Losing Me, Finding You

by C. M. Stunich

  “Yeah?”

  “Take the 120 East.”

  “Why?”

  “Don't be a dick wad, just do it. I've got a plan.”

  “Where we headin'?”

  “Sparks, do you trust me?” I sigh because of course Kimmi knows that I do. I trust her with my life and my freedom every damn day I spend on this earth, and she knows it. “I want to go to Fort Clinton.” I reach down and check my dash, just to make sure that it's only me and Kimmi that're in on this call.

  “Are you fucking with me, Reynolds?” I ask. Fort Clinton has been our dream hit for the last two years. It's like a fucking gold mine. If we could hit that, there's a good chance we could take a long overdue break. But then again, there's a reason we've been avoiding it. It isn't going to be easy, not by a long shot. Plus, I got Cross to worry about now. Wouldn't do to go gettin' myself arrested or killed until she's settled into the group.

  “I want to do this, Austin, but I don't want to go straight there. I say we do some small jobs first, just in case Walker decides to follow us. Maybe St. Marlin's and then Long Horn? They're not big cities, but they'd be easy to do.” She pauses and a small crackle cuts through the line. “Besides, the route's a bit convoluted and it'll take us longer to get there. Makes for more riding time.”

  I think about what she said for a moment and then my face cracks into a smile. I rev up the engine and pick up speed, hitting a flat, straight stretch of road with as much power and force as I can muster. Amy yelps and clutches me so tight I can feel her heart beating in her chest like a trapped bird. I try to ignore it, but it beats straight down to my dick, making me hard as rock. This girl is gonna be the death of me.

  “You know what, Reynolds? You're on. I like the way you think.”

  Kimmi's laughter comes through the com for a brief moment before I switch the channel back over to the music and gun my bike all the way into the next town.

  We spend the entire night driving, flying through the darkness like bats, a sea of metal and chrome, with people as colorful as they are unique. It's a strange experience, one that I have to admit, I'm anxious to repeat. I can see the appeal of the open road when I'm out here, the way the wind grabs at you and doesn't let go.

  And then there's Austin.

  When he sits on that bike, he becomes a different person, much less closed off. With my arms wrapped around his chest, I can feel the beat of his heart. It speeds up at every turn, beating frantically through the fabric of his leather jacket. It's enough to keep me wide awake despite my fatigue, enough to keep my mind on daydreams and fantasies until the sun starts to peek its head up at the edges of the sky, burning the night to rosy pink.

  When we finally pull into a town and start to slow, my mind jumps like I've been shocked, snapping out of the trance of the road and bombarding me with hoards of annoying thoughts. I wonder how Mama will start her morning without me there? And Christy … what does she think of me now? If I call her in a day or two, after she calms down, will she talk to me? I push the thoughts back and try to keep up with the flurry of sudden activity.

  The entire group pauses and the music on the intercom dies away completely, leaving a chorus of excited chatter that makes my head hurt a bit. I watch as Gaine climbs off his bike and heads inside a hotel lobby. When he comes out, he nods his chin and the entire group spills into the parking garage that's attached.

  Austin parks his bike and helps me down with a smile.

  “Tell me you liked the ride, beautiful?” he whispers, holding my hand tightly in one of his. For a brief moment, there's nothing but his face and his sandy hair and his beautiful eyes.

  “Hurry up, Sparks. The Pres wants you front and center.” Beck's voice jolts me out of my trance and I can barely manage a quick nod of my head before Austin is scowling across the garage at his boss. He takes me upstairs to the hotel room, but he doesn't stay, disappearing to go attend to whatever it is that he needs to do. I wonder if he'll ever tell me what that's all about, if that stuff is something you get to know when you've been fully accepted into the group or not.

  I look around the room and am not surprised to see that there's only one bed. Austin said I didn't have to sleep with him, but we both know better. We can hardly keep our hands off each other. I smile and fluff my hair in the mirror. It's frizzy and flat at the same time somehow. Helmet hair, ugh. I set my duffel bag down on the end of the bed and rifle through it until I find a clean pair of jeans and a black tank top. It was the best I could do given the circumstances. My cardigans and floral skirts wouldn't exactly work with this crowd. I pause for a moment and check my wallet. Fifteen dollars in cash. Great. Definitely not enough to buy any new clothes. I wonder briefly how this whole MC thing works. I mean, they can't all have jobs if they're on the road all the time, right?

  I take my clothes into the bathroom and grab one of the white towels that's stacked on a metal shelf above the toilet, tossing it over the shower curtain rod and pulling back the white plastic. I don't admit it to myself, but I linger a bit, hoping Austin will come in and join me, but after about a half hour, I realize he isn't coming back and shower quickly. By the time he does return, my hair is dry and I've even rimmed my eyes in kohl and colored my lips with a dark pink that my mother would never approve of.

  “Well, hello there, beautiful,” he says, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me against him. One of Austin's knees slides between my legs as he lifts me up to my toes for a kiss, sliding his tongue into my mouth like he's known me forever. I try not to melt into a puddle on the floor. “Good news,” he says, pulling back. “Got you a jacket.” He lifts up the item in question and presses it to my chest, letting his knuckles brush against my breasts in the process. I swallow hard and step back.

  The jacket is sized perfectly for me, beautifully made of gently oiled leather with a red satin interior, but on the back, there's only one patch. It's the one on the bottom, the one that says USA. Austin sees me looking at it and touches his fingers under my jaw to grab my attention.

  “When you first join an MC,” he begins, sliding his fingers along my face until they're wrapping in my hair. “You only get one patch. If you're a good, good girl, then maybe you'll earn the rest.” Austin uses my hair to pull me forward for another kiss, a more desperate one this time. My hands come up and touch his stubbly face, running along the hard line of his jaw and then …

  There's a knock on the damn door.

  Austin pulls away from me with a growl and storms over to the door, jerking it open without even asking who's on the other side.

  It's a girl with orange hair and leather pants so tight they look painted on.

  “Kimmi, I'm a bit busy … ” Austin begins, but she's already holding up a hand to silence him. When she notices me staring at her, a sultry smiles tilts her bow shaped lips up.

  “Amy Cross, I presume?” she asks, pushing Austin aside with her shoulder and waltzing into the room like she owns the place. She's got on these ridiculously tall, red heels and nothing but a coin covered bra under her leather vest. I nod and hold out my hand. “Kimmi Reynolds. Nice to meet you.” Her eyes rake me up and down, and she nods, like she likes what she sees. “Welcome to the group.” She pauses and turns to Austin, giving him a look that I can't quite read. “Kent would like to see you downstairs.” Austin frowns, but Kimmi isn't done yet. “Both of you.”

  “Ah, shit,” he says with a sigh. “We just rolled in and he wants to start this crap?” Kimmi shrugs and runs her fingers down his arm. I watch, but I don't say anything. What can I say? Austin doesn't belong to me. “Alright then, come on, beautiful. Let's get this over with, shall we?” Kimmi steps into the hallway and watches as I slip my jacket onto my shoulders and hook my arm through Austin's. “Smart girl,” he says with a wink as he leads me out and over to the elevator.

  As we step inside, I hear a door closing down the hallway and someone shouting for us to wait.

  It's that girl, Mireya.

  I swallow nervously an
d watch as Kimmi grabs the doors and holds them open.

  “Thanks,” she snips, wrinkling her nose like she can't bear the sight of Kimmi. Or maybe it's me that she's disgusted with because when her dark eyes find mine, I can practically feel them cutting through me, wishing me dead. I shiver and it's not because of Austin. “Trying to escape to the welcome party without me?” she coos, but she isn't talking to me or Kimmi, just Austin. That much is blatantly obvious. And it only takes me about three seconds to realize that the perfume she's wearing, that sweet, sickly smell, is the same one that was on Austin's sheets. I press my eyes closed and try not to breathe.

  “Nah, just following orders. When Kent says jump … ”

  “You say, Fuck off,” Kimmi interjects before Mireya can respond. “Or you used to … ” She pauses again and gives Mireya an up and down. The dark haired woman pretends not to notice.

  “I see,” Mireya says, staring way too hard at my arm where it's touching Austin's. Oh no. Is this is his girlfriend? But no, no, that doesn't seem right. Austin does not seem like the kind of guy who has a girlfriend. I ignore the little, niggling thought that adds, not even you. But he did sleep with her. After he slept with me. I try not to be bothered by that, but I can't help it. “Lemme guess.” She snaps her fingers and leans back against the mirrored walls. “You've heard my story, too? Is that right? Is that why we left town in the middle of the Goddamn night like fucking criminals?”

  “Club business,” Austin says gruffly, but Kimmi and Mireya are glaring at each other and not paying him the slightest bit of attention.

  “I'm sorry, Mireya,” Kimmi says. “For what happened to you, but we all have hard pasts. Doesn't give you the right to act like a bitch all the Goddamn time.”

  “Oh, fuck you, Kimmi. I didn't ask to start a war with Walker. That was Kent. And I didn't ask anyone to go out and seek vengeance for me.”

  “Yeah? Well, if you ask me, Walker and his buddies deserve to be taken out, just to make the world a safer place.” Kimmi holds up her hands and the gold bracelets on her wrists jingle. “But that's not what I was talking about.” She nods her chin at me. “Aren't you even going to introduce yourself to Austin's new friend?” When she says this, she smiles wickedly, like she couldn't be happier to see me standing there.

  Austin rolls his eyes to the ceiling and curses under his breath.

  “Oh, we already met,” Mireya says, waving her hand dismissively. “At the bar. What was your name again?”

  “Goddamn it, Mireya,” Austin begins, but I cut him off. I look the woman in her eyes which, admittedly, are beautiful and try not to feel intimidated. I'm guessing that respect goes along way here, so I've got to demand it for myself. I can't count on Austin to do it for me.

  “Amy Allison Cross,” I say, but I don't extend my hand. Mireya stares at me, picking at a bit of leather fringe on her jacket. When she turns away, I see that she's got all her patches. She doesn't respond, but I don't think anybody expects her to.

  I touch my hand to Austin's and am surprised when he shivers a bit, throwing a look down at me along with a crooked smile. I wish I hadn't smelt that perfume. Knowing Austin slept with somebody and knowing that he slept with this horrible woman are two different things entirely. I hold back a sigh and try to push the thought from my mind. I'm kidding myself if I think Austin's list of partners is short enough to count off on both hands, but then, I don't really care about the past. What I care about is the here and now. Is he going to keep sleeping with Mireya or are we semi-exclusive? He said I was his, but he never said he was mine. God, if there was one thing the romance novels got right it was how complicated all of this stuff is.

  The elevator doors slide open and Mireya shoulders her way past Gaine and into a large, conference room filled with bikers. Oh dear. My stomach twists painfully. Is this all for me? I sure hope not. Gaine watches Mireya go with a sigh.

  “She's not happy about me being here, is she?” I ask, and it's Gaine who answers. Austin doesn't seem like he wants to touch that question with a mile long pole.

  “She's just … ” Gaine looks at Austin and then over his shoulder after Mireya. “Complicated. Don't worry about her. I think you joining Triple M is actually going to be helpful to her in the long run.”

  “Yeah?” Austin asks, sounding suspicious. “How so?” His friend shrugs and takes my other arm. I notice that Austin's eyes follow him closely. “You two have a good time last night?” he asks and Gaine laughs.

  “We had a few glasses of wine. That's about it. I think I got halfway through my story about the badger that got into my high school gym before you stormed in on us.” Austin snorts and shakes his head.

  “Shit, Amy,” he says. “Sorry you had to hear that crap. He tells it to anyone that'll listen.” I smile and look over at Gaine.

  “That's okay,” I say, meeting his dark eyes. “I liked it.” Austin snorts again and drags me forward quickly, too quickly, like maybe he doesn't want me talking to Gaine. His friend lets us go, pausing next to a table where Beck is making the moves on a hotel employee. He gives us a gentle wave and turns away. I don't get to ask Austin what that was about because he's already pulling me towards a group where Kent is talking with the tall, skinny, blonde I saw before. When she sees us coming, she bats her eyelashes coquettishly and smiles.

  “Amy Cross. I've already heard so much about you.” I wonder how that's even possible, but I don't say anything, just smile and hold out my hand.

  “Nice to meet you … ” I trail off, waiting for an introduction.

  “Amy, this is Melissa Diamond, Kent's wife.” He doesn't sound overly joyous when he says this. Melissa shakes my hand and even lifts it to her lips for a kiss.

  “So glad to have another woman in the group. Sometimes, I feel like I'm drowning in men.” She winks at me. “Not that that's a bad thing!” I notice Kent's lips twitching, but he doesn't speak up, just keeps sipping his wine. “How do you like your welcome party?” Melissa asks me, gesturing at the room and the table of food with her hand.

  “I, uh, I didn't know it was possible to organize something like this on such short notice. Thank you, I'm flattered.” Melissa throws her blonde hair back and laughs loud and raucously.

  “They had a last minute cancellation for another group,” Austin says dryly. “We got the room and the food for almost nothing.”

  “Still,” Melissa says, dropping her chin back down so she can look at me. “It's the least we could do for our newest member, right Kent?” Kent smiles, but he doesn't speak. Honestly, I'm a bit relieved because the man scares me a little bit. I don't trust him. Mireya's mean is all on the surface, but Kent … I have a feeling that there's something ten times darker simmering beneath.

  “Well, I'm going to drag Amy around and introduce her to some of the assholes here, if you don't mind.” Austin pulls me away with a roll of his eyes.

  “Fucking cock suckers,” he says, making me jump. I figure I'll get used to the vulgarity after awhile. “Don't worry about trying to like either of the Diamonds. It won't happen, and you'll just be wasting your time.”

  “Melissa seems … ” I search for a word. “Outgoing.”

  “You mean she's a whore?” Austin says, chuckling. I turn a bit pink, but I shrug my shoulders. I suppose that was the vibe I was getting off of her. “Well, you're right. She is. And she'll fuck anything that moves. Stay away from her.” I look over at him quickly and realize that he's serious. His dark eyes are sparkling a bit and he seems like he's lost in thought.

  “Austin,” I say as he walks us through the crowd, nodding at people but never stopping. “Do I need to make a speech or something? Talk to the group as a whole?” I can already feel my anxiety level creeping up.

  “Nah,” he says, finally stopping as we reach Beck and Gaine who are hanging out near the alcohol. “This is just a formality, just to let everyone see that you're here. I'll help you learn who's who, who to hang out with, who to avoid.” He shrugs. “Take Beck for example.” The
redhead smiles at me with a mouth full of food. “This asshole is an even bigger whore than Diamond. If you want an easy lay, he's your man, but don't expect it to be good.”

  “Hey, Sparks, fuck you,” Beck says, winking at me. Gaine wraps his hands around his beer bottle but stays quiet. “Why don't we let Amy test us both out, let her be the judge.” Austin's hand snakes around my waist and pulls me tight against him, drawing the breath from my lungs and speeding my heartbeat up to dangerous levels.

  “Like she'd want your hairy ass,” Austin quips, but he doesn't release me. Instead his fingers clench so tight around my waist that I'm certain he's going to bruise me.

  “Did you tell her how sweet this deal is?” Beck continues, adjusting his arm with a wince. I see bandages peeking out of his shirt. Both him and Gaine are injured. Coincidence? Or did something happen?

  Austin looks down at me and shakes his head.

  “I ain't got there yet, Beck. Been a little busy if you haven't noticed.”

  “What?” I ask, looking between the three men. I feel comfortable suddenly, like this is a group that's been around for awhile. They're all longtime friends, that much is obvious. I decide that if I stay here, even if things with Austin don't work out, that this is a group I'd like to be a part of. “What deal?”

  “Well, beautiful,” Austin begins, reaching out and grabbing two beers from the table. He pops the top on one and offers it to me. I take it gratefully, sniffing the alcohol briefly before taking a sip. It's my first time drinking beer which is pretty pathetic, and I'm not surprised to find that the taste is hardly palatable. I take another swig. Austin watches me and the smile on his face grows wider. “We Triple M'ers stick together hardcore. That means no breaks. We go year-round together, traveling constantly. If you want to settle down somewhere, join another group. This is a lifestyle, baby.” I nod my head. I had already assumed that much. In fact, I was betting on it. “Everything you need is provided for you: food, clothes, lodging, bikes.” I manage to keep my mouth from dropping, but I'm sure they can all see the surprise registering on my face.