Toxic

by Avylinn Winter

  “Yeah. Guess it’s a good thing we’re not total strangers.” I winced at the awkward line.

  “And we’re getting drinks. Props for that.” He raised his glass and waited for me to clink mine with his.

  I decided to let my strange worries rest for tonight and took a swig of the bitter tonic. The truth was that I didn’t mind sharing a room with Cameron. I was comfortable enough around him, but this was definitely something that Chris would never know about. I had a feeling this wasn’t something Gabriel should know either, which made it all rather strange. I would never cheat, but where should we draw the line? If I knew that Gabriel likely wouldn’t approve of the arrangement, did that make it wrong?

  When we had finished our drinks, the young woman from the reception desk smiled and waved for us. “We had a small misunderstanding with housekeeping. There is, in fact, another room available. I’m very sorry for the inconvenience, but here are the room keys. You’re right across the hall from each other.” She gave us our keys with a much brighter smile than before.

  Relief washed over me with soothing warmth. I wouldn’t have to lie to anyone. Not Chris. Not Gabriel. Everything would be fine.

  With one light bag each, we entered the elevator and soared up to the fourth floor. The staff would get a golden review from me after taking care of all the equipment without Cameron asking them to. I’d carried the numerous cases and tripods more than enough to know that the gear was heavy and inconvenient to lug around.

  The sleek hotel room I entered was definitely big enough for two, but it was for the best that I had my own. I dropped my bag onto the bed and began to rifle through it to find my phone charger. I winced when I realized that I’d taken the old one that hadn’t worked for two weeks. Through the open door behind me, I saw how Cameron settled in to sort through his equipment. Maybe he had a charger, but most of all, he appeared to need some assistance.

  “Do you want any help?” I asked from the doorway.

  He craned his neck. “Sure, might as well prepare what we can for tomorrow. It’s going to be a long day.”

  I ventured into his room and got distracted by the view. The lake was in turmoil outside, gray, wild and daunting. The atmosphere seemed fitting.

  Cameron joined me, pushing the thick curtain aside. “I love this city, always have.”

  “Isn’t it supposed to be too windy?”

  “It is definitely windy, but I like water. And there’s just a certain pulse to this city that I enjoy. We should go out tomorrow night, then you’ll see what I mean.”

  I tried to smile. I really did, but I wondered if it was a good idea to get drunk and let loose in front of my teacher.

  “Anyway,” he seemed to sense my reluctance, “let’s get this stuff done so we can get some food before we sleep.”

  We got to work, making sure that everything we needed was working correctly and had enough battery to get us through the following day. When I wasn’t paying attention, Cameron snapped a picture. The flash went off and made me jump in my seat.

  “What was that for?” I asked, not knowing how to respond.

  “Your focused face is intriguing. You get this wrinkle between your eyebrows.”

  I rubbed my forehead, not the least interested in getting wrinkles before my time.

  He shifted in his seat, picking at his camera. “You’ve seemed a bit lost in thought this week. I hope you’re all right?” He set the lens down and scratched his head. “I don’t mean to pry. But if something’s up, I want you to know that it’s okay to share.”

  My movements ceased. Time appeared to slow as I weighed my choices. I desperately wanted to talk to someone, and Cameron already knew about Gabriel. The problem was that I wasn’t allowed to talk.

  “I’m fine.”

  “Are you sure?” His gaze drifted to mine, asking for honesty.

  I chewed my lip, hoping that he would look away. He didn’t. “Gabriel and I had a fight. But I’m sure it’s nothing.” There. I had said it. Strangely enough, it was a relief to finally say it out loud.

  Cameron tilted his head and leaned forward. “I’m sure you’ll sort it out, and if not, life is too short to pull dead weight around.”

  I smiled in thanks. Gabriel was far from dead weight, and yes, we would sort it out somehow.

  Chapter Twelve

  The alarm rang while darkness still lingered behind the curtains. The screeching sound continued to attack my ears until I took refuge beneath the pillow. It couldn’t possibly be time to wake up. I hadn’t slept well, processing too many thoughts that refused to leave me in peace—thoughts that had merged into dreams that distorted everything and made the situation even worse.

  As the alarm kept insisting, I decided that it wasn’t worth drawing it out. I shut off the noise, flicked on the light and regretted it immediately. It was too bright and stung my eyes in the worst possible way. I didn’t even dare to check the time, knowing that it would be even harder to rise. Blinking excessively, I forced myself to sit up and stretch my limbs.

  Standing with wobbly legs in the tiled bathroom, I grabbed the sink for support. The face in the mirror wasn’t a pretty sight. My dark blond hair stood on end, my eyes were puffy from lack of sleep and my skin appeared pasty.

  A knock on the door pulled me away from the sad reflection. I rushed to get some clothes on, almost falling over in the process as my right foot got stuck in my black jeans. The knock sounded one more time before I was able to reach the handle.

  “Good morning. Ready for some breakfast?” Cameron asked softly. He appeared wide awake, which was entirely unfair.

  “Not sure I can stomach breakfast. What time is it? I forgot that you set my alarm.”

  “It’s five a.m. We have to get going, otherwise we won’t have time to prepare the set.”

  Suddenly, being a photographer didn’t sound half as exciting. However, I wasn’t sure he would have liked to hear any complaints. “I’ll be right with you. Just have to brush my teeth.”

  “I’ll get us a car. I’ve already moved the equipment downstairs.”

  “Oh…” I realized that he’d allowed me to sleep in, which made me feel like the worst assistant ever. “I’ll be quick.”

  Thirty minutes later we got into an Uber car that drove us through the light traffic. The early Saturday morning was obviously spared from the pressure of too many travelers, allowing a sense of calm that I hadn’t expected. I sat back and stared out of the window, peering at tall skyscrapers and stores with their shutters down.

  Cameron ran his fingers through his damp hair. “I forgot to comb this, I’ll look like a bum among those models we’re shooting.”

  I chuckled. Cameron couldn’t look like a bum, no matter how disheveled he was. “I do hope we’re not shooting them.”

  He shook his head. “That was lame. Gotta step it up, Adam.”

  The driver snorted softly, clearly listening in on our conversation. I caught her eyes in the rear-view mirror and smiled wide. It felt good to stretch my lips and feel the rumble of a laugh tugging at my sides. This was already turning out to be a great day, despite the early hour.

  We stopped by a small café that the driver recommended and bought some breakfast and coffees to go. What should have been a quick stop turned out to be quite hilarious as Cameron couldn’t decide what kind of coffee he wanted. He threw nasty looks at the automat and mumbled something about never getting a real coffee when he needed it. I had to admit that the cappuccino wasn’t ideal, but I hoped the energy rush would make up for it.

  As we drove on, the buildings morphed from business complexes to apartments and lastly into big slabs of concrete without much in the way of windows. We didn’t stop until we reached the fringes of the industrial area, and by then, the contrast between the sleek city and the worn façades made me wonder if we’d gone back in time a few decades. A massive, rundown building was surrounded by a tall fence that appeared to be a new addition. Other than that, there were no signs of recent activi
ty.

  “Why is this abandoned?” I asked, peering through the fence.

  “The owners refuse to give up the land. Apparently, they’re on a long-term lease that the city can’t do much about. Had to get a special permit to access.”

  I was slightly impressed by his willingness to walk the extra mile to get a scene like this one. Even if he was a pretty chill guy, he was definitely ambitious.

  I clasped my fingers around one of the cold iron bars while Cameron unlocked the gate. “So, what’s the theme of this session if you’re doing it here?” Perhaps it was a question I should have asked sooner, but I had been distracted. My boyfriend still hovered close in my thoughts. Something about the depressing atmosphere around us urged Gabriel closer.

  “They’re aiming for a rough setting to go with their new collection. I thought that it couldn’t get much rougher than this, and besides, industrial is apparently a thing.”

  “A thing?”

  “A thing.” Cameron grinned, just in time for the gate to let out a loud cry.

  The driver was kind enough to help us unload, but she kept glancing over her shoulder, which reminded me of what Cameron had said about security. When that realization hit home, the fence seemed less intimidating.

  An hour later, my nerves were shot to hell as a small black bus with tinted windows arrived at the gate. Cameron, on the other hand, seemed unperturbed. I realized why when it opened up and revealed the models and their entourage. I exhaled in relief and almost slumped against the large tripod.

  It was mostly teenage girls, dolled up to make them appear years older, but I also saw a guy who looked eerily similar to Chris. I even did a double take before I realized that it wasn’t him. I guessed he was a few years older than Chris and his hair was a shade darker. They could have been brothers.

  I paused at that thought. Chris had told me that his brother was a model. Frowning, I glanced at him again to see if I could prove my theory somehow.

  “You’re pretty obvious,” Cameron said close to my ear—close enough to make me jump. He wasn’t there a second ago, surely.

  “What?”

  A dimple appeared on his cheek and I felt as if I were missing something important.

  “He’s a good-looking guy,” Cameron offered.

  Cue blush.

  “No, it’s nothing like that. I think he might be my roommate’s brother.”

  Cameron’s features softened and that was when I realized that he had been a little bit tense. Odd. I thought he was fine with me being gay—in fact, he had implied that he preferred men as well. Another thought struck me—maybe Cameron had a thing for this model. I wouldn’t have been surprised. On the other hand, if this was Chris’ brother, then he was happily married.

  “Well then, why don’t you go and ask?” Cameron moved on to poke around with the cables.

  It took a few tries of pumping myself full of fake confidence before I had the guts to walk over to greet the guy. I reached out with my hand and tried to keep my expression neutral.

  “Hi. I’m Adam Webb, assisting the photographer today. Nice to see you guys here.”

  “Ayden Sinclair.” He took my hand, perhaps pretending that it was fully rational of me to greet him first out of everyone. “You guys must have been busy all morning to rig this.” He gestured at the set.

  “Yes, we’ve been here for a while.” Ayden Sinclair. It had to be Chris’ brother. “Sorry, maybe this is an awkward question, but I have a roommate called Chris Sinclair and you two look strikingly similar.”

  Ayden laughed. “You’re rooming with my brother? I feel for you, man. He’s a slob.”

  Relieved that I hadn’t made a total fool of myself, I allowed my shoulders to relax and nodded. Chris was a bit of a slob, but I tried to keep him in check. It worked most of the time, at least in my half of the room. “He’s a great guy. Sure, he likes to spread his socks across the floor, but it’s nothing I can’t live with.”

  “Sounds exactly like my brother.”

  I smiled and found myself in a strange kind of contentment. Maybe I hadn’t smiled enough recently.

  Someone called for Ayden and he excused himself with a brief nod. For a while, I stood where he’d left me, not sure where I was going or what I was supposed to do. Surveying the surroundings one more time, I could somehow appreciate the rough beauty that I hadn’t noticed when we had first arrived.

  “Adam.” Cameron approached me.

  “Sorry, I’m coming.” I skipped a few steps while Cameron waited for me to catch up.

  “Don’t worry, but let’s get this running. I’ll need your help with the light.”

  The rest of the morning passed by in a blur. Cameron let me help him with various tasks, and he even asked for my opinion on some of the photos. When it was Ayden’s turn to pose, Cameron began in his usual manner, but after a while he stepped away from the camera and asked me to take a few shots.

  I forced my hands to stop shaking as I grabbed the camera. This was my chance, and I was beyond excited, although my nerves trembled on the surface. I peered through the lens and pressed the shutter button. The first photo was utter crap, and I could feel heat rising across my face despite the cold. Trying with a bit more confidence, I attempted to direct Ayden with a voice that barely carried. “Maybe move around a bit and perhaps I can try to make it more alive?”

  Ayden didn’t reply but began to move. It was strange to ask someone to pose this way or that way, ‘Raise your left arm a few inches, look into the camera, look away from the camera,’ but it was also a lot of fun.

  When I had taken a few shots, I felt Cameron’s presence over my shoulder. “Your turn,” I said.

  “Sure, just let me have a look at these.” He took the camera and went through the pictures showing on the small screen. “Can you get the iPad?”

  Nerves fluttered inside my stomach at his words. He wanted to check the photos on a larger screen, and that realization was enough to drive me slightly insane with apprehension. I fetched the iPad and the cord to connect it to the camera. Cameron plugged it in and swiped through the pictures. Ayden came to stand beside us, exacerbating the situation ten-fold. It was too much to watch it all, so I averted my eyes and stared into the distance.

  “These are great, Adam,” Cameron said.

  I swallowed and forced myself to glance at the photos. I didn’t see anything special about them. Cameron was just trying to make me feel better.

  “Thanks,” I mumbled.

  “I’m serious. These are great photos.” Cameron turned to Ayden. “I think you can go change your outfit.”

  Blood drained from my cheeks. Cameron had to be kidding. He hadn’t taken that many pictures himself.

  “Adam, I’m not kidding.”

  “Did I say that out loud?” I was shell-shocked, so it was not unlikely that my thoughts had expressed themselves as words.

  “No, you didn’t. I was guessing based on your funny face.”

  And with that, Cameron broke the tension.

  “I don’t have a funny face.”

  He laughed. “Sure you do. Everyone has a funny face.”

  Shaking my head, I walked off to find some water, or something, or anything. I had to get away from that man, because he was slowly but surely driving me insane.

  * * * *

  The hours before lunch flew past in a flurry of clothes, strange model poses and a lot of laughs between Cameron and me. I was having fun, and I realized this was my element. I’d locked myself in the closet with Gabriel and had spent far too little time with others. I tried not to think too much about what it meant. I even contemplated sending him another message, but since all of the previous ones remained unanswered, I suppressed the urge.

  My fingers were growing numb from the cold, but I couldn’t care less. All I needed was the sun in my face and Cameron’s jabs about my red nose to keep me warm. The models weren’t faring very well, however. The collection wasn’t meant for winter, and the clothes they wore were
not enough to temper the chill. Their entourage hid in the bus until they absolutely had to go outside, so Cameron and I were practically on our own apart from the model we were working with.

  Checking the time, I realized that we should have brought some lunch with us. My stomach wasn’t complaining yet, but I feared that had to do with the excitement—which might mean that I would drop dead after it wore off.

  I tapped Cameron’s shoulder. “Should I get us some lunch?”

  Cameron turned and took a picture of me.

  “Hey, I’m not a model.”

  He took another one and I rolled my eyes in response.

  “I totally forgot about lunch. I say we wrap this up instead and head back to town. Unless you’re super hungry, of course.” Not waiting for my reply, he dove into his bag and rummaged around. After a few seconds he threw me an energy bar. “Think you’ll manage?”

  “Sure. Aren’t you hungry, though?” I could tell his blood sugar was nearing dangerously low levels, because he kept snapping at people, and not with the camera.

  Cameron shook his head. For an adult, he knew strangely little about himself and his limits. I handed the energy bar to him. “You should probably eat it. I’m not very hungry anyway.”

  He eyed me, and when I didn’t relent, he took the piece and tried to unwrap it with one hand while still taking photos with the other. I almost laughed but reined it in and helped him instead.

  One hour later, I regretted giving it back. My stomach was protesting, my limbs were far too cold and I couldn’t wait to get back to the hotel and order a hot chocolate and some food to eat while taking a scalding hot bath.

  “You look like you’re ready to call it a day,” Cameron commented.

  I contemplated my options. If I told him I was dying to settle at the hotel, he might take that as a sign that I wasn’t as committed to this career as I first told him. On the other hand, if I said no, he might torture me for a couple more hours, and I wasn’t sure if I could handle that.

  I chose to nod, not trusting my voice.