Landslide

by Jenn Cooksey

  Done, I lean over and spit, handing him the toothbrush back and accepting the glass of water he immediately replaces it with. “Maybe I should have my own toothbrush here.”

  He waits for me to swish the water around my mouth. “Do you want your own toothbrush here?”

  “Well, do you want me to have one?” I ask, using the back of my hand to wipe the thin string of spittle from my chin.

  Cole leans forward, kisses my nose, and then pulls me closer by my hips as he stands straight again, studying my face momentarily. “Let’s put it this way…what would you say if I asked you to marry me right this minute?”

  I don’t feel alarm or the urge to run screaming. I do feel surprise take over my features and excited butterflies take up residence in my stomach, tickling me without mercy from the inside with their giddy wing flapping, though. “Are y—are you proposing?”

  He grins. “No.” The deafening sound of my heart beating in my ears gradually decreases. “But I do wanna marry you.”

  A smile spreading across my face, I bring my lips to his, and just before we kiss, I tell him, “Then I’d say we should definitely get me my own toothbrush.”

  43

  “Stolen Dance”

  —Cole—

  Inspired, and wondering if Tiffany & Co. has rush shipping, I begin genuinely plotting out a proposal as I carry Erica to my bed. My bed. This is gonna be the best night ever… She’s going on and on about the last twenty-four hours being completely surreal and I’m envisioning a modestly sized emerald cut diamond—maybe one, one and a half carats—surrounded by bead-set diamonds that extend down onto a platinum band encircling a brand new toothbrush in the holder on my sink. Not that I’ve been ring shopping recently.

  Dude. Who are you trying to lie to? That was one of the first things you did when you got home from taking her to her place that first night. And Payton caught you. If you’ll recall, he and I both gave you the thumbs up on the two rings you had in your online shopping bag. Although I really do like the emerald cut over the princess cut. Nice choice.

  Thanks.

  No problem.

  Turning to sit on the edge of the bed with her legs still around me, I try to push engagement rings aside so I can focus more on what she’s saying, and maybe, I don’t know…participate in the conversation. “I mean, I deflowered you tonight, Cole.”

  “Yes, you most certainly did.” And very well at that.

  I lie back and stretch out. Erica follows me, her knees on either side of my waist and her breasts just grazing my chest as she leans forward, resting her forearms on my abdomen and gazing down on me. My hands slide to hers; with a mind of their own, our fingers intertwine, and I pull her arms up over my head so that her body can melt into mine; so that my heart can feel hers beating when I kiss her.

  “I still can’t believe you…well, I can’t believe that was your first time.”

  Releasing her hands, mine run down her back. “I still can’t believe you can’t say virgin.”

  She scoffs. “I can say it! Just…” she pauses to kiss me back, “not in a context revolving around you. Sounds wrong. Like it’s a lie or something.”

  “Hmm…” I think about what almost came out of my mouth, kiss her once deeply; her body moving sensually on top of mine has me disregarding my objections, and knowing I can probably get away with it, I decide to just say it anyway. “You know…I’m feelin’ a little flowery again all of a sudden. Think maybe some petals are growing back.”

  “Mmm…” She runs a trail from my earlobe down my neck with her lips. “Because I love you, I’m not gonna subtract points for the pure cheese that just came from your mouth.”

  I can’t help it, I start laughing.

  “That’s the reason, isn’t it? Bad lines are why you were a virgin for so long.”

  “It wasn’t that bad.”

  “Really awful, babe.” She kisses me. “Just terrible.” When she pulls back, I’m drawn in watching the titillating way her body moves as she leans over towards one of my nightstands, looking as if she’s about to open the drawer. Then she does.

  “Sweetheart, what are you looking for?”

  “Condoms,” she casually answers over her shoulder, schooching up and over a little further so she can see better, coincidentally placing one of her breasts right in front of my face. I can’t ignore it… “Really, really awful but, I told you I wasn’t subtracting points. However, we are not having sex again condom free. It was incredible but it wasn’t okay. I do not wanna be a mom.”

  Outwardly, I chuckle at her, but inside, the sound of a pin dropping is heard and the subsequent sting of it landing and pricking my heart is felt. Her declaration also forces me to grudgingly stop one hand from traveling any further over her ass, and I entirely remove the other along with my mouth from her breast, bringing both hands safely behind my head—that I forcibly turn to the side. All so that I won’t be tempted more so or get either of us needlessly worked up. “Not gonna find any in there.”

  “Oh. Other nightstand?”

  “Nope.”

  Noticing the lack of touching, she meets my eyes over her shoulder. I raise my brows and grin with my mouth closed, waiting for her to put it together.

  “You gonna make me go on a scavenger hunt or…were you not serious about wanting to be pruned back again?” I wince. “Yeah, I just heard it. All I can picture in my head now though is an overgrown rose bush that looks like your penis.”

  “That’s not okay, Erica.”

  “It really isn’t. Did we kill the mood?” She pushes herself up so that she’s straddling me with her hands barely resting on my lower abdomen, her index finger absentmindedly finding its way into my bellybutton, making my stomach muscles flicker and twitch with the tickling sensation. “The mood is dead, isn’t it?”

  I honestly don’t think it’s possible to kill the mood when she’s sitting naked on me, but, I sure as shit wish there was a way to. “Not really.”

  “Oh, well, where are the condoms then? ‘Cause I’m up if you still are.” My eyes close, I bite my lip, and inhale a huge breath through my nose as she shifts slightly against my kilt, that for some reason only known to God, I’m still wearing. “And you definitely are.”

  I blow out my breath. “Yeah. Problem is,” I lift her up and slide out from under her, “I don’t have any condoms.”

  “You’ve gotta be joking.”

  “Nope.”

  I push to my feet and walk straight to the sliding glass door in my room, open it, and not even bothering to put my slippers on, I step out onto the small deck, sinking into the snow up to the middle of my calves, utilizing frostbite as a means of bringing myself down. It doesn’t work as well as one might think. Once I am finally able to climb in bed next to the naked love of my life without losing my damned mind, I remember the kilt and pull it off, tossing it to the foot of the bed and rolling onto my side to face Erica. She’s been respectfully subdued throughout my dejected struggle to get myself into a state of being that won’t again result in the possibility of putting a baby in her. Even though I couldn’t care less if I did. Actually, I take that back. I want to. Like, I really want to. Just, not without her consent. I can only hope that she realizes the idea of her not being a mom is inane.

  And yeah, we could do other fun naked-time stuff; however, it’s not the same. It’s not what either of us wants to do right now. We want to make love to each other again, and while it would feel fantastic, an oral substitution is going to fall short at this point. But hey, at least we’re on the same page for once.

  “Cole?” She snuggles closer, my hand habitually moving to comb through her hair.

  “Hmm?”

  “How in the world do you not have condoms?”

  I feel my lips stretch into a small smile. “I told you last night, I hardly ever even dated, and up until a couple hours ago, I was a delicate flower.” I wink at her while she tries to stifle a laugh. “Meaning, why keep ‘em on hand when I had no use for ‘em
.”

  “Okay, well…you gotta explain all this to me. Like, I don’t wanna beat a dead horse here or anything, but I don’t get it. How were you a virgin this whole time? I mean, you were always very attractive and you’re sincerely gorgeous now, you were cocky and the biggest flirt ever, and everyone always said you were a player.”

  I rock my head from side to side on the pillow, considering. “Well, I kinda was. I just, never closed a game.”

  “Why not? Were you saving yourself for marriage or something?”

  I lift my left hand and sarcastically take note of my bare fingers. “Obviously not. But…I don’t know, maybe I was subconsciously. Not for marriage I mean. Just…in general. It was a conscious decision, though, to not have sex.”

  “So, you purposely didn’t have sex, yet you weren’t waiting for anything in particular?”

  “Yes and no.” I heave out a breath and try to figure out a way to best explain it. “Alright see, it was like this…you know how my mom didn’t want me and basically abandoned me with my dad, who I grew up thinking didn’t want me either, right?” Her face fills with sorrow and she nods. “Okay, well…I decided way before I was even interested in sex that I wasn’t gonna risk creating a life with someone who I wasn’t absolutely certain would be there for that life. I didn’t want to be my dad…or have any child of mine feel unwanted the way I did. And once I finally got interested, I knew I wasn’t in a position financially or maturity-wise to be a parent yet. So, I just didn’t have sex. It was the lesser of evils in my mind. And because of that, it was actually a lot easier than it might sound. Until you. You were a pain in my ass.”

  Understanding of some kind lights her face. “Oooh. Oh my God. That was why the night…”

  I nod. “The night of Holden’s funeral. Yeah.”

  “And then your dad…”

  “My dad overheard us in the morning talking about the sheets and everything, and he assumed what everyone else did. Right. And I was indignant, or rather, righteously pissed off because there I was, a stalwart virgin, being accused of the one thing I made a point of not doing. Little did they know, I almost did do exactly what they thought, because you were the exception…the only one I ever considered breaking my abstaining rule for, because I knew for certain you wouldn’t bail if, on accident, you got pregnant. And, you know, I was in love with you, so…there was that.”

  A breath of air is released from her lips. “Wow. So much actually makes sense to me now in hindsight.” Something occurs to her suddenly though, and she grabs my shoulder, pulling it down almost flat—smooshing my face into the mattress in the process. “‘I see now that the circumstances of one’s birth are irrelevant. It is what you do with the gift of life that determines who are.’”

  She finishes reading my tattoo and lets go. I lift my eyes to hers, holding her still with a simple look; swirling in the crystalline blue is the certain knowledge that it still isn’t the time to explain what that means to me exactly. She has the gist of it and that’s enough for right now. “Something like that.”

  “You really considered it though? With me?”

  My lips quirk. She’s so damned cute. I don’t understand how she can’t see that she’s always had me wrapped, but her timid request to be reassured is endearing. “Every single day and night for about three months, Erica.”

  Bolstered once more, she smiles to herself. “And yet, you held strong.”

  “Well, yeah, barely. I mean, that night at the cove was an exceedingly near-run thing. I was all in and if those people hadn’t been out walking, it totally would’ve happened. But, I’m actually kind of glad it didn’t because by the time I was ultimately conscious of what I wanted, well…we weren’t in the same place emotionally. Sex between us would’ve carried a vastly different weight and meaning at any point over that summer.”

  “That’s probably true. What about afterwards, though, when we thought we’d never see each other again?”

  “I was a soldier, beautiful. I lived and breathed that job. I had to. And, bouncing around all over Hell and back with the Air Force isn’t exactly conducive for meeting anyone I’d care to have a solid attachment to. Then once I was out for good, I moved up here and even though I learned that my dad did actually want me, it didn’t erase how I grew up or how I felt about taking even the smallest risk with someone I didn’t trust wholly and care deeply about, and vice versa, and between you and me, there isn’t a lot to choose from up here. Plus, truth be told, by that time I had a lot of healing to do and other shit to take care of, and while it might be thought of by some as unbelievable with me being a guy, the honest to God truth is, having sex just for the sake of having it was never a top priority.”

  A sigh escapes her and an adoring smile plays on her lips. “You are so unfathomable. I’ve known you my whole life practically and it took everything that happened tonight for me to see that there’s this immeasurable depth to you.”

  Foreign feeling warmth creeps into my face and I have to stop myself from shifting uncomfortably. Jesus, modesty is an odd condition to experience when it’s not your norm… “Humph. You make it sound like I’m some kind of great humanitarian for stubbornly holding onto my v-card until you out-stubborned me by stripping during our first fight ever. I’m not that deep, sweetheart.”

  “Yeah, you really kinda are. Makes me wonder what else I don’t know.”

  A sudden revelation hits me. “Oh, I’m sure I’m full of surprises but, I just realized something…thanks to my incorruptible morals, I missed out on my goddamned sexual prime.” A sigh comes from me and giggling from her. “That sucks.”

  “Oh, stop. You’re not that old.”

  I throw her a pouty glare, to which she responds by giggling again and kissing me. It’s a dulcet kiss; not too long or intense so that we ignite a fire that we won’t be able to put out, however, the simplicity of thoughtfully touching our tongues to one another’s and wallowing in the easy intimacy of our lips melding together in our familiar and perfected rhythm is just shy of soul-stirring.

  “God, who taught you how to kiss? They deserve an award of some kind…”

  Shrugging my shoulders, I open my eyes wide. Again with the modesty thing… “Uh…no one. I don’t think.”

  “Well, who was your first kiss?”

  My lips quirk. “You.”

  “Nu-uh!”

  “Ya-huh. The closet under the stairs at Jimmy Meyer’s house during h—”

  “His birthday party, I remember. Remembering that whole thing was what prompted me to strip last week, remember?”

  “Oh yeah. And I’m the one who brought it up. That was my first look at live boobs, too. Thanks for that.”

  “You’re welcome. But, that was really your first kiss? Or, three, I guess?”

  “Yep.”

  “Well, I’ll be damned, you really are full of surprises. You’ve always been a world-class kisser then. What about the other thing you excel at? You already know you were mine, but was I your first for that too?”

  “Yeah, no. Sorry. Both receiving and giving. And the latter I did get some tutoring on.”

  “Oh yeah? Who?”

  I look at her and bite my lip, trying to decide if I should tell her.

  “Come on…just tell me.”

  I huff out a short, preparatory breath. “Okay. Did you take junior year AP Lit?”

  “Yeah…wh—NO! Miss Ellis?!” I nod—slowly—and try to stifle both the grin and laugh I can feel threatening. “Holy shit, Cole! She was a teacher!”

  “Yeah, she was. She was barely twenty-two and fresh out of college though when I had her class, and I was legit legal for almost a year when it actually started.”

  “When it started? How long did it last?!”

  “Off and on through the summer after senior year. I kicked the whole thing off though with veiled innuendos dating back to the end of my junior year. First time we ever did anything outside of creating some fun tension though was day of graduation in her office a
fter I picked up my cap and gown. Why I missed the entering processional of the ceremony.”

  “I was thinking before that I wanted to give her an award, but it just dawned on me that she broke my track record, the bitch.”

  “Oh, no.” I shake my head. “I had done it before with a handful of girls, just not with much skill. It was a very scholastic summer.”

  “I’m having a very difficult time picturing this…I mean, did you have to raise your hand?” she asks on a laugh, “And I can’t imagine calling her Miss Ellis did much for either of you.”

  “No hand raising was required and her name is Michelle so that’s what I called her, you dork.”

  “Wow, Cole… Calling a teacher by her first name during oral sex 101, summer school edition,” she says, wearing a most amazed expression, “Well, color you scandalous.”

  I chuckle and roll my eyes, but then sober thinking of something I’ve always wondered about… “Alright, we’ve covered me fairly well, so your turn. I’m pretty sure I can claim your first orgasm, right?

  She nods firmly, boldly stating, “Yeah, you can.”

  “Thought so.” Technically, not a proud moment. Still, I gotta admit, I’ll own it and wear the badge happily. “And I know the rest of your stats, but,” I pause, tucking a wayward strand of hair back behind her ear so that nothing is blocking the captivating beauty radiating from behind her eyes, and doing everything I can to not think about the one race I know I for sure didn’t even place second in, “who was your first kiss?”

  The question seems to take her aback. Gone is the smile on her lips and the playful light in her eyes, both dying out to express nothing but bereavement as her face falls; my heart plummets with it.

  “It wasn’t me, was it?” I try to not sound disappointed. Erica quickly wiping a tear from her cheek before I do it for her tells me I wasn’t all that convincing. “It’s okay, sugar. Real—”