Under the Bleachers: A Novel

by K. K. Allen

  “I got tired of the torment. I ran the track after school to get faster. Worked out a lot to bulk up. I did all of this not so I could play football, but so I could run faster when my bully came after me again.” The crowd is still, immersed in his every word.

  “Why didn’t he give this speech at Heroes and Legends?” a voice whispers in my ear.

  I jump, surprised to find Chloe standing behind me. “Why aren’t you with Gav?” I whisper.

  She shrugs. “He’s helping Richland out with something.” We both turn back to the stage as Zach continues.

  “It worked,” Zach says. “I became bigger than my bully, and I was faster too. But here’s the thing: I thought fighting this kid with my fists was the answer. I was wrong. The reality is, you can’t fight a bully by being one.” Zach looks at Coach Reynolds and laughs. “This guy right here taught me that. He sat us kids down and said something I’ll never forget.

  “He said, ‘Imagine what you could do if you were on the same team.’” Zach nods emphatically. “Yeah. Imagine that. And then he showed us what he meant. This guy right here put me and the kid who threw me in trash cans more times than I can count on the same team. He gave us a break. He gave us a family.” Zach pats my dad’s back, his voice cracking. “And he taught us how to be leaders.

  “If it wasn’t for Coach Reynolds I might still be lost.” Zach smiles as my dad squeezes his shoulder in a warm acknowledgement.

  Seeing the affection between these men that I love—one who wants nothing to do with me and the other who wants to share the world with me—creates a physical ache in my chest. Tears are streaming down my face before I can stop them because my reality is staring me painfully in the face. Coach Reynolds—my father—is Zach’s hero in every sense of the word. How can I take that away from him by telling him the truth?

  Now it’s my father’s turn to speak. “I couldn’t be prouder of ya, Zach,” he says. “It’s true, you know, what this guy tells you about leadership. He’s one of the best leaders I know. He seized an opportunity and made magic out of it. Not everyone can do that. Not everyone recognizes an opportunity when it’s handed to them. This week was one of the many opportunities you’ll get in this life, so don’t take it for granted. You learned from the best this week. I know because I coach ’em.”

  Everyone laughs.

  Then my father turns to Zach and hugs him from the side. “I’m proud to call you family, son.”

  Family.

  Son.

  Then a thousand things seem to happen at once, setting off a chain reaction that will change everything. Applause breaks out. Chloe tries to get my attention because she knows something is very wrong, but I’m unable to respond. Zach steps off the stage and spots me. It’s too late for me to hide again.

  Everything is happening in slow motion, and all I can do is watch.

  “Hey, Cakes! There you are.” Zach takes me in his arms and hugs me. “That was pretty intense, I know.”

  It’s at that moment, with my cheek flattened against Zach’s chest, that our eyes connect for the first time in nine years. Both of us are speechless. At least he recognizes who I am.

  Zach is wiping the tears from my face, but I’m too numb to react.

  Then he hooks his arm around my shoulders and turns to my father. “Coach, this is the girl I was telling you about. Monica, this is Coach.”

  I step backwards, nearly smacking right into Chloe.

  My dad steps forward, pain breaking through his shocked expression. “Monica…”

  I step back again and Zach looks between us, confused. Then something in his face changes as he starts to put the puzzle pieces together.

  “Cakes…” He reaches for me unsteadily, waiting for me to confirm it all.

  I take a final step back, giving him nothing.

  And then I turn and run to my cabin.

  Chloe’s on my heels, but hers are the only footsteps I hear, so I keep running. I get to the cabin a few seconds before her and start throwing clothes into my suitcase.

  I need to get out of here. Now.

  As I wedge in a pair of shorts to make them fit, I suddenly begin sobbing all over again. I’m not even sure why I’m crying. It’s not like it was a surprise to see Zach and my father together. It’s not like I didn’t know what I was getting into with him. It’s all my fault because I knew, and I kept it from him for so many different confusing reasons.

  The next thing I know, Chloe’s arms are around me and she’s guiding me to the nearest bed. “Monica, oh my God. what just happened back there?”

  I throw myself back into the pillow and hiccup through a few breaths before I think I can speak. “It’s awful. I’m awful.”

  “No, you’re not,” she says gently. “Whatever’s going on will be okay. I promise.”

  “You don’t even know!” I wail.

  She gives me a moment to regain the tiniest bit of composure, and then I give her the bullet point version of the story. As I speak, I can almost hear the questions roaming through Chloe’s head, but she’s silent until I’m done.

  “But you’re from Texas.”

  I groan. “So is Zach. We’re both from Dallas. After my parents’ divorce, my dad got a coaching job at the local high school, and my mom took my sister and I to Rockwall to live with my grandma.”

  I want to scream, so I do. I grab the nearest pillow to muffle most of the sound. Chloe, being her amazing self, doesn’t even flinch.

  “It’s complicated, Chlo,” I continue. “Jerry Springer complicated. The same year Zach was getting saved by my father, my sister and I were getting our hearts broken. It was awful. We showed up on his doorstep after not seeing him for two years only to find him living happily ever after with his new family.”

  “Jesus,” she breathes. “What do you want to do? We could go. I’m sure Richland will understand. Gav and I could drive you back. I’ll stay with you tonight.”

  I sit up and nod. “I can’t stay here. I’m not ready to face either of them right now.”

  The knock on the door is loud and commanding. I know it’s Zach. But why? The ceremony can’t possibly be over yet.

  Chloe jumps up and opens the door before I can say anything, and Zach pushes his way inside. He just stands there near the door, staring at me wearing a look of hurt, confusion, and anger.

  Anger. He’s pissed at me for knowing and not saying a word to him. After all the nights we’ve spent together, confessing everything. He thought he knew everything.

  And he has every right to be angry. He’s only ever asked for the truth.

  “Can you give us a minute, Chloe?”

  “Zach, I don’t think—”

  “Just a minute. I have to get back to the field.” He turns to her again, pleading. “Please.”

  I give Chloe a nod, so she steps out the door and shuts it behind her.

  Zach doesn’t move, and I don’t know what to say.

  “You could have told me,” he finally says.

  I cringe. “I was going to tell you everything after I talked to him. You didn’t tell me he was coming here.”

  “I didn’t think I had to!” he yells. “Coach Reynolds is your father?”

  A tears slides down my cheek and I nod.

  “God damn it, Monica. Coach? He’s a good man to a good family. The man you talk about is evil and heartless. I hate that man!” he yells. “How could you keep that from me? I told you I loved you!”

  The reality of his words hits me hard. I’ve always known there was a chance he wouldn’t want to be with me after he found out the truth. That’s exactly why I kept pushing him away.

  “Were you planning to end this all along?”

  Shit.

  I shake my head emphatically. “Not after this week. I told you I wanted to confront him, and I meant it. I knew it was the only way I could finally move on. But you need to understand something. When you told me how much he meant to you, what he did
for you—as much as it hurt me, I knew it would hurt you even more to know what I know. He doesn’t deserve the pedestal you’ve put him on. But I have no right to tell you that, do I? Your experience with him is at the other end of the spectrum from mine. The man you know is different. I have no right to take that away from you. I don’t want to.”

  Zach bows his head and clenches his fists. “What about last night?” Then he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the note. “What about this?” He throws the paper at me, letting it flutter angrily to the floor. “You’re not ready. You’ll never be ready.”

  I cover my face with my hands, and my shoulders shake as I release another sob. “I was ready.”

  “I thought you told me everything. I thought that’s what this week has been. But no, you’ve kept the most important part of yourself from me.”

  I wipe the tears from my eyes with back of my hand. “You think he’s the most important thing about me?”

  “You know what I mean, Monica.”

  “This isn’t something I go around bragging about to people, Zachary.”

  “But it’s not people. It’s me!” he roars.

  “I know!” I shoot back. “I’m doing the best I can. I moved here to forgive that man, but it’s been almost three years now. Three years of me trying to get up enough courage to see him, and then he just shows up here. I wasn’t expecting to deal with this today.”

  “You think I was?”

  I’ve never seen Zach furious. And the fact that his anger is directed at me hurts even more. “I warned you this wasn’t going to work. I tried to tell you.”

  “No, Monica. You tried to lie to me. Never once did you try to tell me anything. It was always me prying information from you, wanting nothing more than to protect you from this pain.” His face darkens even more. “But you’re right about one thing. You did warn me to stay away. I’m sorry I didn’t listen.”

  I gasp at the same time he turns for the door and throws it open. It bounces against the closet and swings back with a slam.

  A moment later, Chloe bursts in to find me shaking. “That didn’t go so well?”

  “Of course not,” I heave. “He’s just like my father. Selfish and heartless. And once again, I’m the one getting left behind.”

  And then I wipe my tears and march to the closet to pack the rest of my things.

  “You’re not, you know?”

  Chloe’s driving us home in Gavin’s truck while he stays back to help Richland since I got violently ill on the job. At least that’s the story we’re going with.

  It’s been silent for a while now. After telling Chloe everything, she’s been giving me time to reflect on the morning’s events.

  “Huh?”

  She looks at me briefly before turning back to the road. “You’re not getting left behind. You said that earlier, and I can’t stop thinking about it. I hate that you would even think that. Everybody loves you, including those two men back there. There may not be a simple resolution, but I can see in their eyes that they want to fix this.”

  My head falls back against the seat and I turn to inspect my best friend for damage. “You’re way too optimistic, Chlo. What do you think happened back there? My dad showed up, horrified to see me once again, and Zach hates me for ruining his happily ever after. Sure, I could have spilled my guts before to prevent this day from happening, but this day was never supposed to happen.”

  Chloe reaches across the armrest and grabs my hand. “Trust me,” she says, “I know why you kept this from Zach. It was your secret, and you barely knew him. There came a point where maybe you should have told him, but Monica, none of this is your fault. It’s nobody’s fault. It’s just a result of years of heartache that finally came to a head.”

  “Now you’re being too nice. If I’d just come out with it, Zach and I could have talked through everything. At least then he would have known the truth before falling in love with me.”

  Chloe shivers. “This feels all too familiar.” I know she’s thinking about her explosion of a fight with Gavin after she found out he’d been keeping something huge from her.

  “You’re right,” she concedes. “It’s good that you can admit when you’re wrong. But at the same time, it’s not black and white, so stop beating yourself up over it. Here’s what it comes down to: either you and Zach are destined for each other, or you’re not.”

  “You really believe in that shit, don’t you?”

  “Yes,” she responds firmly. “I do. I also believe that things happen when they’re supposed to. All of this, what happened today, is a result of what your father started years ago. If anyone should be carrying blame and guilt around, it’s him. Not you.”

  There’s a burning in my chest and I pound on it. There’s no way I’m spilling more tears over this disaster that’s become my life. “You know what really snaps my heels?”

  Chloe laughs. “What?”

  “The fact that in any other situation, if my father hadn’t ‘saved’ Zach”—air quotes around saved—“then he would have never walked away from me back there. He would have been on my side, consoling me. He’d be furious at the man that left me, just like he was when I told him the stories.”

  “See?” Chloe looks over at me. “You’re blaming yourself again. You can’t compare this situation to anything else. Think about it from Zach’s perspective—”

  Oh my God, I’m going to scream. “I have!” I let out an aggravated noise. “Every single time I wanted to tell him, I thought about his reaction. And surprise, never once did my predictions include us driving up into the clouds in a red Ford convertible.”

  Chloe laughs. “You should really stop watching that movie so much.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with Grease. Anyway, I could say that same thing to you about Teen Witch.” I raise an eyebrow. Got her.

  “Fine. Go on.”

  I smile half-heartedly. “I think I was making a point.”

  “You were worried about his reaction.”

  “Yes!” I smack the leather on the door and throw myself against the seat again. “You should hear the way he talks about my father. He worships him.”

  Chloe gives me a curious glance, and I know what questions are coming next. “Tell me this: how long were you aware of Zach’s friendship with your father? Did you connect the dots along the way, or—?”

  “Since I was sixteen.” I swallow. “When I got my license, I would drive to Dallas to see my dad’s high school team play. Not every home game, but most of them.”

  “Holy shit.”

  “I don’t know what to do, Chlo.”

  Chloe’s expression softens, and she squeezes my hand. “I know. And I’m going to be here for you the same way you were there for me. Whatever happens, Monica, at least now it’s all out in the air.”

  I snort. “It’s in the air, all right. Let the shit storm commence.”

  Chloe and I have already gone through the bottle of wine and the box of chocolates I had stashed above the refrigerator while talking through three movies, and now we’re curled up on the couch. My eyes feel heavy and I think I hear her snoring when I try to let myself relax and just go to sleep. Having Chloe here has been the best distraction. I’m not ready to be alone with my own thoughts.

  As I feel myself drifting off to sleep, male voices on the other side of the door put me on alert. I pull myself off the couch and peek through the peephole. I see Zach and Gavin arguing on the other side, but their voices are too muffled to make out.

  I can’t ignore the lurch in my chest when I see him. After he walked out of my cabin earlier, I didn’t expect to see him for a while—if I ever saw him again.

  The guys’ voices get louder, and Gavin steps into Zach’s personal bubble. Great.

  I fling open the door. “Can you two stop bickering?”

  Gavin turns to me to speak, his words dripping with annoyance. “Sorry, Monica. The bus dropped us off at BelleCurve and I w
as coming by to get my keys when I saw this guy.”

  “Thanks for the escort,” Zach responds, just as irritated. “I’ll take it from here.”

  I narrow my eyes at Zach while stepping aside so Gavin can go find Chloe. Once the door closes, I let it all out.

  “Wow,” I start. “You’re really committing to being an asshole today, aren’t you?”

  He backs up slightly and tilts his head. “Excuse me?”

  Crossing my arms across my chest, I tilt my chin up. “You heard me.”

  “I came here to see you.”

  “Why?” I feel my breathing quicken, but I hold my ground.

  He searches my eyes and then takes a step toward me, leaning against the doorframe. “To talk,” he says sincerely. “To apologize. I don’t really know.”

  My bottom lip trembles, so I take in another deep breath to get ahold of myself. Zach steps closer. Next thing I know, my back’s against the door and his forehead lands on mine. We’re both breathing angry, heavy breaths, challenging each other with our eyes.

  “I should have never said what I said,” he whispers gruffly.

  I sigh, wishing this brought me some relief. “There must have been truth there if it came out of your mouth. You didn’t even hesitate. Go ahead, think the worst of me.”

  He smacks the doorframe with so much intensity that the walls shake behind me. Then he pushes away, stepping back until he’s up against the opposite wall. “You want to know what I was thinking?”

  I shake my head, because he can’t take back these words that are about to leave his mouth, and I’m too chickenshit to welcome them.

  “Too bad. We’re finally being honest with each other, so I might as well tell you the truth. I was wondering why God would be so cruel as to play us against each other when all I want is to love you. To protect you.” He shakes his head adamantly. “I can’t do any of those things now. My happiness is your pain. My hero is your villain. I hate the man you’ve told me about with a passion. He watched his life crumble around him, and then he turned away from the only thing he had left: his family.