that I needed to hurry up and get into Coach Moss’ office. We were about to head out on a mission trip to the children’s hospital. I also couldn’t give him any money—clearly he wouldn’t be buying any gas or food with it, and I surely didn’t want to give him anything that could be a catalyst into anything that could do him more harm.
“Man, I ain’t got anything.”
“Come on, rich boy, lie to somebody who don’t know you. I been waiting on you to come up here. I just need a little twenty or forty, whatever you got I need it. Alright man, come on come on.”
I put my hands up in the air and said, “For real, nothing.”
Then he turned a little violent and grabbed my collar and said, “It’s your fault that I’m in this predicament anyway. You snooped and found out what I was doing. I got messed up, kicked out of Tech, beat up mo
re times than I know. I’ma have to make it anyway, I know how then. You don’t want to give a brother a handout.”
Maybe I was misjudging him, I mean the more he talked the more he was able to put his words together and sound articulate. I always had a little stash in my dashboard so I told him to hold on, went back to my car and gave him a fifty.
“Thanks man, thanks!” When I got inside C. Moss lit into me.
“You said you wanted to be one of my leaders, Perry. I took that seriously and you come in here late and all when you know we have to be at the hospital at a certain time. We were waiting on you; your tardiness shows no leadership skills. You didn’t have the decency to call. I’m not trying to push you out there to do public service—that needs to be something you desire from the heart. You told me you were up to it and now you’re dropping the ball. I mean I assume that’s not like you. What’s up with that?”
I didn’t want to laugh because that would have been totally rude, but when I looked up I saw my roommates Deuce and Lance standing behind Coach Moss, where he couldn’t see their faces, and they were doing everything but keeping me straight; googling their eyes, sticking fingers up behind his head, just being jerks. Finally I couldn’t hold it in and I just bust out laughing. He turned around quickly and caught the two of them being silly and I lost it even more.
“See, you guys just don’t understand. When we get to where we’re going and you see these kids lying there you won’t have such a careless attitude.”
“Look Coach, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. They were being…”
“No need to apologize. I mean Perry, you’re grown, do what you want to do. I’m just letting you know that I didn’t appreciate it. It’s my job to give and give and pour into you guys. But it is not a part of my job description to put up with your lack of respect.” He went around me and went to his car.
“Y’all need to hurry up,” he said to everyone without looking back.
Promise Kept (Perry Skky Jr.) Page 5
