To her house or yours?
Lucy bit her tongue to keep from asking the question or from pointing out that his non-date had managed to somehow still touch him frequently every time they were together. A tap on his shoulder to direct his attention somewhere, a hand on his arm when she was making a point.
Not that Lucy was noticing or anything.
She couldn’t say that either without revealing she had been watching them together most of the afternoon.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean anything. I guess I just...wanted to say that I’m glad you two seem to be hitting it off.”
“Are you?”
She blinked at his harsh tone, so unlike his usual easygoing nature. “What do you want me to say? I want you to be happy, José. She seems very nice. That’s all I meant.”
“She is very nice. But she’s not you.”
She gazed at him, struck speechless by the raw emotion in his voice. His words seemed to twist through her, leaving her breathless, achy.
“José.”
That was all she said. Only his name. But in a moment, he was kissing her again, with all the heat and emotion she had remembered from their kiss in Thailand.
His mouth was sweet, like raspberry candy. She couldn’t get enough. She wrapped her arms around his neck and returned his kiss with the hunger that had been growing inside her since that first kiss between them.
This was José. Her friend.
And the man she cared about more than anyone else she had ever known.
She wanted the kiss to go on forever. Here, in his arms, she could forget all the reasons they could never have more than this.
He was the one to break the kiss. He dropped his arms to his sides and backed away from her, swearing in Spanish.
She couldn’t seem to catch her breath, and her thoughts flew in a thousand directions. Why couldn’t this be enough? They would be amazing together. She knew they would. Every time they kissed, she thought she would implode.
“I didn’t mean for that to happen,” he finally said hoarsely. His beautiful mouth was now set in a harsh line. The eyes that could look at her with such warmth and humor and joy were so dark she couldn’t read his expression.
She missed him so damn much. Her friend.
“Why did you have to change everything?” she asked before she could stop herself.
His mouth thinned even more, if possible. “It was time to stop pretending these feelings haven’t been growing between us for a long time, Lucy. Maybe forever. We can’t go back now.”
She had known it, but hearing his words made her ache even more.
“Fine. Let’s go forward. Let’s sleep together and see what happens.”
For just a moment, she thought she might have pierced through. Heat flared in his eyes and he almost took a step forward. She held her breath, everything inside her frozen in anticipation.
Finally he shook his head. “I want all or nothing, Lucy. I know how you work. It’s always been entirely too easy for you to walk away before your heart can get involved. You just pack up your suitcase and take another job somewhere else.”
He made her seem horrible, someone who crushed men’s hearts for the fun of it.
She wasn’t like that at all. The exact opposite. She went to great lengths not to hurt people, always walking away before things could grow too serious.
“I love you, Lucy Lancaster. You’re smart, funny, giving. I fall in love with you all over again every time I see you being so sweet and kind to Rod.”
His words made her throat ache again. She wanted to stand here and soak them all deep into her soul. At the same time, panic flared and she wanted to run out of the room and keep going without looking back.
“I want you like I’ve never wanted anything in my life. Like I know I will never want anyone or anything else. But I have too much on the line here. I want a future with you. Everything.”
She felt shaky inside, wanting so badly to reach out and take the precious gift he was offering her.
No. She couldn’t. Love was a trap that made otherwise rational people do cruel, terrible things to each other.
She would destroy him, like a tsunami washing away everything beautiful in its path.
She picked up the dossier on the Russian bride and her family and clutched it to her like a shield. “You’re asking too much from me.”
A muscle flexed in his jaw. “Did you ever think that maybe you’re not asking enough of yourself?”
She was going to cry. She could feel the tears burning. Not here. Not in front of him.
“I’ll be here first thing to go to the airport with the limousine,” she said, hoping he didn’t hear the quaver in her voice.
“Lucy.”
She wouldn’t look at him. If she did, if she saw the love she heard in his voice, she would probably do something ridiculously stupid like throw the dossier into the air and jump back into his arms.
“Good night.”
She walked out of his office, down the elevator and out the lobby before the tears came, freezing on her face the moment they hit the air.
Sixteen
Monday—the day after the gingerbread competition—was the last night for Christmas at Holiday House. They were supposed to end Saturday, but the Silver Belles had voted to offer a bonus night for those who had to cancel for some reason or couldn’t obtain the earlier sold-out tickets.
Abby wasn’t sure if she was relieved or upset that the event was drawing to a close as she helped Emily Tsu set out the final batches of cookies for attendees to enjoy while they listened to the choir’s final new numbers.
The great room looked charming and warm, the fairy lights on the mantel twinkling above the dancing fire. The tree she and Ethan had decorated towered above the last tour group, its ornaments gleaming in the firelight.
She couldn’t imagine a more festive setting, especially with the light snow falling outside the big windows and the choir’s lovely arrangement of “Still, Still, Still” ringing through the room.
She had created such wonderful memories here in a relatively short time. She was quite sad that tonight was the final evening of the fundraiser.
After the choir’s stirring final number, the guests lingered, sipping hot cocoa and talking to the choir members. Finally, the last guest was ushered out the door, leaving only the remaining Silver Belles.
They all seemed to breathe a collective sigh.
“I can’t believe we pulled that off,” Mariah Raymond said, shaking her head.
“Not just pulled it off,” said Vicki Kostas, holding hands with her wife, Kathleen. “We rocked it. People will be talking about Christmas at Holiday House for years.”
“I just have to say one thing,” Winnie said, picking up a mug filled with mulled cider and holding it up in the air. “When I had this idea, I truly didn’t know how on earth I could pull it off. I shouldn’t have worried. Not for a moment. I should have known I would have help from the most amazing group of people I’ve ever known. Thank you all so very much for your support and encouragement. We couldn’t have done this without each and every one of you.”
They all raised whatever mug or wineglass they were holding and saluted each other.
“I have one more person to thank, someone who came in at the last minute when I was at my lowest point and rescued everything. Abigail, come here, please.”
Touched and embarrassed at the same time, Abby would have preferred to slip down the hallway to her room, but she couldn’t disappoint Winnie by doing that.
She stepped forward as the Silver Belles clapped hard for her. She had come to admire and respect these women and men, who had given up their time, resources and talents for something they cared about.
“You really did save the day,” Winnie told her later when they were finally alone with Lucy in the house. “We wo
uld have had to cancel the whole thing if you hadn’t come to our rescue.”
“I seriously owe you,” Lucy chimed in. She smiled, but it didn’t come close to reaching her eyes.
Something was wrong with her friend. Abby didn’t know what, but Lucy hadn’t been herself since the night before. She had come home from the gingerbread house contest late and had barely said two or three words to them before escaping to her bedroom. She had been gone early that morning and probably would have slipped back to her bedroom if Winnie hadn’t insisted she join them for the final night of tours.
Abby wasn’t the only one who saw it. She saw Winnie give her granddaughter a worried look.
Both of them were waiting for Abby to respond, she realized. “It’s been a joy,” she finally said. “I don’t know when I’ve enjoyed a holiday season more.”
“I had fun, too,” Christopher said, sporting a chocolate mustache from what was probably his third cup of cocoa for the night.
Abby couldn’t have imagined a better Christmas season for him. From tree trimming to gingerbread competitions, skiing to building snowmen. He had experienced everything she might have dreamed for her child.
“Christmas itself is going to feel anticlimactic, I’m afraid,” Abby said.
“We won’t let it,” Winnie vowed. “It will be joyful this year. Not only will I have both Ethan and Lucy to share it with me but now you and Christopher. I can’t tell you how excited I am to have a child in the house again on Christmas morning. Won’t it be wonderful, Lucy?”
Lucy jerked her attention away from the fire she had been gazing into. “Absolutely,” she said. “Completely wonderful.”
Abby wondered if her friend even knew what she was agreeing to.
“Abby and I have been working on a plan for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, just like I had for Thanksgiving. A schedule, meals, timing of things. That sort of thing. But we can save that for another night, shall we?”
Winnie yawned hugely, which made Christopher smile until his smile turned into a yawn, as well.
“I don’t know about you girls, but I’m exhausted. I feel like I showed every Coloradoan through my house.”
“Not everyone. Just most of them,” Lucy said with a smile that looked strained.
What was bothering her?
“I can help you to your room and then get Christopher settled.”
“Take care of your boy,” Winnie insisted. “I’ll be fine. I don’t need your help. We can talk more in the morning.”
“I’m helping with the wedding tomorrow, remember?” Lucy said.
Winnie looked intrigued. “Oh, yes. The Russian bride that nice boy Daniel Fox is marrying. I didn’t have a chance to ask you how things went today.”
Was the wedding the reason Lucy seemed in such an odd mood?
“Good. I met Katya’s family and helped them get settled. We then took a sleigh ride this afternoon up to the frozen waterfall. They said it reminded them of home.”
“I want to go on a sleigh ride,” Christopher said, looking enthralled at the idea.
Abby rolled her eyes. They had done every possible Christmas thing but that.
“We might be able to arrange that before you go back to Phoenix,” Winnie said. “I’ll see what I can do.”
She turned back to her granddaughter. “What a lucky break for Ethan and José that you have been able to help them out with such an exciting event. I do believe that this proves my point. You’re needed here. You should think about coming home for good.”
Lucy seemed to bite her tongue. This was obviously not a new conversation between the two of them and not one Abby thought her friend would appreciate. Lucy was happiest when she was exploring new things and meeting new people.
Lucy didn’t argue with her grandmother, though. “Sleep in tomorrow. You’ve certainly earned it,” she said. “You and Abby can figure everything out for Christmas and just tell me what you need me to do for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I’m good at pad thai and cinnamon apple pumpkin pie. And of course couscous.”
“Duly noted,” Winnie said. “Good night, my darling loves.”
Christopher chuckled at that. Despite all the sugar he’d had that evening, he looked like he was going to fall over.
“I’m going to put him to bed, and then I’ll come out and straighten things up out here,” Abby said. “You’ve had a long day and need to sleep.”
“No doubt. But I can fold up tables and chairs at least.”
As Lucy didn’t seem like she was in the mood to argue, Abby let it rest.
When she returned to the great room after helping Christopher into his pajamas and reading him a quick story, she found Lucy sitting in front of the fire, a wine bottle on the table in front of her.
“Look what I found in the kitchen. I think Mariah left it. I’m having some. You in?”
Abby wasn’t much of a wine drinker, or any alcohol, really. It made her too sleepy. But she sensed Lucy needed companionship, so she poured a little into a glass.
“What’s going on? What’s wrong?” she finally asked after Lucy had poured a healthy portion for herself and downed it in almost one swallow.
“What makes you think something is wrong?”
She wanted to remind her friend that she rarely drank in college and was already on her second glass in five minutes.
On the other hand, she and Lucy hadn’t lived together in years. People changed, picked up new habits. Maybe Lucy liked to party and had managed to hide it while living overseas.
“I don’t know,” she said slowly. “You’ve been acting off all evening. Last night, too, actually. Are the Russians being too hard on you?”
“Not at all. They’re fine. The bride, Katya, is very sweet. She’s so in love with Daniel and just wants the whole thing over with.”
“Are you sure something else isn’t troubling you?”
Lucy said nothing for a long time, taking another healthy sip of her wine.
“Why do some people have to be so difficult?” she finally blurted out.
It was a rhetorical question, one Abby really couldn’t answer. “Sometimes I find the most difficult patients are really only scared.”
“Or sometimes they’re only being stubborn,” Lucy muttered.
“Maybe. In my experience, those who fight the hardest usually have the most to lose.”
Lucy sighed and sipped at her wine. “Or sometimes they’re only being stubborn,” she repeated.
“Maybe.”
They talked philosophy for a few more moments, until she could see Lucy’s eyes close and her head begin to sag against the sofa cushions.
“Speaking as a medical professional and as your friend, you need to put the wine away now and go to bed,” Abby said. “That’s my prescription for you right now. Sometimes the best cure for dealing with difficult people is a good night’s sleep.”
“I will after this glass.”
“Okay. I’m going to bed. Good luck with the wedding tomorrow.”
Lucy made a face. “You know how much I love weddings,” she grumbled.
“Fortunately, it’s not yours. Good night.”
* * *
Lucy swallowed another mouthful of wine, barely even tasting it as she watched Abby make her way down the hall to her room, where Christopher was sleeping.
She had no reason to be feeling sorry for herself right now. She had made her own choices in life, her own path. She wasn’t selfish. Between the peace corps and the NGO where she had worked, she wanted to think she had made a difference in people’s lives.
She should handle her life with the kind of grace and dignity that Abby did. Abby had lost the love of her life to a violent crime. Instead of curling up and feeling sorry for herself, she was still compassionate, still kind. Abby was courageously embracing new opportunities.
Lucy, on the other hand, felt as if she fumbled her way through life, messing up constantly and coming up short.
The main constants in her life were Ethan and Winnie.
And José.
She had lied when she told Abby and Winnie that her day had gone well.
Oh, her translation duties had been fine. The Russian family was big, gregarious, charming. They were in love with everything about Colorado, wearing oversize Stetsons and boots and quoting John Wayne in Russian. Daniel might as well have been John Wayne himself to them.
The bride, Katya, was truly sweet, though a few times throughout the day Lucy had suspected she might be suffering a little attack of nerves.
No, that part was fine. But Lucy had seen José twice that day in passing as she went throughout the hotel.
She hadn’t spoken with him, but even those brief glimpses left her feeling as if she had been gouged by a hundred sharp knives.
She hated knowing she had ruined their friendship.
His words seemed to ring through her head in a constant refrain.
Did you ever think that maybe you’re not asking enough of yourself?
He wanted her to be someone she wasn’t. How completely unfair of him. She couldn’t help the awful childhood cards she’d been dealt. It wasn’t her fault her parents were serial cheaters who jumped from romance to romance.
José came from a warm, loving family. His parents had adored each other, his sisters were happily married. He couldn’t understand the dysfunction and the chaos.
She sighed. She couldn’t sit here drinking all night. She had a wedding the next day, where she would have to smile and be pleasant while she translated all the romantic, sweet events of the day for Katya’s family.
After that was Christmas with Winnie and Abby and then she would grab her backpack, hop on an airplane and go back to Thailand and her students, to a place where no one expected her to be something other than what she was.
Christmas at Holiday House Page 25
