Call My Bluff

by Elizabeth Knox

  Grell trekked on, grateful when the girls finally fell asleep. Before she knew it, the sun was rising, casting a collage of purples and oranges across the endless sky. Her eyes had begun to burn, and the dawn of the new day didn’t bring better scenery. Stark desert, with little variation from a dry brown color, stretched endlessly. There was a wild beauty, an austere solitude, driving on the lonely road, with only sleeping daughters for company. It seduced her to a near catatonic state, stealing her perception of depth and distance.

  Bella’s cry snapped her back to attention, and Grell knew then she had to rest. With services and accommodations few and far between, Beatty had been the only place she could stop to rest.

  By then, both Hope and Bella were awake and hungry. Once she’d gotten food for them, she checked into a motel. It took several hours before the girls fell asleep. Once they did, she followed not long afterwards.

  Time got away from her. She’d wanted to start off again. Then, she’d misplaced her keys. She got on the road later than she’d intended, and arrived in Tonopah, the halfway point between Las Vegas and Reno, late that night. The girls had been restless, so she’d been up late with them. When she’d finally gotten them settled, her own thoughts and worries had kept her awake.

  She was lucky if she’d managed two hours of sleep.

  Another pound on her door.

  Groggily, she glanced over at the clock on the nightstand next to the bed and saw a bright red 6:00 a.m. flashing at her. Fortunately, the knock didn’t awaken Bella and Hope. Trying to calm a three-year-old and six-year-old awakened at the crack of dawn wasn’t on her current to-do list, especially with her pounding headache.

  Another door pound.

  “I’m coming!” she yelled, glad her raised voice didn’t awaken her girls.

  She got out of bed, opened the nightstand and grabbed the gun. Grell didn’t plan to shoot whoever was on the other side if she didn’t have to, but it was better to have it in close proximity to her.

  After putting her robe on, she walked to the door, took in a breath, then looked through the peephole. She gasped, shock swirling through her. She blinked, but he wasn’t a mirage. Devin really stood on the other side of the door, as if she’d given him her location.

  She placed the gun on the bookcase next to the entrance of the room and flung the door open, stepping aside so he could enter. Once she closed the door and secured the lock, she turned, and found Devin leaning over the girls and placing a kiss on each of their cheeks.

  Straightening, he stuffed his hands into his pockets. Not only had he found the time to zero in on her location, he’d managed to change, too.

  She took a seat in the brown recliner that had seen better days about fifty years ago. Memories of Jo pressing her lips against Devin swarmed Grell, and she stiffened.

  Devin walked around to her side of the bed and sat on the edge. “Hey, Grell.”

  Hurt and anger swallowed her rationality. He’d managed to miss their anniversary completely, spending it with another woman. Yes, it was for work but sometimes their marriage also felt like a business arrangement. “Should I call you Devin or Fitz?”

  He frowned at her. “Don’t be like that.”

  She jumped from her seat, unable to subdue the emotion she’d kept in all night. “Don’t be like what, Devin? Hurt that you sent me away on our anniversary, or mad because it was for another woman? After some “miscommunication”— she emphasized her words with air quotations— “about the invitation you sent.”

  “I told you I didn’t send that fucking invitation,” Devin snapped, anger flushing his face as he stood, also. “And you know why I did what I did.”

  “Not really. You could’ve pushed her away. You wanted to kiss her, though.”

  “No. I had to kiss her, but Josephine Pancrizio isn’t important,” he offered, neither confirming nor denying her statement. “The invitation is, though. Did it come by mail? Was it hand-delivered?”

  The invitation was in her car. Before they parted ways, she’d show it to him again. For the record, it had been mailed. To Grell, though, the invitation was a non-issue, over and done. It was other aspects of their life together that most concerned her. Their relationship had become so abstract, she could barely glimpse a future for them. To her, their frayed marriage needed repairing. As usual, though, Devin was focused on work. He wanted to know about the invitation, when she herself was so clueless. Still, she had another burning question for him. “If you didn’t send it to me, who did?”

  “That’s the million-dollar issue. I thought my cover had been blown, but here I am.”

  She frowned as the words settled into her head. If his cover had been blown . . . she couldn’t finish the thought. If she lost Devin, her world would tilt on an uncontrollable axis. She knew about loss. Her parents and brother were gone, and her first child didn’t survive.

  Wrapping her arms around her stomach, she stared at Devin, not wanting to think about death. Or blown covers. Or the danger he was in. “Am I not allowed to feel some type of way when I’m rejected by my husband on our anniversary?”

  “I had no choice. Can’t you understand the danger we were both in?”

  Of course, she did.

  “If I hadn’t rejected you, my cover would really have been blown and all the work I’ve put into this operation, all the sacrifices we’ve both made in our marriage, would’ve been for fucking nothing. That’s if we would’ve been alive to consider any of that.”

  She was supposed to be a mature adult, with perfectly good understanding. Yet, her happiness and anticipation at spending time with Devin on their anniversary had turned into crushing disappointment, then graduated into a harrowing experience as she tried to simply leave. “Yesterday was the first time in weeks that I’ve seen or talked to you for more than five minutes. You didn’t give me any information about what you’re doing. As far as I know, the reason for that note and the reason you lied to that woman about me could be because of two separate things.”

  “You think I wanted to pick a woman I’ve known for less than ten months over the woman I pledged to always protect?”

  It was a pledge he’d given to Amory. Of their wedding vows— love— he said nothing. Therein lay the problem. When Grell thought of Devin, she thought of their romantic relationship. When Devin thought of Grell, he thought of what Amory would expect of him as the man he’d chosen to protect her.

  “Do you think I enjoy not talking or seeing you and our daughters for weeks at a time? If I could, I’d spend every single day with the three of you.”

  “You chose to do undercover, fully aware you may have these types of assignments. You knew what it would entail.”

  “You knew what it would entail too, Grell, but you didn’t say anything.”

  She bristled. “That isn’t true! I protested vigorously.”

  “No. You didn’t.”

  “Since you seem to have forgotten,” she hissed, “let me refresh your memory. I told you I would prefer if you didn’t do it, because I knew that our life might come to this.”

  He blew out a noisy breath. “Not every assignment is so involved,” he reminded her.

  “No, they aren’t. Except you volunteer yourself for these long-term investigations. As if you’re a single man who isn’t a father to two young daughters.” Or Grell’s husband.

  She looked at his left hand. He wore no wedding ring. Bitterness rushed through her, and she raised an accusing gaze to him.

  “The fucking ring is at the apartment in my bureau, Grell,” he gritted out.

  “Your apartment?” Grell echoed in outrage.

  “Fitz’s apartment,” Devin corrected. He scrubbed a hand over his face and drew in a deep breath. “Most of the time, I keep the ring hidden on my person. Earlier, for instance. I had it in my pocket. I was in such a rush to get to you, I forgot to take it before I left. Stop blowing everything out of proportion.”

  “Everything? No. Maybe, one or two, but not everything.”
She raised her hand and wiggled her ring finger. “I never take it off. Never. I don’t accept jobs where I’ll have reason to remove it.”

  He glared at her.

  “What else do I blow out of proportion? Perhaps, the fact that I knew you’d end up a stranger to our daughters. This time in their childhood sets the foundation for the rest of their lives. I wanted them to see us in a loving relationship with a stable home.” She shook her head wildly. “Do we have that? Do they? When you took a plainclothes position, I knew we’d drift apart and that your life would always be on the line. I didn’t want that.”

  They stared at each other, neither saying anything. Devin’s presence didn’t take away any of the emotions she’d been feeling since last night, it only intensified them.

  Over the months, Grell had begun to realize that she hadn’t truly adjusted to how his career changed their relationship, as well as how his long absences strained her. Caring for her daughters and every need for her household by herself was a lot. If she had to live as a single mother, she might as well be one. As it was now, the constant stress over her husband’s well-being didn’t make life easier. She missed the days when Devin was ‘just a cop’.

  She almost laughed at that. Just a cop was such a misnomer. No such reality existed. Being in law enforcement wasn’t a safe profession. At least, it was a job that allowed them to be together most of the time. Worry over his well-being lasted a few hours each day not for months on end.

  At the end of his shift, he’d come home and she’d breathe a sigh of relief that he was still whole and healthy. On assignment, though, she didn’t know if he was dead or alive for weeks.

  “Grell,” Devin murmured in a softer tone, inches from her. He pulled her closer, bent and brushed his lips over hers. “I’ve missed you, sweetheart. I know this is hard on you. Just have patience a little while longer.”

  She took in a deep breath, attempting to calm herself and stay her course. While she didn’t want to spend this unexpected time with her husband arguing, neither did she want to forget her concerns. The only benefit of last night was she finally realized she needed to distance herself from Devin when he was home so it would be easier on her when he was gone.

  He pulled her to the chair, sat down himself, then pulled her onto his lap and nuzzled her neck.

  Unfortunately, she’d never known how to keep him at arm’s length.

  His hair teased her skin and she shivered, electricity shooting through her veins. “You smell like fucking flowers,” he rasped.

  She turned her face to his, displacing his lips from her neck. “I don’t want us to spoil our time together by fighting with you, Dev. I’ve missed you so much. After not seeing you for so long . . . I know why you did what you did at the party,” she conceded. “But I’m human and it was so damn hard to see you choose another woman over me. Especially because . . .” You’ve never loved me. Those words tipped the edge of her tongue, ready to fall past her lips. Before they escaped, she reeled them back. It would do no good. How many times had she bared her heart to Devin and told him how much she loved him, only to have an innocuous response? “Anyway, I’m sorry.”

  He took her face between his hands. “I’m sorry too, Grell. For so many things.”

  Lowering her lashes, she nodded.

  “Maybe after this case, we can look into marriage counseling?”

  Her gaze flew to his. Sincerity shone from his blue depths. “I’d like that.”

  Softly, he brushed his lips over hers, his touch brief and featherlight. He pecked her nose, her brow, her cheeks, and chin before claiming her mouth in a hot, deep kiss that stole her breath and left her dizzy.

  One of his hands closed around her tit. Even though she still had her robe on, her nipples still hardened. Ever so slowly, he skimmed his hand to her belt and deftly untied it. She opened her thighs, releasing a small cry when he fingered her clit.

  “Devin,” she gasped, rocking against his hand.

  Stirring on the bed intruded on the moment, and Grell froze. She placed a finger over her lips. “Shhh,” she instructed, glancing at the bed. Hope was readjusting her little body, snuggling closer to Bella.

  “They’re as beautiful as you are,” Devin murmured against her ear.

  Grell nodded, love and pride filling her entire being. “Let’s go in the bathroom,” she whispered once her girls settled again.

  Desire darkened his eyes, reflecting the same need Grell felt. Holding her waist and guiding her to her feet, he stood, then pulled her to the bathroom.

  The moment they entered and closed the door, they resumed their kissing and finished undressing each other at a frantic, urgent pace. He lifted her into his arms with ease. Without hesitation, Grell wrapped her legs around his waist. He thrust into her wet pussy, burying himself to the hilt. They both groaned.

  The in-and-out motion of his cock sliding against all of her nerve endings, pulling moans from her.

  Devin braced her against the wall, then covered her mouth with one hand, smiling. “You’re going to wake the girls,” he rumbled in amusement, the sound of his voice, the feel of him inside of her, making her tremble.

  She nodded, and he dropped his hand. He fucked her deep and hard. Grell bit her lip to remain quiet, tasting blood but she didn’t care. She gripped his shoulders, digging her nails into his back. His cock expanding her pussy walls, drove away every worry and the hurt she’d experienced over the months.

  “I’m coming,” she announced.

  “Me, too,” Devin responded.

  Their bodies trembled together, her sensitive nipples rubbing against Devin’s chest hair, making her come harder. She closed her eyes tightly, her head shaking from side-to-side. Dimly, she was aware of Devin’s growl, felt his cock quiver inside of her.

  She went limp in his arms, breathing fast and heavy and matching Devin’s pants. Just for this moment, in their post-coital bliss, harmony flowed between them. Wishing she could bottle this serenity, she rested her head on his shoulder.

  “Goddamn,” he said with a laugh. “We never came together before.”

  She smiled. “This is a first I would like to repeat.”

  “You and me both.”

  For long moments, they clung to each other. Grell would cherish the tenderness between them in this moment for the rest of her life.

  All too soon, it came to an end. He placed her on her feet, and she stood on tiptoes to give him a quick peck on the lips. Then, not bothering with the nightshirt, she scooped up her robe from the floor, and opened the bathroom door to check on Hope and Bella. They’d kicked their blankets off, so Grell went and covered them again. She sat on the edge of the bed as Devin walked back into the room, shoeless but otherwise dressed.

  Fatigue settled into her. “I’m so glad I decided to stop here,” she said around a yawn, thinking, maybe, it wouldn’t be so bad to remain in Tonopah one more day. Had she stuck to her schedule, Devin would never have caught up to her so fast—

  A realization hit her, and she froze. “How’d you find me? I didn’t text you my location. I tried to leave no paper trail, so I paid in cash.”

  His contentment turned sheepish. Guilty. Clearing his throat, he began to pace the length of the small bedroom, a telltale sign that she wouldn’t like what she was about to hear. Whenever he got anxious, upset, or assholed-up, Devin had to move around.

  Drawing in a deep breath, she folded her arms and nodded, demanding, without words, that he explain. She prepared herself to hear something she wouldn’t like. He stopped moving and turned to her, running a hand over his already tousled hair.

  “Don’t get mad when I tell you this,” he began then swallowed and continued. “In case something ever happened, and I wasn’t there with you, I invested in a few trackers for you.”

  Her eyes widened and she got to her feet. “Trackers?” she echoed. “A few?”

  “Yes,” he admitted with reluctance. “A few. One for your car, one on your phone, and one for your laptop.”


  Rage replaced her bliss. She felt violated, as if he had a window to her life, when she didn’t know anything about his activities. His reasoning was sweet, his lack of permission wasn’t. He’d treated her like a rebellious child, instead of his wife.

  She didn’t know if she could continue to do this— remain married to a man who kept part of himself closed off to her, while insisting on knowing her every move.

  It was more than that. She didn’t know if she had enough love left in her to maintain their caring relationship. It wore her out.

  “You couldn’t have asked me first?” she asked, trying to wrap her head around what she should do— leave Devin.

  “You would’ve said no.”

  “If you thought I would’ve said no, you should have respected that and leave it be, not secretly track my every move! Better yet, you could’ve informed me that not only are you in danger working undercover, but I am, too.”

  “You’re not in danger,” he gritted, then cursed. “Not too much danger. I don’t know what’s going on. I’m going to get to the bottom of how you got an invitation.”

  “Your spy games had nothing to do with this case, so don’t hand me that bullshit.”

  “Is it so bad that I was concerned about you and our daughters?”

  “If you were so concerned, you would’ve taken a job that kept you at home with us. Instead, Fitzgerald Bradshaw, you’ve been traipsing all over with another woman. Spending our anniversary with her.”

  “Goddamnit, you know why I did it. I’ve already explained the situation to you. Missing one fucking anniversary isn’t the end of the world, Grell.”

  “Maybe not,” she said bitterly. “But when you’ve missed birthdays and holidays, it becomes a trend that I want no part of.” She threw her hands up in the air, tired of the charade. “Why don’t you admit it, Devin? You didn’t give a fuck what day it was. You didn’t marry me out of any love. It was guilt because I was pregnant, and you knew Amory would’ve insisted you marry me.” Tears slipped down her cheeks and she swiped them angrily away. It was easy to keep the reality of her marriage buried deep inside of her, where pain only bubbled to the surface in times like these. “Everything you’ve ever done for me has been because of your loyalty to my brother.”