Lured into a gloomy mood by the stark reality, I decided that I might as well leave right away so he didn’t see me in a sad state. I wanted us to be a happy couple, a couple who wouldn’t dwell on their rocky past.
I kissed his cheek and crawled out of bed, waiting for him to stop me like he always did. Only this time, he didn’t.
He blinked beneath the cold lights and I decided to ignore whatever insecurity I felt. I leaned down and gave him another kiss where he lay beneath the covers. He slipped his fingers through my tangled hair and caught me into a real kiss.
“Enjoy your day,” he mumbled against my lips.
“You too.”
Chapter Five
The apartment was empty when I got back. Instead of twiddling my thumbs while waiting for Chris to arrive, I decided to clean the room, do some laundry and fix a few things with the new camera that I hadn’t figured out how to do yet. I was sitting with the expensive gift in my lap when Chris burst through the door.
“Oh my God, never introduce your boyfriend to your gay brother and his husband.”
I chuckled, watching Chris’ mouth quirk into a grin. He wasn’t upset for real, I could tell.
“What happened?”
He launched himself onto my bed, staring up at the ceiling. Next, he raised his arms, only to let them fall to the mattress again, as though he wanted one more chance to express how exasperating his situation was. “They practically kidnapped him from me.”
“I highly doubt that. Ayden seems like a great guy, from what you’ve told me. He wouldn’t steal your boyfriend, and besides, Cal wouldn’t let him.”
Chris shook his head. “Yeah, I know, but it’s like they’ve found a new pet.”
“I see, and you only want him to be your pet?”
Chris gave me a playful glare. “I doubt Dante is anyone’s pet.”
“You used the word ‘pet’ first, I didn’t.”
Chris groaned, closed his eyes and let one of his arms land across his face to hide him from view. “Why are you so annoyingly witty? Can’t you see I’m in pain here?”
“You look the epitome of pained.”
Chris laughed so the mattress shook beneath us. “Gosh, you’re right. I’m whining over nothing.” He sat up. “Merry Christmas and all that. Damn, I didn’t even ask how you are… How are you?”
Not entirely in control of my emotions, I threw myself around him, squeezing tightly. “I’m great.”
Chris stiffened a little bit, probably because that hug came out of nowhere, but he quickly relaxed and hugged me back. “That’s awesome.” As soon as he’d said that, he jerked away, placing his hands on my shoulders to keep me at arm’s length. His eyes narrowed. “You’ve met someone.”
I blushed, and I knew the game was lost. If I denied any possibility of a romance, Chris would know I was hiding something, but on the other hand, I couldn’t tell him the truth. Perhaps a half-truth would suffice.
I’d always loathed the idea of lying to someone, even if it was just a white sort of lie, but this time, I wasn’t doing it for myself. That should make it more acceptable, I figured.
“Adam…” Chris probed, looking at me with those piercing eyes of his that seemed to demand honesty.
“Maybe,” I said, dragging out the word and hoping he wouldn’t pry further.
Chris flung his arms around me, almost like I’d done mere minutes before. “That is fantastic news! I’m so happy you’re getting over that douchebag.”
I swallowed hard, knowing that Chris didn’t have the best impression of Gabriel. “Yeah, it’s nice to feel something good.” That wasn’t an outright lie.
“You deserve the best guy out there. I hope he is worthy of you.”
Finally, I could tell him something that was entirely true. “He’s the best. I promise.”
* * * *
Chris had me entertained for the remainder of the evening, telling me about all the things I had missed while spending my days wrapped in Gabriel’s arms. I was glad he had a lot to talk about, because I couldn’t come up with lies to cover that amount of time. He asked me once or twice what I had done, and I had told him about the visit to my family before diverting his attention by asking him something about Dante.
Chris, like a love-struck fool, couldn’t shut up about his boyfriend. It was cute, but after a few hours I ached to tell him about Gabriel. I wanted to share my happiness and it was increasingly difficult to hide the truth. Every white lie tasted bitter on my tongue, but I held strong, keeping Gabriel out of the conversation.
When we came back to the apartment after a late evening snack, I fidgeted with the need to check my phone. I wanted to see if Gabriel had sent a message, and if he hadn’t, I wanted to send him one. It had dawned on me that I most likely would spend this night in my own bed, which felt unfamiliar. For the last week, I had fallen asleep in Gabriel’s arms, and I longed to feel their strength around me again.
Chris ambled over to our small bathroom and I took the opportunity to fetch my phone from my jacket.
No message.
I chewed on my lower lip, a bad habit that became worse when I was nervous. I wasn’t sure if I could expect more of Gabriel, or if I was being silly. A smidgen of unease crept inside me until I realized that I wasn’t behaving any better. Since I’d left Gabriel, I hadn’t tried to make contact either.
I tapped the miniature letters on the screen.
I’ve missed you today. Can’t wait to be back in your arms.
I deliberately left it open for interpretation, hoping he would tell me to come over to his apartment. Chris would become suspicious, but perhaps I could hint that I was going over to that lover he thought I had—one that wasn’t Gabriel.
My phone vibrated in my hand.
I’ve missed you too, precious. I’m out with the guys. I’ll call tomorrow.
At least it saved me from having to lie to Chris.
Chris came back and threw himself beside me. “God, I’m exhausted. I’m going soft. We should be out drinking like everyone else, but here we are.”
I chuckled. He was right. Last semester we had been out at least a sufficient number of times to call ourselves college students, but not much more than that. We had both been in a bad state, pining for guys who hadn’t seemed to want us. Now he had his boyfriend, and I had mine, even if I couldn’t tell Chris the happy news.
“Do you want to go out?” I asked.
“You serious?” Chris asked, although it sounded more like a groan.
“Kinda.”
Chris rubbed his palm across his face. “All right, you’re right. It’s the first evening, we should be out and about. At least one beer, right?”
“Right,” I agreed.
Fifteen minutes later, we entered the pub closest to college. It was the most popular hangout for students, so I was pretty sure Gabriel and his friends would be there.
A quick survey of the place answered my question. They were standing around the pool table, laughing and drinking, slapping shoulders and talking too loudly.
Chris hummed beside me, and as I turned I saw his forehead creasing into a frown.
“You never told me what happened with Gabriel. Did you give him that gift?”
I blushed. He must have seen me staring. During the fall I’d gone out of my way to avoid Gabriel, and here I was, staring in his direction with what I assumed was a dreamy expression on my face.
“Yeah. He and I talked. I think we’re okay now.”
Chris didn’t look convinced but gave me a small smile. “I’m glad. Just don’t let him hurt you again. Better you focus on this new person you seem to like.”
I forced a smile. If he kept this up, it would become harder for me to lie. Clearly, I had to do something to get Chris to like Gabriel again. Perhaps I could ask Gabriel to befriend Chris or something, even if I knew it was unlikely to happen any time soon.
“Let’s get a beer,” Chris suggested, walking toward the crowded bar lit with a warm, yell
ow glow.
I tagged along behind, shooting another glance in Gabriel’s direction. Just as I did, he looked up and met my gaze. His eyes seemed to narrow and I deflated. He clearly thought this was a bad idea. The realization made me pause, but I quickly shook my head and continued. Gabriel couldn’t decide what I should do or not do when we weren’t spending time together. It wasn’t like I would out him in front of his friends.
Chris leaned casually against the counter, ordering for both of us.
“Are you going to take that photography class you were talking about?” he asked.
Relieved at the change of topic, I replied, “Yeah. I got a camera from Mom and Dad.”
“That’s awesome, dude.” He took a gulp of his beer. “Weren’t people raving about the hot photography teacher last semester?”
I chuckled. Girls in college loved to gossip about hot teachers. I hadn’t seen the guy, but considering the number of declarations I’d heard about his good looks, it seemed like he had the ladies swooning while teaching. It was rather funny, actually.
“Too bad I’m not interested,” I replied, raising my bottle to his.
Chris clinked his with mine and took a swig. “Man, don’t say that before you’ve seen him. Might be some hot piece of ass.”
“And a teacher. Not going there.”
Chris laughed and ruffled my hair. “You’re too cute sometimes. Who cares about stuff like that? We’re adults. We can do what we want.”
Blushing, although I had little reason to, I took another sip of the bitter drink. “You’re delusional.” Despite the words, I smiled widely. Chris was a good friend and I had missed him during the break. He always made me smile, no matter what mood I was in to begin with.
All of a sudden, Chris fell into my side, spilling some of his beer on my shirt. “What the fuck?” he exclaimed.
I looked up and saw Gabriel brooding beside us, focused on the bartender. Frowning and wiping my beer-soaked shirt in vain, I shifted my gaze between him and Chris, wondering what was going on.
“Man, you’re such an idiot,” Chris said to Gabriel when my boyfriend didn’t answer. A cold lump formed in my gut and I wanted nothing more than to drag Chris away. I tried, placing my hand on his arm, but he wouldn’t budge. Instead, he rolled his eyes at me. “Adam, I’m not letting him treat us like this,” he continued, loud and clear.
I wanted to sink through the floor and regretted my decision to go out. It was a stupid move. Too early.
“Fuck off,” Gabriel snapped. He nailed me with a stare and nodded subtly in the direction of the restrooms. I got the hint and attempted a weak smile. He didn’t respond but received his beer and stalked back toward his friends.
“Adam, I’m sorry, but I really don’t understand that guy,” Chris said.
Squaring my shoulders, I took a calming breath. At least he wasn’t saying that he couldn’t understand why I liked him. Chris was good like that, but even so, the question was obvious in his eyes.
“I’ll go to the restrooms. Be back in a bit.” I began to inch away, eager to settle the worry in my gut.
“Sorry for the shirt. Do you want help?”
“No, just wait for me.”
“Okay, I’ll be here.”
Another forced smile passed my lips before I was off, heading straight for the restrooms without seeking Gabriel’s gaze.
I checked beneath each door in the dingy restroom and relaxed when I couldn’t spot anyone. I had no intention of letting someone overhear what Gabriel had to say.
A minute later, he marched inside, placing his beer on one of the metal sinks. A tendril of excitement bloomed inside my stomach as he walked up to me, hoping that he would touch me and reassure me that everything was okay. I didn’t want him to be angry.
“Why are you here?” he asked, staring at me with barely contained anger.
I tried to reply, but my tongue wouldn’t cooperate.
“Damn it, answer me, Adam.” His fingers tangled in my hair, pulling to force our eyes to meet. His glare was hard and he reeked of alcohol.
“I m-missed you.”
His eyes blazed and his hold on my hair tightened. “Then why did you come here with that idiot friend of yours? And why the hell did you let him touch you like that?”
I winced in pain. “What are you talking about?”
The door behind us rattled and Gabriel let go of me as if I were a piece of trash to be discarded. He took a step back just before one of his football buddies entered.
“There you are,” the tall guy said, only to switch his gaze to me. “Wait, isn’t this the guy—?” He didn’t get to finish as Gabriel swept him out of the room, leaving me alone to wonder what had just happened.
I turned and stared at myself in one of the mirrors, meeting blue eyes that were far too wide. Carefully, I touched my scalp where Gabriel had pulled my hair. It hurt, but then again, he was a strong guy and drunk. He probably didn’t know how hard he’d pulled. Breathing out slowly, I pushed the tap, letting cold water soak my hands before I splashed some on my face.
It was time to go home, I concluded, and left the restrooms feeling like I had done everything wrong the entire night.
Chapter Six
The day began with a dull throb beneath my temples, making me regret waking up. At least my scalp had stopped hurting. Chris’ breathing remained heavy on the other side of the room, where he lay with one arm slung above his head. He looked peaceful—content. Even asleep, he appeared happier than ever and for the first time since we’d become friends, I felt a stinging pang of jealousy. I didn’t want the feeling—it was sinister and uncalled for. Chris deserved happiness. He deserved Dante.
One thing that ached far worse than my head was the knowledge that I couldn’t share everything with him anymore. We had spent hours together during the cold autumn evenings, sharing fears and feelings, but now I wasn’t allowed. My tongue was tied and I had to deal with all of this on my own.
Sighing, I sat up and rubbed my temple. Despite what had happened, I would have to give Gabriel a chance to explain his actions last night. His behavior wasn’t acceptable, but perhaps he had a good reason. Also, if I couldn’t talk to anyone else, at least I could talk about it with him.
Twenty minutes later, I left the apartment and a sleeping Chris behind. Hopefully, he didn’t have an early class that I should have reminded him of. It was selfish of me to leave without a word, but I didn’t want to wake him up and let him see my distress—a distress I couldn’t explain to him without lying.
I ate alone and trudged to my very first photography class.
The room was packed with students when I arrived, but few of them were talking. I figured that since it was the first class of the year, plenty of them were new or didn’t know each other from before. I saw a couple of familiar faces, but no one I had said more than an occasional ‘hi’ to.
I claimed a seat at the back and tried to relax. It didn’t work, especially when the room descended into a thick silence as the teacher entered. His smile swept over the crowd until he settled at the front, placing his leather suitcase on the wide desk. I could see why people had talked about his looks. He was quite striking with his slightly tousled brown hair, marked cheekbones and just the right amount of scruff. He struck me as tall, but I didn’t have much of a reference since no one stood beside him. I liked his clothes too—casual but still appropriate for his position. I guessed he was around thirty years old, but it was difficult to tell.
Two girls sitting beside me shared hushed words with each other, but I heard enough to understand what they were talking about. Clearly, I wasn’t the only one noting our teacher’s appearance. Shaking my head, I focused on the notebook in front of me. Staring at a hot teacher wasn’t productive and it certainly didn’t help to ease the storm of thoughts whirling in my brain. It made me think about Gabriel and, for the first time in a week, I didn’t want him at the forefront of my mind.
“Welcome, everyone. It’s nice to s
ee so many new faces. I’m Cameron McCain, but please call me Cameron. Mr. McCain is my father.” He flashed another smile and the girls beside me began to whisper again. “I’ll be guiding you through this class, and hopefully you’ll learn something to make it worth your precious time, and mine.”
Cameron continued with his presentation of the course and the schedule. He had a nice voice, so, by the end of it, I realized that I hadn’t listened to what he’d actually said. He’d finished with something about the final exam. Hopefully it wasn’t the last time he would mention it.
I flipped a page in my notebook and read something I had scrawled down a month ago. Don’t forget, ask about assistant. I sank back into the seat with a frown. Before everything had happened with Gabriel, my plan had been to ask this teacher if he needed any kind of assistance in hopes of getting even more out of this course. It was my dream to be a photographer and I could use any extra experience. Now, the prospect of extra hours didn’t sound as alluring as it had then, but it was a stupid idea to let it go just because my life had changed.
Trying my best to pay attention, I took notes throughout the rest of the lesson and was quite startled when Mr. McCain wrapped it up. Time had flown, obviously. One hour of blissful relief from my confused thoughts about what had happened in that restroom had been enough to soothe my nerves, but I knew it was only a matter of time before they started anew.
Gabriel had been scary last night.
The students around me rose with haste and made a beeline for the door. I debated whether to ask Mr. McCain about an assistantship directly or if I should wait until I was certain. Unfortunately, I processed that thought for too long because as I made my way to the front, Mr. McCain headed for the door.
I caught him just outside the lecture hall. “Mr. McCain?”
He turned around, and I momentarily forgot what I was supposed to say when I saw the mesmerizing color of his eyes. Long lashes framed pools of amber with a darker line drawn around the irises.
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