“I hate youuuuuuuuu!!!!!”
Screaming loudly at the closed door, I waited for her response. But there was none. No reaction whatsoever.
In frustration, I picked up a shoe that I had kicked off earlier and hurled it at the door, only to watch it fall uselessly to the floor. It hadn’t even made a dent in the paint work, a total waste of energy.
And right then, my phone rang. Still in silent mode after keeping it hidden away in my pocket during class that afternoon, I felt its sudden vibration against my thigh.
Overcoming the temptation to ignore it, I pulled it roughly from the inside of my jacket and with a gasp, stared at the screen. The caller ID number that was flashing clearly was one I instantly recognized.
How could I not know that number? It was still the same number it had always been and one I was sure I would always remember.
Tentatively, I clicked accept and slowly put the phone to my ear.
“Julia? It’s me!”
Sitting silently on my bed, I was unable to utter a sound.
“Julia, I know you’re there! Please speak to me. I have to talk to you!”
The pleading in Blake’s tone forced me to relent and, wiping the tears away from my eyes, I murmured a quiet response.
“What do you want?”
“I just need to talk to you!”
I stared at the wall, the phone in my hand, the only sound, my shallow breathing.
“Julia, can I come over?”
“NO!” my abrupt reply seemed to catch him off guard.
I heard his quick intake of breath, clear in the earpiece. “I just thought…” he began.
“Thought what, Blake? That you could dump Sara and I’d instantly be there for you, just like that!”
“Of course not, I just…”
“Just what??” My angry retort sounded sharply into the phone, quickly cutting into the sudden silence like a knife.
“I just want to talk, Julia. That’s all.”
He was quiet then, no further response at all. And instantly, I was filled with regret. Why was I being so mean? Why was I taking everything out on him? Surely, I could swallow my pride and listen to what he had to say.
His voice then sounded once more, interrupting my thoughts and as well as that, my reluctant need to expose my feelings, the depth of my love for him, the love that lingered just below the surface, each day threatening to break my heart in two.
“I just want to say…I just want to say… I’m sorry.”
An audible gasp escaped my lips. I’d been unable to prevent it, but I had not expected those words from him right then.
I waited quietly for him to continue, all the while, my head spinning with emotion. I was unsure if I should actually open up to him. What should I say in response? I was so afraid of being hurt.
I waited another moment, before finally opening my mouth to speak.
“Blake?”
But there was silence. Not another word came from the other end of the line.
“Blake?”
I repeated his name twice, three times, but it was no use. He was no longer there.
Staring at the reflection that stared back at me from my mirror on the wall opposite, I looked at myself with loathing, my eyes filling with tears once more. My life sucked and I had just made it a thousand times worse! Why couldn’t I have just talked to him? What would be the harm in that? It was the perfect opportunity for us to make amends. Surely, I could just forget about Sara, once and for all and stop adding to my misery!
Quickly, I grabbed the phone and pressed redial, watching nervously as his number lit up once more on the screen. I could feel my heart thumping wildly as I sat there waiting for him to pick up.
I didn’t care about Sara or her stupid pranks. I needed to talk to Blake and right then, nothing else mattered.
Impatiently I waited, the dial tone ringing loudly in my ear; until with sinking dismay, I realized that he was not going to answer.
I’d had my chance. He had come to me, but once again, I had turned him away.
Throwing my face into my pillow, I sobbed harder than ever.
If Only……
When my phone rang again sometime later, I fumbled clumsily, feeling through the folds of my quilt cover desperately trying to retrieve it before the tone rang out. Half asleep I looked hopefully at the screen. Was it him calling me back? Was he trying once more in case I’d changed my mind?
Well, I had changed my mind. I did want to talk to him. He was the only one I’d ever really been able to talk to. And right then, I needed him more than ever!
Disappointed, I spoke into the phone. It wasn’t him at all. It was one of the girls from school probably calling about the party we’d all been invited to. I had originally planned to stay at home with my dad, but that plan had obviously gone by the wayside.
“Hey,” I said into the mouthpiece, trying to clear my throat and not sound as though I were still half asleep.
“Julia! You have to come to the party! It’s going to be so good. Surely you can convince your dad to let you go!”
I smiled briefly at Lisa’s enthusiasm. Although I really wasn’t in the mood to be talking to her right then, she seemed to have the amazing ability to cheer people up. She continued on, her outgoing, infectious personality almost bursting through the phone.
I tried to refuse, explaining that I wasn’t really feeling up to a party, but as usual, she was extremely persuasive; definitely a person who was very difficult to say no to.
However, I did have a sneaking suspicion she was calling me because no one else was available. Beth was going away with her family for the weekend. Suzy had to go to her brother’s college graduation ceremony and Jess was grounded because so far, her grades were way below average. So I figured that I was probably Lisa’s last resort.
But I pushed those thoughts aside. In addition, it had occurred to me that Blake might even be there. Feeling my pulse quicken at the thought of bumping into him, my decision was made; that thought alone had been the spark I needed.
“Yeah, I’ll go!” My quick reply caught her by surprise.
“Really?? Julia, that’s so cool!! We’re going to have the best time!”
Excitedly, she continued on, “My mom said she’d drive me, so we can pick you up on the way. I’ll be at your place in an hour.”
Her response was all that was necessary to snap me out of the cloud of self-pity I’d been overwhelmed by. Then, as I ended the call, I considered one very tiny but important detail that I had completely overlooked. I hadn’t even asked my mom’s permission.
Her face flashed into my mind and I could hear her words.
“What party?”
“And where is it being held?”
“Will there be parents at home?”
“And there had better not be any alcohol! I’ve heard terrible stories of teenage drinking at these parties!”
But I didn’t care! I’d made up my mind and I was going to that party!
“Just let her try to stop me!” I muttered the words loudly to myself as I flicked through my wardrobe, looking for something to wear.
Then, my new blue skirt caught my eye. I’d bought it recently but hadn’t worn it yet. It wasn’t my usual style, much shorter and more fitted than I normally wore, but Beth had convinced me to buy it.
“Julia, it’s perfect on you,” she had said enthusiastically when I’d tried it on during one of our shopping sprees not long ago, and in the next breath had handed me a cute white midriff top that she later persuaded me to purchase as well.
“You need some new clothes, Julia. And seriously, this outfit makes you look hot!”
Smiling, I recalled her words as I pulled the items from my cupboard and threw them onto the bed. I wasn’t sure that what she had said was actually true, but the thought of her comment made me feel good and I was so glad that I had something cool to wear.
Racing for the bathroom, I listened out for voices downstairs, half expecting
to hear Barry and my mom still deep in animated conversation, but there were no sounds coming from downstairs at all. In fact, the house was eerily quiet.
Glimpsing a light shining from under my brother’s bedroom door, I knocked before poking my head into his room. As usual, he was on his computer, headphones on and completely absorbed in the game on his screen. I found it hard to believe that he was in his senior year and still hooked on computer games!
“Well, he obviously doesn’t have a date tonight,” I thought briefly to myself before asking him where our mother was.
Of course, he hadn’t heard me the first time and I had to yank his headphones off his ears to get his attention.
“What?” he yelled at me, the annoyance clear on his face. “What’s your problem?”
“Where’s Mom?” I asked for the fourth time.
“She’s gone to a movie!”
“With Barry??” I asked, shaking my head in disgust.
“I don’t know, she just said that she’d be home late and there are leftovers in the fridge.”
“Great!” I sighed, frowning at the thought of who she was probably out with.
“If she comes home, can you tell her I’m staying at Lisa’s tonight?”
But my words had fallen on deaf ears. He’d already put his headphones back on and was once again engrossed in his game. A bomb could have gone off right outside his bedroom window and I was sure he would still be oblivious to what was going on around him.
Rolling my eyes, I didn’t bother repeating myself; I just left him to whatever he was involved in and headed for the shower, keen to get moving so I’d be ready when Lisa arrived to pick me up. At least I didn’t have to deal with begging my mother for permission and I felt grateful that at last something seemed to be going in my favor.
I climbed eagerly into the back seat of Lisa’s car shortly afterwards and immediately sensed her excitement. She turned from her spot in the front to say hello, and then discreetly indicated her bag that was on the floor next to my feet. Glancing inside, I spotted the flask that was partly hidden under her jacket. Grinning mischievously, she raised her eyebrows in response, and then turned back towards the front to continue talking with her mom, who of course was ignorant to what her daughter was up to.
Unlike my mom and dad, Lisa’s parents seemed to keep their cupboards well stocked with alcohol and Lisa had boasted several times at school that she’d been able to sneak what she wanted without them even realizing.
Laughing to myself, I contemplated the night ahead. However, I had no idea of what lay ahead for me.
Looking back later on, I thought about the series of events that made my presence at the party even possible. I’d originally thought I would be at home with my family, my dad included, and if that had remained the case, my night would have been very different.
If only my Dad had come home for the weekend…
If only I’d spoken to Blake on the phone and shared my true feelings…
If only I hadn’t answered the phone when Lisa called…
If only my Mom had been around to prevent me from going out…
If only…
Terror…
I looked out the car window but all I could see was the blackness of the night. My instinct was telling me to open the door and run, to get as far away as possible. The problem was that I had no idea where we were. It had been so dark and he had taken so many sharp turns.
My heart thumping, I dared to glance towards him. “Wh…where are we?” The words stammered from my mouth as I swallowed nervously. I could feel the beads of perspiration appearing on my brow while at the same time, an intensely sick feeling had formed in the pit of my stomach.
“Just relax,” came the slurred reply.
“I want to go home! Please take me home!” My response was full of regret. Why, had I agreed to a lift from this guy? I barely knew him. In fact, I had only just met him a few hours earlier. Hindsight was a wonderful thing, but right at that instant, it was no help whatsoever.
“It’s okay, baby. Let’s just chill here for a while!” His reply made me more uneasy and the knot in my stomach grew.
Gulping once more, I pleaded again, “I just want to go home!”
Sitting stiffly in my seat, my fingers on the handle of the door, I was ready, ready to fling it open and run. But it was then that I felt a rough hand on my shoulder and abruptly felt myself being pulled towards him. Before I could react, I found myself completely within his grasp.
The smell of alcohol breath and an unshaven face nuzzled against my own as hands began to grope, just made me want to throw up. The scene was surreal and I prayed that it was not really happening. Surely it was all part of a horrendous nightmare that I would wake up from at any minute.
Visions of the party we had left behind flooded my thoughts. Lisa had looked at me, eyebrows raised quizzically as I’d said a quick goodbye. But I had needed to get out of there, I had to get away. And the offer of a ride home, had seemed the logical solution.
“Sure,” I’d said eagerly, at the time thinking it was a cool idea. That and of course being seen leaving the party with one of the hottest guys there. He was a senior named Joe Taylor and he was from another school. I knew that it would get everyone’s attention, but it was really only Blake whose attention I wanted to attract.
Blake had been flirting all night; except not with me. If he’d been trying to make me jealous, he was definitely succeeding. I soon decided that if he wanted to play that game, then I could too. And I wanted him to know it.
I knew earlier on that Joe was interested in me. I could tell as soon as I caught him making eye contact from across the room.
“He’s checking you out!” Lisa had said, nudging me discreetly with her elbow.
Embarrassed, I’d ignored her and I had also ignored the flirtatious looks Joe had been giving me all night. That was until he came over and stood by my side.
“I haven’t seen you at any of these parties before!” he exclaimed. “Are you new in town?”
“Yeah, kind of!” I replied vaguely and with disinterest.
But it hadn’t taken long before we struck up a friendly conversation and with Lisa’s prompting, I’d even had a dance with him. He was a pretty cool dancer and it had been fun. I was sure that the couple of drinks I’d had were helping to relax me though. Everything seemed so easy after a couple of drinks!
But then I saw Blake across the room, his arm draped around some strange girl’s shoulder whilst he cuddled up to her, the whole time, staring openly in my direction.
It was at that point, I knew I had to leave.
The rough feel of the unwanted hands on my body broke through my thoughts and with a sudden burst of strength, I pushed him away.
“Get off me!”
The words were abrupt, my message was clear. I did not want any part of this. I hardly knew this guy. I had accepted his offer which was for a lift home, and that was all!
But he would not let me go. His grasp was insistent and his hands would not stop groping; under the hem of my dress, reaching along my thigh. Struggling, I tried to push his hands away.
It was then that his whole demeanor changed. He went from being a sloppy, disgusting drunk to someone else. Almost as though he were possessed, his hands became much rougher and much more persistent.
“Owww! Stop, you’re hurting me!” His grasp on my arm dug firmly into my flesh and when I saw the glint of serious aggression in his eyes, I knew that I was in trouble.
“I just want to go home,” I pleaded once more.
Ignoring me, he stroked my leg and leaned in close, two moistened lips aiming directly for my own. The sudden feeling of revulsion created a rush of adrenalin and I shoved hard on the car door, forcing it open. I felt his grasp tighten but with almost super human strength, I managed to break away.
My bag!
The thought struck me with fierce intensity and although, I knew deep inside that I should just forget about it, there wa
s no way I was going to leave my wallet and all my ID cards in his car.
Quickly reaching inside, I fumbled for the strap, thinking that I would grab it and run. I was aware that I had no idea where I was, but that was the last of my concerns. Then just as I was about to turn and race away into the safety of the darkness, I felt a sharp tug on my hair.
Why hadn’t I worn it up? Instantly, I was struck with the absurdity of my mistake.
I found it so strange that the most random of thoughts could appear at the forefront of one’s mind at the most unlikely moment. But my hair was hanging loose down the length of my back, after having washed it earlier. I’d even made the effort to use the blow dryer and my mom’s hair straightener, which was something I rarely bothered with. I recalled thinking as I stood in front of the mirror, rushing to get ready, that just about every girl my age owns a hair straightener but there I was still using my mother’s outdated device; so typical of my life right then!
If I’d tied it up though, in one of those cool hair fasteners that lots of girls wear, he wouldn’t have been able to grab hold of it like that.
Owwww! All thoughts of hair straighteners and long flowing hair were abruptly wiped from my mind as I felt myself being whipped around in a full circle while he held tightly to the loose strands hanging freely and within his reach. Then, without warning, dizzy and disorientated, I was thrown roughly onto the ground.
When I later reflected on the terror of that moment, I clearly recalled watching the scene from above. Isn’t that what happens in a near death experience? That’s what I’d read somewhere. I was sure of it. Although at that point, I wasn’t even close to death. Right then it was something much more terrifying!
The feeling of floating above and watching the scene beneath me unfold, is still beyond me. Maybe that’s what happens in moments of sheer panic?
“Why is he covering my mouth like that?” The thought filtered through my subconscious as one rough and calloused hand desperately tried to clamp my mouth closed while the other fumbled clumsily under my skirt. Looking down from overhead, I had an unobstructed view of the desperation in my movements as I shook my head from side to side and struggled to break free. But his body weight on top of mine had me pinned to the ground with no means of escape.
Julia Jones - The Teenage Years: Boxed Set - Books 2, 3 and 4 Page 2
