Elemental Fear

by Ada Frost

  He lowered his head and ever so gently kissed my mouth. His hand traced a gentle pattern along my jaw, sending a nervous buzz through my body. He deepened the kiss forcing my lips to co- operate. He paused and placed his forehead against mine. Slightly breathless, he said, “You are everything to me. I couldn’t stand it if I forced you to leave me.”

  “I...I’m here. I’m not going anywhere,” I said. I pressed gently against his chest to push myself away from him. But he held me to him, holding me captive. I wasn’t going anywhere because he wouldn’t let me, now or ever.

  He kissed me again, sliding his hands behind me, cupping my bottom. As he pulled me closer to him, my body hurt with its rigid posture. My fight or flight instinct kicked in, and I wanted to run and hide. But I never ran, and when I hid, he found me. He was trying to be gentle, but I hated his touch. His gentleness was unpredictable. Anger I could anticipate; this I couldn’t.

  “You are perfect,” he said, trailing kisses along my jaw and down my neck. He paused and lifted his head. Staring at my neck, he slowly lifted his hand and ran his fingers along the base of my throat and collarbone.

  “I did this?” he whispered solemnly. I didn’t respond; I remained silent and as still as I could. “I'm so sorry.” He buried his head in my neck, and again, I remained unmoving. I felt like a doll, moved into position under duress, held captive by my tormentor. I clung to the little hope his apology offered, hoping he would free me; I clung to that fleeting hope like a drowning person clutching at a life raft. But I knew the truth, the one that hid deep down within the depths of my soul because I’d pushed it there. It hollered at me that I was already that drowned person, drowned in a sea of utter self-disgust.

  He licked a sloppy trail up my neck and traced it back down with his nose. A low groan sounded in his throat. He pulled away and followed where his lips had been with his index finger. “God, you are beautiful. I don’t deserve you.”

  He pulled me to him so I was straddling his lap completely. Placing my hands on his shoulders, he slid his hands up my back and cupped the back of my neck. He blew out a long breath, and my body froze. After the past couple of days, I wasn’t sure how this was going to go.

  “I’m sorry I hurt you. I don’t...” A tear rolled down his face. “I should let you move on, find someone else who deserves you. But it kills me to think of you in the arms of someone else.” His voice broke, followed by heartbreaking sobs. “Do you want to leave me?”

  I started crying too, because the truth was how could I leave? We were so intertwined, how would I ever escape him without losing everything? His barbed wire hold on my heart tightened. I once believed this softer side to him. I held some hope that I could appeal to this side of his nature, but I once fell prey to this gentle side, I paid a hefty painful price. He soon turned it against me. This wasn’t him giving me a choice, it was his way of testing me.

  He lifted his head and searched my eyes; he gently brushed my hair away from my face. “You make me crazy. I’ve never been like this with anyone else.”

  “I know,” I replied.

  “Now, let’s try that kissing thing again.” He pulled me to him, kissing me gently. His hands wandered from my waist to my hips. I applied gentle pressure to his chest to pull away with no effect. He kept me anchored to him. My hands started trembling, and I fought at the panic rising within me.

  “Am I making you nervous?” he whispered in my ear, trailing kisses down my neck. His grip tensed around my hips. I paused, afraid if I tried to get away from him, it would be catastrophic to my health. A low groan sounded deep in his throat, and he took my mouth with his. He slid his hands up my spine, one tangled in my hair. Pressing me closer, he teased his tongue into my mouth and suckled on my bottom lip. His hands sought the hem of my jumper and started to pull it over my head.

  “We can’t do this,” I said quickly, pushing my jumper back down. I saw the fire flash in his eyes, and momentarily, dread seized control of me. I sucked in a deep breath and choked out a quick excuse, “What if your mum comes home? What if –“

  “No one is coming home.” He pulled my jumper up.

  “No...stop. Please, Elliott,” I begged.

  He threw my jumper beside us on the sofa, and when I reached for it, he grabbed my wrist in a tight hold.

  “This playing hard to get is getting real old, Angel. I’m sick to the back teeth of it. We are young, in love and we should be shagging each other’s brains out, not playing this frigging game of cat and mouse.”

  “I don’t...can we not tonight...can we just –“

  “Are you telling me no?” he asked, his voice taking on a sinister edge.

  I paused and looked at the firm set of his mouth. I shook my head from side to side slowly.

  “Good girl.”

  Pain sliced through me at my easy obedience. I stared across the room over his shoulder at the photos decorating the wall. The one directly connecting with my heart was a beautiful dark haired man with cerulean eyes staring back at me, his arm around the shoulders of his childhood best friend as we posed on a sunny beach. I closed my eyes, not willing to allow his beautiful face to enter this debauched hell. My face crumpled as his handsome face tattooed itself on my closed eyelids. My saviour, my life support, the one constant in my life was the love I held for him. Elliott had broken my body, but he would never sever the love I had for his brother. I would hold fierce to that devotion until my last breath was taken from my body.

  I battled the bile rising in my throat as his hands cupped my breasts His wet tongue slopped at my chest. My body shook as silent sobs tried to break free. I hated myself, I hated him, and I hated having to do this. I felt like the whore he said I was, prostituting myself to save my family.

  Suddenly, light stung my eyes and I pressed my face into Elliott’s shoulder.

  “Oh, are we interrupting?” laughed a husky voice from the door. “Looks like you have your hands full there, Elliott,” she said, amusement in her voice.

  Elliott held me still as I made a move to get off of him.

  I turned my face just in time to see Dominic walk in behind Vanessa, smiling. Then he froze, realising I was straddling Elliott in my bra! My cheeks sizzled with embarrassment. Dominic’s eyes travelled down to my body in a soft caress before returning to my face, his expression turning thunderous.

  “My beautiful girl here is torturing me. She’s making me watch a romantic girly film – they also sing,” Elliott said, “but I love her, so what can you do?” He pulled me into a very passionate embrace.

  I pulled away and grabbed my jumper. Dominic stared at me, I felt utterly naked under his watchful eye. “What have you done to your back?”

  I stiffened, and my face paled. Elliott dug his fingers into my hip.

  “You know her, Dom, she falls over her own feet. Apparently she fell in the kitchen – “

  “Those don’t look –“

  “I’d prefer you not looking at my topless girlfriend, bro.”

  Dominic’s cheeks flushed with colour and his jaw ticked.

  Undeterred by a half-naked woman straddling a man on the sofa, Vanessa sank down into an armchair. “So, what are we watching?”

  I still wrapped my arms around myself feeling just as exposed with my jumper on. I was ridiculously thankful they returned when they had, but I hated how they’d found me.

  “You want to join us?” Elliott asked, smiling.

  “Definitely. What do you think, Dominic?” She turned to him, and he shrugged sulkily.

  “I’ll put the kettle on,” he growled and went into the kitchen.

  “Someone is a happy boy,” Elliott said sarcastically. “I’ll go get another DVD,” he said before lifting me and depositing me roughly onto the sofa. I bounced a little before catching my balance.

  I watched as he left the room.

  “You really have him fooled,” Vanessa said. Her contempt for me was palpable. I was becoming more accustomed to her venom. With each meeting, she loathed
me more. I just wish I understood her hate. But then again I never understood Elliott’s hate, so who am I to judge?

  “I’ll go help...Dominic...with the drinks,” I stammered.

  “What a surprise,” she snapped sarcastically. I bowed my head and scurried to the kitchen.

  “Did you have a good night? Where did you go?” I asked him, trying to add a little lightness to my voice, but it still came out nervously.

  “Not as good as you obviously,” he snapped, storming past me into the living room.

  “What jumped up his backside?” I said to myself.

  “I’ll tell you what’s jumped up my backside,” he mocked my voice.

  I turned stunned. I thought he had left the room.

  “I thought you’d gone –“ I pointed to the living room, but he wasn’t hearing anything I said. “Last night...” He lowered his voice to a low whisper as he stormed back to me. I braced myself against the counter, mere inches from him as he spoke through gritted teeth.

  “Holding you all night was amazing, and I fucking hate that I'm not supposed to like doing that. I hate that I feel like this and I really, really, fucking hate walking in on you two shagging on my mum’s sofa.” He let out a frustrated breath and bowed his head to look at the floor. I wanted to howl and scream. I felt the same way, my heart had always belonged to him. I had never had full control over it. From the moment I met him, stared into his beautiful eyes, I had relinquished control over the organ. It has always been his. I opened my mouth to speak, a small smile blossoming, my heart bloomed, then scorched to dust when realization hit why I couldn’t profess my feelings, why my heart broke every time I saw him smile at Vanessa, why I died inside each day knowing I would never be his.

  He lifted his face to look at me, and the flash of pain in his eyes broke my heart. I never wanted to hurt him.“You don’t get it, do you?” He croaked out. As if clarity suddenly hit him, he shook his head, stood straight and pulled his shoulders back. “Forget it. I'm having a bad day, that’s all.” He offered a fake smiled and turned to head back into the living room.

  . “I hate it too, I hate not...being with you,” I gasped and covered my mouth.

  He paused at the door, turning to face me, his amazingly blue eyes were smoky hot, filled with lust. He stepped towards me and my blood throbbed through my veins. I felt alive, captivated by the gorgeous man prowling towards me.

  “Angel, the film is starting, hurry up.”

  Dominic paused and looked over his shoulder. I lifted the coffees and walked past him, avoiding looking into his eyes. Dominic followed and sat sulkily on the sofa where Elliott and I had been sitting, and Vanessa sat curled next to him. I noticed he made no effort to put his arm around her. He simply sat with his hands fisted in his lap. He radiated pent up anger, and the room almost shook with it.

  “So –“Elliott broke the silence. I knew with the glint in his eye and the tone of his voice, he was looking to cause trouble. “Have you kids set a date for the wedding of the year yet?” His smile spread when Dominic growled. I turned to see Vanessa spring up from her lounged position to fully alert.

  She smiled at Dominic. “Not yet. We were hoping for late May, maybe early June. Then a honeymoon –“

  “I didn’t know you’d accepted,” I interrupted, almost panicked. I covered my mouth when everyone turned to look at me.

  “I haven’t,” Dominic said, looking directly at me.

  “He will,” stated Vanessa, looking at me with serious venom in her eyes. “And we want you to be chief bridesmaid. Don’t worry, you can help pick out your dress. I won’t make you look a fool, although I do think I maybe have better taste in formal wear. ”

  Elliott chuckled. “Under the thumb already, little brother?”

  “Piss off!” snapped Dominic.

  Vanessa curled herself around Dominic like a feline wrapping itself around its owner’s legs. “We love each other, he’s mine and I’m his. It’s bound to happen, and I can wait.” She lifted her leg and wrapped it around his thigh.

  It looked completely suffocating from where I was sitting, not a seductive move at all. I turned my attention toward the TV and asked what film we were watching. I sat staring at the TV as if my life depended on knowing the intricate details of the film. But in truth, I hadn’t a clue what happened. My mind was completely pre-occupied with what Vanessa had said and certainly Dominic’s outburst in the kitchen. What with Elliott acting all Jekyll and Hyde, Vanessa the vixen no man could live without and Dominic acting all bristly and moody, my head was in a tailspin. The film lasted an eternity. Okay, so in reality, it was probably a couple of hours, but it felt like forever.

  From my peripheral vision, I could see Vanessa make sensual movements towards Dominic. Her hands caressed his chest; she kept lifting her face to nuzzle his neck. She even at one point slid her hand up his thigh to cup him through his trousers. I wanted to scream at her to leave him alone and keep her dirty little hands to herself. But what claim did I have? None. I was simply his pathetic best friend with an even more pathetic crush on him. Okay, so a crush at my age was ridiculous.

  My only peak of slight joy was watching Dominic discreetly push her advances away. I turned to glance at Elliott and saw he was fast asleep, head thrown back over the back of the chair, mouth wide open, softly snoring. I knew it wouldn’t be long before the loud house shaking snores would start. Glancing around the room to Dominic, I turned, locking eyes with the very man himself. He watched me, his jaw clenched. I could see the muscle working, twitching with the force of his bite. I offered a small smile, and his jaw relaxed slightly. Then the most amazing sight – he smiled back at me, and everything in my world made sense again.

  At 11.30pm, I decided to call it a night and return home.

  “I’ll walk you home,” Dominic offered quietly.

  “She lives next door,” Vanessa said incredulously.

  “It’s still dark.”

  “I'm okay, really.” I nodded and started for the door. Elliott never even stirred, and as suspected, his snores had gotten louder.

  As I reached for the door handle, I felt Dominic close behind me. Feeling his heat was like standing next to a roaring bonfire. His hand pressed gently on the small of my back, exerting slight pressure to propel me forward. As the door closed behind us, he inhaled a deep breath. “I'm sorry for being a dick earlier. I wasn’t mad at you...not really. I just, she won’t stop with the wedding crap, and it’s driving me insane.”

  “She loves you, and like any women would be, she’s getting swept away by the romance and excitement of it all. It’s one of the biggest days of a woman’s life,” I offered quietly.

  He shook his head, walking a little further down the driveway. “Well, I should feel more excited, and that alone tells me this is all wrong.”

  I looked up at him. He had stopped walking and had his head tilted back, looking up at the stars as if they would magically give him the answers. I followed his gaze and stared up at the beautifully black sky, shinning with twinkling little stars. Not bad for large luminous spherical plasma.

  “Do you remember when you were five, and you said you would marry me when you were older?” he said up to the night sky.

  I let out a shocked laugh. “Yeah, I had an almighty fit, as I recall.” I smiled, remembering my obsession with being a princess and him being my prince charming.

  Dominic didn’t laugh or smile as I expected. When I turned to look up at him, he simply spoke to the sky. “Why him, when I was the one? I wish...if I could wish upon a star, I would wish – “

  “Dominic! What the hell are you doing? It’s bloody freezing. Get back in here,” interrupted Vanessa from his front door. He let out a frustrated breath and walked past me to the end of the drive, turning to walk back up our drive. Why Alan had never put a gate in at the top of the drive so we didn’t have to do this trek, I’ll never know.

  I quickly jogged to catch up to Dominic, who was striding with purpose. “Dominic, what were
you going to say?”

  He shook his head. “Doesn’t matter. Come on. Vanessa’s right, it is cold.”

  I stopped walking, placing my hands on my hips and glared at him. “No, tell me.”

  “Oh, fine. Stay out in the cold, then,” he snapped as he walked over to the dividing fence, placed his hands on top of it and quickly leapt over it as if it was a mere foot high instead of three feet high. He strode to his house, opened the door, went in and slammed it shut, leaving me in the dark cold night, praying I would eventually know the answer to his wish.

  Chapter 5

  Elliott insisted on taking me to work to following day, saying it was part of him being a better boyfriend. He was beyond chipper this morning, mainly because he regaled me with the story of how Vanessa and Dominic had an almighty argument last night when I’d left the house. Apparently Vanessa didn’t like Dominic just abandoning her, and she thought he spoilt a fun night by being so grumpy. Elliott found it hilarious. I found it...gut wrenching.

  “Let’s go to The Beat tonight. I hear it’s quite good there.”

  I frowned. “On a work night?”

  “Yes, on a work night, you big nerd.”

  “But I thought...aren’t you expected back in Manchester?”

  “For fuck’s sake, you always know how to kick a guy when he’s down. I’m trying to be romantic. I want to spend time with you. Stop trying to cause an argument.”

  “Sorry,” I whispered, turning to look out of the car window.

  “So, are we going or not?” he said impatiently.

  I simply nodded; knowing only too well that protesting was never a good option. I raced to the sanctuary of my office.

  “Everything okay, Eve?” Dominic said, walking through the door.

  I smiled and nodded.

  My day passed in a haze of strange happiness. Elliott didn’t come over to my house that night. I received a text from him saying he had to stay at the office late, which made me even happier****