The Nowhere Witch (Tales of Xest Book 2)

by Donna Augustine

  She looked about the area, silently counting heads before she looked at me like a professor about to tell you that you’d failed the most important exam of your life.

  I stopped in front of her.

  Her eyes ran the length of me, and then she paused to stare at my hair for a second. “Tippi, also known as the Whimsy witch who wasn’t, also known as the Nowhere witch, please step inside.”

  Zab stepped forward. “She’s allowed to have an audience to witness the trials.”

  Lead Hag looked over her shoulder, appearing even meaner than normal. “The door will remain open, but do not cross the threshold.”

  Just knowing I had Zab, Bibbi, Oscar, and Musso right there within eyesight helped. I walked in, and every head that could fit in the door did, along with more at the windows.

  Lead Hag stopped in the middle of her room, beside her two sisters.

  “Are you still employed?” Lead Hag asked.

  “Yes. Actually, I have an even better job. I’m now a broker.”

  There was a lot of humming as they looked at each other. No one seemed overly impressed, but maybe a tad surprised?

  Ringlets tapped the air. “And your residence? It’s been brought to our attention you are no longer living at your previous address. That you were asked to leave.”

  “I’m also living at the broker’s office, as I have in the past. It’s quite convenient for work purposes.”

  The three hags looked at each other before Lead Hag stepped forward. “The first test is a time-reverse potion. Write whatever you need down on the parchment and it will be supplied. Anything you ask for has to be used. You have fifteen minutes to prepare it.”

  I glanced at the door, seeing Zab fighting with Oscar and Musso for space. I gave him a smile. He gave me a nod. I didn’t know how he’d guessed, but he’d saved my ass.

  I wrote the list of ingredients needed, each one appearing on the table as soon as it hit the parchment.

  I added things to the cauldron, swinging the pot out enough that the fire partially grazed the edge but didn’t scorch it, and stirred continuously. In a weird way, it was like making sauce, because you didn’t want to burn it, except this one wouldn’t taste good. At least, it smelled like it wouldn’t.

  When it started to simmer but not quite boil, I swung it off the fire and ladled it into a glass jar, and then corked it, holding it out to the hags.

  “I’ll try it,” Lead Hag said.

  “No, I’ll try it,” Ringlet said.

  “I’m the oldest, I should try it,” Tall Hag said, reaching to take the bottle from my hand.

  Lead Hag grabbed it first. “Fine. We’ll share.”

  “That’s not going to do much,” Ringlet whined.

  “Well, it’s that or nothing, because I’m not handing it over,” Lead Hag said, uncorking the bottle.

  “Fine.” Tall Hag crossed her arms.

  Ringlet said nothing but looked irritated.

  Lead Hag took a sip. Before the bottle left her lips, Tall Hag was complaining. “You took more than your share.”

  “I did not. It’s thick and gets stuck to the sides,” Lead Hag said.

  Tall Hag took the bottle and sipped, before handing it to Ringlet.

  I’d made this before. I knew it worked because I’d bartered with Bautere, and he’d never complained. That didn’t make it any easier to breathe at the moment. It took a few moments before the hags’ skin seemed to tighten, and then a flush of blood pinked them up and gave their cheeks a rosier tinge. They turned to each other, nodding. They didn’t look like spring chickens, but they’d split the bottle, and there was only so much a partial would do. Point was, it had worked. Instead of looking like they’d crawled out of a grave, they looked like they were nearing retirement age. It didn’t soften their looks any, though. They were still one scary trio.

  One hurdle down and an unknown amount to go. I could feel a bead of sweat dripping between my shoulder blades as I waited for what would come next. Would there be another test, or would they count my references? One glance at the door told me that Hawk still hadn’t arrived. If he had, the crowd would’ve parted for him to let him have the best spot in the doorway.

  And then there was no doorway. Me and the hags were outside.

  “We’ll need to see you in combat next,” Lead Hag said.

  I’d expected this. Nothing surprising.

  Ringlets leaned closer. “This will be a fight to the death. Do you agree? If not, it will mean automatic deportation.”

  The crowd went silent.

  Bautere had moved around the side and, with a nod, told me everything I needed. I was ready for this. I’d known it, but having him give the nod didn’t hurt any. Whether I felt like it or not, I was ready. I’d practiced hard.

  Still, to the death? Did I want to live here so much I’d bet my life on it? Then again, what kind of life had I had in Salem? I could do this.

  “I agree.”

  There was a murmur behind me from my crowd.

  “Any interference will be an immediate forfeiture,” Lead Hag said loud enough that the farthest person could hear.

  I’d worn leather pants that would offer some protection for scrapes and scratches and were soft enough to move in. I shed my jacket and tossed it to Zab. I’d rather bear the cold than die from being encumbered by the bulk.

  Now it was time to see what I’d be fighting. The crowd was looking around as well.

  Tall Hag raised her hand, and a small bat appeared on her palm. A tiny bat wasn’t much of a fight, which meant only one thing.

  The hag petted the small creature, cooing to it and looking at me. The thing squeaked and then lifted into the air. The squeak turned into an ear- piercing squeal as it grew a hundred times its size, maybe a few hundred. It was hard to measure, as I was diving behind a boulder while it swooped toward me, two claws aimed at my heart and fangs showing.

  The boulder only gained me a few seconds, as the bat turned around and was already making its second pass.

  Remain calm. If I panic, I die.

  I was a protectorate, and even if I wasn’t so hot at protecting myself, I had enough magic to beat this thing. The key was using my magic to disable it. Turn the situation. If I didn’t want to kill this thing, what was the best thing to do for it, to protect it? Shrink it back into its smaller form and then plead that it wasn’t kind to kill something so much weaker? It was either that or I’d be the dead one.

  I had to nullify the magic the hag had used on it. I’d have to let the bat get close enough so that I could touch it and pull the magic from it.

  It swooped again with its claws out, aimed straight for my heart. The crowd screamed as I dodged at the last moment, hoping I’d get an opportunity to grab it after the claws were past me.

  Grabbing it was a risk as well. How long could I hold it before it killed me? I’d need at least a few moments. I had to get on its back somehow. If I could get to a higher perch, dodge its attack, I might be able to jump onto it.

  The tree was my only hope. It wouldn’t be able to come down at me from above because the canopy was too thick. If it flew underneath me…

  I ran for the nearest tree as the thing squealed and dived. I made it halfway before I had to dive to the ground, rolling away. Its claws sank into the ground I’d just occupied.

  I got to my feet again, while it was pulling its claws out. It must have appeared to the crowd as if I weren’t fighting at all. I wouldn’t turn their way; their looks of doubt and disappointment would only throw me off my game. I needed to keep going with my plan and stay focused.

  I scrambled up into the tree, into the branches, where it couldn’t get a clear shot at me. And then I waited as it shrieked and poked. I leaned left and right, dodging its claws most of the time and taking a few scrapes at other times, all while feeling its hot breath on me as it roared. It would get frustrated soon, and then it would stop poking at me and fly beneath me.

  I waited. It shrieked. I swayed, large
branches blocking it. Still, I could feel the warmth of my blood on my legs, making my pants stick to them.

  I stayed patient. It finally turned to try another angle, and when it did, it spread its wings right below me.

  It was now or never. It was time to fight, to do my best. I wouldn’t think of failure. I took a leap of faith. I was airborne for less than a second before slamming into its back. It dipped and squealed loud enough to burst eardrums.

  It rotated, trying to throw off the nuisance it had found attached to it. I grabbed a wing in each hand, managing to hold on through a series of turns, inching up its body whenever I could gain some purchase. I continued methodically, until I wrapped my arms around its neck. Now the real work started. I was either going to be able to pull the magic from it or I’d have to choke it to death.

  I glanced at the ground, waiting for a descent. If I did it too soon, we’d both end up dead. It headed downward, right toward the tree it was going to try to use it to scrape me off its back.

  I closed my eyes, pulling at the magic I felt surging through it, pulling it into me.

  It shrank in my grasp, and we were no longer flying but crashing to the ground, a small bat in my hands squeaking. I rolled as I hit, holding my hands out so I didn’t crush the poor animal that was nothing but a weapon.

  Battered and bruised, bleeding from cuts on my legs and arms, I stood with the small bat still wrapped in my hands.

  The crowd roared as the hags stood speechless. It was clear now that they’d expected me to fail from the beginning. Maybe wanted me to fail. I wouldn’t be surprised if they had struck a deal with the people who’d called them in the first place and turned me in. What had ruining my life paid?

  I grabbed the bat’s tiny head, making it look like I was going to break its neck.

  “To the death, right?” I asked, as if needing clarification.

  Two hags were stone-faced, but not Tall Hag.

  “Perhaps we should handle that part,” she said, walking forward, trying to take the bat from my hands.

  “Are you sure?” I asked, hesitating to hand it over.

  “Yes.” She took her pet back, and the small bat crawled onto her shoulder and nestled in her hair.

  Lead Hag looked at Ringlets and rolled her eyes before turning her attention back to me.

  We were suddenly back in the cottage, and I could hear everyone scrambling to get a good spot in the door or a window.

  “If you’re an upstanding witch, why don’t you have fifty character witnesses outside? That is a very strict requirement,” Lead Hag asked.

  “I do have fifty. One was late, but he’s probably outside now.” Hawk better be there. If he’d screwed me again, I’d find a way back from Salem, if only to kill him.

  “I’m here,” Hawk said, from the door at my back.

  I closed my eyes for a second, trying to keep myself together. He’d shown. He hadn’t hung me out to dry.

  “We’ll need to count them again,” Ringlet said.

  “Might take a while,” Hawk said.

  “And why is that Mr. Hawk?” Lead Hag asked.

  “Quite a few more have shown.”

  “How many are there?” Tall Hag asked, as if outraged.

  “Might be easier to come see for yourself,” Hawk said. The hags ran out the door.

  “Ye of little faith,” Hawk whispered as I came close.

  “Past tends to be future,” I shot back, right before I walked outside. It was the last thing I was capable of saying, because in front of me was a crowd so big, it had to be half of Xest. Probably exactly half. It was every patron I’d ever waited on. Every client I’d made a deal with. It was every person who’d ever nodded at me as I passed them on the street. Even the witch who had the ghost who’d gotten me picked up on a bounty was here. They’d all come to be character witnesses.

  “I told you he was coming,” Oscar said as he walked over to me. “Hey, I thought you didn’t cry?”

  “I’m not crying.” My eyes might’ve been watering, but if none of the tears escaped, it didn’t happen.

  “Getting a little too close for my tastes,” he said, making a show of taking a large step away from me, smiling as he did.

  The hags were looking about the place, talking to themselves and looking like they wanted to strangle someone.

  Lead Hag turned to me. “We’ll count the witnesses, but this doesn’t mean you will be allowed to stay, considering the other situations we’ve been hearing about.”

  “We know what happened in the Unsettled Lands,” Ringlet said.

  I was getting tossed out. It was a setup. They were kicking me to the curb, back to Rest. They’d never intended to let me stay.

  Hawk stepped forward. “There’s a lot of people who are interested in hearing the outcome of this particular case from their elected immigration officials. When was the next election, by the way? Because I looked it up, and from what I saw, we’re about a thousand years overdue.”

  The hags turned to each other, and even though I couldn’t hear them, there was a lot of pointing, and it looked like they were yelling at each other.

  Hawk walked up to them.

  “I’d like a minute alone with you.”

  They stopped arguing and looked at him, then each other, as if debating if it was a good idea. Finally, Lead Hag gave a nod, and the three hags walked into the cottage with him.

  Oscar walked over. “Don’t worry. He’s got ways to fix things. He’ll handle it.”

  Zab stepped over to my other side. “He does.”

  The hags and Hawk walked back out of the cottage.

  The Lead Hag stepped in front. “Tippi, the Whimsy witch who wasn’t, also known as the Nowhere witch, is now an official resident of Xest, until the time of an unfortunate death or death by depletion of magic. Our ruling is final.”

  As soon as the words left her mouth, her and the cottage were gone.

  A roar went through the crowd, as if they were as happy as I was. I looked around at the smiling and laughing faces and realized they were feeling some of the things bubbling inside me. And not just Zab and Musso, but all of them. Every time I’d gone up to someone and asked if they’d be a reference, something in me had knotted up; I’d feel like I was weighing them down with my issues.

  Scanning the crowd now, that wasn’t the case. They’d wanted to be here for me.

  34

  I walked downstairs, heading to the back room to get a tea, even though the Sweet Shop was still probably open at this time.

  The monkeys broke into the Rocky theme as I passed. I gave them a slight nod and then tossed a loose coin from my pocket into their jar.

  As I sipped my tea, Zab walked in and dropped down onto the other side of the couch.

  “How are you doing?” he asked, smiling. “Been a busy couple of days.”

  “You know, I’m doing surprisingly well. Maybe you get used to being almost killed?” I sipped my tea and nibbled on one of the cookies I’d found in the station.

  “Couldn’t say.” Zab stuck his bottom lip out slightly. “People don’t typically try to kill me, but please, explain. I’d like to hear this.” He turned slightly, sinking deeper into the couch and giving me his full attention.

  “Well, it’s strange. That first time, when the grouslies nearly killed me, I could barely think past the shock of it all. I might’ve tried to act okay, but I was rattled pretty bad.”

  He nodded. “I remember. You looked it.”

  “Then the dragon incident happened. That was pretty frightening. Then it had tried to get me to kill myself. Then Raydam, and the giant bat today. I’m starting to get the hang of this almost-getting-killed thing.”

  “You’re doing very well at it, that’s for certain.”

  “Yeah, I guess it just gets easier. Sure feels like it. I’m a little sore and tired, but there’s none of that leftover shock. It’s more along the lines of: yeah, they want me dead. Now I want them dead, and let’s just get on with things.”r />
  Zab tilted his head back and laughed. “You know, you sound a little like Hawk right now.”

  Knowing Hawk, they’d probably tried to kill him way more times than me. It made sense.

  Musso walked in, followed by Bibbi.

  “You did good today, kid,” he said with a look that was bursting with pride, like I was his daughter.

  “Thanks, Musso.”

  “Amazing,” Bibbi said, taking the seat beside me. “And your hair is totally rocking.”

  “Thanks, Bibbi.” How had I ever disliked this girl?

  “There’s the superstar,” Oscar said, walking in. “You killed it today.”

  “Thanks, Oscar.”

  We spent the next couple of hours rehashing every moment of the day until, one by one, they got up and went home. I didn’t have to go anywhere. I already was home.

  But I had another errand that had to be done before I could go to sleep.

  I got up to grab my jacket from the front office but paused. Using just enough magic to not set anything else on fire, I lit a candle. I put it on my desk and sat down, looking about the place. Things were going to get rough around here, worse than they’d ever been. I’d felt true evil, and it was coming for me. I couldn’t say I regretted coming back, though, not even for a second. This was where I was supposed to be. I’d spent enough years trying to swim upstream to know when I’d found my place.

  A slip shot out of Helen, tumbled in the air, and landed on my desk, face-up.

  Hawk wasn’t the back cloud. It was me.

  “I should’ve known.” I pocketed the note as I laughed. I wasn’t mad, not even a little. That black cloud had helped me get back here. “It’s okay. It worked out for the best.”

  Another slip shot out.

  I might’ve had something to do with Braid and Spike abducting you as well.

  “Thank you.” I pocketed that one to save as well. When the all-knowing wish machine thought you should be here, it had to be so. “Anything else you want to confess?”

  I waited, but there were no more slips or gears.