by Leta Blake
What would it feel like if something even larger pinned him in place? If he was held on his alpha’s knot and forced to submit to it for long swaths of time. He shivered. It sounded delicious.
But, unfortunately, knots only came in the presence of the pheromones of an omega in heat, so it was unlikely he’d ever be able to experience it for himself, even if he was physically capable of enduring it.
“Do you really want to know?”
“I do. Please tell me.” He wanted to be able to imagine it to the fullest whenever he finally had a chance to allow Urho to take him.
Caleb dipped his fingers into the warm tub and then brought them out, watching them drip onto the surface and make small ripples. “In the moment, while I’m being knotted, I adore it like nothing else,” Caleb said, with a strange note in his voice. “It fills me until I can’t think at all. I am nothing but sensation and pleasure. I feel…complete. I come. Over and over. It’s pure, intense, physical satisfaction.” His nose wrinkled and he shuddered. “But when it’s over I hate it. And I resent it. I loathe that I turn into a rutting animal with no mind, and that I beg for something that I can’t stand the thought of otherwise. Biology is a powerful thing.”
Xan frowned, his burgeoning rush of arousal draining away in the face of Caleb’s problems. “I never wanted you to feel that way about me.”
“Oh!” Caleb shook himself. “I was thinking of before. With other men.” He smiled, but his eyes still looked sad. “With you, the knot is made even better because I feel safe. And when it’s over, I feel more peaceful than anything else. And, of course, I feel hopeful.” His eyes took on a happy gleam. “I want so much for a babe to take root. I do very much look forward to my next heat for that reason, darling.” He smiled, love and excitement glowing forth. “I want a family so much, Xan. I know you’ll be a wonderful father, and I think—or hope—I’ll be a good pater.”
“You’ll be a wonderful pater,” Xan assured him. He sat up, taking hold of Caleb’s hand and stroking the fingers tenderly. “I can’t wait to see you with our babe in your arms, chestfeeding.”
“I look forward to that too.” He smiled a bit wistfully. “I do envy how much you want all the rest, though. And while I pity you that you can’t have it, I admit that at times I pity myself more for not wanting it at all.” Caleb sighed. “So maybe I’m the selfish one.”
“No. You’re perfect.”
Caleb grinned. “Oh, alpha mine. Of course you think so. And Urho thinks you’re perfect too.”
“I doubt that. I’m sure he wishes I could give him what his Riki could.”
Caleb’s brow went up. “Are you jealous of his lost omega?”
“No.” Xan shrugged. He wasn’t, not truly, anway. “He’s dead. Nothing can change that. I’m alive and that’s real.” He released Caleb’s hand and took up the sponge, feeling stronger. “You don’t have to baby me. I can finish up myself. I don’t know what came over me.”
“Exhaustion after the satisfaction of extreme lust?” Caleb asked, laughing. “I’ve never seen you like this—so weak with it. I can’t imagine what you’ll be like come tomorrow morning. Unable to leave the bed at all, I imagine.”
Xan splashed water on his face again and laughed. “And sore as wolf’s own hell, too.”
“Yes. Quite sore.” Caleb tossed the soap to Xan. “But promise me one thing. Do be sure to eventually take a break from fucking to get to know one another, all right? I think if there’s any future in this, that’s the direction it will lie.”
He dropped a kiss on the top of Xan’s head and left the bathroom. The steam from the water had fogged the mirror when Xan climbed out to dry off. He wiped it away and took look at himself.
For the first time in a long time, he thought he could grow to like the person looking back at him.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Dinner was a quiet affair. The conversation revolved around Vale’s pregnancy, Caleb and Xan’s redecorating, and the plans for the next few days. Xan’s heart leapt every time he looked across the table to see Urho staring back at him. The heat between them shimmered in the air until he could almost feel it on his skin. He wondered if the others could as well, and were just too polite to mention it.
Jason monitored Vale’s food intake like an obsessed man, and Vale looked on the verge of punching him for it more than once. “One cordial won’t harm the baby, ask Urho,” Vale huffed, sipping the dessert wine from a thimble-sized glass.
Urho tore his gaze away from Xan long enough to concur that such a small amount wouldn’t bother the baby in the least, leaving Jason little choice but to be satisfied with his answer.
Caleb asked them all to withdrawal to Xan’s library for some quiet reading and music. He’d had the record player moved out of Xan’s office, and he was having wonderful time playing the records they’d found in the library and making up new dances.
He was in the middle of teaching them one when Janus returned from his evening out at the gentlemen’s club. He came in looking freshly showered, wearing a fashionable suit, and smelling of peppermint. But that couldn’t cover up the bruise blooming on his jaw or the scent of liquor also wafting off him. He must have stopped by the bar after losing one of his wrestling matches.
“What have we here?” Janus asked before Xan could ask about his bruised face. “A party? With dancing? And I wasn’t invited? You know how I love to dance, Caleb.” He grinned flirtatiously.
Caleb pasted on a pretty smile and said, “Alas, we’re short on partners here.”
Janus smiled widely, something sloppy in it, like he was too drunk to control the muscles of his face properly. He motioned at Vale, who sat watching from the safety of the sofa. “I’d be happy to partner with this handsome omega. I don’t believe we’ve met.” He stepped forward, hand out and a wicked leer on his face, only to stop dead in his tracks when he spotted the obvious evidence of Vale’s pregnancy.
Jason, who’d been dancing with Caleb, ostensibly so that Caleb could instruct him on the new moves, but really so that Xan and Urho had an excuse to dance together, released his hold on Caleb’s waist. He came to stand between Janus and Vale.
“Janus,” he said coldly. “It’s been a long time. This is my Érosgápe, Vale Aman.” He took Vale’s hand and helped him to standing. “Vale, this is Janus Heelies, Xan’s cousin.”
“Jason, it’s been a long time.” Janus gulped and looked away from Vale toward where Caleb stood watching worriedly. “I’d heard you’d found your Érosgápe. Lucky man.”
“To say the least,” Jason said, but he sounded strained.
“Forgive me,” Caleb said, darting over. “I should have done the introductions. I was out of breath from dancing.”
“And hoping Janus would go away,” Xan said, under his breath. His rudeness was ignored. He didn’t know if he was grateful or disappointed by that.
“I see congratulations are in order,” Janus said, sweeping a hand toward Vale’s shifting, bulging stomach. All evidence of flirtation was gone from his tone and demeanor. No alpha was stupid enough to flirt with an omega who was with child, no matter how drunk he was. Especially between an Érosgápe couple—not unless he truly wanted to engage in violence with the omega’s alpha. “When will the new babe come into the world?” His tongue sounded heavy, his words a bit slurred.
“Next month if all goes well,” Jason said, still standing protectively at Vale’s side. Xan noticed that no handshake had been exchanged.
Janus nodded. “Wolf’s blessings on you both. And the babe, of course.” Then he turned to Xan and Urho. His gaze swept between them, and his brow raised knowingly.
Xan immediately released Urho’s waist, an embrace left over from where he’d been leading him through the motions of Caleb’s new dance. He stepped away and smiled tightly at Janus. “Allow me to introduce Vale and Jason’s friend, Dr. Urho Chase. He’s here to deliver the baby when the time comes, and to make sure all goes well in the interim.”
Janus’s b
row cocked up even higher, but he put out a hand to Urho with a sly, still-messy smile. “Welcome to Lofton. I’m sure Caleb’s seen that you’re comfortable here. He’s making this house into quite a beautiful home.”
Caleb stiffened, and Xan crossed to him, sliding an arm around his shoulder. “Caleb makes everything better,” Xan said pointedly. Caleb lifted his chin.
Janus smirked. “The belief of all alphas! One day perhaps I’ll find someone worthy of contracting with and get to experience such pure devotion for myself. Or, even better, perhaps I’ll find my Érosgápe. I hear the sex is unbeatable.”
Jason’s jaw jumped as though he was gritting his teeth, and Vale’s expression went strained.
Urho cleared his throat, a mildly scolding sound.
Janus, of course, gave no indication that he noticed the tension in the room, or, if he did, then he rather enjoyed it. “In the meantime,” he slurred on. “I find I must shift for myself. Speaking of…” he crossed the room and poured himself a generous helping of bourbon from the liquor cabinet.
Caleb loosed a soft sound of irritation. Xan caught his eye and raised a brow, asking silently if he should stop his cousin from imbibing more. Caleb shook his head quickly, once. His blue eyes shimmered with frustration.
Janus turned around and lifted the glass in a toast. “To friendship.”
Everyone in the room merely stared at him as he drank. No echo of the toast touched anyone’s lips.
It occurred to Xan that he didn’t know if Janus had any friends. The man was always out socializing, but everyone knew there was a difference between someone to grab a drink with or talked business with, and a friend. Who would want to be friends with someone like Janus, anyway? Arrogant, smug, and self-important.
Janus swallowed the whole of his drink down, and then, rather grotesquely, wiped his mouth with his sleeve. “I’ve gotta surprise for you, cousin.”
“Yeah?” Xan asked, dread slipping down his spine.
“I’ll be out of your hair for a few weeks.” He seemed to summon some clarity of mind from somewhere. His eyes were still drink-bleary, but he spoke more clearly. “I’ve been called back to the city.”
Xan’s heart did a strange leap and fall. Janus being gone was good, fantastic, wonderful. He could spend more time with Urho without fear of being tattled on. But Janus going back to the city meant he’d be back under Father’s wing. And that meant Xan was still his father’s second choice for heir.
Xan clenched his jaw. “Why?”
“A promotion for me. I’m being assigned a new project in another city. I believe the Capital was mentioned,” Janus said with a drunken, smug smile. “Your father also wants to finalize the plans for the future of the office here in Virona.”
“I should be part of that discussion.”
“Do you really think so?” Janus cocked his head and sneered. “Your father doesn’t. He said you should stay here.” His eyes glinted meanly as he refilled his glass. “Which works out well, doesn’t it? Since, as it turns out, you have guests.” The emphasis on the word implied things that, while accurate, Xan had to reassure himself Janus had no way of truly knowing.
Urho’s arm came around Xan’s shoulder reassuringly, but he shrugged it off, not wanting to let on anything Janus might report to Father. “When will you be leaving?”
“In the morning. First thing. I admit I’m looking forward to my triumphant return to the city.” His sloppy smile was back now, and he looked to Caleb as he said, “There’s a certain, delicious omega there that I’ve been meaning to visit again. He just might be the one for me. If only he wasn’t already spoken for.”
Caleb shot him a hurt, angry look, and Janus smirked like Caleb’s reaction pleased him in some way. He tipped his glass back to drain it.
Jason and Vale sat together, still as statues on the sofa, watching in uncomfortable silence as the scene unfolded in a mess around them. Urho lingered at Xan’s back, offering reassurance with his presence, but the pleasure Xan took in that kindness didn’t even begin to rival the embarrassment of his cousin’s behavior.
“And with that, I’m off to bed.” Janus’s smile became ingratiating. “It’s been lovely making your acquaintance, Vale.” He turned to Jason. “Good to see you again, of course. We’ll be working together in the future given our companies’ contracts.”
“Oh?” Jason said stiffly. “My father and I usually work with Xan or Ray directly.”
“Xan won’t be your go-to man for long,” Janus said, wobbling a bit on his feet. “I will.” Then he met Caleb’s eye. “Looks like you chose the wrong Heelies. I’d have taken better care of you.”
“At what price?” Caleb hissed and turned his back on Janus.
The room went silent and Xan heard his pulse pounding in his ears as his fists clenched and his vision blurred red.
“But wait,” Janus added, an ugly expression twisting the handsome features of his face. “It was me who didn’t want you, wasn’t it? How could that be when you’re so very perfect?” He snarled. “Luckily for us both, my memory on those details remains cloudy.” His eyes grew inexplicably wet with unshed tears, and he spit out, “Too much liquor tonight, you see.”
Only Urho’s hand on Xan’s shoulder prevented him from attacking Janus in his rage. He growled, “Get out of my house.”
“Now, now. You know it’s your father’s house and he wants me here.”
“It’s my house!” Xan lunged for him, but Urho held him back.
“Don’t want to give your father any more reason to cut you out, do you?” Janus’s laugh was as nasty as it was oddly broken. He paused in the doorway and shot Caleb’s back a yearning look. “If you’d have just let me…”
Caleb’s shoulders stiffened.
Janus shook his head hard and turned his attention back to Xan. “I’ll give your pater your love, cousin. He misses you. Though he’s the only one.”
Then he waltzed out of the room on clumsy feet.
Xan started after him, but Jason and Urho didn’t let him follow. “I’ll murder him,” Xan gritted out, struggling against Urho’s strong grip and Jason’s solid presence before him. “Let me go. I’m going to—”
“Stop!” Caleb said, his voice quavering. “Forget Janus. He’s drunk and horrible, but not worth another moment’s thought.” His cheeks pinked as if he’d been slapped. He closed his eyes and shuddered. “He’s loathsome. How did I ever think he was charming?”
Caleb stalked toward the sofa and sank down onto it beside Vale, who took his hand. Caleb smiled kindly but tugged his hand away, rubbing between his brows and trembling slightly. “Just calm down, Xan,” Caleb whispered. “And don’t make this worse.”
Jason and Urho exchanged glances, and Xan moved to kneel beside Caleb, but stopped when Caleb shook his head. “Just give me some space. He sucks all the air from the room.”
Said room trembled with awkward, emotional silence.
“Wow,” Jason finally muttered. “It’s like he walked in with dog shit on his shoe. The reek of him lingers.”
“Is it very wrong to hope there’s an accident and he somehow falls on the tracks as the train approaches tomorrow?” Xan asked, stalking to the liquor cabinet and pouring a generous glass for himself. “He ruins everything just by existing.”
Xan loathed the multitude of hateful needles Janus had pricked him, and worse, Caleb, with in just a very few awful minutes. He loathed even more than he hadn’t taken his cousin out with a well-placed elbow to the throat. If Urho and Jason hadn’t held him back…
He’d probably be in prison for murder tomorrow.
So it was undoubtedly for the best. But still he resented that Janus still breathed in his house. Even one more night of hospitality was too much after that little show.
“He’s awful,” Vale breathed. “I hadn’t expected to like him, but that was…wolf-god.”
Jason said, “I’ve always disliked him and thought he was arrogant. But what exactly is his problem, Xan? I don�
�t remember him being cruel for the sake of it.”
“He didn’t used to be,” Caleb murmured, his face half-covered by his elegant hand.
“So he’s changed?” Vale asked.
Urho spit out, “It doesn’t matter how he used to be if this is how he is now. What a jackass.”
“Yes,” Vale agreed. “But perhaps that jackass has a reason—”
“Excuses for hurtful behavior is for children and deathbeds,” Urho said.
Vale rolled his eyes, and Jason looked like he might actually laugh. Xan didn’t know how he felt about Urho’s statement. He was too turned around after Janus’s interruption to their beautiful evening. He wished his cousin had never arrived and they’d continued to dance and be merry. But clearly the dancing portion of the evening was over.
“He always got under my skin,” Xan muttered irritably. “Even when we were kids. But he definitely changed for the worse several years back. It doesn’t matter. He’s sleeping off his liquor and will be gone in the morning. I couldn’t ask for more.”
“That is good news.” Jason glanced meaningfully between Urho and Xan. “That frees things up for everyone. There won’t be quite the same need for subterfuge between the two of you.”
“Exactly.” Xan should be happy that Janus was going, but darkness shifted around in his belly with the liquor. He wanted to stalk down the hall, open Janus’s door, and beat his ass. And he wanted to curl up in Urho’s lap and cry, because he was tired, and hurt, and angry.
Because his father loved that nasty piece of work more, and would leave the company to him if given even half a chance.
Xan swallowed down his feelings with another big swig of liquor.
“At least there is a new project for him, somewhere far away,” Caleb murmured. “He won’t be here much longer.”
