Dirty Nights

by A. M. Hargrove

  He holds my hand and raises it to his lips. Kissing it tenderly, he asks, “Do you have to work tonight?”

  “Yeah. I work almost every night. It’s a money thing, you see.”

  “Any chance you can get a night off soon?”

  “Yeah. I just have to let my boss know.”

  “So, Skylina, tell your boss you can’t work on Friday.”

  “But Friday is busy at Exotique-A.”

  “Tell him to find someone to take your place and that you need the night off. Skylina, if you won’t tell him, I will.”

  His face is all kinds of serious so I agree.

  “Good. Glad that’s settled. Be ready for me around two.”

  “You gonna tell me what this is about?”

  “Uh uh. Just be ready. Wear jeans and comfortable shoes. You’ll be walking a lot.”

  “Walking a lot?”

  “Yep. And don’t eat. I want you hungry as a bear. Oh and one other thing. I don’t want you walking home alone any more from the club.”

  How the hell did he know?

  He gives me that look. The look that tells me he knows what I’m about.

  “Ryder, I’m fi …”

  “No. If you feel the need to walk home from work, call me and I’ll come and walk you home. Are you forgetting you almost got raped? Because I’m not.”

  He’s trying to tell me what to do and I don’t like it. I’m independent and have always been.

  “You can’t tell me what to do.”

  “Look. You have this job that I hate. You have to know how I feel about it. Other men get to see you naked. They get to fucking touch you. They do things with you that only I should be able to do. But this is your life and you have to do what you have to do in order to get by. I’ll deal with it. Doesn’t mean I like it, just means I’ll deal with it. But this walking home alone. Now that’s plain stupid and dangerous and you know it. So don’t do it. And if you insist, I’ll hire people. I’m not gonna take a chance where your safety is concerned. Please, Skylina.”

  He’s right so I agree with his terms. “I’ll call if I want to walk. Otherwise, I’ll have the driver bring me here.”

  “Good. Now, getting back to that coffee.” He smiles. I melt. Totally ferking melt.

  SIX

  Ryder

  At two o’clock on Friday, I walk into the apartment to find Skylina dressed and waiting for me. And she looks fucking cute as hell. Dressed in worn jeans and a sweatshirt, she looks like a high school kid.

  Tossing my backpack on the couch, I rifle through it and find my wallet. Then I grin at her and say, “You ready?”

  “I guess so. Where we headed?”

  “It’s a surprise.” I hold out my hand and she takes it. Her hand feels right, like it belongs in mine. We head for the subway, but when it’s time to get off the train, I won’t let her look.

  “Close your eyes and keep them closed. And Skylina,” putting my mouth right next to her ear, I whisper, “if you open them, or so much as peek, I’m going to punish you later on tonight.” When she sucks in her breath, I think about finding a secluded spot so we can have a quickie.

  “Ryder, stop.” Her hand squeezes mine and I turn her head and kiss her.

  When we get on the next train, I tell her she can open her eyes again, but I put my arm around her and hug her close to me. After a couple of train changes, we exit the subway and walk the couple of blocks to Luna Park. My eyes are focused on her face the entire time and it’s like watching a kid get their first bike. Or maybe seeing them blow out the candles on their birthday cake. She looks like I just handed her the world. And it’s a damn amusement park.

  “You ready to experience your first carnival?”

  “Oh my God!” Then she turns to me with the most amazing expression of wonder on her face, it feels like the sun is shining right out of her. She’s glowing. She throws her arms around me and buries her face in my neck. “I can’t believe you brought me to Coney Island!” Her voice is muffled against me, but her excitement is contagious.

  “Only wanted you to know what I was talking about the other night. Let’s go.”

  We ride all the rides first. And then dive into the food. I spare nothing. She has to taste it all from the cotton candy that makes her fingers sticky like glue to those funnel cakes I knew she’d be addicted to. My phone stays in my hand because I constantly snap pictures of her.

  “Shiz! These are ferking amazing!” she says as she licks her fingers.

  “Skylina, why don’t you ever curse?” I laugh at her choice of words.

  Her face turns to stone and she stops chewing. She sets her funnel cake down and finishes swallowing the bite she’s working on. Then she wipes her mouth and takes a drink of her Icee. Her eyes have looked everywhere but at me, and when they do, the pain that clouds them makes me flinch.

  She inhales and says, “My parents fought. Nasty fighting. Mom would hit my dad. Then he would hit her back. And they would yell and scream at each other. Say terrible things. Curse words. All the time, while I stood there and watched. I heard it all because they never tried to hide it from me. Then when I lived with my dad, his wife called me all sorts of awful things. ‘Little Shit’ was one of her favorites. Or the ‘Spawn of the fucking crack whore.’ And she did it in front of my dad. She never used my name. Not once. And then there’s my mom. Fuck is her favorite word. ‘Skylina, where the fuck is my stash?’ Or ‘Get your fucking ass in here you goddamn slut.’ Anyway, I hated it so much I made up my mind that I would never speak like that. So that’s why. I despise it and everything it represents.”

  Skylina’s been traumatized her whole life. Abused. It’s a wonder she’s functional.

  Now it’s my turn to wipe my hands and mouth with my napkin. Then I get up and move to sit next to her. We’re seated at a picnic table. So I pull her onto my lap.

  “You amaze me. You had a shit childhood, and yet here you are, a strong and beautiful young woman.” Then I hold her because I’m not sure what else I can do. “I’m sorry I asked you that. I didn’t mean to pry or to spoil this for you.”

  “Ryder, it’s me. This is the way I’ve lived forever. I don’t know anything different so don’t be sorry. I don’t usually talk about my life with anyone. You’re the first. No one knows about my past.”

  “Then I’m honored that you chose me to tell your secrets to.”

  “What about you, Ryder? What kind of secrets do you have?”

  Well, fuck me. There are too many painful secrets that I can’t delve into right now. Maybe someday. “You know the worst. I’m an addict. That’s not exactly something to write home about.”

  “Yeah, but there’s more you’re not telling me about.”

  “Skylina, you know more about me than most people.”

  “Oh? How so?”

  “You know what I like best in the bedroom. No one can say that.”

  Her throat works around as she swallows. And it’s true. No one knows as much as she does about me because I haven’t been with any one woman as many times as I’ve been with her. A change in subject is needed so I add, “My Aunt Emmy used to bring me here all the time. We would call it our Coney Time.”

  “Your Aunt Emmy?”

  “Yeah. She’s my favorite aunt. My grandfather’s sister. She was my hero growing up. My parents hated this place. My mom wouldn’t be caught dead here. But not Aunt Emmy. We’d come here once a month. And when she’d take me home, I’d have the worst stomachache in the world. And my mom would be so pissed at Aunt Emmy. But the following month, she’d show up for Coney Time again.”

  Skylina laughs. “What would you do in the winter?”

  “Oh, Aunt Emmy would come up with something. The circus, the zoo. You name it. She’d hunt down places to take me that had Coney Time food. She’s hilarious too. You’d love her. She used to tell my mom that she needed to loosen up a bit or that her ass would bite off a ten penny nail if she ever got near one!”

  “Oh my God! That’s
too funny!”

  “That’s my Aunt Emmy. My mom’s gotten used to her over the years, but it would drive her crazy. Back then, she would say I couldn’t go anywhere with her. But Aunt Emmy would come over when my mom was gone and steal me away. My nanny would laugh.”

  “You had a nanny?”

  Fuck! I didn’t mean to let that one slip.

  “Uh, yeah. Her name was Martha and she was great. I still talk to her.”

  “Whoa. You must’ve had a great life growing up with all those people who loved you.”

  God, I sure did, but at the time I was too fucking self-absorbed to realize it. And now I look at Skylina and see what she’s faced and …

  “Yeah, I did. I was too damn spoiled for my own good, though. I should shut up now. You don’t need to hear me go on about how great my life was.”

  “No! I love hearing about it. How it was for other people who had it good, you know? I used to dream about how it would be to live in a home where I could feel safe and surrounded by warm fuzzies. My dream used to be that I would run away from home and some family would find me and take me in. And that there would be dinner time every night and someone would be there to help with my homework if I needed it. And I’d have a warm bed with clean sheets to sleep in. And then in the morning, the mom would wake me up and fix me breakfast and have a lunch made for me to take to school.”

  “Skylina, who taught you to dance?”

  She ducks her head. I find it so odd that she can strip in front of strangers but gets shy when I ask her a simple question.

  “The neighborhood kids. We used to play music and it started with hip hop. Then I sort of created my own style by blending it with other stuff.”

  “And your gymnastic moves?”

  “Oh, I started doing cartwheels and walkovers and stuff when I was a little kid. I always dreamed of dancing or doing gymnastics. Then, like I said, the hip hop stuff blends flips into the moves and I took it a little further.”

  “I’d like to watch you do an entire routine.”

  “Oh, I don’t know. I’m okay I guess. But, maybe someday.”

  “Well, remember, I’ve seen you at Exotique-A.”

  Her face flushes scarlet.

  “Um, yeah.”

  “You’re excellent. On the pole. You’re really strong.”

  “Ryder, that was a strip tease dance.” She huffs.

  “Doesn’t matter. I watched the way you moved. You’re really great.”

  “Oh? And how would you know. Are you some kind of dance expert?”

  Okay, I need to change the direction of this conversation again.

  “Well, no, but I think you need to give this dance thing a go. Now, are you done eating?”

  “Oh, yeah. I’m stuffed.”

  My hand moves under her sweatshirt so I can rub her belly. “Oh, seems to me you have a little more room in here.”

  Her hands move to my face, she grabs me and kisses me. She’s taken me by surprise. Her tongue pushes past my lips and tangles with mine but when I move mine into her mouth, she starts to suck on it, playing with it the same way she does my cock when she blows me. My cock strains against my tight jeans and I moan into her mouth. Not even thinking, I slip my hand down the back of her jeans so I can caress the cheek of her ass and damn it feels so good. That’s when I feel a tap on my shoulder.

  “Sir, this is a public park. If you wanna do that, you need to take it elsewhere.”

  Fuck!

  “Right. Sorry, man.”

  When he leaves, Skylina and I look at each other and laugh. Hard.

  “Let’s move away from here. I’m afraid if I sit here any longer, I’ll come in my jeans.”

  “You would not.”

  “Babe, I have a stiffie that could rival granite. Come on.”

  She laughs again. We spend the rest of the evening at Luna Park and I even win a giant stuffed panda bear for her. It’s a bitch lugging home, but she loves it, so I’m happy.

  When we get there I take the panda and put him in the bed. Then I turn to Skylina and say, “He can keep you company when I’m not here.”

  “Are you not staying tonight?”

  “Not tonight.”

  “Why?”

  I take her in my arms and kiss her. Like she means something to me. Like she’s the most important thing in the world to me.

  “Sleep well, Skylina.” Grabbing my backpack, I head out the door.

  I know she’s puzzled, but the fact is I can’t stay tonight … or any other night. She’s exposed a piece of herself that I really didn’t want to see. She’s opened up to me and now I want all of her to myself. I don’t want to share her with any of her johns. Or the scumbags that watch her dance. I want her to dance only for me. And me alone. Now that she’s shared that part of herself, I feel wounded too. And possessive. I don’t want her to hurt anymore. To feel the pain of abandonment. Each night when I’ve waited for her to come home, I could take out my anger on her with hard, dirty sex. But now I want to fuck her, softly and sweetly. I want to show her that side of me too. But I can’t. Not until she leaves that ugly part of her life behind. So I’m the one that will have to leave her behind. Even though it hurts. Like recovering from that beating that nearly took my life. And I know staying away from Skylina will be like going through withdrawal all over again. But it’s not an option for me to sit by and watch her prostitute herself any longer.

  SEVEN

  Skylina

  After spending the most wonderful night of my life with Ryder, he walks away and leaves me alone with a giant stuffed panda. For hours I stare at the door, thinking he’ll walk through it again. But when the sun begins to turn the room a golden hue, I admit to myself that he’s really gone. Every day I come home from work, thinking he’ll be there, but he’s not and the disappointment crashes into me time and time again.

  Cara meets me for lunch one afternoon at our favorite sushi restaurant.

  “You look awful, girl.”

  Nodding, I try to speak, but my tears choke me up and a sob escapes instead. She grabs my hand and says, “Oh honey, I didn’t know it was this bad.” She motions for the waiter to come over and orders us some sake. Then she stuffs some tissue into my hand.

  At last, the gripping burn leaves my throat and I launch into my pathetic Ryder saga.

  Cara is quiet and looks pensive for a moment. “You’ve obviously called him, right?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Can you go to his apartment?”

  Groaning, I say, “I am at his apartment. I’m living in it. And that’s the other thing. I can’t keep doing that. Here’s the weird thing too. He must show up there sometimes because the refrigerator is always stocked with food and stuff. Like he still takes care of me or something.”

  “Now that’s a little creepy.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t know. It’s like he’s saying he’s spying on you or something.”

  I think about it and then say, “I don’t look at it like that. I think of it as he wants to make sure I have everything I need.”

  “Okay, whatever. But are you gonna keep on living there?”

  My hands sink into my hair as I say, “Ugh! I don’t know. I want to because it’s a great place. And I don’t have to listen to my mom rant and rave. But then I feel so guilty not paying him rent. But I can’t afford my mom’s rent and this place. I’m so confused.”

  Cara grins. “Hell with it. Stay till he asks you to leave.”

  “You think I should?”

  “Hellz yeah! I mean, he allowed you to move in, right?”

  “Uh huh.”

  “Then if he wants you gone, make him ask you to leave.”

  Cara’s strong. Much more so than I am. Staying at Ryder’s would be nice, but how humiliating would that be if he shows up one day and asks me to leave? It would be better if I just go on my own.

  “I’ll figure it out.”

  “You’re gonna move back with your mom, aren’t you?”
r />   “Probably.”

  “You can stay at my place when I don’t have a client.”

  “Thanks, Cara.”

  Unlike me, Cara entertains at her place. She likes it that way and sometimes they spend the night. She makes huge bucks when they do.

  “Listen Sky, I know you don’t want to hear this, but one day you’re gonna have to set your mom loose. Jimmy thinks so too. She’s a noose around your neck and she’s slowly squeezing the life outta you, honey. I know you feel obligated to her, but one day, something’s gonna happen and it scares me to think about it.”

  Cara and Jimmy are right. But if something happens to my mom, and I’m not there to check on her or to help her, I’m not sure if I can live with that.

  “I know but …”

  “She’s a grown woman and she’s chosen her path, Sky.”

  “Yeah, but she’s sick.”

  “Sky, you’re making excuses for her. She is sick but she also can get help and refuses to do so. By giving her the money to support her drug habit, you’re enabling her, honey. You’re helping her kill herself.”

  “Cara! Stop. I don’t want to discuss this anymore.”

  “I know, but it needs to be said. You can be pissed off at me all you want, but the bottom line is she’s ruined your life and you've let her. Answer me this. Would you be dancing and hooking if it weren’t for her?”

  “No!”

  “See, that’s the difference between you and me. I do it because it gives me a high. I love the fact that I have men that thrive on looking at me. I love that men want me. You, you’re different. You hate doing this. It disgusts you. Go to your mom. Give her an ultimatum. Tell her to get help or you won’t support her anymore. Tell her no more drugs. Do it for her and you, Sky.”

  She’s right, but I don’t think I have to nerve to do it. On the way home, thoughts of my mom, dad and Ryder race through my mind. Something’s gotta give because I can’t go on like this. Tonight’s my free night. But since it’s been a few days since Ryder’s been by, my hunch is that he’ll stop by to do his grocery thing. So I dress up and head out, like I do when I have to work. Only this time, I circle around the block and keep an eye on the apartment.