Elemental Fear

by Ada Frost

  I opened my bedroom door and my breath whooshed out of my lungs, because standing at the kitchen counter was a deliciously groomed walking dream. Hair still wet from the shower, combed back into a very sexily smart style, he had a grey silk suit, and grey waistcoat and matching silver tie with a crisp white shirt. He had his black rimmed glasses on and his crystal blue eyes sparkled with amusement as I ogled him.

  “Looking very...” I swallowed “English professor this morning.” I stammered. My cheeks heated.

  “I have an important meeting this morning and I thought I’d make the effort to look...at least half put together.” He rubbed at the groomed stubble on his chin. “I can’t be arsed with my contacts...” He pointed to his glasses as explanation.

  “You look beautiful.” I admitted ardently

  He laughed, coughing into his orange juice “I was looking for something a little more masculine than that.” He chuckled.

  “You know what I mean.” I tsked.

  I walked towards him and poured a freshly brewed coffee taking a huge inhale of the aroma. “So can I address the white elephant in the room?” He said. I snapped my eyes open and

  swallowed the immediate lump in my throat; I didn’t think I could handle another break down this morning, not before work. I was nervous about the results as it was.

  “Don’t look so petrified.” He laughed. “I just wanted to know...” He pointed at me “the haircut? Rather drastic...I like it...just I’ve never seen you with short hair before.”

  I let out a relieved sigh “just felt like a change I suppose.”

  “Hmm...kind of suits you.” He smiled and I reciprocated. “Makes you even more...sexy.” his cheek pinked and I couldn’t help my bashful smile.

  “Thank you.”

  “So tonight when I get back...we need to talk. Don’t look at me like that. We need...there’s a lot I want to ask and seeing as we are here alone it just seems perfect to settle it, no interruptions. Is that okay?”

  I nodded.

  “Anyway...” He looked at his watch “Hurry up or we’ll be late. Skedaddle and get ready.” I yelped when he swatted at my backside and ran towards my room.

  “Oh and Eve...” I turned to look at him over my shoulder “keep the sweatshirt...looks better on

  you.”

  *****

  My samples worked out perfectly. With de-mineralising the water I had managed to produce a stabilised product. I had been allowed to return to the apartment because they had to wait for the delivery of de-mineralised water tanker. Finding this out was a huge success because the Ealing- o’sinic production opened up a wide variety of product range. Successful blending now furthered the procession of business development. I hadn’t seen Dominic since this morning; Francesca had said he was in a meeting with the board of directors most of the morning. She was the only person I really talked to today; she’d emigrated from Australia after graduating so the language barrier wasn’t a problem.

  On my to the apartment I called in a delicious smelling patisserie and managed to buy some croissants, brioche and cream puffs with a dark chocolate sauce. I’d already eaten a croissant walking through the streets, I couldn’t wait any longer.

  I knew how much Dominic loved croissants. I changed into some grey jersey shorts and a t-shirt. I got my laptop out of my bag and looked through the emails I sat reading the largest of the documents I’d had sent about data logs from a few new samples and ploughed through the scheduled polymers in production. I didn’t realise how much time I had spent sitting there until I heard a soft knock at the door. I looked up checking the clock and it was almost dinner time. A knock came again a little harder.

  I frowned not knowing who would be calling at the apartment, also what would I do when they spoke to me and I couldn’t understand them.

  I uncrossed my legs realising and stretched out trying to loosen the cramping muscles in my legs, neck and back.

  Another soft knock, my caller was persistent.

  I opened the door and stood smiling at me with a delicious grin was Dominic. “Hi” lifting his full hands “I thought you might be hungry.”

  I laughed.

  “I had the same idea.” I gestured to the counter full of pastries. “Oh God woman are you trying to kill me with pastries?”

  I laughed again holding the door as he walked through. I felt nervous at seeing him, because we needed ‘the chat’, I couldn’t help a genuine smile spreading across my face as he strode across the room, scanned for somewhere to place the food before placing it on the coffee table. He glanced through the open bedroom door at the laptop on my bed. I offered a shy shrug as to my work station.

  He smiled at me looking from head to toe, his eyes lingered on my bare legs before slowly lifting to meet my eyes. I pulled at the hem of his sweatshirt trying to hide anything, I looked to the floor and concentrated on the carpet, hoping that he would leave and I could change into something more appropriate. I didn’t dare look up and see if it was utter disgust he felt. I realised I was still gripping the door handle; I hadn’t closed the door, I clung to it like a lifeline, feeling awkward and out of place. I started to close it just as Dominic let out a curse.

  I looked up startled in time to see him pacing towards me, his determination quite evident. I realised my mistake of thinking he was staying, and started to pull the door open again.

  “I’m sorry, I know we should talk first but..,” he said as he cupped my face and pressed his lips against mine. My knees gave way and I stumbled backwards. Dominic held me up pressing me against the door, forcing it closed with a bang. I froze, my hands hung limply at the side of my body, I couldn’t respond, my body held rigid. My lips felt his warm, gently mouth teasing my lips, licking the seam, questing for entry, his lips were soft, patient and although the intensity at first seemed quite aggressive there was no pain. My body shook, my hands trembled at my sides, my heart pounded furiously in my chest. He pulled away and searched my eyes as if asking permission to continue. He stroked his hand through my hair and looked directly into my eyes.

  “It’s me, just me.” He whispered before softly pressing his lips back to mine. Feather light whispers across my lips. “Let me in Eve.”

  I shivered but this time I responded, I lifted my arms to go around his neck, but hesitated and put them back to my sides. I didn’t have a clue how to react, what was I supposed to do? What did he want me to do? My mind was racing, my pulse beating at an unnatural rate. He wasn’t aggressive, he wasn’t mean, he simply kissed me, patiently and softly. Teasing my mouth into life with his supple caresses, his tongue licked softly across my bottom lip before gentle suckling it. I relaxed slightly, feeling warm sensations travel down my body. I closed my eyes and relaxed into him, tilting my head back slightly to feel him more on my mouth. I let out a soft moan opening my mouth experimentally, his expert tongue dipped in, touching my tongue. I shivered again.

  “Baby touch me, please.” He begged.

  I lifted my hands delicately testing my touch against his stomach with my fingertips, then added more pressure until my palms rested on his hard stomach muscles, I ran my hands up his hard chest, feeling the ripples beneath the cotton, I fisted it pulling him closer. A low guttural noise sounded from his throat causing a tidal wave of sensations to hit my centre. I flicked my tongue to meet his and opened my mouth wider and with as much feeling, and intensity as I could I kissed him. He moaned and pressed harder against me. I ran my now compliant hands down his chest to his waist, feeling his muscles jump and flex beneath my fingertips. He was so magnificent to touch; I wanted to touch more so I lifted my hands to his face, tracing my fingers along his jaw and over his lovely ears into his wavy finger tousled hair. I wanted him closer, I couldn’t get enough of him. He reacted by dropping his hands from my hair and snaking them around my waist, he slid his hands under the backs of my thighs, pulling me off the floor into his arms against the door. I stayed motionless not knowing what to do.

  “Put your legs a
round me.” He insisted not taking his mouth from mine.

  My legs wrapped around his waist and pulled him closer, tightening my thighs around him. I immediately felt his hardness pressing into my thigh. I trembled feeling a little panicked, I felt conflicted. I wanted to feel him, but I also feared this, feared what it leads to. I wasn’t sure if I was ready for it yet. I gasped when he rocked his hips into me; he slowed his pace at kissing me and started to pull away peppering intermittent kisses on my lips, nose, cheeks, it was as if he couldn’t get enough of me.

  He paused, still holding me against the door and looked straight into my eyes, his fingers stroked over my swollen lips and he traced his index finger along my jaw. His eyes were glistening with desire, and he placed his forehead gently against mine and whispered to me.

  “I think it’s time we were honest with each other...one hundred percent okay? No holding back anything, it all comes out now...can we do that Eve?” He said.

  All I could do was nod my head. I lifted my hand to caress his cheek. He let out a soft mewling sound and leant into my touch, closing his eyes. I couldn’t speak. I felt breathless.

  “Can I kiss you...just once more...before we talk?” He asked, I responded with a smile and pulled him towards me.

  His kisses were as hungry as mine, years of temptation unraveling before us, my hands wandered over his body gripping and pinching at him, pulling him closer. Finally in this moment Dominic was finally and exquisitely mine, and I wasn’t letting go.

  “God, you are so beautiful Eve,” he said breathlessly against my neck “don’t wake me up will you? Because I swear this has to be a dream.”

  I smiled “let’s never wake up then.” I said.

  He paused, his hand held my head still at the nape of my neck and he gazed into my eyes, those pools of lust penetrating me “Please...I’m begging that you don’t leave me this time. Don’t walk away.” Dominic released a loud sigh he pressed his forehead against the bridge of my nose so I couldn’t see his face. I needed to see him; I didn’t understand what was happening.

  “Let’s talk...I don’t think...let’s just talk before...” He chuckled to mask his obvious nervousness.

  ‘Before?’ Before what? Is this the part where he tells me we are friends and this was a mistake? That someone like me doesn’t deserve him, because I know that already. My heart started to crack, I have known so much pain but this was unbearable. He lifted his head and cupped my face, his body still holding me to the door. “I’m not letting you go this time.” He whispered and I shivered. He lowered me to the floor and grabbed my hand pulling me gently into the room. He motioned for me to sit on the sofa while he paced the floor. He ran his fingers through his hair.

  “Can you...will you tell me...I spoke to Johan today...Elliott said he’s decked him –.” He stammered.

  “You want to know what happened?” I asked staring at my feet.

  “Yes.” He rasped.

  “You will hate me Dominic.”

  His face crumpled. He came to kneel before me taking my hands in his. “I could never hate you...I love you. I always have.”

  “You...what?” I gasped not daring to believe my ears.

  He smiled nodding “how can you not know that? I’ve loved you since the moment I met you Princess.” He chuckled softly then lifted my chin with his index finger to meet his eyes “I’ve just been waiting for you to want me to be your Prince again.”

  A loud cry reverberated round the room as I jumped into his arms, sobbing uncontrollably.

  “Eve it’s always been you. I loved you as a friend but somewhere along the line, round about the time you developed boobs I think –.” He laughed when I slapped his arm. “I thought if I waited...I’m quite a bit older than you, and I thought that if I waited it would seem less...creepy.” his cheeks reddened “you broke my heart when you fell for Elliott.” His voice wavered a little and he released his tight hold gently holding him away from me. I looked up at him.

  “But when you went to uni...I kissed you Dominic and you pushed me away –“

  “You were drunk...I asked you to come back...I didn’t push you away. I waited for you to come to me. I sat in the kitchen with a bunch of crappy flowers I’d bought from the off-license waiting for you, and you never came back to me.”

  “Oh God” I cried out covering my mouth.

  “I couldn’t or should I say I didn’t kiss you back because...oh come on what dickhead would take advantage of a pissed up lass.”

  I pulled fully away from him hugging my knees to my chest. I felt sick; I was that girl that made herself vulnerable in those situations.

  “Eve?”

  I shook my head, swallowing down the lump in my throat. “Baby...look at me.”

  Again I shook my head.

  “I wanted you; I really did...so much it hurt. But I couldn’t...I wouldn’t have felt right if I’d taken advantage of you. I loved you even then and I wanted to ask you out properly. I struggled with how I felt about you. It felt awkward growing up with you as my best friend, then all of a sudden I felt like you’d hit me with a sledgehammer. Because when I came home from uni after being away for a few weeks due to revision, you knocked the wind out of me good and proper...” He scrubbed his hands down his face “you were so fucking beautiful Eve, you were always bonny, but good God you were breathtaking. You just seemed to have gone from a girl to a gorgeous woman in no time and I couldn’t deal with it. I was an utter dick to you wasn’t I?”

  I nodded my agreement a little stunned and he chuckled.

  “I’ve never let anyone into my heart the way you have nestled in here.” He patted his chest “It beats for you Evelyn, just you. I promised myself that if I ever got a chance to say all this I wouldn’t hold back on the mushy shit either.” He smiled

  I laughed and wiped at my tear streamed face.

  “I would do anything for you, anything at all, even watch whilst you fell in love with someone else. I will die before I let him raise another finger in your direction, I didn’t know he was hurting you. I’ll be anything you want me to be...just know I love you...very much.”

  I covered my mouth with my hands and cried harder. My chest hurt from the swirling emotions inside me.

  “Eve if you say I’ve misread signals these past few days I’m off to top of the Eifel Tower and jumping off.” He laughed.

  “Don’t joke about that kind of thing.” I scolded but laughed.

  “You’re right...I’d be too knackered after climbing all those steps.” He chuckled.

  He cupped my face, gently pressing his lips to mine. “Could you ever see a future with us? Me...and you maybe a few kids?” his voice shuddered with nerves.

  I shook my head “No...” his face fell, “that’s all I ever see in my dreams, and they rarely come true.” I answered honestly.

  His smile could have brightened an entire country. “It’s a starting point though right? Us scientist aim for the impossible you know.” He winked.

  I laughed. But then my face sobered. I took a deep breath. “You may not want that dream when you know the whole sordid truth.”

  A tear broke free and slid effortlessly down my cheek. I covered my eyes with my hands and loud sobs echoed round the room.

  “You’re the only reason I survive.” I whispered.

  “What?” He asked, he pulled away and held me at arm’s length.

  “You are my safe place, you are the one thing Elliott cannot take away.” I said, looking straight into his eyes. Confusion flashed through his eyes. I pressed at his forearms for him to let me go and I pulled away putting some distance between us. “He’s tried, but the more he forces me away from you the tighter I cling to you. Loving you Dominic...the way I feel when I’m with you prevents it hurting so much. When I first got with Elliott I did fall for his charms, but in truth I always loved you and he knew it. You were everything to me. I thought you looked upon me as a little sister and nothing more. When you went to university you changed, you distan
ced yourself from me –”

  “I explained that –“

  I held up my hand “If I’m going to get all of this out I need you to promise to stay quiet okay, no questions until I get it all out because it’s...time. But what I am going to tell you isn’t easy and it isn’t nice by any means. But you have to promise to wait to talk okay?”

  He nodded “I promise.”

  “I feel sick.” I said holding my stomach. I stood from the floor as he settled onto the sofa. I walked over to the kitchen counter and stood with my back to him.

  More tears sprang from my eyes, the twisting sensation in my heart and stomach multiplied. “I’m sorry, before I start...I’m sorry I let it happen, I’m so sorry I’ve spoilt us.” I whispered as I

  gripped at the counter staring at the silver flecks in the granite.

  I heard Dominic take a breath as if he was going to say something but remained silent. A tear hit the counter top and I smeared it with my index finger.

  “I’ve never had a friend like you, I think now looking back I built my life around you. I had a slight obsession with you growing up and I’m afraid it never went away. It only intensified as I got older and I developed stronger more...mature feelings for you. I fantasised about being your girlfriend, about you one day sweeping me off my feet.” I laughed but it sounded bitter “when you went to university I was so proud of you, so happy you were following your dreams, but I...I hated how lonely I felt without you around. I hadn’t realised until you were gone how much I depended on you, I’m sure it was a pain in the arse for you but to me...I missed you hourly Dominic. Well Elliott started taking an interest; he would come and sit with me, help me with homework, and take me to...parties. He...flattered me. He made me feel special and...and I wasn’t so alone anymore. I still missed you but it didn’t ache as much. Anyway he started being ultra nice and I liked it. I liked him, I just...I never felt the same way about him as I did you, and I told him that. He said he didn’t care, he said I was special enough to wait for.” I let out a shuddered breath “Well he persisted and we did end up together, he kissed me and I...I liked it...I liked how I felt when he held me.” I shivered at the thought “I thought I could forget you.” I closed my eyes and turned around to face Dominic. He was sat with his elbows on his knees, chin resting on his hands watching me. He didn’t say anything he just watched me.