by Jeannie Moon
Jane pushed her way out of the shop and turned toward the harbor. He wanted to follow her, but he knew it wouldn’t help, and it might just make it worse.
He’d made a colossal mess of the situation, and no good intentions were going to fix it. The only thing he could do now was to give her some space and hope she forgave him.
*
Two hours later, feeling so drained she couldn’t move, Jane sat on the couch in her living room, beneath a warm throw, nursing a cup of tea. Her mother and her friends who had witnessed her epic meltdown had only checked in to make sure she was safe, but otherwise, she’d been left to think.
The Christmas tree stood in the window, a symbol of joy—of love—but at that moment, all she could feel was loss. Loss of hope. Loss of faith. Loss of trust.
It was the loss of trust that hurt the most. Danny had been calling and calling. Each time she let him go to voicemail. Part of her wanted so desperately to see him, but the other part couldn’t face it. Not now. He’d betrayed her confidence and brought down a world of pain. She’d been careless—blind—and because of that, Jane was responsible for destroying something precious. In a few hours she would have to tell Tara. That was going to hurt most of all.
Chloe, who hadn’t left her side, nuzzled Jane’s hand. The dog’s fur was so soft, and petting her was the only calm she could find in this horrible storm. Without warning, the dog lifted her head. She didn’t move or make a sound, but she was definitely on high alert.
The side door opened and closed.
“Jane?” Danny. She didn’t answer. “Janie?” His voice was thick and unsteady.
She should have figured he’d come. He wasn’t the type to let voicemail stop him. “What do you want, Danny?”
Once he rounded the corner to the living room, she could see on his face the moment he saw her. His expression grew sad, with a thousand regrets running through his eyes. “Oh, Jane.”
He dropped to his knees next to her and took her hands. Too tired to fight she just looked away. “I asked you to leave me alone for a while.”
“I know, but I couldn’t stay away. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. About everything.”
He was still holding her hands, and when she finally turned toward him, she saw a man who looked sad and scared. It was the scared that surprised her.
“You tried to buy the building? What were you thinking?”
“I wanted to help.”
“How is that helping? Telling me the truth would have helped.”
“I thought I was protecting you.”
“I don’t need protection, Danny. I need honesty. I need you to trust that I know how to run my life.”
“I don’t think for one second you can’t run your own life.”
“You tried to handle me. Manage what I knew and what I didn’t. Not following up and trusting my gut is my own fault. I’ve let everyone down. The whole town. But you lied to me.”
Danny’s mouth dropped into a deep frown. “I was going to tell you, but…I don’t know.” His voice cracked with nervousness. “So much was happening, I thought I could spare you. I was wrong, and I’m sorry.”
“Yes, you were wrong.”
“I’m sorry. Truly sorry.”
But was he? Jane’s faith was so shaken, it was hard to know what she should believe. “Apparently, you’re going back to Hawaii? Viti said she talked to your agent, and he mentioned that you had already booked your flight.”
“Jane, please listen,” he implored. Now she sensed panic. “Of course I have a return ticket. I have to pack up my house. I was going to ask you to come with me.”
“Really? First I’m hearing of it.”
Everything hurt. It was like one nerve ending was triggering another, and it was enough to make her shiver with cold. Danny reached for another blanket and draped it over her. His eyes, weary and resigned, searched hers for an answer. “Please don’t give up on us.”
“I don’t know what you want from me, but I don’t have anything left right now. Maybe we can talk later, but I need some time to process all of this.”
“I don’t know what you heard, but I need you to hear this: I love you.”
The words, the ones she’d been desperate to hear him say since they were teenagers, went straight to her heart. She loved him right back, but that didn’t make any of this easier.
“Jane, I just want us to have a chance.” He waited for her answer, keeping hold of her hand. “Please.”
“I gave you a chance. You broke my trust, and my heart. Just like you did before.”
Chapter Sixteen
“What are you still doing here?” Jane looked up from the old photos of the store spread in front of her and found Tracy and Viti standing in the doorway of her office. Both of them were bundled up in big warm coats, and had snow covering their hats and the shoulders of their jackets. She hadn’t looked outside in hours, forgetting that a big storm was rolling in.
With everything on her mind, there wasn’t room for details about the weather. “What time is it?” Jane wondered.
Tracy crouched down next to her and laid a hand on her arm. “After eleven, and it’s snowing like crazy. Tara and Kathleen are frantic. Why aren’t you answering your phone?”
Jane shrugged. Dodging everyone’s calls was completely selfish, especially with a snowstorm, but she just didn’t want to face the sympathy and the platitudes. Now that word of the store closing had reached everyone in town, there was no avoiding it. Jane just wanted a couple of hours to lick her wounds on her own.
“I should have called. I’m sorry.”
“Honey, we’re here for you. What can we do?”
Jane looked over at Viti whose thumbs were flying over the screen on her phone. “I let your mom know you’re okay and that we’re with you.”
“I can’t believe I didn’t call them.” Jane leaned back in the old wooden desk chair, and rubbed her temples.
“It’s okay,” Viti said. “We’ve got you.”
Tracy reached out and wrapped her arm around Jane’s shoulder. “Let’s go.”
“Yeah, I should go home.”
“Not home,” Viti assured her calmly. “We’re going right across the street to Claire’s apartment. She has the water on for tea, and I brought all the leftovers from the shop.”
Claire lived above her yarn shop in a gorgeous apartment that was like a little piece of Ireland. When she first opened the store five years ago, Jane used to go over after work for a glass of wine, or a bite to eat, but since they’d both gotten busier over the years, they weren’t able to do it as often. Still, she and Claire, along with Viti, Tracy, and Gina would try to do dinner once a month. They’d missed a few, the nights becoming casualties of their busy lives.
Tracy stood, and grabbed Jane’s coat from the hook. “Come on, girlfriend. Let’s get you out of here.”
Jane was going to object, but she didn’t have the energy. That, and she knew that if Tracy had her mind set on something, there was no use in fighting it. They shut the lights and locked up the store. These were good friends, and she hadn’t trusted them with some really important pieces of her life. Did that make her a bad friend? Or was she too stubborn for her own good?
With Viti on one side and Tracy on the other, they trudged through six inches of wet snow covering Main Street and into the small vestibule right next to the front door of Harbor Knits. The building was one of the oldest in town, dating back to the late eighteenth century. When it was first built, the large brick structure had a general store on the first floor, and small apartments and rooms on the second and third floors for sailors who used to crew boats based in the harbor. The town was originally called Derby Harbor after an English earl who was honored with the land, but the name was changed around 1800 when sailors insisted angels guided their boat through rough seas and safely home. After a while, the name Angel’s Harbor stuck, and then finally, it became Angel Harbor.
There was no good reason for her to have the town history
running through her head, but she had been steeped in nostalgia all night, looking at old photos of the store from when her grandfather started the business and made a go of it. The pity party would get her nowhere—maybe she needed a bit of the mettle shown by those sailors who relied on faith and their shipmates to get them home.
Once they stomped the snow off their boots, they headed up the narrow steps, with Tracy leading and Viti bringing up the rear. She didn’t know what they were going to talk about since the sale of the store was done. There was no way to solve a problem that had already reached the point of no return.
“Gina couldn’t make it. She’s at The Nutcracker with her sister,” Viti informed her. “But she wants a full report. She’s bringing you truffles tomorrow.”
Jane didn’t know how to respond to the news of truffles, although the gesture was pure Gina. For her friend, food was love. No doubt, Jane’s taste buds would be happy. Her butt? Not so much. They reached the first landing and light from Claire’s apartment flooded into the hall, bright and cheerful. The warm yellow glow was sprinkled with color, a tell-tale sign she had her Christmas lights on.
“Come on, hurry yourselves. I have tea steeping.” Claire’s bright Irish lilt echoed in the stairwell. When they reached the landing, she didn’t hesitate and pulled Jane inside. “What were you thinking hiding out in that dark store? Everyone was worried sick about you.” Claire was pulling off Jane’s jacket like she was late for dinner. “Truly, Jane. I have no words for you.”
That was a lie considering the way Claire was giving her the business.
“Sit yourself down, and I’ll get you some tea.”
Jane settled into a large, comfortable floral chair near the window and dropped her head back, allowing her to see the snow falling outside. It was letting up, with only a few flakes visible in the streetlight. “I’m going to be okay, you know? It sucks, but I’ll survive. I just needed some time.”
“Understood,” Viti said. “And if I wanted to sleep on a bench in my bakery, I could do that. I don’t have people waiting for me at home, however. You do.”
She was right, of course. It was so out of character for Jane, it was no wonder her mom was worried. “I know.”
Jane accepted the large white mug from Claire. It was filled with the most delicious-smelling brew. Even in the beautiful apartment, with her friends there for support, Jane had felt like she might jump out of her skin. Hopefully, the tea would help, as the scent of peach, mint, and lemon began to soothe her frazzled nerves. “Thank you. It smells wonderful.”
Tracy sat on the side of the sofa adjacent to the chair. With an ease that came with over fifty years of friendship, she reached out and took Jane’s hand. “I get that you’re hurting, but you don’t have to deal with this alone.”
“I don’t know if that’s true. This is my problem. I’ll survive, but…” Of course she’d survive. Broken hearts weren’t fatal, but the heaviness in her chest told her it was going to be a long way back. “It sucks. I have no idea what I should do.”
“Jane, dearie,” Claire said softly, passing her a box of Viti’s famous snickerdoodles. “Why don’t you tell us what’s really upset you?”
“Really upset me? Do I need something else?” Jane immediately regretted her snippy comment, especially since her friends were being wonderfully understanding. With a sigh of resignation, she reached in the box and took a cookie. As she bit into the slightly crisp outside, the buttery cinnamon goodness filled her mouth. The act of chewing gave her some time to think. Not that she needed it. For the past few days all she did was think.
Swallowing, she looked each one of her friends in the eyes. They were all so different, with backgrounds as diverse as the quilt squares Claire was sorting for her next class. “I…I don’t like myself very much right now. I’ve been bitchy and inconsiderate. I have a list of apologies to make, but I am going to be fine. I have money put away. I won’t be homeless or anything. I just won’t have…my store. My whole life was wrapped up in the shop. Tara is going away to college, my mother will be gone, and I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
Tracy nibbled the edge of a chocolate chip cookie. “You’re allowed to feel like crap. I know I do, but taking your crap out on the people who love you is counterproductive. You know that.”
“I know.” That was one of the reasons she hadn’t gone home. Jane had been hell to live with for the last few days, and she felt guilty bringing all her baggage down on her mom and Tara. On top of that, she’d blown up any hope of a relationship with Danny, and that made her heart hurt more than she thought possible.
Claire put the quilt squares in a box and then sat on the floor with a skein of soft green yarn in her lap. Rhythmically, methodically, she began rolling it into a ball. Jane knew they had contraptions for that particular job, but Claire was most at peace when her hands were moving. She started by wrapping the end of the yarn around her fingers, not too tight, and then every twenty spins around her hand, she turned the ball forty-five degrees to her right, and kept wrapping. Even watching the movement was soothing.
No one was talking, they were all waiting for her. “I wish I knew how to fix it. I always know the right thing to do, and I just can’t see a way forward.”
“When do you have to be out?” Viti asked. Her voice was tinged with what sounded like dread. Jane could relate.
“My lease isn’t up until the end of February, but the company that bought the building wants to offer me an incentive to leave earlier. I thought about relocating, but I don’t know where to go.”
“I heard one of the realtors in town is moving to bigger quarters,” Claire offered. “But their storefront is half the size of yours. I doubt downsizing is what you had in mind.”
“Elena stopped in and told me they were moving, but she agreed that it was too small.” Jane played with her fingers, wondering if she should share the rest. “She showed me Sail House, though.”
“Really?” Tracy’s whole face perked up. “Oh, that would be some project. I’d love to get my hands on the old girl.” By trade, Tracy was an interior designer, which was how she met her husband, who was an architect. She hadn’t been in the business for years, leaving full-time work when she had her kids. But she’d found a way to flex her creative muscle at the store. Along with designing all the seasonal decorations, she kept the art and design section full of the best books and magazines.
“Well, I have some money, and if the incentive from the buyer is good, I could probably swing the sale.”
All three women looked up, hopeful. So hopeful that Jane hated to burst their bubble. “But I’d need at least a half million dollars to bring the building up to code, and get it in shape to act as a retail space. I can either buy it, or renovate it. I can’t do both.”
She’d spent the last three days trying to figure out how to save her business, not just for herself, but for the town, and for Tara. The idea to relocate was the only one that was even remotely feasible.
“There has to be a way,” Tracy said. “What about those crowd money things…”
“Crowdfunding? That’s a lot of money to raise online.” Viti rose to get a macaron from the box. She rolled her eyes when she bit into her own creation. “God, I’m good at this.”
“Jane?” Claire had been sitting quietly, taking in all the information while winding her yarn. She’d wrapped the whole skein now, and she held the ball of yarn in both her hands. She was gentle, not applying too much pressure or tension. “What happened with Danny?”
The question caught her totally off guard. “I’m not sure I know how to answer that.”
“He came in the store today, poor man. He was at a loss for what to get his sister and nieces for Christmas. He settled on some lovely throws. He also bought each of them some knitting lessons and a basket of supplies. He wanted to give them a gift they could enjoy together.”
“Did he?” Her belly tightened just listening to Claire. “That’s very thoughtful.”
&nb
sp; “Truly, it was. He’s really quite lovely.” Pulling a pair of long needles from the bag next to her, her friend started to cast on, continuing to talk while her hands worked. “He looked troubled though. Sad. Like, oh I don’t know…like he lost the love of his life.” Claire glanced up only for a moment, long enough to lock eyes with Jane, before putting her focus back on her work.
“He said that?” Her voice came out on a whisper, barely there because of the emotion welling up inside her.
“He didn’t have to. That kind of sadness is deep, and his eyes were giving up secrets.”
Jane saw those eyes the other day at her house. He’d apologized for not telling her, but she wasn’t hearing him. She’d lashed out at him. So afraid that he would end up as another heartbreak, Jane pushed him away. “He’s been back a little over a month. How can I love him like this? It doesn’t seem possible.”
Claire smiled gently. “It’s not always about the time, but the place we are in our lives.”
“He was gone so long…”
Tracy grasped her hand even tighter than before. “Jane, you’ve loved him since you were in high school. Your feelings are older and quieter now, but he’s your guy. He’s always been your guy. You just need to accept it, and then you can figure out how to move past what happened.”
“I wouldn’t forgive him. He should have told you.” Viti didn’t have any of Tracy’s sentimentality, or Claire’s softness. Three days ago, Jane would have agreed with her. Now, she was weighing what she really wanted.
“I guess I have to figure out if he’s worth the risk.” The last month had been magical. The years and distance between them melted away, revealing feelings that sparkled like something precious, but also grounded her like a strong anchor. How she felt about him was calm and settled, completely different from the desperate yearning of her twenties.
Not that it mattered, because right now, her heart ached. Losing him was the worst part of everything that had happened and Jane wondered if there was enough magic in the universe for her to get him back.
