Under the Bleachers: A Novel

by K. K. Allen

  “I’m not playing any games.”

  “But you are.”

  “I’m not.” She pushes off my chest, but before she can get away I pull her in so that she lands flush against my body. She can’t even look at me, but she doesn’t try to pull away again.

  “I see you, Cakes. This isn’t a one-sided thing. You like me, and I like you. There’s no clearer way to put it. But if you need to keep denying us a chance to figure this out, then I’ll let you have that for a little bit longer. Doesn’t mean I’ll let you forget what you’re missing.” I push her back one step until her back greets the wall. Her breath quickens.

  “It’s never going to work,” she whispers.

  I use my hands to cup her cheeks, then guide her chin so she’s forced to look into my eyes. When she does, I give her the most desperately pleading look I can conjure. “It will.”

  Her eyes glisten with unshed tears, and I’m going crazy making sense of this woman’s fears. What is she keeping from me? She’s fighting so hard to keep me away from her heart, but she knows she’ll lose.

  “I care about you and about this project,” she says with imploring eyes. “I want all of that to work out. Let’s get through this project first, and then we can talk about us if that’s still what you want.”

  “So you’re saying there’s a chance?” I tease.

  Her narrow eyes twinkle as she smiles. “Smartass.”

  Groaning, I bury my nose in her hair and continue to hold her tight. “I’m not giving up on you, Cakes. Not now, not ever. And to be clear.” I slide my hand between our bodies until my palm rests over her heart. “It’s this I want.”

  A few silent moments pass between us before I pull away from her completely, leaving her with a promise. I’m not giving up.

  Well, he wasn’t lying when he said he wasn’t going to give up. I’ve never met such a stubborn man in my life. He’s armored with some type of rejection seal. Nothing will shoot him down. In fact, I think he gets stronger with each blow. Not that I’m carrying arrows anymore. What’s the point? By the end of the week, I’m officially tired of fighting my attraction.

  I feel the intensity between us stronger than ever. We’re back to being ourselves, which is great, but it’s running havoc on my emotions. We flirt because we can’t help ourselves, but every time I feel flush in the cheeks or like my heart is jumping around in my chest, I remind myself why more is a bad idea.

  It doesn’t mean this week hasn’t been exhausting, battling these crazy feelings for him. He’s come into the office way more than usual, giving me zero time to objectively evaluate how I’m feeling because he’s constantly around—eyeing me from across the room, brushing past me, subtly touching my arm or back, leaning in real close when I’m showing him something on my computer, giving me that sexy reserved for Cakes only smile—but he hasn’t made a move on me yet.

  What is he waiting for?

  One thing I can’t ignore: I crave his presence all the time now. I appreciate his persistence because, let’s face it, Zach could have anyone. Why me? Especially when I’m so hard to crack with my tower-high brick walls.

  My feelings for him haven’t disappeared. I might even like him more after watching his godly restraint. It’s not something I comment on, though, for fear we’ll find ourselves having a conversation that will only disappoint us both. We keep it light and simple.

  We haven’t talked about Meredith since our last confrontation. I’m glad he’s onto her scheming, but why hasn’t he fired her yet? She’s still running around, owning his time off like she knows what’s best for him. She’s a tyrant with an agenda, and I’m afraid her agenda is exactly what Gracie and Trinity said it was from the very beginning.

  She wants Zach, and she’s pulling out all the stops to get him to want her.

  It’s Friday night. We’ve accomplished a lot over the past five days: reviewed and provided final feedback for the apparel designs and logos, outlined one of the sponsor videos, and received the first draft of venue mockups from the design team—but I’m getting antsy at the thought of Zach being out of town next week. When he left the office earlier, he thanked me, told me he’d be back soon, and kissed my cheek. The kiss was … disappointing. There was no passion, no sexual undertone, no lingering sparks caused by his hot breath on my cheek … no promise for more. It was just a peck of thanks. For doing my job.

  Why does that leave me feeling empty?

  I spend Friday night trying to answer this question over a bowl of ice cream. It seems Zachary Ryan has changed me. I’m now one of those women who sits at home on the weekend with a pint of chocolate ice cream in their lap, stewing over a boy. Ice cream has never been my go-to for self-soothing. It only makes me feel bloated and tired when I wake up the next morning—way worse than a hangover. Maybe that’s why I’m punishing myself with it.

  When my phone buzzes in my pocket Saturday evening, my heart immediately jumps in my chest. I hope it’s Zach telling me his plans for tonight fell through. I still have regrets over the pots and pans disaster. Maybe we can cook. Scratch that. Maybe he can cook.

  I sigh when I see Chloe’s name light up the screen.

  “Hey, Chlo Chlo.”

  “Hey, Mon Mon.

  “It sounds better when I say it.”

  Chloe snorts. “You’re snippy. Zach still playing hard to get?”

  “You can say that. I’ve had a rough couple of days.”

  “That’s why I’m calling. Maybe I can make it better.”

  I perk up. Leave it to Chloe to save the day. “I’m listening.”

  “Gavin got an invite to the Mastermind movie premiere in Seattle tonight. Guess who’s going to be there?”

  I think about the appointment marked private on Zach’s calendar and my shoulders fall in defeat. “He’s going to a movie premiere tonight?”

  Chloe laughs. “He’s giving the movie intro and sponsoring the after party. Gav got four tickets. Please tell me you don’t have plans. I want you to be my date.”

  “Isn’t Gavin going?”

  “Yeah, of course.”

  I smirk. “Does he know you like me better yet?”

  She shushes me. “Don’t tell him, or he won’t let us hang out anymore. Come be my date.”

  Sighing, I feel the pressure and want so badly to cave. “I don’t have plans, but there’s no way I’m going. Things are still kinda weird between us. I’m not going to crash his event. He’ll think I’m a creeper. You should invite Jazz and Marco.”

  “Stop!” she insists. “You’re coming if I have to make Gavin toss you in the car. BelleCurve set up the event, so it won’t be weird that you’re there. Besides, Jazz and Marco are at her parent’s house. It’s their anniversary. Thirty years, can you believe it? That’s an insane amount of time to be with someone.”

  I laugh. “You and Gav have a decade already, so don’t be so surprised.”

  “We’re not married yet,” she corrects me firmly. “Look, Gavin invited Justin. He and Phoebe are on the outs again. Just don’t tell Phoebe if you happen to talk to her. I feel bad we’re taking Justin, but they are Gav’s tickets, so…”

  I toss myself back on the couch and laugh again.

  “Please come, Monica. It’s one of those action films, so you know I’m gonna fall asleep if you’re not there fighting me for popcorn.”

  “True,” I agree in all seriousness. This is what we do for each other, always taking one for the team. Letting out a half-sigh, half-groan, I relent. “Fine, Chloe. You’ve got a date. When are you picking me up?”

  “Yay! We’ll grab you in an hour. Dress up for the after party.”

  “Will do. Love you, Chlo Chlo.”

  “I love you too, Mon Mon.”

  Gavin’s truck is parked at the curb of my apartment building when I push through the main doors. Chloe steps out of the front seat, revealing her curvy frame and tone body in a leggy gray dress she bought the last time we went sh
opping. She sees me and smiles before her eyes travel the length of my body.

  “Monica! Your outfit is adorable!”

  I beam, feeling pride rise in my chest. It’s a white, satin slip dress, with white chiffon layering. It ends right above my knees, which in combination with the spaghetti straps makes it classy and flirty. But it’s the caplet now draped over my shoulders that is my favorite part of the outfit. I found the fabric online and got inspired; the most perfect nude material with a hint of gold to match my favorite clutch purse and strappy stilettos.

  “Thanks!” I gush. “I was just playing around with materials and threw it together.”

  Chloe is still swooning when Justin replaces her in the front passenger seat and we slip into the back.

  “You made that?” Her jaw drops as she fingers the soft material. “This is what you should be going to school for.”

  “I’ll make you one,” I beam, ignoring her comment about school. I still haven’t decided what I’ll be studying during summer quarter, and I don’t want to talk about it now. “I bought the same material in black. It would look cute on you too.”

  I turn to the guys in the front seat and change the topic. “Thanks for inviting me.”

  Gavin gives me a wink. “No problem. I’m all for playing matchmaker when Chloe agrees to see a Mastermind film.”

  We all laugh at that, but everything shifts the moment I’m reminded of Zach. I’ve been trying to force him out of my mind to shake the nerves. The excitement I felt seconds earlier is gone.

  When I turn to look at Chloe, her face softens and she leans closer so she can talk quietly. “Maybe you two just need time away from the office together. You’re always working, and you’re setting all these rules about everything.”

  “Chlo, this is the exact situation I’m trying to stay away from. Zach will be busy tonight with his fan club. I’ll be the last person he’ll want to talk to.”

  “Not in that dress.” She wiggles her eyebrows, making me laugh. “You want the truth?” she questions in warning. “I think your subtle hints are too subtle! You just need to do what you do best and be straight with him—but don’t scare him.”

  Chloe’s voice is louder now, and Gavin chuckles softly from the front seat. I wish he could see me glaring.

  “What did you tell me once?” Chloe continues. “Put him out of his misery already?” Her eyes twinkle at the reference to me urging her to sleep with Gavin. “Why don’t you start listening to your own advice? You’re not going to like yourself very much if you let this one get away.”

  Chloe’s right.

  “I hate when you make sense, which is like, all the time. Maybe I just hate you all the time.”

  She snickers. “Nice try. You could never hate me because I’ve already won your heart with my baking skills. You’re my number one batch, remember?”

  I roll my eyes at her horrible play on the word bitch and tickle her side until she’s breathless with laughter. “Who’s the batch now?”

  “Okay, okay, stop!” she squeals. I relieve her of my fingers and she places a hand over mine and smiles. “Whatever happens, you still look hot in that dress.”

  Nothing can stop my smile after that comment, because as usual, she’s right.

  It’s clear we’ve walked into an exclusive party. The entire theater has been reserved for the premiere, and the long bar on the other side of the room is packed. Since we’re a few minutes early, Gavin and Justin head to the wall-to-wall bar to order our first round while Chloe and I hang back to people-watch.

  “Wow,” Chloe says as her eyes catch on a woman in costume. “Were we supposed to dress up?”

  The woman, who’s donning full body paint, a tiny black leather skirt, and pasties covering her nipples, poses for a photo. I totally could have rocked that.

  “I’ve been to some film premieres in LA and they can get pretty rowdy, especially since celebrities are walking the red carpet. This is tame in comparison.” I hope it doesn’t sound like I’m bragging.

  “Speaking of celebrities…” Chloe’s eyes are pointed at the other side of the room. “Actually, maybe you shouldn’t look.”

  I see what she sees. It’s Zach, smiling and laughing with a group of people focused solely on him. He looks amazing in a black button-down shirt and silver tie—oddly like the tie necklace I was wearing on Monday. Even from here, I can see the sparkle in his eyes as he works the crowd.

  But that’s not what she’s referring to. My heart drops down the bottomless pit in my stomach when I notice who’s beside him—or rather who’s clutching his arm and hanging on his every word.

  They’re on a date. Again? I’m going to be sick. After everything he said to me on Monday, this feels like a kick in the stomach.

  Chloe tries to distract me with chatter, but I can’t take my eyes off him. The way he pauses to listen intently to what the others in the group are saying. The way he takes short sips of the amber liquid in his hands. The way he politely makes himself available to the next person requesting his attention. His laugh. He’s a natural charmer in the most genuine way.

  He’s too good. Too … smooth.

  At some point, his eyes shift from whoever he’s talking to and drift around the room. When they fall on mine, they lift in surprise.

  Great. It’s not bad enough that I showed up at his event like a Zachary Ryan stalker. Now he knows I’ve been watching him.

  I take in a helping of air and clutch Chloe’s arm as Zach excuses himself from the group, leaving Meredith behind to walk toward us.

  Shit. What do I say? Am I supposed to admit that I knew he would be here? Maybe I should play it off like I’m surprised to see him too.

  As I’m screaming at my body to appear as nonchalant as possible, Zach runs into Gavin and Justin, who are on their way toward us with drinks in their hands. They greet each other animatedly, and then Zach asks Gavin a question. Gavin responds by handing him one of the drinks before they close the gap between us.

  Zach gives Chloe a hug first and then his focus turns to me. No hug, but he extends the drink in his hand, ice clinking against the glass, and a smile rests on his perfect lips. “Hey, Cakes.”

  The anxiety I’ve been feeling about Meredith falls away, and the group I’m with suddenly becomes engaged in animated conversation. Zach and I are in our own bubble. I smile with ease.

  “You look nice,” I say.

  That’s an understatement. Up close I can see that his crisp slacks match his skinny silver tie and freshly trimmed hair—closely shaven on the sides and styled with a slight lift at the top. He’s freaking gorgeous.

  I glance over his shoulder, my excitement vanishing when I see Meredith stalking toward us, eyes zeroed in on Zach. A woman on a mission to claim her man. I hold back an eye roll.

  Turning back to Zach, I notice his eyes drop to my dress as he inhales in the tiniest of breaths. “So do you, Cakes. I’m glad you came.”

  I feel my body warming from the inside out. “It would have been nicer to get the invite from you, but”—I wink, fighting to regain control of my body—“I’ll let it go this one time.”

  His lips press together tightly. “I didn’t know if it was your thing.”

  Anything with you is my thing.

  There’s a flurry of motion around us, and I realize that everyone is heading into the theater. And that’s when Meredith approaches, effectively popping our bubble. She hooks her arm around Zach’s, looking far too comfortable.

  I’ve never wanted to claim a man as mine so badly. Frustration claws through me, vigorously digging in at the sight of her. She’s off the charts beautiful with her short blonde bob and sharp blue eyes. It’s not the first time I’ve noticed the way her height perfectly complements Zach’s, and just how natural they look together. Perhaps that’s why I’m racked with jealousy every time I picture them together. Lucky me, now I get to see it up close.

  “Great to see you guys,” she tell
s us, eyes sweeping our group and then landing on me with an unmistakable glint of challenge. I hate her.

  I look at Zach, full of questions that I know are visible through my eyes. He’s staring back as if he wants to answer, but Justin comes to my rescue. Placing an arm over my shoulder, he leans in to avoid screaming over the crowd. “Ready to find our seats?”

  Nodding, I strip my eyes from Zach and let Justin guide me behind Gavin and Chloe. There’s a hole in my chest that I know is for me alone to own. After all, it’s me who’s given all the resistance. It’s me who’s incapable of expressing my true feelings. I’m to blame, and I’ll be the one to suffer.

  I should have left the moment I saw Meredith on his arm. Instead, I’m sandwiched in between Chloe and Justin with Zach a few seats to the right and one row in front of me. I get to watch every single laugh between him and Meredith, every single touch. This is not my idea of a good time.

  Every so often he’ll turn his head to glance at me. I pretend to not see it. I pretend I’m watching the most exciting movie ever made, laughing and gasping at all the right parts. That’s the fun part of being surrounded by a premiere crowd: everyone gets into the action.

  By the time the movie’s over, I’ve had enough. Meredith has made her point, and Zach clearly isn’t fighting it. I’m not going to stay to watch anymore of this shitshow. I pull Chloe away from the crowd to let her know.

  “Not to be a Debbie Downer, but I think I should go.”

  “No, stay! I’ve never seen you act so unsure over a guy before. Just go walk up to him and tell him you want to suck his face.”

  I roll my eyes. She sounds like me. “He’s with Meredith.”

  Chloe makes a disgusted noise in the back of her throat. “Do not let that woman play you. She’s obviously into Zach, but he doesn’t like her like that. I can tell.”

  I shake my head emphatically. I’ve convinced myself of the same thing once before, and look where it got me.

  Chloe sighs, and we take a break from our conversation to look around the room. I spot Zach immediately. He’s making his rounds, taking pictures with fans, engaging in conversation, and charming the pants off anyone who looks at him.