The Lighthouse

by Melanie Wilber

  “If you’re going, I’d rather go with you than be away from you for two months.”

  “Me too. But I don’t know that I’m going for sure. I want this to be something we either decide to do together, or we decide to do something else.”

  “Like what?”

  “Like spend the summer with your family, living there and having summer jobs. Or we stay here and take summer classes. Or we do some kind of local mission work, or just go back and forth between my family and yours and help out with some summer things going on at my church.”

  “So, you’re not set on any one thing?”

  “No, not at all. The mission trip is a long application and fundraising process we would need to get started on soon, but I only want to do that if you want to too. Or if you would be fine with me going without you--which I take, you’re not?”

  I thought about it and wasn’t sure I could say for sure either way. “I’ll have to think about it,” I replied and said something that came to mind immediately. “I think the only reason I wouldn’t go and let you go without me is because I might need to be in Bandon this summer for Jodi.”

  “Do you think she would prefer it if I wasn’t there with you?”

  “I don’t think so. She told me before I left she was happy I had found someone like you.”

  “We have some time to decide,” he said. “I want to know whatever you’re thinking and how you’re feeling about it--even if you say one thing and then change your mind later.”

  I prayed about it whenever it came to mind, and I didn’t feel God leading me in a specific way. I felt at peace when Jonathan mentioned different things, and I continued to feel being close to home for Jodi’s sake was an important factor. I talked to her regularly, about twice a week by phone and almost every day online. She was taking some steps to know God and seek His direction. Mostly she prayed, but she had also started going to church with Tess. Tess’ family had gone sometimes when she was growing up, and after talking to Jodi one day and hearing she was interested in knowing more about God, Tess said she was too, and they had found a college group in Coos Bay.

  Jodi asked me a lot of questions, and some of them I wasn’t sure of the answer, but I knew Jodi had a good grasp of the things that really mattered, like believing she was loved and forgiven by God and that He would lead her to good places if she kept seeking and following.

  She experienced a setback in late February. After not dating anyone since breaking if off with the married guy, she went out with someone she met at school, knowing he probably wasn’t the right kind of guy for her to be dating, but he was really good looking and she couldn’t resist.

  I didn’t hear about it until she called me after-the-fact, but she slept with him before the weekend was over, and when she told me later that week, she was hurt because he hadn’t called, but she was more mad at herself for letting it happen.

  I was mad at her too, but I said what I knew I should say about moving on, staying away from those kinds of guys, and waiting for God to bring someone decent her way.

  “When I finally find him, if I ever do, he’s not going to want me, Jen. What’s the point?”

  “You don’t know that. You think that, but it doesn’t mean it’s true.”

  “But why would God ever bless me? What reason would He possibly have for giving me something I don’t deserve?”

  “Because He wants you to be happy. He loves you. He wants the best for you.”

  She did have some other news to share. Something that gave me hope she wasn’t giving up yet.

  “I sent in my application to OSU this week.”

  “I’m glad,” I said simply.

  “I miss you, Jen.”

  “I miss you too.”

  “Are you coming home for Spring Break?”

  “Yes. I’ll be there.”

  “We should go to Sunset Bay again. That was really good for me.”

  “We should. Let’s plan that, okay? I’ll make the reservations.”

  “Okay.”

  “Do me a favor?”

  “What?”

  “Spend some time talking to God tonight. Tell Him all the things you want again.”

  “Do you think He’s still listening?”

  “Yes, Jodi. He’s always listening.”

  ***

  Winter Term was over before I knew it, and Spring Break came and went quickly also. I enjoyed my time at home, and Jodi and I had a good couple of days away together. Jodi welcomed the isolated location more quickly than she had in December, and it was warmer, so we were able to spend more time on the beach.

  We had some good talks, and I told her about my summer plans that weren’t set in stone yet but were looking like the most likely possibility at this point. Jonathan wanted us to spend the summer together, and I did too, so he was planning on spending most of his time in Bandon, living with my family and finding a job there. Jodi was glad to hear that, and she didn’t seem bothered she wouldn’t have me all to herself. That was the first indication to me she was changing, but there were other things in the weeks that followed.

  She started spending some time with a guy in her college group at church, but they weren’t dating. They were just friends, and that had been her choice. He’d asked her out, and she knew he was a good guy from everything she observed about him. She agreed to a date, but she had spent that time being honest with him up front about her past and that she didn’t know if getting into a relationship was the best thing for her right now. He was respecting that but wanted to spend more time with her, so thus far that’s where their relationship stood, and whenever she talked about him, it was positive.

  In early May she called and said she was considering something and wanted me to pray for her. Ben had asked her about going on a weekend trip with his family. They were going to Newport for his cousin’s wedding. The wedding was on Saturday evening, but they were driving up on Friday afternoon and returning Sunday.

  “Do you want to go?” I asked.

  “Yeah, maybe.”

  “Why?”

  “To have some time with him away from here, but with his family too. I haven’t met them yet. They live in Florence.”

  “Why do you think he’s inviting you?”

  “For the same reason. His exact words were, ‘By the end of the weekend, you’ll either know I’m someone you want to keep spending time with, or you’ll be ready to be rid of me. And if that’s the case, I’d rather know now than later.’

  “So it’s an ultimatum? By Sunday he’ll either be your boyfriend or you’ll never talk to him again?”

  “No. He’s fine with us being friends as long as I need that. We just don’t have a lot of time together between school and work. This would give us a chance to get to know each other better, but in a safe environment--away but not alone.”

  “Do you trust him?”

  “Yeah, I do.”

  “Do you think it’s a good idea?”

  “I don’t know. I guess that’s what I need prayer for. I want to make the right decision, but I’m not sure what it is.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  The next day I told Jonathan about Jodi’s invitation to spend the weekend with Ben’s family, asking him to pray for her too, and he had a suggestion I hadn’t thought of.

  “Maybe we could meet them there on Saturday and spend part of the day with them.”

  “Yeah, I suppose we could.”

  I didn’t know if Jodi would want that, but she did. Jonathan and I made plans to meet them in Newport on Saturday before lunch, and we arrived along the Bayfront at eleven o’clock.

  My first impression of Ben was he acted a lot like Jonathan, which was different than Jodi’s boyfriends in the past. He seemed more reserved and quiet than Jonathan, more like me, but otherwise he was polite, well-mannered, and had a pleasant personality. We sat on some benches along the pier and talked for a little while, and I wasn’t surprised by Ben’s behavior. It matched the way Jodi talked about him. But
I was surprised by Jodi’s behavior with him. She was being herself, like when it was just her and me together, and I rarely saw her that way with anyone else.

  We had lunch overlooking the water, and by the time we left the restaurant, Jonathan and Ben were getting along like gangbusters. Even more so than Jonathan was with his friends at school. The closest relationship I could compare it to was the way Jonathan and Adam were together, but they had been friends for years, not two hours.

  The wedding wasn’t until that evening, so we decided to go to the aquarium located there in Newport. As we walked around the exhibits, Ben and Jodi held hands some of the time, but that was as far as their physical affection went. I could see a lot more affection in Ben’s eyes, however. He seemed to enjoy Jodi’s company a lot and did several things to indicate he really cared about her.

  Jodi was receiving his companionship, but in a reserved way. She was fully aware of Ben’s caring ways and knew she could have more at any time, but for now his friendship was all she could accept.

  “I like him,” I told her when we were in the ladies’ room.

  She smiled. “I like him too. I thought you might think he was too nice, like that really isn’t him, but Jonathan is the same way!”

  “I know! Tell me about it,” I laughed.

  Jodi dried her hands and then turned to face me. “I think I want it, but I’m scared, Jen.”

  “What are you afraid of?”

  “Screwing it up. I don’t want to hurt him.”

  “Why do you think you’ll hurt him?”

  “I don’t know. What if I can’t do it? What if I can’t love him? I don’t think I’ve ever loved anyone.”

  “I think all you can do at this point is let him love you and see what happens. If you don’t love him back, you can’t help that. But you can make the choice to let him love you, and I think he’s willing to take the risk.”

  She wiped some wetness from under her eyes. I had rarely seen Jodi cry. Even when she had gotten hurt in the past. She was usually just angry, not weepy.

  “Sometimes I feel like I already love him,” she admitted. “Do you think that’s possible? He’s never even kissed me!”

  I smiled and gave her a hug. “Yes, I think it’s possible.”

  After I released her and we left the restroom, walking across the expansive lobby where Jonathan and Ben were talking and waiting for us to return, I asked her something else. “How does it feel when he holds your hand or looks at you in that special way?”

  “Like it’s not me. Like I’m someone else with a really great guy.”

  “Well, the next time he does it, allow yourself to believe it’s you.”

  I knew Jodi didn’t have to wait long. As soon as Ben glanced our way, his eyes fixed on Jodi, but I wasn’t sure how Jodi responded to that in her heart.

  After spending some time on the beach, we had an early dinner together at a roadside fish & chips place, and then Jodi and Ben needed to go back to his aunt’s house to get ready. They invited us to come to the wedding and reception, but Jonathan and I weren’t dressed for it, and I knew it would be good for Ben and Jodi to have some time to themselves.

  Before we parted I told Jodi to have a nice time tonight, and I knew she got my silent message of how I meant that. Ben had hinted several times about them having dancing at the reception. Jodi had gone to every dance we’d had in high school, formal and otherwise, but I doubted she had ever danced with anyone like Ben would dance with her.

  Jonathan and I decided to drive back to school rather than staying late. We both had studying to do, and we knew if we didn’t leave now, we wouldn’t get back until it was time to crash. I asked Jonathan what his impression of Ben was and how he thought Ben saw Jodi, and he agreed with me he was ready to love her but willing to wait as long as she needed him to.

  “Did you ever consider asking me to just be a friend?” he asked.

  “No. I was naive enough to think your intentions were noble and honest.”

  “I’m amazed by how little I knew about you and yet had to tell you how I felt. I always imagined knowing a girl for a lot longer before I knew I wanted to go out with her.”

  “You’re amazed, just think how I felt!”

  “I don’t regret it, Jennifer. Not at all. I never have.”

  He was looking at me rather than the road. We were on a stretch of highway where constant attention wasn’t necessary, but I said what I was thinking anyway. “Well, keep your eyes on the road then. I don’t want to be regretting taking this trip with you.”

  He obeyed but I kept my eyes on him, admiring the view and being reminded of how blessed I was. I had been watching Ben carefully today for the way he looked at Jodi and interacted with her, and there had been nothing to scrutinize. And I knew if someone were to watch how Jonathan was with me, they would see the same.

  Jonathan caught me watching him out of the corner of his eye. “You can’t stare at me if I can’t look at you.”

  “Sure I can,” I replied. “I’m not driving.”

  He reached for my hand and held it gently.

  “I’m very blessed to have you, Jonathan.”

  He glanced at me and smiled. “Right back at you, sweetheart.”

  ***

  I didn’t hear from Jodi until Sunday night. She called while I was getting ready for bed. I had taken my phone with me to the bathroom because I didn’t want to miss her call, although I was beginning to think I wouldn’t hear from her until tomorrow.

  I was finished brushing my teeth so I answered it and walked into the hallway as we exchanged initial greetings, but Jodi didn’t wait long to get to the point of her call.

  “You’re still going to be here this summer, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “Good, because I don’t think I can do this on my own.”

  “Do what?” I was hopeful for her response.

  “Have a great guy on my hands.”

  “What happened?”

  “We danced at the wedding. I was gone after that.”

  I laughed. I could picture it perfectly. “And today? Why are you calling so late?”

  “We all stayed at the beach until this afternoon, and then when we got back, Ben and I had a really long talk about how I was feeling and where we go from here.”

  “Are you regretting anything now?”

  “No, but I’m scared.”

  “Fear can be a good thing, as long as you don’t let it keep you from what you need.”

  “Guess what was waiting for me when I got home?”

  “What?”

  “My OSU acceptance letter.”

  “Yea!” I cheered. “Are you still going to want to come?”

  “Yes. Ben is transferring to U of O, so we’ll be close.”

  I knew there was the matter of Jodi’s financial aid coming through and if it would be adequate to meet her needs, but I chose to remain hopeful. Marissa and I were planning to get a quad suite next year, and I had put Jodi’s name on the roommate request form.

  “Did you like us hanging out with you and Ben?” I asked.

  “Yes. Ben liked it too. I think he was a little apprehensive about meeting one of my friends and her boyfriend, but he was pleasantly surprised.”

  I laughed. “Jonathan and I enjoyed it too. Are you going to be seeing Ben a lot this summer? Do you think?”

  “He has an apartment in Coos Bay and works there, so he’s planning to stay until September when he moves to Eugene.”

  “And what are you and Tess doing? Staying in your apartment too?”

  “No, Tess is going home. I’ve been trying to find a new roommate, but I haven’t had any luck so far.”

  I had an idea, but I didn’t know if I could make it work. If we both got jobs in Coos Bay, Jonathan could move in with Ben, and I could live with Jodi. The other option was to ask Jodi to move into my house, but I didn’t know if she could. I wasn’t sure what my brothers were doing this summer, and Jonathan was already planning to s
tay in our guest room.

  I decided not to say anything yet and talk to Jonathan and my parents first, but I believed it would all work out. It had to. I’d already been praying for Jodi’s future for months.

  “I love you, Jodi. You seemed happier this weekend than I’ve ever seen you. Are you really? Or are you just faking it?”

  “I think you know I can’t fake this, Jen. I’ve faked happiness plenty of times, but I really feel it this time. It’s real. At least I hope so.”

  “I’m sure it is. And I know what you mean. Receiving God’s love and the blessings He wants to give us--there’s no feeling like that in the world.”

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  On Friday afternoon Marissa, Jonathan, and I rode together in Jonathan’s car to The Lighthouse like we had done dozens of times before, but for a different reason than usual. We were leaving for a weekend camping trip with others who attended the church college group, and I felt excited about getting away and enjoying the experience, but I was also nervous because tomorrow afternoon I was going to be getting baptized in the lake.

  It was something I wanted to do, and I knew there were going to be others doing the same. I had seen a few baptisms during the last eight months I’d been attending church. The Lighthouse had a large baptism tub that sat behind the stage in the main auditorium, and every two or three months a handful of people would get baptized during the church service on Sunday mornings or during the Wednesday night gathering.

  When Jonathan had first explained to me what baptism was and why people did it, I understood the meaning in a basic way, and I knew it was something I might want to do at some point, but I hadn’t felt a strong desire or urging to. It had seemed sort of odd to me, like an old tradition that was for another time. The Lighthouse was a modern venue that used up-to-date lighting, sound, aesthetics, and technology. There was nothing “traditional” about anything as far as I could see. But there was something timeless about the baptisms when they took place, and I wasn’t sure how to process them. I also had a difficult time imagining myself being in front of everyone like that.