A hint of amusement crossed his features. “Hi there, what can I help you with?”
I shifted from one foot to the other, feeling far too nervous about asking. The corner of his mouth twitched in response to my silly behavior.
“I’m sorry. I was just wondering if…”
Someone cut the rest of my question by walking into my shoulder from behind. It wasn’t enough to make me fall, but I almost crashed into Mr. McCain. Flustered, I saw Gabriel just as he gave me a subtle nod to follow.
“Wondering if?” Mr. McCain arched an eyebrow.
“Sorry. Never mind. Maybe I could talk to you after our next lesson. It will only take a minute.”
He frowned. “You sure?”
“Yes, now if you would excuse me.” I blushed as I walked away, embarrassed about the entire situation, or more like mortified. After that awkwardness, I doubted he would consider taking me on as his assistant even if he needed one.
Gabriel stepped inside an empty classroom, leaving the door ajar to allow my entrance. My heart was pounding away, battering my ribcage, but for once it wasn’t in anticipation.
Breathing slowly, I closed the door behind me. My boyfriend leaned on one of the tables, throwing me a warning glare while tightly gripping the table’s edge. He was tense and so was I.
“Who was he?” Gabriel asked.
“What? Who?”
“The guy you were talking to.”
This wasn’t what I had expected. I thought we might talk about what had happened last night, but obviously we wouldn’t.
“Mr. McCain? He’s teaching photography. I told you about that course.”
Gabriel shook his head as if to clear his mind, stood and closed the distance between us, his eyes softening. “I guess I’m a bit possessive. I’m sorry.”
The tension across my shoulders disappeared and I flashed my first genuine smile of the day. Eager to make it all better, I fell into his body, nuzzling his skin just above the collar. He snaked his arms around my back in response.
“It’s fine,” I said.
As long as he loved me, we were fine. If I just made him understand that he was the only one for me, perhaps he wouldn’t be jealous of either Chris or the teacher. Gabriel had nothing to fear. I was completely his.
“I have a class soon, baby,” he said, inching back from our embrace.
“I love you, Gabe. You have nothing to worry about. I’m yours.”
He leaned forward, hugged me closer and let his lips touch my ear.
“Good, then we agree,” he whispered.
Yes, we agree. I smiled, assured that we were on the right track.
* * * *
Chris got back late, crashing onto my bed with a groan.
“Why does psychology have to be so damn hard?” He rubbed his eyes. “I can’t believe they gave us this much reading.”
Moving from my chair, I sat next to him. “You’re doing fine. Don’t worry so much.”
He looked at me as if I’d grown another head. “Someone’s in an odd mood.”
Maybe he was right. I hadn’t heard from Gabriel since our talk in the classroom hours ago. When we spent time together, everything made sense, but that scrap of sense turned into a mess of emotions far too easily.
Chris touched my shoulder “Hey, is something wrong?”
“No, I’m fine. I’m just a bit tired.”
He didn’t look convinced. “Are you sure?”
Plastering a smile on my face, I tried to relax. “I’m sure.”
“You know you can talk to me.”
“Yes, I know. You’re a great friend, Chris.”
He sighed. “You know, you never told me about that guy you met. Any news?”
No matter how hard I tried to keep it in place, my smile faltered. Lying easily turned into more lies, thus starting a vicious circle. I should never have told him about having met anyone, but it was too late now. The two remaining options were to either come clean or lie again. I trusted Chris, but I also knew that he would disapprove of the relationship I had with Gabriel. Maybe he wouldn’t say it to my face, since he knew how much I’d missed Gabriel last term, but Chris had formed his own opinion of Gabriel since then. I couldn’t blame him, however. Gabriel had behaved badly around Chris on more than one occasion.
“Hello, you there?” Chris waved his hand in front of my eyes.
“Oh, yeah, sorry.” I paused. I would have to lie, no matter how much I hated it. “It didn’t work out.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“It’s fine. It wasn’t that special.”
Chris wagged his eyebrows. “So that means you’re single. Perhaps I’ll convince you to get Grindr.”
I rolled my eyes and smacked his shoulder. “Don’t be stupid.”
He tried to look innocent, but he was doing a poor job of it. “Come on, it could be fun.”
“Yeah, like putting myself out there, screaming please screw me is my idea of fun.”
Chris laughed a deep, full laugh that made it impossible to stay annoyed with him. “I guess you’re right,” he said, settling the awkwardness and saving me from further embarrassment. Chris always knew how to make me feel better without really doing anything. I owed him honesty—he’d done nothing to deserve lies stacked upon lies.
“Hey, Chris.”
He turned toward me. “Yeah?”
This was the moment. I could feel it all around me. A few words was all it would take. Simple. Effective. Cleansing. Yet I couldn’t form a thought, let alone a sentence that made sense.
“Adam, you’re spacing out again.”
“Yeah, maybe it’s time to sleep.”
Chris sat up, rubbed his eyes and yawned as if on cue. “You’re probably right.”
We went about our business, exchanging a few more words until we crashed on our respective beds. I lay there for hours while sleep evaded me. My mind was spinning too fast, worrying about nothing and everything at the same time. I should have confronted Gabriel about what had happened last night.
Chapter Seven
The lesson with Mr. McCain started with the same hush as the day before, but more whispers penetrated the air than last time. Mr. McCain smiled with ease, as if he had no clue that half the students were talking about him. I found myself listening to his calming voice again, and it seemed as if I hadn’t even started taking notes when the lesson ended. This time, I made an attempt to swallow my nerves and headed to the front as the other students exited the lecture hall.
“Mr. McCain?”
He looked up from his papers. “There you are. I wondered if you’d leave me hanging after that conversation.”
Heat rose to my cheeks. “Sorry about yesterday.”
“It’s okay. You’re Adam, right?”
I was shocked that he knew, until I realized he’d called our names at one point. Of course he knew my name. It didn’t mean anything.
“Adam?”
This spacing out was becoming a serious problem.
“Yes, sorry. Ehm.” I was already embarrassed—might as well go all the way. “So I… I was going to ask if you need an assistant or something.”
Mr. McCain checked his watch. That couldn’t be a good sign.
“I really want to become a photographer,” I added, hoping that would sway him.
His startling amber eyes snapped up to meet mine. “I can’t offer anything at school, but perhaps you could assist me at some shoots I do during nights and weekends.”
I knew that would limit my time with Gabriel, but it wouldn’t take up all my free hours. Gabriel would have to share.
“Are you sure? I mean, that sounds great.”
“Good. Why don’t you head down here after classes are over today? We’ll drive to my studio and I can show you around.”
“Thanks. That would be awesome.”
Mr. McCain’s face lit up in a smile that seemed to be for me alone, not like the smiles he’d given us all in class.
“I’ll
catch you later. Now, I have to get going,” he said, and if that wasn’t enough, he had to look pointedly at the door before I found a way to move my legs.
I tried to walk with some kind of pride out of the lecture hall, even if I wanted to cower and run as fast as I could. I had no idea what made me behave like an idiot in front of the teacher, but that behavior would have to stop. Immediately.
After my next class, I found a secluded corner in the corridor. I checked my phone to see if Gabriel had tried to contact me and was slightly stung when nothing showed up. It was silly of me, but it was hard to shake the insecurity. Our dynamics had changed so much since the beginning of term.
Trying to ignore my thoughts, I pressed Call and put the phone to my ear, listening to the monotone signal on repeat until it broke off. I called again with the same result. He should’ve been out of his class, but maybe he’d left his phone somewhere. I noted that my battery was low, so I decided to send him a message instead.
Can we meet tonight? Found a job so I’ll be gone for a few hours. Xox
I got the reply instantly.
What job? Where are you going?
I frowned. Surely he didn’t mean it like that. He knew he had nothing to worry about.
Photography assistant. I’m going to Mr. McCain’s studio. Love you.
* * * *
The halls slowly emptied while I waited outside Mr. McCain’s office, until single voices echoed along the stone walls. He wasn’t at his desk, and as I had been a few minutes late, I worried that he’d left without me. That worry made me walk back and forth, pacing between the door and the tall window that looked out over the campus.
My phone had died after my last message to Gabriel, which meant that I had another reason to be tense.
I sighed, wondering when this ridiculous nervousness had taken such a hold of me.
“Adam?”
My cheeks grew hot as Mr. McCain caught me unawares for the second time that day. Nonetheless, I was relieved to see him.
“Hi, Mr. McCain.”
“Please, call me Cameron. Mr. McCain makes me sound ancient.”
I couldn’t help but smile. “Fine. Hi, Cameron.”
“Much better. Sorry I’m late, by the way. A student wanted to talk after the last class. Apparently, you all think I’m in need of several assistants.”
I wasn’t sure how to respond. Obviously, he could pick and choose, which meant that I couldn’t afford to screw up.
Cameron let out a soft chuckle. “I didn’t mean to make you nervous. I’ll just grab some stuff from my office and then we can fetch some food on the way, if that’s okay with you?”
“Sure, sounds good.” I wasn’t hungry, but who knew how long we were going to stay at his studio? Gabriel had football practice, so it wasn’t as if I had anything important to do.
Cameron rummaged through his bag. “I hate keys. I always forget where I put them.”
I watched with amusement as he almost emptied his leather portfolio before finding the keys in his back pocket.
“Probably should have started with the pockets,” he said with a shrug.
I was still grinning in secret when he opened the office door to grab his jacket and a few items from his desk.
“Okay, finally. Let’s go.” He locked the door behind me and pointed at his keys. “Remind me that they’re in my bag if I forget.”
I wanted to laugh but nodded instead.
On the way out, Cameron asked me some questions about my interest in photography, but we trailed away to other topics as soon as we sat in the car. He was easy to talk to. The conversation ran so smoothly that I was surprised by how much we shared.
I had never expected to hear about his family.
“They’re down in North Carolina. I left straight after high school and haven’t really been back since. They’re kind enough, though.” He laughed softly, as if he’d remembered something. “They’re still waiting for me to become an honest man.”
“They want you to marry?”
“Mom’s real churchy.”
I smiled at the expression. My parents had never cared much for church. They believed in actions rather than conviction. They had been great throughout my childhood, making sure I always had someone to talk to regardless of the issue. I figured that was the reason I had told them about my sexuality so early.
“I love my parents. But it’s nice to live away from home.”
“So, a good childhood then?” he asked.
“Yeah.” I thought about Gabriel. If not for him, my teens would have been very different. Smiling, I felt proud of my boyfriend. “I had some trouble with bullies when I was younger, but my best friend, Gabriel, sorted that out.”
“I guess this Gabriel is important to you as well.”
“Yes, he made sure those guys never touched me again.”
“That’s definitely true friendship,” Cameron replied, turning left at an intersection.
“It is.” True friends. A strange emptiness briefly settled in my gut when I thought about Gabriel’s reaction the day I’d told him about my feelings. Thrown away so easily. Years of friendship fading into nothing—as if we hadn’t shared anything special.
I shrugged the thought from my mind.
“Are you guys still in touch?”
“Yes, he’s here at the college.”
“That sounds nice. Do you live together?”
“No, not anymore…”
The continuation of that statement was left hanging in the air. Cameron seemed to have a question at the tip of his tongue, but he didn’t pry any deeper. Perhaps he understood that it was a sore topic.
Silence descended, but it was cut short as he parked the car along the curb of a quiet shopping street.
“Here we are. This is my favorite joint in the city, which also happens to be run by a friend of mine,” Cameron said while he pulled the handbrake.
We shared a smile and got out of the car. It was a cozy café, and there was something about the dark-red brickwork and the plants climbing up the walls toward the balcony above the entrance that reminded me of the photos Chris had shown me from his travels through Europe.
“It’s a nice place,” I commented.
“Wait until you’ve tasted their quiches. They are to die for.”
As if on cue, my stomach rumbled. Apparently, I was hungrier than I’d thought. When I saw the various options behind the glass counter, I realized I would have no regrets. Everything looked delicious.
Cameron picked a quiche with salmon and spinach, but when I tried to order the same, he pointed me toward the one with different kinds of vegetables in it. “That’s the second best. We can share so you get to taste both.”
I wasn’t going to argue with that. “Sure.”
Cameron rolled his eyes on the way out. “New face at the counter. I didn’t even get my usual discount. I’ll have to talk to Derek.” He didn’t sound too bitter about it, indicating it wasn’t that much of a big deal.
“Your friend?”
“Yes. Kind of.”
Nope, I am not going to ask. Curiosity piqued, but no.
We got into the car again, ending up in an area I had never visited before but knew from rumors. I wouldn’t have called it dodgy, because it appeared mostly fine, but a lot of the buildings were run-down.
Cameron must have seen my reaction. “Wait until we get inside. The place is golden. High ceiling, lots of space, great natural light and then a few rooms without windows.”
He was right. After passing through the main entrance that smelled of urine and the metal staircase that whined and screeched like a wounded animal, we entered a beautiful, large studio with a spectacular view over the city. I hadn’t realized we had gone up the hill. I could even spot the ocean from here.
“I can see why you like it,” I said as Cameron stopped beside me.
“Stunning, isn’t it?”
I nodded slowly and shifted where I stood. There was something in the air, somethi
ng I couldn’t put my finger on, but I wanted it gone to regain my focus.
“So, what would you like me to do?” I asked.
“Right. Why don’t I show you the rest of the rooms, then we’ll take it from there.” With another of those damn smiles, he beckoned me to follow. Only, we never got far. A knock sent a harsh echo bouncing off the bare walls.
“Come in,” Cameron said, loudly enough to reach the large door.
The construction rolled to the side and Gabriel became visible.
“Gabriel?” I asked, heading off to meet him. “What are you doing here?”
“I could ask you the same thing.”
“What?”
Gabriel stood up straighter and looked over my shoulder. I turned and saw Cameron a couple of steps away.
“Adam told me about you. I’m Cameron.” He strode forward and was quick to offer a handshake, not showing any signs of surprise, even though he must have been. Gabriel took his hand, barely containing the reluctance that simmered in his eyes.
“Nice to meet you, Cameron. Could I talk to Adam for a second?” Gabriel eyed me before giving Cameron a cold smile that didn’t seem quite right.
“Sure. Just find me later, Adam. I’ll probably be in the next room.” Cameron appeared distant, and I grew worried that I had already messed up my chances of working with him.
Gabriel grabbed my upper arm with a clear warning and pulled me out of the studio. He closed the door behind us, gradually darkening the stairwell. Sounds became distorted, enveloping us both into a strange atmosphere.
Gabriel hovered above me. “What the hell are you thinking, Adam?”
“What?” I didn’t understand.
“You go off with a stranger to this part of town, and you’re not even answering your phone. I skipped practice to find you.”
I squared my shoulders and stared straight into his eyes. “He’s my teacher, Gabriel, and I asked for this. I’m sorry about the phone, the battery died, but you really don’t have to worry. And how did you even find this place?”
“You’re naïve if you think that’s what this is about.”
Toxic Page 5
