by Leta Blake
“But we will,” Xan said.
Caleb met his eye. He sighed and his shoulders sagged. His handsome face fell. “I suppose you’re right.”
“It’s not so bad here…” Jason ventured.
“Yes, you’re making the place quite livable,” Vale agreed.
Caleb whispered, “I do like Virona. But that’s not what this is about.”
Xan took another sip from his glass, closing his eyes on the burn. Urho’s hand rested on his shoulder, squeezing lightly.
“It’s a good house,” Urho said carefully. “You could have a worthy life here, away from the interference of your family.”
Xan caught Caleb’s eye again, and they both sighed. “That’s true. But like Caleb said, it’s more complicated than that.” He rubbed his temple. “I’m happy Janus is starting on a new project in a different city, but he said he’d also be handling the final details for this office in Virona.”
“Which means Xan hasn’t made the impression on his father he’d hoped to make,” Caleb murmured. “Pass me a drink, darling. A strong one.”
“I’ll get it,” Urho said, steering Xan to the chair next to the sofa, the one closest to Caleb. He then set about getting drinks for all of them. As the night ticked into the small hours, they sat together on the sofas and chairs in the library while Xan explained his situation: his father’s threats, his pater’s removal from his life, Ray’s reassurances, and Janus’s ambitions.
“I see,” Urho said slowly as Xan finished up. “So this trip of Janus’s could be quite damaging for you.”
“He could paint Xan in all kinds of poor colors,” Caleb said, swirling his drink and kicking off his shoes to expose his glittering toenails.
“He’ll take all the credit for the success of the office in Virona,” Xan muttered.
Never mind that Xan had done most of the work, supervising the day-to-day activities, solving problems and disputes between contractors, and more, while Janus had scampered off most days to “make connections” at the gentlemen’s club, claiming that his aim was to “woo” the higher-ups in the community.
Virona wasn’t as affluent as the city, or the Capital, but it wasn’t without its aristocratic class. Xan hadn’t protested because he was happy to have Janus out from under foot, and it made it so much easier to follow Ray’s instructions to the letter, without having Janus there to question his every move.
Xan had imagined his father would appreciate his focus and diligence, see that he didn’t get distracted, but actually stuck it out and got things done. But apparently only social connections were to be rewarded. “All that matters to my father is the company,” Xan bit out. “Happiness, joy, love—all of those are ambitions for lesser types of men. The kind of man my father doesn’t respect.”
Jason murmured, “I wonder how his Érosgápe feels about that?”
“Pater is…” Xan trailed off, his throat tightening and his eyes burning. He squeezed them shut and rubbed them with his fingers.
“Xan’s pater does whatever his father says,” Caleb said gently. “It’s his way.”
“Yes, I remember,” Jason said.
Murmurs of sympathy went all around, and Xan felt young and stupid in all the ways he hated most. But when he met Urho’s gaze again, staring at him from the chair opposite, all he saw was a warm determination that gave him hope.
Urho kicked off one of his shoes to rub his foot. “Forgive me for questioning it, but are the servants loyal? If any of them are in your cousin’s employ, they might report some unseemly behavior, and—”
“Ren would never allow it,” Xan said. “He’s been with me since I left Mont Nessadare, and he hires only servants he believes in and can trust.”
“Still,” Caleb said. “There is that new kitchen boy. He’s been homesick and saving for a train ticket back to visit his pater. And while most betas are very open to any expression of sexuality, there are a few who are very strict adherents to the Holy Book of Wolf.”
“In other words?” Xan said.
“I think I’ll send that new kitchen boy home. If the cook needs more help, then we’ll get someone from the village. Someone who can go home at night so there are fewer people in the house.” Caleb smiled, but his eyes looked haunted. “It won’t do to be lax, but in our home you should feel safe. I won’t have it any other way.”
“That would be a good start,” Urho said.
Caleb sighed and his eyes went distant. “Perhaps I’ll speak with Ren. Make sure that he’s informed the others that anything that happens on the premises is to be kept absolutely to themselves, and not even shared with Janus.”
“Luckily the servants’ quarters are isolated,” Jason pointed out. “So long as you act like gentlemen during the daylight hours, then no one will be the wiser.”
“It’s unfair and ridiculous to ask you to hide,” Vale said, rubbing his stomach. Then he groaned. “My back is killing me. Urho, you’ve seen a lot of babies. Promise me he’ll be cute.”
“You’ll think you’ve never seen one cuter,” Urho said, clapping his hands against his thighs and standing up. “Let’s leave this distressing topic behind for the night. Vale, I think you should let Jason take you to your room now.”
“Yes, it’s late.” Caleb glanced toward the clock, sighing. “We should all go to bed. Tomorrow I’d planned for us to take a nice long walk on the beach, Vale, and you’ll want plenty of strength for that.”
Goodnights were exchanged all around and hand shakes given.
After Vale and Jason left the room, Caleb kissed Urho’s cheek and then Xan’s, looking them both in the eye seriously. “Janus’s room is far from you both, but I don’t trust him. Try to keep the noise down tonight, no matter how lost you get in each other. If he even suggested to your father…”
Xan nodded and drew Caleb into an embrace. “We’ll be careful. Thank you.”
“I love you, Xan,” Caleb whispered in his ear. “Enjoy yourself, but keep us safe.”
Xan nodded, and Caleb tugged away. After another kiss on Urho’s cheek, he left the room on his bare feet, carrying his shoes in his hands.
“Should you go to him? Does he need comforting?” Urho asked, his hand resting on Xan’s shoulder. The heat tingled into the muscles of Xan’s arm, and he leaned back into Urho’s strong chest.
“He would have asked. Caleb isn’t shy about what he needs from me.”
Urho turned Xan around. “What’s between him and your cousin? What was that all about?”
Xan let his head fall forward, resting it against Urho’s chest, and he took slow breaths, enjoying Urho’s strong, musky scent. “It’s his story to tell. Suffice it to say, they were friends once, with the potential for more. It hurt Caleb when it was over, but he’s moved on. Seeing Janus again, being treated that way, it opens old wounds, I think.”
“Should we both go to him?”
Xan kissed the bottom of Urho’s chin. “You’re a good man. But no. He’ll want to be alone. He’s quiet like that.”
“If you’re sure.”
“I am.”
“Then I’ll come to you in an hour,” Urho said seriously. “Be ready for me.”
Xan’s throat clicked as he swallowed. “How?”
“Clean yourself. I won’t want to wait.”
Xan’s balls tightened and he found himself immediately hard. “Yes. I’ll be ready.”
Urho nodded and turned on his heel. No handshake, no kiss, nothing but the scent of him still in the air after he’d walked away. Xan licked his lips, counted to twenty, and then followed, turning off the library lights on his way out.
“I’m nervous,” Xan said, laughing.
Urho stepped into Xan’s richly decorated room and locked the door behind them. His breath came in stutteringly as he took in Xan wearing a red bathrobe that made him look positively indecent, exposing his pale chest and highlighting his red mouth.
“Why’s that?” Urho asked, sounding as breathless as he felt. Though his stom
ach was flipping madly too. He’d thought so much about fucking Xan over the last few months—wanting it, dreading it, questioning it, deciding he had to have more of him—that the nearness of the moment felt overwhelming.
“Why am I nervous?” Xan asked, his voice higher pitched than usual. “I guess because it’s been so long since I’ve done this with someone who…” Xan trailed off. His pale chest grew rosy, and the color spread up his throat and into his cheeks. He tried again. “With someone who…”
Urho spoke softly. “Someone who didn’t want to hurt you?”
“Yes. I suppose so.” He sounded so uncertain that Urho’s heart ached.
“We should talk about that before we do anything more,” Urho said, though his cock was in vehement disagreement over that. He guided Xan to the wide, ornate bed with the covers already turned down. “What do you want tonight?”
“I want you to fuck me,” Xan said firmly, though he took in a flighty breath afterward that sounded like a barely suppressed giggle. “I like it rough…I think.”
“You think?”
“I don’t know if I should talk about the things I’ve done in the past,” Xan said, licking his lips anxiously. “Or the people I was with before.”
“How many were there?”
“Just two. Jason and…the other.”
“The monster.”
“The so-called monster,” Xan said, anxiety rippling in the air between them.
“There’s nothing so-called about it. Don’t forget I saw what he did to you. How he left you after…” Urho shuddered and touched Xan’s cheek gently. “I don’t ever want to see those kinds of bruises on you again. If you want me to hurt you like that—” He shook his head.
“I don’t!” Xan gripped Urho’s wrist, holding his hand against his cheek as though afraid Urho was going to pull away.
“Good.” Urho whispered, “I can lose control, the way I have before with you, but I’ll never be so rough that you’re in real pain the next day. I don’t treat my omegas like that.”
Xan blushed and looked down.
“What? Talk to me,” Urho urged.
“I like it when you call me an omega.”
He nodded. He’d figured that much out already.
“And I think I’d like it if you called me some rough things too.”
Urho raised his brows in question.
Xan swallowed hard. “Like bitch or slut or…” Xan’s ears were so red they looked painful. “Or worse things.”
Urho touched Xan’s chin. “Why? Do you not think you deserve to be cherished?”
Xan’s eyes dropped to the carpet under their feet.
“Well? Answer me.”
Xan sounded small and scared when he whispered, “I don’t know what that’s like. With Jason, it was just games. Not…” He shuddered. “I’ve never had that. I didn’t want to assume you’d give it to me. No one has ever wanted to give that to me before.”
“What about Caleb?” Urho asked gently, his heart aching for his poor boy.
Xan explained shyly how during the heat with Caleb, the sex they’d accomplished had been desperate, terrifying, and frustrating. “There was no ‘cherishing’ between us. Just tears, and pain, and fear.” He raised his eyes to Urho’s, his voice trembling. “So I don’t know if I’d like to be cherished in bed or not. I’ve never experienced that before.”
Urho tugged him close and kissed his hair, his eyelids, and his hot ears, still red with shame and embarrassment. “Let’s see if you like it. If you don’t, then we can try something else.”
“What if you don’t like it?” Xan asked with a wobbly voice as Urho pressed him back against the bed and loomed over him, taking in his red cheeks, wide eyes, and flushed chest peeking out of his bathrobe. “Fucking me, I mean. What if you don’t enjoy it? It won’t feel like with an omega. The way I’m made is different, and—”
“I’m going to like it,” Urho interrupted, sliding his hand into Xan’s robe, stroking over the smooth, almost-hairless skin he found, and then pushing the garment off Xan’s shoulders. “I’ve liked everything we’ve done so far. I don’t know why this would be any different.”
“I’m still nervous,” Xan whispered as Urho untied the knot holding his robe closed. He spread the robe open, revealing Xan’s smaller-than-average form, his thick alpha cock, and his pale skin flushing more and more with every breath.
“I’m nervous too,” Urho admitted. “But I want you and we’ve made promises. Those might not be as good as contracts, not as formal, but I don’t take them lightly.”
“Me either.”
And now he wanted so much more than just Xan’s body. He wanted to carve his way into this man’s life and heal his wounds, be his friend, his partner, and maybe, somehow, Caleb’s too, albeit in a different way. How this was all going to work, he had no clue, but it started here, in this bed, making Xan understand what it meant to feel love.
“Get comfortable. On your stomach for now.”
“My stomach?” Xan asked, but he did as he was told, tugging a pillow down to cradle his face.
Urho straddled Xan’s thighs and removed his own robe entirely, throwing it aside and letting his balls and hard dick slide over Xan’s plump ass cheeks. Xan lifted up to gaze over his shoulder. “I wanted to see you…” His eyes were hungry as he took in what he could of Urho.
“You’ll have plenty of time to see me when you turn over. Just relax. I want to check on how you’ve healed.”
Xan released an odd half-sob and dropped his head to the pillow, his muscles trembling with emotion. Urho rubbed his hands soothingly up and down Xan’s back, gently massaging his shoulders and squeezing down his arms.
“Just rest,” Urho said. “Feel me here with you.” He pushed his cock against Xan’s buttocks, and then bent low to kiss his shoulder blades, one at a time. He then kissed his way down Xan’s back, his knees digging into the soft mattress.
When he got to the place where Xan’s lower back dipped in, he heard the soft sound of Xan’s tears. “Are you all right?” he whispered against the last wet place his kisses had left on Xan’s warm skin.
“I’m scared,” Xan whispered back, his words almost obscured by the pillow he clutched.
“I won’t hurt you.”
“That’s what I’m scared of,” he said, a sob breaking free. “What if you don’t hurt me and I love it? And then what if you never want to give it to me again?”
“Oh, sweet boy,” Urho soothed, abandoning his quest to get a look at Xan’s asshole to rise up and take Xan into his arms. He turned Xan and cradled him against his chest, kissing his hair and stroking his back and arms until Xan quieted. Their hard cocks slid against each other as Urho rocked them gently in a quiet rhythm. “Let me show you,” he whispered. “I promise I’ll never take it away from you.”
“How can you know that?”
“Because I know my own heart.”
“Do you?” Xan sounded amazed.
Urho held him close, squeezed his eyes shut, and felt the rightness of their bodies fitting together. He kissed Xan’s head again. “I’m learning more of it every day. Let me show you.”
“If I let you cherish me,” Xan’s voice broke again. “You’ll never stop?”
It was a big ask, but Urho already knew the answer. “Not for as long as I live. I’ll give you this and so much more.”
“I don’t believe you,” Xan whispered, and Urho couldn’t even be offended. Xan had been so hurt in his short life—physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
“Then I’ll just have to prove it to you.”
Urho kissed him then, slow and sweet, and Xan melted against him. He sobbed as Urho held and touched him. He finally calmed enough to turn onto his stomach again, lifting his hips onto a pillow so Urho could have a clear look at his asshole.
Urho’s pulse pounded as he finally spread Xan open again. There was the intoxicating whorl of hair that surrounded that tender pucker of muscle. His heart sped up alarming
ly, the scent of Xan’s arousal and his own need layered over him like blankets of lust.
He leaned forward to kiss the place that had been so brutally used the last time he’d glimpsed it. Now it had healed up into a sweet, tight hole that cried out for the caress of his tongue and lips.
He closed his eyes and gave the loving touch Xan had always deserved.
“Please,” Xan whimpered as Urho’s tongue pierced him. “I can’t take this. Please hurt me or call me names. Don’t let me feel this good. Please.”
“Oh, no.” Urho pulled away from the humid crack of Xan’s ass long enough to reply. “This is how I’ll cherish you.”
Xan wept, and Urho kissed his asshole even more adoringly. He licked and loved him there until he’d worked his alpha-shaped omega into a sobbing frenzy of need, shame and fear seemingly abandoned in the pleasure. Xan rutted against the pillow under his hips, and then back against Urho’s face, crying out as he dissolved in desire.
Urho wanted to fuck him now, but he wasn’t ready for it to be over so soon. He gave Xan more of his mouth, using his fingers to work him open slowly. When he couldn’t take it anymore, he flipped Xan over and shared his most intimate flavor in a kiss. Xan groaned and gripped Urho’s hair, his body shaking so hard that Urho covered him completely, pressing him deeply into the bed to help give him solidity and comfort.
“Where’s the oil?” he rasped, lips still brushing Xan’s, breathing in the scent of his saliva and skin. Xan wouldn’t make slick. Betas and alphas didn’t. And Urho had been reminded of that as he’d eaten Xan’s ass and not been flooded by the heavenly stuff omegas made naturally. But Xan’s own taste was perfect on its own—heavy and solely his. Urho licked his lips again, loving the residual musk of Xan’s most intimate place.
“In the drawer,” Xan managed between his gasps of pleasure and half-sobs of overwrought emotion.
Urho didn’t wait for him to clarify which drawer, simply guessing that it was the bottom one in the stand next to the bed. He was right, and he brought the bottle up to lube up his cock and pour some over Xan’s saliva-wet anus.
“This is where you tell me if you want me to stop,” he said, stroking his large alpha cock.
