by Auriane Bell
Mairin slightly raised her head to look at him, her eyes big with anticipation and sparkling like the artificial stars of Vivian’s bedroom creation.
Slowly Adrijan lessened the distance between them, fighting to quench the lingering fear of rejection. The moment he thought there was nothing to come between them anymore, Mairin raised her hand and put the tips of her elegant pale fingers on his lips.
“I really do love you,” she whispered. “Being this near to you feels like a dream. You wanting me near… it’s a miracle.”
He thought to understand her feelings, his being not much different. Like a withering plant water, he absorbed the words he had longed to hear. However pleasant her words were, he was unable to welcome the interruption.
“I-“
“Adrijan,” she cut him off. “It’s not for ‘some weird reason’ like I said. I’ve come to love your kindness and your strength but also the insecurities you prefer to hide. They help me feel at ease – to make me think I’m not the only one having them.
Don’t worry though, I do realise that you’re much older than me… You’ve seen a lot more, experienced a lot more… You’re capable of a lot more.”
“But-“ Adrijan wanted to hear what she had to say, but couldn’t it wait a moment longer?
Mairin shook her head.
“Please let me say this as long as I have the courage to do so.”
Adrijan gave up and Mairin took a deep breath.
“I was enthralled by your voice when I heard you sing in the Sanctuary. Perhaps I was even earlier. I remember how it soothed me back at the bungalow…”
She smiled, reminiscing.
“When we were running away from Sunflower Garden I was disappointed, thinking that you were not my Prince Charming. I’ve been wrong, I’ve realised that, long before I committed myself to marrying Vivian. He may be the master of Mondstein castle, but you are the one who rules over my heart.”
Mairin paused, giving Adrijan enough time and opportunity to feel embarrassed and also increasingly bad for his impatience.
“And here I am, compared to you not much more than a child, who can’t do anything else than making the wrong decisions when it’s important.” A sad smile crossed her face. “Please, if you do this out of kindness, then…”
Finally he realised that he wasn’t the only one having doubts that had to be silenced. Adrijan grasped Mairin’s hand that was still separating them. He threaded his fingers through hers, gently touched them with his lips, kissed her knuckles, the back of her hand, the lower side of her slender wrist and eventually put her hand on his shoulder.
Then he gently pulled her close to wipe away every trace of Vivian’s kiss.
Vivian sank back. The blue glow had subsided and had taken a portion of his energy with it.
Engelin jumped up from the chair, rejoicing in the results of the hour glass’s magic.
“It worked! It really worked!” she kept repeating, dancing around the room.
Exhausted the master of Mondstein castle rose from the ground. After the incidents of the day he felt he had all the right in the world to be tired.
“I will take you back to your room then, queen dance-a-lot.”
The girl slowed down her spinning immediately, completing the rotation once she had turned towards him. The look on her face bestowed upon her the aura of an abandoned kitten in a water puddle and could by no means be ignored.
“Oh, what is it now for God’s sake?” he asked her peevishly.
“Can’t I stay with you a little longer?”
“No,” Vivian replied sternly and gently pushed the girl forward, out of the infirmary.
If he had been this bothersome 700 years ago it was no longer a mystery, why his father had avoided him.
“Pleaaaase,” she begged him folding her hands in front of her body in a praying gesture. “I’ll be good!” Engelin threw another heart-breaking glance at him. For some reason he could not resist the girl.
“Alright,” he sighed. “How about some cake?” Perhaps a considerable portion of sugar was the answer to all his problems.
Mairin was overwhelmed by a sweet feeling of relief as their lips met. Adrijan’s kiss was tender yet carrying a convincing passion. After a short moment – and clearly too soon – he released her and forced her out of her dreamlike state. Shyly Mairin glanced at him, trying to find out why he had stopped. Instead of a reason she discovered a sheepish smile playing about Adrijan’s face.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, his voice trembling almost imperceptibly and Mairin hurried to shake her head.
“Did you know that your lips taste like happiness?”
His sweet and silly words conjured a smile on her face. Adrijan raised his hand and softly caressed her hair. Mairin felt drawn to his touch and nuzzled her head against his palm, just like Therry had often done to her. Excitement set the pace for the rhythm of her heartbeat and she found herself appreciably struggling to stay moderately calm.
“It’s for you that I held back, because I was certain that this old man could never make you happy. It’s for you that I denied myself this promise of a safe haven I had thought never even to discover. I can resist no longer, but I do wonder if I’ll make you very unhappy.”
She longed for him, wanted him to continue to talk with his irresistible voice. The only unhappiness she could think of was having to be without him.
“Adrijan…”
There was a better way to tell him than with words. Mairin looked into Adrijan’s eyes. He silently returned her gaze as she moved closer to him to convey her feelings with a kiss. Their eyes remained open, affixed to each other’s, even after their lips touched. This time Adrijan kept her near and eventually she lowered her eyelids to allow herself to indulge in what he had called the taste of happiness.
“Another?” Vivian frowned. “You’re absolutely certain you want to eat another piece of cake?”
Engelin nodded, still chewing on the last bite of sweet delight.
How could a young girl possibly eat that much?
“Alright, little queen.”
Vivian sighed, cutting another piece for her. His own had remained on the plate in front of him almost untouched.
“I hope you won’t be sick,” he grumbled.
Engelin shook her head, showing him a big grin. He still couldn’t understand why he was putting up with her.
“Perhaps you’re not such a bad person after all,” she said with a full mouth.
The master of Mondstein castle took a sip of coffee.
“I am a bad person,” he mumbled. “I even killed the only person I’ve ever loved.”
The girl poked around in her food before replying to his thoughtless comment.
“Who was he?”
Vivian cursed himself for his loose tongue.
“Eat up and I’ll show you to her.”
“How can you do that if she’s-“
“She’s at a secret place almost nobody knows.”
Sometimes a little ghost story was all it took to scare a child into silence.
Engelin looked at him with apparent doubt in her eyes but asked no further questions until her plate was cleared. Satisfied Vivian got up and walked to the adjacent pantry to put away the cake. When he exited the small room, Engelin had already put the dishes into the sink and was waiting for him, standing straight like a soldier in front of their commanding officer, diminishing his hopes that she had forgotten about his invitation.
“Let’s go then, my queen,” he said.
Adrijan hoped the night would last forever. As long as Mairin was this near he could lock out his worries. Their breath was heavy, exchanged words never more than a whisper. Kisses were given as if they were their very essence of life. He wanted to continue but he also wanted to proceed.
Suddenly Mairin gently pushed herself away from him. There was something she wanted to say but the words didn’t seem to leave her mouth without difficulty.
“Aren’t you… war
m?” she asked.
“Warm?”
Warm didn’t nearly describe the heat he was bearing with. He was still dressed and even without Mairin’s blanket her presence alone would have been enough to make him feel like a meteor right after its impact.
“Mhm,” she said, without explanation.
“I am,” he whispered confused.
Carefully Mairin slipped off his lap, making him wonder if he had said something wrong.
“Don’t go. It’s alright.”
Mairin shook her head and tugged at his clothes.
“Won’t you… won’t you take them off?” she finally asked.
Adrijan gazed at her in surprise. He welcomed the thought of getting yet closer to her but he also feared that she wouldn’t like what she was going to see.
“I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have… Just forget-“ Mairin was mumbling and turned away from him in embarrassment.
“No, no, that’s not it,” he assured her and got up from the swing, slowly, so Mairin wouldn’t be afflicted by it.
After taking two steps Adrijan halted in front of the glass window of the balcony and hesitantly started to undress, conscious that Mairin’s gaze was resting on him. It was strange how a simple task like this could suddenly become very difficult when done in the presence of an audience.
Awkwardly he slipped out of his shoes and threw a glance over his shoulder to see if Mairin was still following his movements. Their eyes met and undoubtedly having noticed his embarrassment Mairin got up from the swing to join him. She had left the duvet behind and Adrijan hastily turned back out of reflex of not being allowed to look. Two adorned arms soon found their way around his chest and he could feel her softly push her body against his.
“I’d help,” she whispered, “but I’m afraid I have no idea where to start.”
Adrijan silently laughed in view of the bizarre situation and gently loosened her embrace.
“That’s alright. I just hope you won’t be appalled.”
Mairin drew back her hands and a few moments later her shirt landed in front of his feet on the floor. The image her action conjured in his head made him swallow.
“Don’t look… yet.”
“Mhm,” he assured her and continued to undress with newfound motivation. He let piece after piece fall to the ground, covering the shirt Mairin had borrowed from Vivian until its white colour had been swallowed up completely by the blackness of his own clothes. In the end he was only wearing his shorts and stood there, gazing at the rest of his garments as if they were the skin of his past self. Never again would he put on a cassock and a white collar shirt.
Mairin’s arms returned to embrace him, even more gently than before and Adrijan decided not to spend more thoughts on the matter. Clearly there was another topic at hand.
“Where are you taking me?”
“I told you,” Vivian grumbled.
“It’s dark,” Engelin reminded him for the fifth time. “It’s cold and dark.”
Since they had passed the gate to the underground passage the girl’s pronounced self-confidence had shrunk drastically and she had become increasingly jumpy.
“Do you want to head back, my queen?”
Engelin disregarded his question and they continued their way to the ‘Sanctuary’ in silence. He stepped into the elevator before the girl and quietly yawned while they were taken to the upper floor. The doors opened in front of him and after exiting the narrow space, Vivian stepped aside to make room for Engelin.
“This is Magdala Anfarwol,” he announced sternly, gesturing at the masterpiece that welcomed them.
He expected to hear an unpleasant, cheeky comment at any moment, yet even after several seconds had passed, Engelin hadn’t made a sound.
“Is she so beautiful that words are failing you?”
Was it the likeness to Engelin’s mother that had such an impact on the girl?
“Magdala Anfarwol… the only woman you’ve ever loved?” Engelin’s quiet voice was quivering.
“Mhm.”
A clattering sound caught Vivian’s attention and drew his gaze to a spot behind him, where, upon turning around, he discovered a big kitchen-knife on the floor.
He gasped in sheer disbelief and automatically stepped away from Engelin.
There were traces of blood on the blade as well as on the handle and looking closely, he even thought to be able to make out more of them on the girl’s dress. Engelin neither paid attention to him nor to the blood and steadily walked past him to Magdala’s statue. A shiver went down Vivian’s spine as the child stepped on her toes and let her blood stained fingers run over the beautiful copy of Magdala’s face.
Once he had regained control of his limbs he immediately rushed to the girl’s side. In her trancelike state Engelin had lowered her arms and was gazing at Magdala through big, empty eyes.
“Engelin? Girl, snap out of it!” Vivian gently shook her by her shoulders and eventually she seemed to recover.
Unbelievingly she looked at the palm of her right hand, where Vivian discovered a long cut as source of blood. Tears were rolling down Engelin’s face and before he could stop her she had raised her hand and smeared red colour over her cheek and forehead.
“The same…” she mumbled.
“The same? Did this happen before?”
Vivian knew that it was in vain to wait for an answer and reached for Engelin’s hand to get a better look at the wound. The girl though evaded his grip and sobbing heavily threw herself into his arms.
Adrijan gently traced one of the silvery lines on Mairin’s arm with his finger, waiting for her to raise the topic.
“These scars… are they…”
“Mhm. They’re from back then.”
“But why didn’t they…”
“Heal? I’m not sure. Let me put some clothes back on,” he said and bent down to pick up the short-sleeved undershirt.
Mairin strengthened her grip around his body, not letting him. He halted and she slightly pulled back her arms.
“Should I step back? Does it hurt?”
“Hm? Oh, no. It feels strange if you apply pressure to some of the scars but it doesn’t hurt. I’m afraid it doesn’t look very appealing though.”
“Could you… turn around? It’s not that I don’t want to see them I just-”
“It’s fine,” he assured her and followed her wish. There were plenty of scars on both sides anyway.
Mairin inhaled deeply when she saw the rest of them and gently put her right hand on his heart. From there she slowly moved her fingers over his chest as if she were reading a map that was frail from decay.
“It makes me angry to see them,” she said. “There are so many…”
Adrijan noticed her pained voice and took her hand into his.
“…and these are only the visible ones,” she added quietly, apparently forgetting that he was able to listen.
“It’s all in the past,” he tried to comfort her. “I’ve spent centuries with most. Only two or three scars are younger than the rest.”
Unintentionally his gaze fell on his arm where he had recently acquired a new one by protecting her.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“Oh, no I…“ Lost for words he started to play with the ring on Mairin’s finger. Abruptly she drew back her hand.
“Ah, I’ll take it off.”
He had upset her again.
“You don’t have to,” he said and reached for it, trying to stop her. “Doesn’t it fit perfectly to your necklace?”
Mairin doubled her efforts to remove the trinket and after their clumsy attempts to hinder each other it fell to the floor with a pling. Aware that he was partly to blame he sheepishly gazed at Mairin who bore a similar expression of guilt.
“I’m sorry,” Adrijan said after a moment of awkward silence and clapped his hands three times to increase the brightness of the lighting. A moment later he was already crouching down and searching the ground for the piece of jewellery.
It was lying at Mairin’s feet, not far from the pile of clothes and relieved of having found it so soon he picked it up. Pensively he looked at the engraving on its inside.
“Adrijan & Mairin. Finally…” he read.
“Huh?” Adrijan was confused. “But that’s not what I ordered…”
“Adrijan and Mairin?”
“That’s what it says,” he explained. “Vivian must have changed the order… the sly old fox.”
Mairin chuckled. “Somehow it isn’t completely unexpected. Just like the fact that it was you who chose that special design.”
Adrijan was embarrassed about the hidden compliment and got up from the floor. The engraving was a surprise but not half as interesting as the fact that Mairin was standing in front of him almost naked. In the increased light his eyes had started to wander over her body and he felt bad about the consequences.
His look had been enough to make her feel self-conscious again and she had crossed her arms in front of her chest and averted her gaze.
“Ah...” Adrijan gasped and after quickly dimming the lighting he sheepishly peeled her right hand from her arm.
“It’s not something I’m proud of but I think I should tell you how envious I’ve been of Vivian all day. I’ve seen all of his brides and never cared… but when I saw you in your wedding dress – I swear to God I got the impulse to strangle him.”
The corner’s of Mairin’s mouth twitched as she suppressed a smile.
“What a thing to say for a priest,” she mumbled unbelievingly, still covering herself with one arm.
“Former priest,” he corrected her and nervously cleared his throat.
“May I put the ring on your finger?” he asked carefully.
Mairin nodded, finally allowing the smile to appear on her lips. Adrijan put the ring where it belonged and drew Mairin close.
Even someone as inexperienced as he noticed Mairin’s reluctance to become more intimate again. Not wanting to force her into anything he sat down with her on the swing and gently embraced her. He had decided that he would just hold her in his arms until everything else was coming naturally.
