The Lighthouse

by Melanie Wilber

  “Yep. You mean two crazy people in the group tonight!”

  I laughed along with everyone, and Jonathan reached out to give my shoulder a gentle squeeze. I smiled at him, and he smiled back. Marissa was still sitting on my other side, and she wasn’t shy, reminding everyone she was “Jonny’s little sister,” and he was the “best big brother in the world.” That didn’t surprise me, but I was very much in awe of how this night was turning out in terms of my interaction with Jonathan. It was so unlike me to be this way around someone I had just met, but I didn’t feel I wasn’t being myself. If anything I was being more real with him than I had ever been.

  Even with Jodi we spent a lot of time together and had a good time because that’s the way we had always been with each other, but I didn’t always tell her exactly how I felt or what I was thinking, and I knew there had been a lot of things she had kept from me concerning her family and relationships with guys. And I, in return, had often kept things to myself about my dreams and fears and everyday problems because Jodi didn’t really listen to me, or at least that’s the way I usually felt.

  The band led one more song before we were dismissed with a prayer by Pastor Dan. I was touched by his words in a unique way I couldn’t describe. I again had that feeling of God being more real and personal than I had ever considered, and I wondered how Jonathan and Marissa viewed Him--what words they would use to describe it, but I didn’t have the opportunity to ask them here and now.

  I expected our departure from the church to take some time, considering how much talking Jonathan and Marissa had engaged in beforehand, and I was content to remain close and follow them out at their own pace. It wasn’t like I had anything to do back at the room, and I also anticipated the possibility of Jonathan wanting to go out somewhere with his friends rather than returning to the campus immediately. It was only eight-thirty.

  I was right, and a bunch of us went bowling. Bowling was a popular thing to do in Bandon because it had a bowling alley but not a lot of other places where families could go together or teens could hang out. I’d been bowling lots of times with my family and friends, so I was decent at it and had a fun time. We didn’t get back to the room until nearly midnight. It was the latest I had stayed out since being here, and I had rarely been out that late back home.

  There wasn’t much to do on Thursday. Marissa and I slept in, took late showers, and then had an early lunch. Neither of us had been to the library yet, so we went there for about an hour and checked out some light reading neither of us were sure we’d have time for, but I always liked to have some books on hand. We went to the bookstore after that to get some supplies we would need next week. We couldn’t get our books until tomorrow, but Jonathan had advised us to get everything else now so we could go through the Books Only line once it got busier.

  I also bought an Oregon State hoodie that would be good for wearing in the cool mornings. It was black with orange letters, and Marissa got one too. On the walk back to the dorm she asked me how I had enjoyed going to The Lighthouse last night.

  “I liked it,” I said. “It was a lot different than I was expecting, but it was nice.”

  “What did you like best?”

  I had to think about that. Not so much what I had enjoyed the most but how to phrase it. My favorite thing had been being there with Jonathan and the unique feeling he brought to my heart, but meeting others, considering things about God I hadn’t thought about before, and the whole flow of the evening had been nice too.

  “Just the atmosphere, I guess. I never imagined meeting so many nice people this week, and it was--” I searched for the right word.

  “Uplifting?”

  “Yes, uplifting.”

  “I know, for me too,” Marissa said. “Sometimes I get so caught up in all the things I think God expects from me I forget there’s so much He wants to give to me.”

  I sort of knew what she meant, but I asked anyway. “Like?”

  She sighed. “Like His love. Peace. Direction. I need to remember I’m not on my own. Jesus is always there for me.”

  I wasn’t sure what she meant by Jesus, as had been the case when I heard the name mentioned last night, but I had picked up on the idea I had access to those things too. I wasn’t sure how to gain them, but knowing they were there was comforting.

  Marissa’s phone rang, and she reached for it inside her purse. I couldn’t tell who it was by her initial greeting, but it sounded like someone she knew well. When she said, “Yeah, maybe. Let me ask,” and she turned to look at me, I knew it was Jonathan.

  She held the phone out to me. “It’s Jonny. He wants to ask you something.”

  I took the phone from her and said hello. Jonathan had a relaxed voice, and I melted at the sound of it. He wanted to know if we could come to the cafeteria in his building tonight and have dinner with him and some of his friends. He said their dining hall had a better selection of food than ours, including clam chowder every night.

  “How can I say no to that?” I replied.

  “Does that mean yes?”

  “Sure, if Marissa wants to.”

  “She does, I already asked.”

  “Okay. Do you want to talk to her some more?”

  “No, not unless she has something to say.”

  I asked her if she did, and Marissa shook her head.

  “She doesn’t,” I said to Jonathan. “What time?”

  “What’s good for you?”

  I was feeling hungry because we’d had an early lunch. “Is five okay?”

  “Fine with me. I’ll see you then.”

  “Okay, bye.”

  “Bye, Jennifer.”

  I handed the phone back to Marissa, and she took it but had that little smile on her face again.

  “What’s that look for?”

  “What look?”

  “That look,” I laughed. “Is there something you’d like to tell me?”

  She didn’t deny it, and I waited to see what she would say. “I think my brother has a bit of a crush on you.”

  “You think, or you know?”

  “I know,” she admitted. “I hope that doesn’t surprise you too much, or freak you out. I know you just met him, but he really is great. And he doesn’t do this over just any girl.”

  I laughed. “Why me?”

  “I don’t know. He just does. You’re not surprised?”

  “I’m not surprised because I’ve been getting that vibe from him, but I am surprised because I’m a girl he just met and I’m not exactly a beauty queen or anything special.”

  “I think my brother thinks differently,” she said with a sweet smile. “He has been mesmerized by you since the first day!”

  I laughed and pictured myself in front of a mirror: Dark brown hair, brown eyes, lightly tanned skin from my mother’s Spanish heritage. No great curves to speak of. Homely and plain. “Mesmerized? With what?”

  “I’m sure he’ll get around to telling you.”

  I couldn’t imagine that, but I hadn’t been able to imagine any of this, so I didn’t respond and wondered if and when he would admit to me what he had already told his sister.

  Chapter Seven

  The cafeteria in Jonathan’s residence hall was much larger than ours, and the food selection was so diverse I couldn’t take it all in. There was the main food line in front of the kitchen area, but there were also several buffet kiosks with both cold and hot food items, and there was a really nice salad bar. Ours only had a small one.

  I wanted to fill up my plate with everything that looked good, but I wanted to have some clam chowder that usually filled me up all by itself, so I just got the chowder and made myself a salad. Maybe we could come back next week, and I could try some of the other entrees.

  “There’s some fried halibut over there, if you’re interested,” Jonathan said to me when I was waiting for the others to finish getting their food and find a place to sit together. I looked to where he was pointing, and I saw another buffet area I hadn’t scan
ned at all.

  “Really?”

  “You want me to get you some?”

  His tray looked full, and mine wasn’t. “No, I can get it.”

  I walked that direction and took a small plate to put the deep fried fish pieces on, but there was also some red snapper and shrimp that looked tempting. Next time, I told myself and got some tartar sauce and a lemon wedge to go with my fish and then turned back to where I had been standing before, but Jonathan wasn’t there. I didn’t see Marissa either and stepped into the dining area, spotting them sitting down at a large table. I walked that way, and Jonathan pointed to an empty seat between him and Marissa, but I had the distinct impression he was the one who had saved it for me.

  I tried to enjoy the food, not knowing when I might be eating here again. All of the dining areas on campus were open to anyone, but coming to this area of the campus on a regular basis for dinner wouldn’t be as convenient. Having Jonathan sitting beside me, however, and knowing what I knew about him being attracted to me, I felt self-conscious, and it was difficult to act like nothing out of the ordinary was going on. I wondered if Marissa had said anything to him while I had been getting my fish, but Jonathan seemed his normal self, not like he knew the cat was out of the bag and he needed to do something about it.

  “How’s the clam chowder?” he asked.

  “It’s good,” I said. “Not quite like Mama makes, but not bad.”

  “And the fish?”

  “I haven’t tried it yet.”

  I squeezed the lemon juice over the pieces and picked one up to dip in the tartar sauce. It was good, very moist and flavorful, and I said what I was thinking.

  “I might have to start eating here every night.”

  He smiled. “We chose this dorm for the food. The best on campus.”

  “What are the rooms like?” I asked. The building itself had an historic look to it, and I assumed it was one of the original campus buildings.

  “Old,” he said. “And not very big. But the food is worth it.”

  I was surprised when he didn’t ask me about last night or anything personal throughout the meal. He talked to me a lot, but about more generic things. I understood his more detached conversation when he asked me something after we had finished eating.

  “Would you be interested in going for a walk with me?”

  I smiled. “Sure.”

  He smiled too. “Don’t worry about Marissa. She’ll be in good hands with Michael there.”

  “Okay.”

  He rose from his chair and I did the same, following him to the tray drop-off area and then toward the front entrance. He saw a few people he knew along the way, but not too many, and soon we were stepping outside together. He led the way, crossing the street in front of us and then the one to the left.

  “That’s a good place to eat too,” he said, pointing to the building we were passing by. “Especially for lunch if you have classes around here. They have a nice deli and other made-to-order stuff.”

  “That’s good to know,” I said.

  Beyond that was a large courtyard area I had crisscrossed before, and Jonathan directed us to the wide path lined with small shrubs and intermittent flower beds. It was a beautiful area, and I took some photographs, but just in my mind because I didn’t have my camera with me. Several historic buildings could be seen on all sides, and the landscaping was well maintained and lush with trees changing to the colors of fall.

  “This is a beautiful campus,” I said. “More so than I was expecting.”

  “Yes,” he agreed. “And it’s like home to me now.”

  “Does Michael like your sister?” I asked, suddenly wondering if that’s what this was about: Jonathan getting me out of the way so Michael could make his move, but that didn’t sound like either Jonathan or Marissa. If that was the case, they would be honest with me about it, or at least I hoped they would.

  “Yes, I believe he does,” Jonathan said.

  I smiled at the tone in his voice. He sounded both glad about it and apprehensive. “Do you think that’s a good thing?”

  “Possibly,” he laughed. “Michael could use someone like Marissa, but I’m not sure Marissa will put up with him.”

  “What’s he like?”

  “Unorganized, unfocused, and unpunctual. Three things they are completely opposite in.”

  “Well, you know what they say. Opposites attract.”

  He reached for my hand and held it between us as we continued walking. I felt numb at his touch, like it wasn’t really my hand he was holding, but I could feel and see that it was.

  “Is that how you would describe what’s happening with us?” he asked, coming to a slow stop and turning to face me.

  I laughed nervously. “I don’t know. Is something happening?”

  “If you want it to be,” he replied. “I’ve been wanting to do this all week.”

  “Hold my hand?”

  He smiled. “Hold your hand, go for a walk, spend some time getting to know you.”

  He was looking directly into my eyes, and I held my breath, wondering if he would come closer and kiss me.

  “Am I assuming too much?” he asked, appearing serious.

  “No, you’re not.”

  He admitted something else. “I haven’t done this before.”

  “What?”

  “Fallen for someone this fast. We haven’t even been on a date yet, but I can’t stop thinking about you. I’ve been telling myself all week to take this slow and not pounce on you during the first week, but I had to tell you. I couldn’t put it off another day.”

  I still felt numb and wasn’t sure what to say. In a way I wanted him to kiss me so I didn’t have to say anything, but I also had some questions I needed some answers to before this went any further.

  “Can I ask you something?” I said.

  “You can ask me anything.”

  “Why me?”

  He smiled. “That’s a very good question.”

  “And your answer?”

  “I don’t think I know yet,” he said. “Other than the obvious things.”

  “Obvious things?”

  “Well, you’re beautiful,” he said, sounding a bit embarrassed to admit that was one of his reasons. “And I don’t usually place a lot of emphasis on the outward things, but when you have the inner beauty to go with it--how can I resist?”

  He was bordering on ridiculous now, but I moved on to my next question. “So what happens now?”

  “Right now, or after today?”

  “Both.”

  He started walking again. “Right now we can just talk. Take a nice stroll that lasts as long as we want it to. And then tomorrow we’ll see each other again, and the day after that. As often as we can without compromising our grades or any of the important things. How does that sound?”

  “Is that your usual strategy?”

  “Usual strategy?”

  “In your other relationships?”

  He stopped again and turned to face me with a shy look on his face. “I told you I’ve never done this before.”

  I looked at him, slowly understanding what he meant. “Dated? Not at all?”

  He smiled.

  “You’ve never dated?”

  “No. I guess you could say I’m enrolling in Dating 101 this term.”

  I laughed. “That was a lame joke.”

  “I know. You might have to be patient with me. When I’m nervous I tend to overcompensate with bad humor.”

  I resorted to a nervous habit as well, tucking my straight dark hair behind my ear and wondering what he was going to do next. He was still holding my hand, but there was some distance between us, and we were just standing there smiling at each other.

  “I’m better at talking honestly,” he said. “How about you?”

  “Yes, I think so.”

  “And I want you to feel like you can always be honest with me, Jennifer.”

  I wasn’t sure why, but I did believe I could be honest with Jon
athan. And as we walked and talked some more, I was. He got around to asking me about my mom and dad, and I told him about my dad’s accident. He was sincerely empathetic and asked me something no one had asked me before.

  “How do you think that has affected you--growing up, and now?”

  I took my time answering that, and he didn’t try to rush me or put words into my mouth. I had almost broke down crying when I told him, but now I felt more thoughtful and in control of my emotions.

  “I think it made me value my mom more. I knew she was the only parent I had left. A lot of my friends don’t get along with their moms, but I can’t imagine that. I need her, and she is there for me--always.”

  “Has she remarried?”

  “Yes,” I said, telling him about my uncle then.

  “But you don’t see him as your dad?”

  “Not really. Maybe if I hadn’t known him before, I would, but he’s Uncle Stewart!” I laughed. “That’s just the way I see him.”

  “Is he good to you?”

  “Yes. I’m glad they got married, but my dad is gone. I don’t have one anymore.”

  “I’m sorry,” he said, dropping my hand for the first time and slipping his arm around my waist instead. “I’m sure that’s very hard.”

  “I feel close to him when I’m at the beach. That was probably the most difficult thing about coming here--so far away.”

  “I’m glad you’re here,” he said after several moments. And it was good timing. Long enough for me to remember being near the water, but not long enough for me to dwell on what I had left behind.

  “I’m glad I’m here too,” I said, looking up at him and realizing how much taller he was than me. I only came up to his shoulder, if that.

  He looked down at me, and when our eyes met, he stopped walking. It was dusk, and I had no idea where we were. We’d been walking all around, and Jonathan had been pointing out various halls and areas of the campus to me, but I was completely lost. I thought we were walking back toward his dorm, but I wasn’t sure.

  He sighed deeply. “I knew being with you was going to be like this.”