Reluctant relief.
“You can store the stuff in our room.” It was the easy solution, after all. Cameron had a couple of bags and a lot of equipment, but we both seemed set on getting out of the car and doing something that didn’t involve traveling. It wasn’t late, but I was bone-tired. A short nap would be awesome.
Cameron let out a deep sigh, obviously feeling the exhaustion as well. “I guess that’s a good idea. Can’t leave the stuff in the car, at least.”
“Why, don’t you trust your students?” I smiled, knowing that he was right about the risk of theft.
He rolled his eyes. “I do trust some of you, but not everyone here is a student of mine.”
With that, everything seemed settled, and we got out of the car. I tried my best to keep my eyes away from Gabriel’s window, knowing that my bravery would shatter if I saw him.
My resolve held until we were almost done emptying the car. A quick glance to the left, and there it was—one big window with a curtain barely hanging on. Three seconds passed, then he was there, staring at me with a face devoid of emotion. No anger, no happiness. Not that I had expected him to be happy, but the lack of expression got to me.
I quickly turned my back, staring at the pavement. My heart rushed inside my chest, beating louder and louder. Cameron would hear it. It was impossible to miss.
“Can you get the door?” Cameron asked from the entrance, his hands full.
Those simple words were enough to bring me out of my numbing fear. Cameron was by my side. I wasn’t alone.
“Sure.” I began to walk, almost crashing into Cameron as I tried to balance everything to reach for the keypad.
Cameron laughed. “You’re carrying as much as I am. Shouldn’t have asked.”
I tried to smile but it didn’t reach all the way.
We rushed by Gabriel’s corridor and climbed the stairs to the second floor. My heart was thumping at an alarming rate, but Cameron seemed intent on not letting me think too hard by keeping up a casual conversation that I barely followed. He didn’t seem to mind very much as long as I replied with some sort of affirmative sound to what he said.
I tried to hide the signs of fear, hoping that Cameron wouldn’t want a full explanation for my odd behavior. If he noticed, he didn’t comment—which was a relief. Instead, we dropped our bags and crashed down onto one bed each. It wasn’t even something we had discussed, we both simply did it simultaneously.
“If you’re awake in an hour, make sure I get up,” Cameron said, yawning widely. “And don’t tell Chris I stole his bed.”
“I won’t tell.”
“Great.”
It didn’t take long until Cameron’s breathing turned even—small puffs of air leaving his parted lips. I was tired as well, but not enough to sleep, and definitely not enough to filter out the fear that had latched on to me like a second skin. Sleep would evade me until I had dealt with Gabriel. Guilt would keep me awake.
Thoughts like those kept me rigid on the bed, eyes focused on a tiny fleck of dirt on the wall. Gabriel had seen us come in together. He had watched us and seen his run-away boyfriend return in tow with the teacher he’d hated from day one. Nothing good could ever come out of this situation.
With tiny, imaginary ants crawling across my body, I decided that it was time to face my fears. Gabriel deserved an explanation for my absence and I deserved an explanation for his behavior these last few months. And, if I found enough courage, I would tell him that I was leaving.
The trip to the Bahamas had given me some perspective, but it had also solidified my intention to settle this situation in a way that wouldn’t ruin any of us. If Gabriel wanted to accept my help, then I would offer it, but not without some sort of guarantee. I would help him as a friend. Nothing more.
I sat up, struggling to force the air to reach anywhere near the full depth of my lungs. With one last look at Cameron sleeping peacefully on Chris’ bed, trying to ignore the knowledge of how angry he would be if he found out I’d gone to Gabriel on my own, I left the room with my fingernails digging deep into my palms.
The daylight appeared dark and foreboding as I passed along the corridor. Each and every sound coming from behind closed doors seemed distorted. Nothing was right. Harrowed echoes traveled with me down the stairs to the first floor. It was empty and cold—as if someone had abandoned this part of the world and left it to slowly disintegrate. I halted outside his door, shaking from within but determined to follow through.
Get a grip. If anything happened, others were close. Gabriel wouldn’t dare to hurt me if I told him my friends were ready to interfere.
I stood my ground and knocked, once, twice, reciting the apology carefully crafted during the flight. I had the words memorized—each sentence repeated so many times that it felt as if he already knew what I was going to say.
The door clicked open, the sound triggering a response that I fought to stave off. My knees wobbled, my throat constricted. Whatever I had planned to say fled my mind with a numbing swiftness.
He hovered in the doorway, rigid with annoyance. “What’s wrong with you?” His voice sliced through my armor without effort.
I swallowed hard, forcing myself to look straight ahead. “C-can I come in?”
He stepped back, carrying the tension of a predator ready to strike. I squeezed past before I had time to change my mind. He reached over to lock the door behind us.
Seconds flew by in a blur while I waited for him to say something, anything. Beneath my lashes, I studied the guy who was painfully familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. One part of me wanted to throw my arms around him and tell him how sorry I was for leaving without a word, but another part of me had a foot out of the door.
Seconds turned to minutes.
“I’m sorry,” I said at last. It was heartfelt. No one deserved to be abandoned.
“Sorry doesn’t really cut it.” His eyes narrowed into two lines of seething fury.
Could I fault him for that? Probably not, but that didn’t make his anger less frightening.
“Then what will?” The words tumbled out of me before I had a chance to stop them.
“I thought I could trust you.”
A cold fist seized my heart, freezing the blood inside thin veins and arteries, fracturing them from within—or perhaps they turned to stone. One piece of my heart at a time, bit by bit, transforming from vivid red to a dull gray. He had every right to call me out. What I felt for Cameron was wrong.
“I needed time to think.” What else could I say?
“About what? About us? You couldn’t wait for me?” He took a step closer, towering above me with anger boiling just beneath the surface. “I had planned a vacation for us, and you leave the morning we’re going. You couldn’t even give me that? You’re pathetic.”
I tried to step back, tried to get away from his threatening size. “Don’t say that. You don’t know—”
“What don’t I know?” He closed the distance between us, and I could feel the solid wall behind me.
“I-I was afraid.”
“Seems you have good reason to be. You keep letting me down, Adam. I trusted you with everything. I gave you all I had, and this is how you repay me. You ditch me, don’t answer your phone, and you return with fucking Cameron.” The harsh words cut me open, letting hurt flow around me in rapids and rivulets.
“They kidnapped me, took my phone…”
“Shut the fuck up!”
“All I want is to help you.”
“I said, shut the fuck up!”
The first punch caught my side, the next one my left cheek. I sagged against the wall, trying to shield myself as best I could. “Stop. Please, stop.”
He shoved me to the floor, sitting down on my hips with his fists ready to punch again. “You threw me away for a fucking teacher. You’re disgusting.”
My ears already rang with panic when the next blow crashed into my temple. Everything waved and flickered—nothing grounded me even as I
thrashed on the floor, desperate to escape the blows that continued to fall. I struggled to get loose, to find a way to protect myself, but he had me pinned under him. For the first time since this had begun months ago, I screamed at the top of my lungs. I screamed for him to stop—I cried out in pain.
He didn’t seem to hear me. No one did. He continued to throw insults and punches until sounds faded beneath a blanket of approaching unconsciousness, or perhaps I was withdrawing to save whatever it was I had left. I could feel myself hanging on by a thread. Grasping it desperately, I tried to cling to that last sliver of myself. I had to stay awake. Alive.
He shook me one last time before grasping my chin to hold me in place. “You’re gonna get clean and then you’ll fucking beg me to take you back.”
I barely heard him for the rushing silence of terror. Resigning myself to whatever it was he wanted, I lay like a ragdoll on the dirty floor as he stripped me naked. His harsh hands treated me with contempt instead of love, but I had no way of resisting. My body was battered and beaten to the brink.
Did I deserve this? No. He was out of his mind, but it was too late. I had made my mistake.
He propped me up against the cold tiles in the tiny bathroom. Fighting to stay sane, I saw the anger in his eyes melt away. “You know I don’t want to do this. But what do you expect when you treat me like I’m not worth a fucking thing to you?” His forehead touched mine, his voice soft as a whisper.
A shard of lucidity grasped at me from deep within. Had I believed him when he’d said those things before?
“You were worth everything,” I coughed out, tasting the metallic tang of blood on my tongue. The next cough had me crumbling beneath jarring pain. It was a new kind of agony, breaking through my void. My ribs.
He steadied me as if he thought my suffering would vanish, given the opportunity—as if he could take it away just as easily as he had bestowed it. He placed his lips against mine—a kiss as toxic as our relationship. Still, I couldn’t refuse, unable to move and too afraid that my actions would set off another rain of fists.
“Time for that apology now, Adam.”
I shook in his arms, fighting to curb the pain. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left. It was terrible of me.” I had to placate him somehow.
“You’ll never leave me, Adam. Never.”
“Never,” I lied.
He kissed me again, harder than before, invigorated by my resignation perhaps. Fear clutched my chest, but I played along, diving into the kiss with a passion I didn’t possess.
Our blood-tainted exchange continued until the apartment door crashed into the wall behind us.
“Adam!”
I’d never been so relieved to hear Cameron’s voice.
Gabriel stiffened as he prepared to battle, sneering at me as if daring me to say a word. He pushed away from me, no longer attempting to keep his anger at bay.
Without his strength to keep me upright, I fell against the tiles, crying out as pain blossomed anew.
“Get out of here!” Gabriel shouted.
Too afraid to move, I stared at the black and white pattern beneath me, trying to make sense of something while listening to the commotion outside.
The sound of knuckles connecting with something hard reached my ears.
No. Don’t hurt him.
Terrified, I crawled backward despite the pain. Would this horror never end?
I tried to stay alert, struggling to breathe as the two fought. Furniture shifted, blows were exchanged and I feared the worst. If anything happened to Cameron, it would hurt far worse than the pain already inflicted on my exhausted body.
Lying absolutely still despite the desperate ache, I watched Cameron rush inside the bathroom and leave a smattering of red drops in his wake. He leaned over me, wiping off the trickle of blood beneath his nose. The sound he made as he got a closer look made me want to turn inside out and hide forever—from him and from the world. He clasped my hand with his bloodied one. “You idiot.” His eyes were wild. Scared. “Can you sit up?”
When I didn’t reply, he ran his fingers through his hair, leaving yet another red trail behind. He glanced at the door. “We need to get you out of here.”
It was too late. Gabriel steadied himself against the narrow doorway, wiping his lip with the back of his hand. “You’ll regret this.” Blood-tinged spit landed on the floor.
Cameron ignored him, snatched a towel from the rack and sank to his knees beside me. Carefully, he wrapped it around my body, taking his time, although I could sense the stress in his shaking fingers. “Can you reach around my neck?”
I tried, folding my arms around him the best I could. Pain forced tears to break their barriers, but I persisted. My legs were fine. I would be fine. I had to be.
Cameron held me steady as I struggled to get up. Although my legs carried my weight, the rest of me seemed to fall apart at the seams. I would have stumbled again without his support.
“Careful,” Cameron said, wrapping me tighter to his side.
Gabriel seethed from where he stood, spitting yet another stream of blood onto the black and white pattern beneath us. “I’ll press charges. You won’t ever work as a teacher again.”
“We’ll see about that.” Cameron’s voice sent a chill through the room.
Even I trembled beneath the display of authority. Cameron was a teacher, after all. He could have Gabriel thrown out in a second, and for once, I didn’t mind the prospect. He didn’t deserve more chances, at least not from me.
My former boyfriend and best friend nailed me with a brutal stare, his anger coiling around me even as I fought it off.
“You choose him and I’ll never forgive you. Last chance, Adam.”
Wading through the numbing pain, I tried to straighten my back and found the bravery I’d stored away somewhere deep inside me long ago.
“Fuck you.” I shook from the strain, yet was determined to have my say. Clenching the fabric of Cameron’s shirt, I stared right into Gabriel’s eyes. “I’m done with you. So fucking done.”
Seconds passed with nothing but silence between us. Tension rose and twisted in the air, and it somehow helped me stay upright. I had nothing left to say, nothing left to prove. I stood with conviction until the pain became unbearable. Cameron reacted immediately when I slumped in his hold. He lifted me, carefully cradling me to his chest while he shouted for Gabriel and the students who had gathered outside to get out of his way. I fought against the pain as he walked, each of his steps sending a shockwave through me. But it wasn’t his fault. Nothing was his fault.
”I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Tears trailed down my cheeks. What had I done? Blood soaked us both as if we were two desperate soldiers returning from battle. Cameron didn’t deserve this.
“I’m calling the ambulance.”
“I don’t—”
Voices rose around us. The corridor was filled with people. All of them were staring.
“Yes, you do. I’m taking you to the hospital.”
As if on cue, I coughed again and pain screamed through my chest.
“Damn it,” I heard Cameron curse. I didn’t know what for until I saw him lean down over me, his gaze worried as he hovered. “Adam. Stay with me. Come on. Stay with me, please…”
Chapter Thirty
Bright lights, loud noises, a rattling bed.
Blinking my eyes open, I tried to fight the haze surrounding me. A voice begged me to calm down, but how could I when I had no idea of where I was, or how I got here?
Confused, I felt Gabriel’s grip around me as I thrashed. Panic forced my aching limbs to fight. Would this never end?
“Adam. I’m here. Calm down.”
I recognized that voice.
“No.” Gabriel wasn’t allowed to hurt him.
“Adam, calm down. Please.” Cameron clasped my hand, pulling me further into the real world. The ringing in my ears mellowed as I gazed into his eyes. Gabriel wasn’t here. He was nowhere in sight.
�
�What…?” My voice came out as a hoarse whisper.
“You’re getting X-rays.”
“Put him under.” Another voice.
“No. No,” I tried, tears of pain falling from the corners of my eyes. I wanted to be awake. Aware. The haze was lifting and I didn’t want to enter it again.
“They’re just trying to help.” Cameron squeezed my hand again.
“No…awake.”
More conversation. I looked around me, seeing one man in a blue coat, one woman in a white coat and a shorter young woman clad in dark blue who pushed the bed forward.
The woman in white leaned over me while walking, peeking over her glasses. “Can you tell me what day it is?”
“Sunday.”
“Do you remember what happened?”
I didn’t want to remember but had no choice. I saw Gabriel’s darkening gaze, I felt his punches and could smell the blood. Our tainted love falling to pieces all over again. How could I possibly forget?
“Yes.”
“Does it hurt to talk?”
“Yes.” Everything hurt, but the pain had its center in my chest, reaching out with long, aching tendrils.
She appeared satisfied with my brief answers. “He seems calm enough, give him five mils of morphine,” she said, settling the argument.
Registering the word ‘morphine’, I almost smiled at the hope of relief and drifted into a state between awake and unconscious.
Cameron squeezed my fingers. “You’ll be fine. Don’t worry. They’re taking care of you. I’m here.” His softly spoken words seemed to cover me with a warm blanket as they merged with the effect of the drug.
I didn’t know what to believe, but it didn’t matter. His words were soothing nonetheless. Most of all, those words carried no blame. He could have cussed me out for leaving him behind and reaching out to Gabriel on my own. He should have.
With my remaining strength, I curled my fingers around his hand in a silent gesture of gratitude. It seemed as if he was about to say something, but the staff halted him and asked him to wait outside while they pushed me through a double door.
I didn’t hear what they said, but I could see the distress in Cameron’s eyes. That was enough to settle a heavy weight on my broken body—a weight brought on by self-destruction.
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