Complicated

by Ashley Love

  Stepping off of that bus and breathing the sooty Detroit air was like stepping onto the beach after a winter in the arctic. You just thank God that it's over and you don't have to endure it anymore.

  My eyes fall on the bus that's behind us, unconsciously searching the group of people crowded next to it for that tale tell curly head. I find him laughing with Zayn, backpack slung casually over his shoulder, and I fight the urge to go to him. And then a blonde figure flounces past me.

  "Heeeey Harry," she says, bouncing up next to him, and he smiles down at her affectionately.

  This is a good thing, I keep telling myself. He's finally finding someone his own age. Why it had to be her I'll never know but he's finally looking at another girl, talking to another girl. I should be happy, but all I really am is pissed off. She's nothing like me! She's vapid and shallow and utterly clueless. She's short and thin and tan and I can't believe that I'm jealous. No, no, I am not jealous. I am simply making an observation of our differences, no different than comparing two pieces of art.

  I start making my way toward the sliding glass doors of the hotel, and I catch his eye, his gaze following me as I pass him. My movement seems to spark the mass migration of all the people standing in front of the buses, or maybe it's him following me that sparks the move. I smile to myself but it dies away as I see her walking at his side, chatting with him easily. I can feel his eyes flit between me and her as they fall in behind me, coming close enough for me to catch snippets of their conversation.

  "You are perverted, Harry Styles!" Gigi squeals, her southern drawl sugary sweet and nauseating as we step through the sliding glass doors of the hotel, and I hear him laugh throatily.

  "Oh, if you think that is perverted, you ain't seen nothin' yet," he chuckles and I let a shiver quake through me at the suggestion in his voice.

  He's flirting with her. I know this because he does this with me. Not so much anymore because we don't do a lot of talking when we're alone now, but he used to. He used to. A strange tightness enters my chest but I push it down. This is a good thing. Maybe he'll stop coming to me; maybe he'll start going to her. But this doesn't comfort me the way that I know it should. It leaves me hollow and empty. I push it down.

  "Scarlett!"

  My name echoes through the large lobby and I look around for the source. My eyes fall on a tall man with wavy dark hair and my breath catches in my throat. He's smiling widely at me, his hands in his pockets, enjoying what I am sure is the dumbfounded look on my face.

  "Khefren?" I ask, my voice barely above a whisper.

  Out of the corner of my eye I see Harry's head whip and his smile fades, his face becoming a mask, but I see anger smoldering in his green eyes.

  "What the fuck is he doing here?" he seethes but I'm not really paying attention.

  Khefren is walking towards me and I'm so shocked I can't even think straight. I had been so distraught when he had left. It had felt like I lost part of myself and now here he is right in front of me and I don't know what to do. My heart is fluttering like it always did with him, all those emotions washing over me, and I'm dazed and dizzied, trying to remember where all this went. He left and I was broken and sad and then...and then Harry...

  "I've rendered her speechless!" Khefren laughs and he opens his arms to me.

  I pause for a moment before stepping into the embrace and the familiar scent of dried spice envelops me, emotions flooding through me. My hands clutch at his back and I smile into his shoulder, a quiet happiness settling over me. This is familiar. This is good. I remember this. This guiltless, easy courtship. He pulls back and smiles down at me, his eyes crinkling at the corners and I gaze up at him still slightly dazed.

  "What... what are you doing here?" I ask, smiling as I step back. I can see Harry from the corner of my eye, standing at the counter, waiting for his room key, eyes flitting to us every once and awhile.

  "Well, I knew you guys would be in Michigan and I live in Michigan if you remember correctly." He grins at me, and I can't help beaming back at him, butterflies tickling my stomach.

  "Oh, that's right!" I say, wondering how I could have forgotten. That all seems so long ago when, really, only two months have passed since his departure.

  "I was thinking," he says, looking around us before leaning in closer to me, his voice soft. "Maybe I could take you to dinner? Catch up?" His hazel eyes are gazing into mine intently and I'm momentarily at a loss. Emotions are flooding through me, confusing and strong. It's Khefren and he's here right now, and he's asking me to go to dinner with him. Two months ago I would have been shaking like one of Harry's fans. Harry...

  "Yes," I say abruptly, smiling at him as I swallow hard, and the smile that lights up his handsome face is enough to set the butterflies loose in my stomach again.

  "Okay," he says, taking my hands in his, and his palms are warm and slightly damp. He's nervous. I grin back at him. "Pick you up at seven?"

  "Sounds great," I reply and I jump back as I feel a large hand smooth across my lower back.

  "Khefren! Good to see you," Harry says, his voice holding a fake cheeriness that makes me cringe.

  "Harry! How you doing, kid?" Khefren says, giving him a playful punch on the arm. Harry smiles but it doesn't reach his eyes.

  "Good, and I'm not a kid," he responds, his fingers massaging slow circles on my lower back. I shift uncomfortably, crossing my arms over my chest, elbowing him in the ribs in the process. He huffs gently.

  "Of course not," Khefren grins, sharing a look with me, and I can't help but smile back. Harry scowls.

  "What brings you to this neck of the woods?" he asks, his hand trying to snake its way around my waist to pull me closer but my elbow under his ribcage prevents him from doing so.

  "Just taking this lovely lady to dinner," Khefren replies, his eyes softening as he looks at me. My head spins a little, a blush creeping into my cheeks, and I have to physically bite my bottom lip to keep from grinning giddily.

  Harry's hand snatches back as if he's been burned. I look up at him just in time to see the astonished and hurt look on his face before he situates it into a look of feigned interest. My chest tightens a little and I want to touch him, to just place a hand on his arm and let him know its okay. But I can't do that because I'm not sure it is.

  "She's working tonight," Harry says flatly, his voice conveying neither malice nor warmth.

  "We don't have much to cover," I say, brushing off his statement, hoping that he gets the hint. He can't make a big deal about this.

  "Yeah but isn't that why you're here?" Harry asks, his eyes hard as he looks at me. "You're here to teach me?"

  "Yes," I reply, looking at him, my eyes boring into his. He has to chill out and not blow everything because he's jealous. "But we should be done by seven."

  "Good," Khefren says, eyeing Harry strangely before sharing a look with me and grinning. I smile back weakly. "I'll be here in the lobby at seven." He leans in to kiss me on the cheek sweetly, his lips lingering for a moment before pulling back and smiling down at me. He gives Harry a nod as he brushes past us and out the hotel doors. I turn and watch him leave, my hand going up to touch my cheek, skin still tingling from his lips.

  "You're grinning like an idiot."

  It's Harry's voice, flat and harsh, and I'm brought back to the moment, looking up into his green eyes clouded in anger and hurt. I purse my lips, glaring up at him. He's glaring back at me petulantly, his arms crossed over his chest and I hate it when he does this, pouts like a child. I open my mouth to retort but Gigi bounds up next to us.

  "Hey, Harry! Wanna work out together? They have a gym here," she says, bouncing a little, thumbs hooked in the straps of her book bag.

  "Yeah," Harry says, eyes locked on mine. "I'll work you out."

  My mouth falls open and so does Gigi's as she giggles and punches him on the shoulder. "Harry! God, you're such a perv," she squeals and he finally rips his gaze from me and smiles brilliantly down at her. My insides boil.

/>   "You know it, girl," he grins, his eyes flitting to me. "Come on, let's go."

  He throws an arm around her shoulders and she leans into him as they walk toward the elevators together. All I can do is watch, slightly shocked as she looks up at him and he drops a kiss on her forehead. She giggles as they step into the elevator and turn, leaning against the railing. He stares at me defiantly and I have just enough time to see him grin before the doors close.

  20

  I'm a ball of emotion as I try and work feebly on my thesis, waiting for Harry to get done with his workout. Khefren is here, and we're going to dinner. We're going on a date. A real one, not like the little mini dates we went on after shows when we were first together. I'm happy and nervous and...where the hell is Harry?

  I glance at the clock and find that it's nearly a quarter to six. I'll need to start getting ready soon. What the hell is taking him so long? No one works out for three hours. My chest tightens again and it's almost suffocating.

  "This is a good thing," I mutter to myself as I climb off my bed and pace the room a bit. "He should date her. She's a nice girl. A bit stupid and vain and she dresses like a slut...and oh my God, I'm talking to myself."

  I shake my head, trying to clear it. Sighing, I walk to the door and down the hall. I take the elevator down to the lobby, going back through a hallway towards the gym. Joe is standing by the door and he gives me a dubious glare before cocking his head at the door, allowing me entry.

  What I see when I step inside makes me gasp. Gigi flat on her back, one of her legs pulled to her chest while the other lies flat, and Harry...Harry is laying between them, his arms locked, and he's pressing his body into hers. The fact that they are fully clothed doesn't make this any less awkward. Doesn't make the fact that my heart is caught in my throat any less painful.

  "Ow Harry, that hurts!" she whines, as he presses his shoulder harder against the leg he's pinning to her chest.

  "Take it all," he chuckles and she brings an arm around his neck to slap the back of his head, causing his nose to bump into hers.

  "Oww!" they both exclaim in unison before bursting into giggles and I turn to leave, fully prepared to go back to my room...

  But I bump into the door frame on my way out, smashing my shoulder back and I yelp, squeezing my eyes shut as I spin away from the offending architecture. I grip my bicep, trying to numb the pain that shoots down to my fingertips and up my neck. It will bruise in the morning.

  I open my eyes to see Harry and Gigi both looking up at me, bodies still in the same position. Harry's eyes widen as he scrambles to his feet, wiping his hands on his basketball shorts. Gigi pushes herself to her elbows and simply stares up at him before looking back at me and then back at him.

  "We were just stretching," he says quickly and I can only blink at him, the guilty look on his face saying so much more than his voice can.

  "Oh come on, Harry," Gigi says, grinning up at him. "Scarlett's cool. She won't tell your mommy you were touching me in naughty places." She giggles as she nudges his shin with her foot and he steps away from her. I grit my teeth, fighting the dizziness as my stomach drops and he looks at me, giving his head an almost imperceptible shake. That's not how it is, he says with his eyes, but I look away.

  "Sorry to interrupt. I just have to start getting ready soon so if you could come up and we could knock this lesson out that would be great." My voice sounds foreign even to me and he tilts his head to the side regarding me curiously, before narrowing his eyes. He thinks I've said this to hurt him. Maybe I did, on some subconscious level.

  "Yeah, just lemme go into the locker room and get my bag," he responds, and I almost protest but he's disappeared down the hall before I even get a chance to open my mouth.

  Now I'm alone in the room...with Gigi. She pulls herself up off the floor and walks over to one of the many mirrors on the wall and adjusts her sports bra before turning her face this way and that, examining her skin. She's a very pretty girl. Not to mention, she and Harry look cute together, your typical pop prince and princess. He smiles a lot when she's around. My chest is tight again. I rub it, hoping to alleviate the pressure.

  "You and Harry seem close," Gigi says, adjusting her high ponytail, and I snap out of my daze, looking at her through the mirror.

  "Um... yeah," I say and add what I always do when someone makes this statement, "He's a sweet kid. Very smart."

  "Is he..." she trails, pulling her glossy bottom lip between her teeth and eyeing me through the mirror. She turns to face me. "Is he seeing anyone?"

  It takes all of my willpower for my jaw not to hit the floor. She's shifting from foot to foot, eyeing me hopefully. She likes him. From the look on her face she likes him a lot. She's a nice girl. She's a little self-centered but so is Harry. Maybe she would draw that out of him. Maybe she would be good for him...better than me...

  "I mean, like I said, you two seem kinda close," she continues, smiling at me, embarrassed. "That's the only reason I ask. He seems like he tells you stuff."

  "I—" I begin to speak but Harry jogs back into the room, backpack slung over his shoulder.

  "Sorry," he says to the room and his eyes fall on Gigi. "Thanks for working out with me." He smiles in a friendly way.

  "Thanks for working me out," she giggles back and he blushes, which I would find adorable if rage wasn't boiling so close to the surface. I push it down.

  "You ready?" he asks me softly, his hand reaching to touch my elbow. I pull back quickly.

  "Yeah, let's go."

  "Gigi, you gonna hang down here?" Harry asks, and the young girl nods, sitting back down on the floor.

  "Yeah...gotta do about two hundred more crunches," she breathes, squaring her shoulders before tucking her hands behind her head.

  "Okay, have fun."

  She merely nods, beginning her crunches, and he turns to me. His hand reaches for my wrist but I step away, turning my back to him, anger and some other emotion that I refuse to call jealousy boiling under my skin. I stride ahead of him and he struggles to catch up, his hand wrapping around my bicep finally as we reach the elevator. I shake him loose, giving him a warning glance, looking around to see if anyone witnessed this.

  "Scarlett," he says, his voice soft as we step into the elevator. "We were just working out."

  "It's fine, Harry," I respond, rolling my eyes at him and then I paint a smile on my face. "It's good! She'll be good for you."

  I hear him sigh as I watch the numbers ascend. "I don't want her. I want you."

  Something inside of me swells as he says this and the logical part of me beats it down, scolding it, breaking it into pieces until it subsides. I heave a perturbed sigh. "She's good for you, Harry," I say as the elevator doors open to my floor. "You could have a real relationship with her."

  "I'm having a relationship," he replies petulantly as we walk to my door, "with you."

  "This is not..." I pause looking around to make sure no one is listening as I slip my key into the lock. "A relationship." I stand aside to allow him entry.

  "Yes," he says, walking in and turning towards me, "it is."

  "I'm not arguing with you about this right now," I say, closing the door behind me and dropping my key on the table. I glance at the clock. "Dammit, it's twenty after six. I don't have time for a shower."

  "You're really going to dinner with him," Harry scowls, falling onto the bed and pulling out his book.

  "Yes," I reply, stepping into the bathroom and looking into the mirror. My hair will have to go up. Dammit.

  "Why?" he asks, annoyance obvious in his voice, and I sigh as I leave the bathroom and rummage through my suitcase.

  "Because I want to," I say, pulling out my little black dress, and it's the truth. I shake the fabric, trying to alleviate some of the wrinkles from the soft cotton, hoping it will alleviate my guilt as well.

  "You're wearing that?" Harry asks, eyeing the dress as I consider it.

  "Yes," I say finally, reaching into my luggage for a pa
ir of black panties.

  "What, so you're gonna fuck him now?" Harry asks, his voice raised. I look back at him, my face blank.

  He's scowling at me, eyeing the underwear in my hand, and I can't help but preen a little under his territorial stare. Part of me really seems to enjoy the fact that he gets so jealous. Just the other day one of the local crew had helped me step down from the stage and Harry was at my side within seconds, taking my other hand to guide me, eyeing the other man moodily.

  The other part of me, the logical part of me, the part of me that I've locked in the basement of my mind for the past two months, screams that I'm being selfish. Now, it says, now is the perfect opportunity to end this, to atone for my egregious error of starting this thing with him in the first place. He likes Gigi. Gigi likes him. If I just let him go...if I just let him go... I could make this right.

  "Why do you care?" I respond, the words bitter in my mouth as I turn to go back into the bathroom. I hang my dress over the shower door, tossing my underwear on the counter, and I'm about to shut the bathroom door behind me when his hand stops it abruptly, and he charges me. I gasp as he backs me into the glass door of the shower, gripping my wrists and pinning them against my shoulders. I look up into his eyes, dark with rage (and hurt?) as his fingers dig into the delicate flesh of my inner wrists.

  "No one fucks you but me," he says harshly and my stomach drops to my feet, my insides coiling at his words. I swallow hard, painting my face into a look of annoyance.

  "Harry, let me go," I chide, pushing him back with trembling hands and turning away, praying that he doesn't notice. I can't do this right now. I have to get ready for my date with Khefren.

  I'm going on a date with Khefren. I'm dating. I'm not sneaking around with my underage student. I'm going on a date. Like a normal person. And I like Khefren. I like him a lot. I wait for the butterflies to tickle my stomach but they don't come.

  I jump when I feel Harry's hands smooth down my arms, my stomach tying in knots as he breathes against my ear, panting that no one can give it to me like he can. And here come the butterflies...dammit. I shrug him off, stepping up to the vanity and trying to ignore him.