Safe Words

by Magnolia Robbins

  Andrea walked through the walkway up to take the stand at the front of the room. She passed by me and didn’t even give me a hint of attention. I felt a wave of anxiety crash into me. After a moment, I turned to Justine. “I can’t stay here for this.”

  Before she was able to stop me, I stumbled from the room. As I moved, I could see Scarlett turn to watch me go. I’d caused a bit of commotion but no one had spoken about it. When I escaped, I managed to breathe again. My body wobbled to a nearby bench and I laid myself across it. Even after how much I had begged her. Andrea had adored Scarlett for half a decade and she was going to throw her under the bus. All because of me.

  I got a wide variety of stares as I laid flat on the bench. An older woman came to check on me, asking if I was ill. Though I certainly felt ill, I shook my head, doing my best to smile. She wandered off shortly after and I sat up as to not bring any more attention to myself. At least another hour passed with no news. I found myself pacing up and down the long hallway, filled with so much nervous energy I thought I might explode. The door opened and I watched Andrea come out of the room.

  My first instinct was to go to her. I wanted nothing more than to give her a piece of my mind. Instead I watched her as she moved over to sit at the bench I’d left a few minutes prior. She pulled out her phone, playing on it quietly. The expression on her face was placid. Most often like it was at work, when she hadn’t been staring me down. I got up my nerve to approach her.

  When she noticed my shadow, she looked up to meet eyes with me. “Natalia,” she said, putting her phone in her purse. Every piece of me fought the urge to yell. Instead I stood there, staring her down. I surprised myself when I ended up sitting down on the bench beside her.

  Neither of us spoke for a while. I watched people as they passed and kept careful eye on the courtroom doors. Andrea breathed quietly beside me, fidgeting with her purse. Finally I heard her clear her throat and I turned to give her partial attention.

  It looked like Andrea was fighting to speak for a moment. I waited, as patiently as I could. She let out a small sigh. “I’m sorry, Natalia.” As soon as she said it, my suspicions were confirmed. I found myself getting to my feet, turning towards her.

  “How could you do that to her?” My voice echoed across the room. It was difficult to maintain my composure by how furious I felt. “After everything she’s done for you! I can’t believe you! I never want to see you ever again!” I stormed off before she could speak. She didn’t follow after me. After I found the bathroom, I went into a stall, trying to catch my breath. When I calmed, I washed my face in the sink and started to head back outside.

  Justine and I nearly ran into each other as I did. “Nat! I was looking everywhere for you.” She studied me for a moment, concerned. “Are you alright?”

  While I wasn’t alright, I nodded anyway, far more concerned about what had happened while I was out of the courtroom. I was certain I wasn’t going to like what I was going to hear. Justine followed me out of the bathroom to the nearest bench and the two of us sat down together.

  I turned to look at Justine. She looked strange. “I think it’s going to be okay,” she said. At first I didn’t hear her, still casting a death glare down the hallway, looking for Andrea. I turned back towards her.

  “What?”

  “James brought Andrea in to testify,” Justine explained. I’d remembered that part, I’d been there. And I’d been there afterwards when she’d admitted what she’d done. Justine did not seem satisfied with my expression, so she repeated herself. “James brought Andrea to testify against Diana, Nat.” The world stopped for a moment. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Words wouldn’t come, so Justine continued. “Diana admitted to framing Scarlett for the abuse charges. James thinks it’s going to change the whole outcome of the case.”

  My ears rang. Suddenly I was searching for Scarlett in the crowd of people in the hall. She was nowhere to be seen, likely still in the courtroom. I got to my feet, pacing down the hallway. Justine followed at my heel.

  “They’re going to announce the verdict after a short recess,” Justine explained as we walked. “I figured you might want to come.” I nodded, grateful for the invitation. The two of us wandered around for a few minutes more. We took a step outside and I saw Andrea smoking a cigarette under a tree. For a moment I thought to go to her, but I changed my mind. By the time Justine and I made it back, people were headed inside the courtroom.

  Justine and I resumed our seats at the front. This time when I saw Scarlett, her back was a little straighter, her face a little more relaxed. I could tell she was as relieved as I had been. Just as the room started to get settled, I felt another panic attack hit me. All at once I felt nauseous. I could barely breathe. “I have to go outside,” I said to Justine. She didn’t hesitate in letting me go. As I ran down the walkway, I noticed Andrea getting up from her seat to follow behind me. When I’d made it outside, I kicked off my high heels, carrying them in my hand as I scattered down the hallway to the restroom. I didn’t even have time to close the stall door before I fell to the floor. Everything inside of me came out.

  I heard the familiar click of heels behind me. Andrea’s voice filled the room as she spoke to the other poor individual that had been inside with us. “My friend is going to need the room,” she said politely and the other woman scattered out. As soon as she did, I heard Andrea lock the door. The sink ran for a moment and then Andrea appeared behind me, leaning down next to me. A cool paper towel fell on my forehead. When it did I let out a sob.

  “Oh dear, Natalia,” Andrea said in her usual tone of voice. “Don’t cry. It’s very unflattering.”

  I coughed for a moment and finally managed to catch my breath. After I flushed the toilet, I turned to look at her. She handed me the paper towel and I wiped my face. My body leaned back against the wall of the stall, looking across at her. “You really testified for Scarlett?” I stared at her in disbelief.

  Andrea let out a small laugh. “Oh Natalia, you’d think after working with me all this time you’d know me a little better than that.” Her answer confused me. Before I had a chance to answer, she got to her feet, offering me a hand up. “Come on now. We best give this bathroom back before we’re drug out by security.”

  The sink ran for a minute or two as I washed my face. I followed Andrea back out into the hall after I’d finished and the two of us sat on a bench. I chewed down some breath mints while Andrea dug through her purse. When she pulled out her phone, she clicked on it a few times before she held it out to me. Just as she did, something began to play. It was noisy at first. I could hear Andrea faintly. “This was last night,” Andrea explained. “I’d gone out with Diana for a drink. She wanted to keep me on at Stitch after she won the case.” When she said it, I felt a tinge of anger run through me. Andrea seemed to notice and nodded back to her phone. “Just listen.”

  “-Scarlett’s always loved being the one in control. It’s just who she is.” It took me a moment to recognize Diana’s voice. “Of course I always liked it. There was something so carnal about it. So real. I loved feeling the pain from it afterward. I think that’s why it got so intense in the end.” Andrea said something on the recording that I couldn’t make out. Then Diana spoke again. “Those photos were meant for me. Keepsakes, I suppose. I still miss it sometimes. She was always so good at what she did. The best I’d ever been with. I’ve been with women who were aggressive about it, vindictive even. Scarlett was always so careful. Methodical. It’s a shame it had to come to this. It all could have been settled had she taken my offer sooner. Half that company rightfully belongs to me. Instead she had to go and sleep with that filthy-”

  Andrea shut off the recording then, much to my relief. It had been all I needed to hear. I looked up to her then, unable to voice what I was thinking.

  “I’m always one for good gossip,” Andrea shrugged, offering a small smile. Before she was able to stop me, I found myself hugging her. She hugged me back. When she pulled a
way, her face turned stern again. “You never thanked me for your flowers,” she scoffed, but it was in a gentle sort of way.

  “Those were from you?” I’d never pictured Andrea to care much about sentimental things. She seem offended that I’d even questioned her at all.

  “Your friend called looking for Scarlett. When I spoke to her, she told me you’d been injured.” Andrea studied me for a long moment. “I’m assuming you’re okay?”

  “Just fine,” I assured her, still smiling from the idea of her gesture.

  “I need another smoke,” Andrea said, getting to her feet. “Let’s go.” It was funny how it wasn’t even a question. I didn’t bother arguing, following her outside. We chatted for a long while. She listened as I apologized about the things that had occurred between Scarlett and me at work. How she’d played favorites with me, in spite of the fact that Andrea had been there far longer. Andrea listened and then offered me a smile when I’d finished.

  “I rather miss you,” she admitted. “I thought I’d enjoy having the office to myself again. But then again, it was nice to have someone there to do all my busy work.” When she said it I couldn’t help but laugh.

  “Is it bad that I actually miss your busy work?”

  Once Andrea finished her smoke, the two of us wandered back towards the courthouse. As we made it inside, I watched her pause for a moment to look at me. For the first time in a while, I felt at peace with her. She gave me a funny smile. There were no words exchanged between us, because the minute I looked passed her, I saw people flooding out of the courtroom doors.

  Andrea and I hustled down the hallway and I searched for Justine. For Scarlett. Anyone who would give us answers. When the crowd broke, I saw my friend scanning the room for me. We met eyes and the three of us moved to the side of the hallway. I couldn’t read the expression on Justine’s face.

  “They dropped the assault charges,” Justine said when we’d settled. She looked to Andrea and offered a small smile. “That was all thanks to you.” Relief flooded through me. My heart calmed in my chest. I would have hugged Andrea right then and there if Justine hadn’t continued. “The judge awarded Diana half of Scarlett’s assets for the divorce settlement. He said that Diana had enough stake in the company that she was warranted the right to share it with Scarlett.”

  The room spun again. It took me a second to process. I reached out to hold onto Andrea’s shoulder to keep from falling over. “Diana owns half the company?” When Justine nodded, I couldn’t believe it. “Scarlett can appeal this though, right? It’s not over.”

  Justine nodded again but there was something strange about her facial expression that didn’t sit right with me. “She isn’t going to, Nat. Scarlett settled. She let Diana have the whole company.”

  I didn’t wait to find out more. Instead, I skirted around Justine and Andrea, fleeing into the courtroom. James was standing behind the desk in the front, gathering up his things. The rest of the room had emptied out. As I approached, he turned to look in my direction.

  “She’s not here,” he said to me, stuffing papers into his bag. “Left a few minutes ago.”

  I stood to the side of him, our eyes meeting. He looked as baffled as I felt. “Did she really just hand over Stitch to Diana?”

  When James nodded, I could hardly breathe. “Everything,” he replied. “Not even an argument. Just told the judge she’d settle and that was the end of it.”

  I stood, unable to formulate words for a moment. James continued packing up his things and when he finished he turned towards me. He looked as though he wanted to speak but instead just shook his head, walking past me out the door. The room was quiet after that. I looked around, realizing that I’d be back here soon enough to deal with Megan. It was funny how my life had turned out. Things so out of my control.

  After I had made my way back out into the hallway, Justine and Andrea came to meet me. Once I had confirmed Justine’s story, Andrea looked mortified. The three of us searched the building, looking for Scarlett everywhere. When we made it outside, I saw Henry waiting on the street corner. It had already started to get dark.

  “She asked me to take you home,” he explained once we’d caught up to him.

  “She’s not here?” I asked.

  “Left in a cab about ten minutes ago.” When Henry said it, Andrea and I exchanged looks. Scarlett didn’t take cabs. A wave of dread swept through me.

  “Can you guys catch a ride home?” I asked, looking at Andrea and Justine then. They both nodded and we exchanged brief goodbyes. Afterward, I hopped in the front seat with Henry. As we settled, I turned towards him. “I think I know where she is.”

  A short drive and twenty-two flights later, I arrived at the glass doors of the Stitch office. Even before I’d wandered inside, I could see the faint glow of light in the distance. The front door was unlocked, so I let myself inside, walking across the hardwood floors I’d grown so fond of. My heels clicked as I moved. I imagined Scarlett’s high heels as she walked across the room towards me.

  My hand reached out to touch the wood top of my desk as I passed it. It looked just the way that I had left it. For a moment I stopped to sit in the chair, spinning in it and looking around the room. Imagining the bustle of people as they worked. Faces I’d came to know well. Finally I sat up and made my way to the door.

  When I stopped, I knocked before I entered. Scarlett was sitting across the floor, her high heels kicked off. There were papers spread everywhere around her. Another bottle of scotch was open beside her, this time poured into a glass. I studied her for a long moment, watching as her hands wisped over the pages of documents in her lap. When she looked up at me and we met eyes, she smiled.

  I went to her without speaking a word and sat down beside her. For a while I watched her as she sorted through papers. Most of them were articles. Some photographs. Paper awards. Even an old parking pass to the building. She handed me a piece of paper from the pile in her lap. I took it, studying it. It was a journal article. Twenty two years old. From Rutgers University. I scanned over the text. A feature about a New Jersey fashion icon who was moving to New York to make it big. When my eyes gazed over the author, I could barely believe it.

  “My senior year of college,” Scarlett gave me another small smile when I looked up to her. “The first article I posted to Stitch after it ran in the newspaper.”

  “You never told me you went to Rutgers,” I shook my head in disbelief.

  Scarlett still had that smile on her face as I read over the article again. When I finished, I handed it back to her. Our hands touched and lingered for a moment. We met eyes and she spoke again. “I think I saw a lot of me in you,” she admitted.

  I couldn’t help but smile. “You were just a bit more fashion conscious.”

  “You surprised me,” she admitted.

  Scarlett continued to sort through the papers in her lap, making stacks. I realized she was picking out things to save and discard. I let her work in silence. Occasionally she’d hand me an article or photograph to look at and then I’d stack it neatly in her pile. After a while, I poured myself a glass of scotch. “Another thousand dollar bottle?” I asked jokingly, taking a sip.

  “No. That was cheap. From the liquor store on the corner.” Scarlett let out a small laugh as I choked on the drink. When I caught my breath again, I swallowed down the last in the glass.

  “What are you going to do now?” I asked when we met eyes again.

  “I’m not sure,” she admitted, casting a glance back at me. The way she looked at me with those blue eyes was so calm. The most relaxed I had ever seen her. “I suppose whatever I want to do.” Scarlett smiled, reaching out to touch my cheek. I sighed when she did, her peace becoming my peace. When I moved into her, we met for a tender moment.

  I pulled back, a small curl to my lips when I did. Scarlett looked at me curiously. “Well I know what you can do,” I said, casting my eyes across the mess of her office. “I mean, look at this room, Ms. Stone. It’s filth
y.”

  The look on Scarlett’s face was priceless. Once I got to my feet I stared down at her. “Up, Ms. Stone. I don’t have all day. Chop chop.” Surprisingly, Scarlett did as she was told. We moved across the room together in unison, Scarlett knowing exactly what I had intended to do. When she reached the mahogany wood desk, I leaned into her backside, pushing her forward. Her long delicate hands fell across the wood. My fingers swept down the length of her backside and I watched her entire body shiver.

  “Tell me the safewords.”

  Authors Note

  The National Domestic Abuse Hotline

  1-800-799-7233

  I WANTED TO PERSONALLY thank you for reading my novel “Safe Words”.

  This book was originally a pet project inspired by a friend of mine. When I started, I thought it was going to be pretty low-key and lighthearted, much like my other novels have been. What it ended up becoming was something I never expected and I hope that you enjoyed.

  Part of the story of Safe Words came from my own experiences in high school. As a teenager, I wasn’t aware of the resources available to me that could have helped in my situation. I was grateful to have loved ones who supported me and were able to help me through.

  While this book was never meant to be a platform for awareness, I do hope that if you or a loved one feels physically or emotionally threatened by someone, that you take steps to protect yourself. There are resources and individuals that are willing and able to help.

  Thank you again for reading my novel. I hope to share another story with you soon!

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