Haole Wood

by DeTarsio, Dee

  “Shh, shh,” I begged him, trying to motion down the sound by paddling my palms. “Down, Cujo.” I held my breath and turned the doorknob. It was locked. I looked around. There was a flowerpot at the end of the porch, right near the dog. I bet there was a key under there. A smile strained my lips as I sauntered over toward the pot, half hoping I was wrong so I could give up and go back home.

  “RUFF!” the dog said, charging the full length of its chain.

  I backpedaled. No rocks, no sticks, no weapons. I looked down at my feet, half of my entire shoe collection. I had no choice. I wriggled my toes out of my favorite pair of wedge flip-flops that were worn in just right. They never gave me between-the-toe blisters, the straps didn’t rub, and they didn’t leave any black dye ground into my heels. I picked it up and waved it at the dog. He barked what sounded like a question mark as I hurled it into the yard. “Bon Voyage!” I yelled.

  I lifted up the flower pot. Bingo! The rusted key sat in a circle of damp dirt. I bent my knees as my shaking fingers grabbed for the key. From the corner of my eye I saw the shadow before I heard the frantic, “RUFF! RUFF!”

  I hurtled my body toward the house, spinning in a sideways somersault, knocking my head against the leg of a rickety folding chair that sat next to the door. Foamy saliva from the dog’s barking lunge flecked my left arm. I sat up and rubbed my head, wiping my arm off behind my back. I may have wet my pants a little.

  Like a thief in cartoons, I tiptoed to the door, half expecting to hear a xylophone riff. Too many thoughts crashed my brain like a tidal wave. I could be shot, or arrested. Or, I could be right. I stuck the key in the lock and opened the door and entered the small, tidy kitchen.

  Now that I was here, I wasn’t quite sure what to look for—a big ol’ bottle of “I done it” would be nice I thought, as I rummaged through the cleaners, sprayers, sponges, vases and tools stored beneath the kitchen sink. There were no unmarked bottles, no herbs. I stood up and went through the flowered ceramic canisters sitting on the formica countertop. Sugar, flour, tea. Inside the cupboards I found plates, cups, glasses, vitamins.

  Snap! Way back behind the cereal bowls I found something unusual. I pulled out a black plastic rectangular tub that had a scary red warning sticker written in what looked like Chinese. My heart thumped. I lifted it to my nose and sniffed, I don’t know why, since I thought it was poison. I shook the box. It didn’t weigh much, but something was definitely inside.

  I pried my thumbnail under the plastic lip and crowbarred it up. My elbows shook with the effort as the lid popped off. I screamed so loudly the damn dog finally stopped barking. In my hysteria, I thought it was raining cockroaches, but after determining there were no more in my hair, I realized there were only about half a dozen or so. I buried the plastic box in the bottom of the trash underneath the sink. It smelled like Lois and Shayna had Philly Cheesesteaks for dinner. I held my breath until I realized it was a whiff of my own sweat. I had to get a move on.

  I decided to search the bedroom next. If I died unexpectedly, I would be horrified for the poor fool given the task of cleaning out my bedroom. I ran up the stairs to get it over with. I had to get out of this house before I called the police on myself.

  Lois’s bedroom was easy to find. Its neatly made double bed with a rose-colored Hawaiian flowered comforter was centered under such a large cross, complete with dried, folded palm fronds. I sincerely hoped Hawaii wouldn’t get an earthquake or Lois could be crucified herself as she slept. I ran to the bamboo nightstand. Bible, lotion, remote control. The next drawer contained a rosary, baby teeth in a bottle, and Lana Ho’s CD. There’s got to be something in the bathroom. I knelt in front of the sink, buried almost to my waist inside the cabinet, and reached for a jar in the back. I knew I better hurry, it sounded like the dog’s barking was getting louder.

  “What do you think you’re doing?”

  I screamed and bumped my head on the pipe under the sink.

  “Shayna!” She had the dog with her.

  I sat back on my heels and pulled myself up. “What are you doing here?”

  “I rode my bike home. I live here, remember? I have piano lessons. What are you doing here?”

  “Yeah,” the dog barked.

  “It’s the strangest thing.” I started to stick my big toe on the path of least unbelievable resistance. Shayna crossed her arms. “I was just . . .” I stopped.

  “You really don’t think my mom killed Mike Hokama, do you?” Shayna asked.

  I shook my head and crossed my fingers behind my back. “No. But see, I thought if I could just find something that maybe your mom had from Mike’s house it could clear my grandmother.”

  “And what? Blame my mother?”

  “No. It’s nothing like that. Shayna, I am so sorry. I can’t believe I did this. I have no excuse. Please forgive me.” And please don’t tell your mother I wanted to beg.

  “I’m telling my mother,” Shayna said.

  “Shayna, please. Let’s just be civilized here. Let’s just mind our manners and realize the best way of dealing with this is by pretending it never happened.”

  Shayna snorted. “You are giving me an etiquette lesson? Who goes and breaks into someone’s house to try and pin a murder on them?” She turned with the dog and stomped down the stairs. I was hot on her heels.

  “Shayna, wait. Listen to me. I can explain. Just hear me out. I said I was sorry. Please. I’m just trying to help my grandmother. Surely you can understand that.”

  Shayna glared at me. “You know how you know your grandmother didn’t kill Mike?”

  I nodded.

  “That’s how I know my mother didn’t.”

  I nodded again.

  “Sorry.” I said. I had to get out of here. I went to the back door as quietly as I came in, wanting to put this nightmare behind me. I formed my “whew” of relief when I stubbed my toe over the threshold and ran smack dab into Lois.

  “Lois!”

  “What are you doing here? Where’s Shayna?” Lois asked me.

  “Mom,” Shayna said, coming up to hug her. “She broke into our house and was snooping around.”

  “What? Are you crazy?”

  I had nothing to say.

  “Shayna, here’s your money. Get to your lesson.”

  Shayna grabbed the money, ran down the steps and hopped on her bike. Lois, walked slowly into me, our noses practically touched, and forced me back into her kitchen.

  “Lois, please. I can explain.”

  “Start talking, Ms. Haole Wood.” Lois’s eyebrows were furrowed so deeply they nuzzled like courting caterpillars.

  Nobody knew I was here. Except Shayna. Lois could squash me like a bug. Or make me drink poison and try to blame my grandmother.

  “You’re really scared of me?” Lois asked.

  I let the whites of my eyes answer for me.

  “Good. You should be. Breaking into someone’s house like that. You ought to be ashamed of yourself. What do you think I’m hiding? I got nothing to hide. You didn’t find anything, did you?”

  I shook my head.

  She threw up her hands. “I was starting to like you and your hair-brained scheme to sell those sunshminas. I thought we were all working together. That’s what I get for thinking.” Lois shook her head. “Didn’t you get to know me at all?”

  “I am so sorry I broke in here,” I said. “I was just desperate to find any clues I could to keep my grandmother out of jail for a murder she didn’t commit.”

  “Why didn’t you just ask me?”

  “I did. You said you had no idea who did it.”

  “Why couldn’t you believe me?” She stared at me. “What do you think you know? What do you think I know?”

  I couldn’t keep eye contact with her.

  “Come on, spill it, Haole Wood.”

  “It’s nothing. But you yourself said you knew my grandmother didn’t do it either.”

  “That’s right, but I’m not going around breaking into folks’ hou
ses looking for something that’s not there. Now, what is it? Why me?”

  When I didn’t answer, Lois shook her head and walked over to the kitchen sink. I took the chance and darted to my right toward the back door. Lois was on me faster than a bulldog on a pork chop. Her massive arms clenched me from behind in a hug that would have saved my life if I had been choking.

  “Where you off to, girl? Now you just come right back in here and sit yourself down and we’ll have a nice talk. What do you say?” Lois released her hold as I gasped for breath. “Wanna talk to me? Huh?”

  I nodded, wishing I told O’Boyle or Jac or even my grandmother my suspicions. Nobody knew where I was. Lois pushed me into a chair at the dinette table. “Come on, now. Spill.”

  Where is my guardian angel? I looked around the kitchen, looking for some help, wondering if I could ask Lois for some ketchup to try to summon him.

  “What are you looking for?” Lois shook her head and scooted her chair too close to mine. “Why are you here?”

  “I don’t know what I was looking for. Lois, I am sorry about all of this. It was a long shot, my last chance to help my grandmother. I was trying to find any evidence that could prove my grandmother’s innocence. You were his housekeeper and you knew him and you were around him a lot.”

  The silence stretched out. Lois wasn’t going to let me run. So I mumbled on. “And I saw the crime scene photos. There was a towel on Mike’s table and it was twisted. Just like you twist your napkins.”

  “You are crazy.”

  “No. Someone else was in that house when Mike died. It wasn’t my grandmother. She never would have left a towel like that. It’s not her habit.”

  Lois bit her fingernail, and her knees pressed upon my own. I was trapped.

  “I didn’t kill him.” She leaned in even closer. I really had to pee.

  “I think I’m hyperventilating,” I whispered. I could smell a sheen of sweaty gardenia on her skin.

  Lois scooted back, folding her arms across her chest. “What do you think I’m going to do? Kill you? Maybe I should.”

  “Please don’t,” I said. I tried to send up a silent prayer. Holy Mary Mother of God, where in the hell was that fat bastard of a guardian angel of mine?

  Lois stood up so quickly her chair tipped back. I cowered and crossed my hands over my head, waiting for an attack. I heard a loud ringing that fortunately wasn’t coming from my ears. Then I heard banging. “Open up.”

  Chapter 35

  Lois of the Lows

  Thank goodness, that little snitch Shayna ditched her piano lessons and rode her bike to the police to rat me out. I wanted to hug her. I was so glad to see my policemen, the same ones who originally arrested Halmoni, Detectives Morgan and Imada.

  I ran over and stood safely in their shadow, well away from Lois.

  “Jaswinder, what is going on? Shayna said you broke in here? What were you thinking? Sorry, Lois,” Detective Imada said nodding to Lois.

  “No. Listen. You have it all wrong. I think she . . .” I stopped. I didn’t want to say this in front of Shayna.

  “We all want to hear this,” Lois said. Shayna stood by her mother, her arms crossed exactly the same way.

  The police listened to me stammer out my story.

  “A folded or unfolded napkin would not stand up in court as evidence for murder,” Detective Morgan said.

  “I know. But it’s another major clue that my grandmother did not do this. Go ahead, give her tea, give her food, give her napkins, a basket of towels. She’ll fold them all up, each and every time, the exact same way. She wouldn’t be so sloppy. I just happened to notice that Lois twists her napkins just like the towel was twisted in the photo of Mike Hokama’s crime scene.”

  “First things first. Lois, do you want to press charges against Jaswinder for breaking in?”

  I couldn’t believe it. I shouldn’t have done it, it was stupid and dangerous, but someone had to do some detective work around here.

  Lois squinted at me. “I guess not, seeing how she’s my boss and all. Right?”

  I nodded, wondering if I would ever be able to work with Lois again.

  “Jaswinder.” Detective Morgan said, “Why don’t you get going?”

  “But, don’t you want to interrogate her?”

  “Jaswinder. Trust us. Go.”

  “Sorry, Lois,” I mumbled, heading out the door.

  “Wait. Haole Wood. Take Shayna with you, would you?”

  “Ma?”

  “Since you missed your piano lessons go see if the Mary’s need any help finishing up. Go on.”

  Shayna followed me.

  The drive back to Halmoni’s was quiet. Shayna’s cheek was pressed on the window and I pretended not to see her tears. I had no idea what the police would or would not ask Lois. O’Boyle called me a little while later and said grandmother’s arraignment was postponed while the court reviewed new information. I guess the detectives had called in. I was so happy for my grandmother, I could have cried. My stomach just hadn’t gotten the news yet.

  An afternoon downpour manifested what we all felt. Shayna didn’t say a word to me the rest of the day and ended up going home with the Mary’s.

  I kept busy returning phone calls and emails and worked on a production schedule to try to keep up with orders. If I could get more workers, we could do even more business. I felt bad about Lois, but I was also pissed. She was a natural born leader, and had been a godsend. I didn’t know what was going to happen if Lois was arrested. In my heart, I knew she was guilty. I threw down my papers.

  The call came in around eight o’clock that evening. “Halmoni,” I hollered for her. I found her in the kitchen. “Lois has just been arrested for the murder of Mike Hokama.” I hugged her. I was so relieved. “You’re free and clear. All charges against you have been dropped. I just got off the phone with O’Boyle. The police questioned Lois and she admitted that she was there at Mike’s house, after you already left. He owed her money that she needed for Shayna’s school tuition. She says she made him some tea, and most likely did use the towel to wipe up and probably did twist it, to wring it dry. She says she doesn’t really remember. She says she didn’t kill him, but the police think she did.”

  I waited for my grandmother’s slow smile.

  “Not that,” she said, shaking her head.

  “What? You don’t think Lois did it? I know, I find it hard to believe, too, but you’re free. I feel so bad for Shayna. And our business. I don’t know what we’ll do.” I leaned against the kitchen counter. In a real company, Lois could have been the CEO and operations manager. “We’ll get through this, Halmoni. You’re free. That’s the most important thing.” I waited for Halmoni to make me a cup of tea, but instead, she went to her bedroom.

  I thought I’d be on top of the world.

  Chapter 36

  Herbal Essence

  I called Jac first thing in the morning, but he already heard.

  “I was just going to call,” he said. “Lois’s arrest is all over the island. I just can’t believe it. Congratulations to you and your grandmother. How is she doing?”

  “I guess good. I can understand how she feels. We’re both relieved she’s free and clear, but it is so sad about Lois. I’m really worried about Shayna.”

  “What happened?” Jac asked.

  “Hang on,” I told him, turning the TV up. “They’re doing a story.”

  A gorgeous Hawaiian reporter wearing a teal, sleeveless sundress clung to her microphone in front Mike Hokama’s house. Bitch stole my look. “Police say the suspect admitted she had been with Mike Hokama, but denies giving him kukui nut oil, which is what the coroner says is the cause of death,” she reported. “Sources say the fact that she initially lied about being at the scene looks suspicious. As Detective Imada from the Maui PD explains, the suspect returned to the victim’s house later that same evening, demanding money he owed her.” The report cut to an interview with Detective Imada, sweating and looking very uncomfort
able.

  “The suspect claims she surprised the victim at his house around nine o’clock, while he worked on his computer. They had a confrontation, in which eventually Mr. Hokama gave the suspect two hundred dollars in cash that she said he owed her. She said that while the victim appeared distracted, he was physically doing well and they parted on good terms.”

  The story cut back to the reporter. “We’ll keep you up to date as details are revealed. For KHON2 TV News, this is Anela Higuchi reporting.” I clicked the TV off.

  “Wow,” I said to Jac. “Did you hear that? That timing would have been after he left me at the bar, and after he got that phone call. The police said the call was from the tourist who bought my sunshminas, Diane Clary. She says they were working up figures on some contract for their real estate deal.”

  “Yes,” Jac said. “But, it doesn’t really sound like the police have a strong case against Lois, either,” Jac said.

  “I agree,” I said. “O’Boyle told me that Lois did know how to use most of the herbs, and, also said she knew Mike had gotten really sick as a little kid from kukui nut oil.”

  “Hmm.” Jac said. “So, Lois left . . .”

  “Yes,” I said. “O’Boyle said the police think she gave him something with kukui nut oil either on accident, or on purpose.”

  “But why would she kill him?” Jac asked.

  “Who knows? O’Boyle is representing her, since he knows this case.”

  “And he’s doing it pro bono, too,” Jack interrupted me.

  “That’s so great of him,” I said. I wasn’t even that surprised. He was one of the good guys. “I do wish Lois well, especially for Shayna’s sake.”

  “Jaswinder. Do you think she did it?”

  “I don’t know what to think, Jac. I wish I could be a bigger person, but I am so glad my grandmother is clear. I’m sure she is too, but she’s pretty unhappy about Lois’s arrest. It is a hollow victory. That’s my other line, I better go.”