by Leta Blake
“I spend time with Vale, Jason, and Caleb. I walk on the beach and read in the garden if it isn’t too cold. I spend time on the telephone consulting on cases in the city. I’ve walked into the village and explored the town. I haven’t been bored.”
“But it must only be a matter of time, don’t you think? Before you do get bored?” Xan’s eyes burned, but he wasn’t going to let that show. He blinked back the tears. “And once Vale’s baby comes, there won’t be any real reason for you to remain here. Your clinic in the city must be suffering without you.”
“Caleb brought up something similar to me today,” Urho said hesitantly.
Xan let out a frustrated snort. He’d been working toward asking the scary questions he’d been avoiding for a while now. Of course Caleb would beat him to the punch. “What’s that?”
“He suggested that I stay on here after Vale’s baby comes.”
“For the heat, of course. But after that, if the babe’s healthy, there won’t really be any need, right? I mean, I suppose Jason and Vale will want stay on until the flu risk has passed. But there won’t be a need for you to be here with them.”
“Well—”
“Or do you suspect the baby isn’t well?” Xan asked, sitting up to peer into Urho’s dark eyes. His heart hammered with sudden worry. He used to resent Vale, but now, with Urho in his life, he only saw his friend’s good points and wanted only the best for him. “Vale’s been complaining so much lately about pain. Do you think…is it damaged in some way?”
“Shh.” Urho tugged Xan down against his chest again and kissed the top of his head. Xan closed his eyes, listening to the steady beat of Urho’s heart, the sussuration of his lungs, and let himself be soothed. “As far as I can tell, the pregnancy is going swimmingly. He could give birth quite soon and the babe would be all right. The lungs are the last to develop, though, and we need to hope that they are in good shape when the time comes. That’s why I’m still delaying induction a bit longer. But I have no reason to believe there’s a problem. The babe should be fine.”
“Then what was Caleb going on about?” The irritation crept into him again. He wanted nothing more than for Urho to stay with him in Virona, but he wasn’t a fool. Urho had a home to return to, a clinic, and a life. There was no reason for him to stay, no matter how much he claimed to care for Xan. And perhaps Caleb was tired of his alpha’s lover living in his home. He’d have every right to be.
“Caleb told me earlier today that he’d like me to stay here. As my home.”
Xan sat up again and stared at Urho unblinkingly. “Why? I mean—how would that work?”
“We didn’t discuss the details, but the idea of returning to the city doesn’t appeal to me much. I wanted to know your thoughts on it before I started to give it any real consideration.” Urho brushed some sweaty curls out of Xan’s eyes, and then thumbed the small dent in his chin. “Would you be happy, Xan? If I stayed?”
Xan’s heart fluttered and he wrapped his arms around Urho’s neck, crawling onto him and straddling his hips. He held him close, kissed his neck, and scented along his shoulders.
“How would that work?” Xan asked. “What would people think?”
“That’s something we’d have to deal with, a risk we’d have to navigate,” Urho murmured.
Xan swallowed hard. He knew it was more than he could ever hope to have the blessing of his family or the rest of the world on what he felt for Urho, but some part of him wanted it. He felt bound by the ropes of law and religious regulations, by the likelihood of losing his family, his standing, his inheritance, and his place in the world if he agreed to something like what Caleb and Urho were proposing.
Did Caleb even see the likelihood that they would be left with nothing? That Xan’s inclinations, like Caleb’s father’s addiction, would lead them to financial and social ruin? Surely he did. And yet this was Caleb’s idea. How was that?
“Well?” Urho prompted. “Would you be happy if I stayed?”
Xan’s throat went tight and he sat back to look Urho in the eye. “I love you.”
“Is that a yes? You’d be happy?”
“If you could stay here and make this your home, if you could live here with me as my lover forever, I don’t even know the word for how happy I’d be,” Xan said, his voice raw. “Ecstatic. Beyond ecstatic.”
“But?”
“What will people think? My father will never understand. My place as heir is already uncertain. My pater… I haven’t seen him in so long now.”
Urho kissed his head. “There’s a lot to consider. If I stayed, we’d have to decide how to carry on. I’d get my own place, perhaps. In town. Near the new clinic I could open.”
Xan squirmed. He didn’t want Urho in town. He wanted him here, in his bed, at the breakfast table, laughing with Caleb, making a family. He didn’t want to live his life pretending that Urho was just a friend, or that he wasn’t in love with the man entirely. He wanted everyone to know that the alpha with the big hands and even bigger heart was his, and his alone.
But did he dare such transparency? Could he risk his inheritance? Could he expect Caleb to? He shuddered and burrowed closer to Urho, his stomach twisting into knots and his fingers digging into Urho’s biceps.
“Don’t think about anything else right now,” Urho murmured. “Just tell me if you want me to stay. The rest we can figure out later.”
Xan kissed Urho’s chest and whispered, “Please don’t leave me.”
Urho cradled him closer. “I can’t promise that. Life has taught me there’s no way to be sure on that count. But I promise I’ll never go away on purpose, and if I do, I’ll always come home to you.”
Xan’s eyes pricked with tears. He’d never imagined a declaration like that from an alpha like Urho. He didn’t know what he’d done to earn or deserve it, but he vowed to be the kind of man who did.
He’d learn to be brave and certain. He’d be daring and firm. He would step up his game in all areas of life: as Caleb’s alpha, as Jason’s friend, as a citizen of Virona, and, if he didn’t lose his inheritance entirely due to his choices, as the future head of his father’s company.
His gaze drifted to the print Caleb had made, and he squeezed his eyes closed on the sight. Caleb was a smart man—smarter by far than Xan—and if he was the one to suggest cohabitation to Urho, then he knew the risks. Xan could only hope that he was willing to accept the potential fallout.
Because if Urho was willing to be his alpha for good, and Caleb wanted that, then Xan was determined to become the kind of man who deserved their courageous devotion.
Even if that meant losing everything Xan had always assumed was his by right. Like his family. His inheritance. His home.
“Shh,” Urho breathed. “Rest. There’s no need to decide anything now. We have time.”
Xan relaxed in Urho’s arms. They had time, yes. But how much? He wished he could see the future and know now that eventually everything turned out all right, but all he could know for certain was Urho loved him enough to change his life, to risk prison, to move to Virona. And Caleb loved him enough to want Urho to live here.
That was the present.
It was a massive responsibility—and a beautiful, wonderful, terrifying gift.
PART THREE
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
“Cousin, you look like death!” Xan exclaimed, bolting up from the dinner table.
Janus had been gone well over a month, and Xan had heard he wasn’t going to be returning to Virona at all, having been given a new assignment elsewhere. It was a shock on multiple levels to see him there in the dining room doorway, gray-faced and slick with sweat. Janus’s eyes glowed with the radiance of sickness, and his frame trembled as if he was having a hard time supporting his own weight.
Silence ruled the table, a stunned expression twisting everyone’s face. Vale and Jason recoiled, and Caleb sat still with an open mouth as Xan rushed to Janus’s side. He took Janus’s hands in his own and gasped at the heat r
adiating from them. “Wolf-god, you’re hot as hell itself.”
Janus coughed wetly before he collapsed into Xan’s arms.
“Damn it all!” Urho exclaimed from behind them.
A confused and frightened looking Ren hustled in, panting with cheeks flushed. “Sir, your cousin only just arrived. I tried to convince him to go to his room, but he insisted on seeing you. I told I’d get you, but—” Ren gestured helplessly, hanging back from the sweaty man in Xan’s arms. “I’m sorry.”
“Not your fault,” Xan said, struggling under the weight of his bigger cousin. Janus’s hot, clammy body rested heavily against him, and Xan grunted, trying to shore him up. “Run and grab some tea for him.”
Urho was suddenly there, helping him with Janus’s slack body, and Xan breathed a sigh of relief.
“Jason, take Vale upstairs through the kitchen,” Urho commanded. “Keep him far away from Janus. Don’t come back down until I say the coast is clear.”
The shocked table came to life. Jason and Vale hastily left by the kitchen entrance, and Caleb hurried to Xan’s side.
Together, they helped Janus into Urho’s abandoned chair. His arm fell onto Urho’s plate, dragging through the gravy and upsetting his glass of wine. His head lolled forward and his eyes rolled back.
Urho slapped his cheek lightly. “Janus!” he shouted. Janus moaned, but didn’t gain consciousness. “Both of you stay back! I need to get him to a bed.”
“Yes. Somewhere away from the rest of the house,” Xan said, his heart pounding and his palms sweaty.
“And away from the servants,” Caleb added.
“For wolf-god’s sake, where?” Urho asked as Janus’s breathing grew labored.
“Not in the main house!” Xan said urgently. “He’ll infect Vale!” He could never look Jason in the eye again if his child was lost because of their choices in this moment.
“To my room,” Caleb said. “It’s on the other side of the house from Vale and Jason.”
“No,” Urho said. “The detatched wing.”
Janus slumped even farther. Urho lifted him into an upright position, but he still leaned dangerously.
“Where the servants live?” Caleb shook his head. “No. We can’t ask them to—”
“There are plenty of rooms upstairs,” Xan said. “The servants can stay here with us in the main house. We can keep Janus separate. Just until we know if this is contagious or until it has passed.”
Caleb nodded, and Urho heaved Janus up from the chair and over his shoulder into a fireman’s carry. Hustling through the great hall, ignoring the cries of the servants, they took Janus out of the main house and over the walkway to the detached wing.
“This way,” Caleb said, leading them around the opposite way of his print studio. “There’s an empty room downstairs. The servants all preferred the top story and the views there.”
Urho settled Janus onto the dusty bed. Janus shuddered with his fever, and Caleb pressed his fingers against his forehead. Xan’s stomach tightened.
“Don’t get too close,” Xan said. “You’ll get sick.”
“Someone has to care for him.”
“Urho is a doctor.”
“Urho is your lover. Do you want him to be the one to catch this?” Caleb snapped.
Panic gripped Xan. “Of course not!” The thought of anything befalling Urho was unbearable.
“Let’s get Janus settled, for wolf-god’s sake,” Urho said. “Then we can argue about who is going to be exposed to this and how we’re going to care for him without infecting Vale.” He felt along Janus’s throat and examined his eyes by lifting his fluttering lids.
“What’s the matter with him?” Xan asked. “The flu?”
“I believe so,” Urho said tightly. He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Damn it to wolf’s own hell. This is exactly what we were trying to avoid by bringing Vale here.”
“Well, I’m sure he didn’t mean to compromise him,” Caleb retorted, pushing past Urho to touch Janus’s face again. “Janus, it’s me, Caleb. Can you hear me?” He gasped when Janus blinked up at him in confusion.
“Caleb?”
“You’re sick. We’re going to get you well again.”
“I have to tell Xan.”
“He’s right here,” Caleb said, trailing his fingers down Janus’s cheek.
Xan’s stomach tightened uneasily, and he didn’t know if it was from his omega’s gentle touch on his cousin’s face, or the ominous expression in Janus’s eyes as he sought out Xan.
“Your pater…” Janus trailed off in a rattling cough.
“Yes?” Xan’s heart skipped a beat.
“He’s sick.” Janus’s feverish eyes burned into his. “And Ray. Both sick.”
Xan swallowed hard, his pulse rushing in his ears. “Sick with the flu?”
Janus nodded. “Ray’s bad. Might die.”
“I need to go home.” Xan’s stomach flopped like a landed fish.
“No!” Janus exclaimed, reaching toward him. “Your father—You have to stay. Can’t risk—” Janus coughed so hard the veins of his throat bulged. “Can’t risk the heirs.” Collapsing deeper into the bed, he cackled miserably, tears slipping from his eyes. “But it looks like one of us caught it anyway.”
“And now you’re here coughing in the other heir’s face,” Urho barked, pushing Xan away from his cousin.
“Stop,” Caleb said sharply. “He’s feverish and not in his right mind. You’re a doctor. You know that.”
Janus rattled out another cough before his eyes rolled up, unconsciousness taking him.
“Damn it all.” Urho turned to Xan. “Go. Leave here. Wash up. Change your clothes. And then have the cook send you ginger tea with lemon. Lots of lemon. Drink it all and then order more.” He turned to Caleb. “You too.”
“I’m not leaving him until I know he’s going to be well.” Caleb tucked his hair behind his ear and looked up at Urho defiantly.
Urho caught Xan’s eye, but Xan didn’t know how to explain Caleb’s determination with just his brows or his expression. So he simply shrugged. “Urho, don’t you need your medical bag?”
Urho glared at him. “I do. Be a love and get it for me.”
“Why don’t you go get it yourself? Caleb and I need a moment.”
“And leave you both here? Exposed?”
“Like you said, we can argue about all of that once Janus is settled. Your bag’s in your room, isn’t it?”
Urho gritted his teeth, but one look at Caleb left him defeated. He stomped out of the room muttering under his breath about stubborn omegas.
Xan watched Caleb fuss over Janus for another few seconds, and then he took hold of Caleb’s hand. “He’s going to be all right.”
“How do you know that?” Caleb jerked his hand away. “He looks like wolf-god’s apprentice has come to snatch his soul.”
“Urho’s a good doctor and—”
“Urho’s scared, can’t you see that?” Caleb squeezed his eyes closed and a tear slipped out. “Besides he’s got other priorities.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Xan asked, wiping Caleb’s tear away.
“It means he cares more about you and Vale than he does about what happens to Janus.”
Xan made a soft sound. “And you. He cares about you.”
“I know. But…” Caleb shook his head.
“You’re scared, too, and that’s why you’re saying all of this. Urho’s a doctor. He cares for everyone who needs him.”
Caleb’s eyes burned into him. “Urho needs to stay well to deliver Vale’s child. You know that. I know that. So I’ll care for Janus.”
“And what if you get sick?”
“Then I’ll get sick.” He shrugged. “I’m healthy. I’ll survive it.”
“Janus was healthy—and Ray. This flu is incredibly dangerous. I won’t risk you.” Xan squared his shoulders. “I’ll be the one to care for him.”
“You can’t,” Caleb shot back. “Your father needs an
heir for his fortune and his business. Betas can’t inherit. You know that. If you and Janus both get sick and if you both…” Caleb shuddered. “No. You can’t.”
“Like you said, I’m healthy. I’ll be fine.”
Urho must have run to his room and back because he came racing in, out of breath and sweating with the medicine bag in hand. “The servants are going to make the tea. They’ll be bringing it and some fresh water out for him soon.” He opened his bag and rummaged inside.
Xan caught Caleb’s eye and saw that no further argument was going to change his mind. As Urho brought out his stethoscope and thermometer, Ren came in with a facemask strapped on and arms full of cloths. Similarly masked servants carrying bowls of water, boiling and cool, and the full stock of their medicine cabinets in the house followed him. “Perhaps some of this will be of use,” Ren asked hopefully.
“Yes,” Urho agreed. He popped the thermometer in Janus’s mouth and they all watched anxiously as the mercury rose.
“Wolf-god,” one of the betas whispered.
“Ice,” Urho said. “We need ice and plenty of it to bring his fever down.”
“Yes, sir. Is there anything else?” Ren asked, motioning with his hand and sending a beta scurrying to get the needed ice.
Xan’s heart pounded so hard he felt like his chest couldn’t hold it. He’d never seen a fever so high.
“Yes, Ren. Have the other servants gather their things from the rooms upstairs,” Caleb said, taking a cloth from one of the betas and getting it damp. He pressed it to Janus’s forehead as Urho did the same at his neck. “The servants will sleep in the extra rooms upstairs in the main wing until this danger is past us. Have them prepare those rooms for themselves.”
Urho added, “Find out the name of the local doctor. Have him on call. Things could go sideways here very quickly, and we need to be prepared.”
