His Tormented Heart

by Katee Robert

  “You already said that.” She leaned back and stretched her legs out. Even behind his sunglasses, she could feel his eyes on her. Even as she told herself it was the very height of insanity, her body went a little hot under his gaze. “Like I said yesterday, you have nothing to apologize for.”

  “That brace on your wrist says otherwise.”

  Hard to argue that, but this was Pestilence. One of the Four Horsemen. If there was anywhere that he could do what he wanted without consequences, it was on the Island of Ys. That kind of power would go to a normal person’s head, would corrupt them until they were a shadow version of themselves. Look at her father; he gained a handful of followers in his little church and became a tyrant.

  She didn’t know why Pestilence insisted on apologizing to her. Maybe Death made him do it. He seemed sincere enough, but she’d grown up with one of the most accomplished liars Delilah had ever known. She’d seen how easily it was to use words and body language to make people believe anything a person wanted.

  His mouth twisted. It was a nice mouth, wide and expressive though it seemed more inclined to frown than smile. Pestilence leaned forward and propped his elbows on his knees. “I would like to make things right.”

  Yeah, right. It was much more likely that he had ulterior motives, just like she did. The only difference is that she didn’t think hers would end up with Delilah or Esther disappearing. She tilted her sunglasses down and looked at him over the rims. How to play this?

  Be interesting. Sure. Easier to be interesting when she was dancing and lust short-circuited people’s brains. Conversation was infinitely more complicated. “Pestilence, you own this island. Or at least one fourth of it. The Island of Ys isn’t attached to any particular country and the only laws here are the ones the Horsemen put into place. If you wanted to slaughter your way through the guests staying here, there isn’t a single person who could or would stop you.”

  “You have a point.”

  Impossible to miss the way he didn’t jump in and say that slaughtering people was something he’d never do. Delilah fought down a shudder. “Yes, I have a point.” She lifted her wrist. “This is small potatoes. I broke the rules. You punished me for it. End of story.”

  Ryu studied her for a long moment, but his sunglasses shielded his thoughts from her. Finally, he turned to look out over the water. “Do you swim?”

  Fear surged and she gripped the chair to keep from shaking. Surely he couldn’t know that particular secret? As soon as the thought crossed her mind, she almost snorted. What was she saying? The Horsemen dealt in secrets as often as they dealt in violence. Despite her efforts, her voice came out strained. “Why would I swim?”

  Ryu still didn’t look at her, his attention on the water. “You live on an island. It seems like a waste if you don’t swim.”

  Thank you very much for reminding me of the fact that I’m trapped here. She dug her toes into the sand, a physical reminder that a whole lot of land stood between her and the deep, blue sea. It wasn’t like this island would share the fate of its legendary predecessor. A gate opened and the waters rushing in to drown everyone in the French version of Atlantis. Delilah shuddered again. Maybe she could brazen her way through this minefield of a conversation. “There are a lot of predators in the ocean. Though one could argue that there are even more predators on land.”

  He turned back to face her and the tension in his body sent alarm bells clanging through her head. “You can’t swim.”

  A secret she’d carried with her for years and years and years. Even Esther didn’t know that Delilah couldn’t swim, because Delilah would have had to explain why. Her little sister carried enough trauma from her time in their father’s home. She didn’t need to carry Delilah’s, too. In the past, she’d always covered it up with fancy swimsuits and full make-up and hair. Better to be believed to be too extra to get wet than the truth. That she was too afraid.

  She swallowed hard. “What makes you think I can’t swim?”

  “I know you can’t. What I don’t know is why.”

  When she’d set out to be interesting, she hadn’t anticipated having to bare parts of herself to a man who looked at her like she was an interesting bug under a microscope. Oh, he desired her, but most people did on one level or another. Those people didn’t study her the way Ryu did.

  She could beg off. He might scare the shit out of her, but she was reasonably sure he wouldn’t pin her down and force her to expel her truths to him. At least not at this juncture. But running away wouldn’t get her closer to his phone—to saving Esther. She could do this. All she had to do was tell the truth. One tiny, traumatizing truth.

  “My father was—is—all Old Testament fire and brimstone. His greatest failure was having daughters instead of sons, and my being attractive was the greatest sin of all. Temptation and all that.” She tried to casually wave that away, but her hand shook too much to really pull it off. “He tried a variety of ways to cure me of my sin. The methods don’t matter much, but one of his favorites was baptism.”

  Ryu’s stillness was entirely too predatory for her peace of mind. She couldn’t tell if he was looking at her as prey or if he was thinking of ways he’d like to dismantle her father, piece by piece. Even his voice was curiously calm when he said, “I was under the impression that people are only required to be baptized once.”

  “He decided that mine didn’t take.” If she concentrated, she could still feel the imprint of her father’s hands on her shoulders, shoving her beneath the water, could see the blurry outline of his face through the surface disturbed by the last of the oxygen leaving her lungs. Over and over again, blackness would take her, only to be replaced by an aching chest and the cool tile of the bathroom beneath her cheek. Those moments of waking up were the only times Delilah’s determination to survive actually stuttered and she wondered if it wouldn’t be better to move to a place beyond, where he couldn’t hurt her.

  Only the knowledge that she’d leave Esther behind kept her climbing back to her feet, over and over again.

  Ryu tilted his head to the side. “Would you like to learn?”

  No. The very last thing she wanted to do was get into water, let alone get into water with a dangerous man. She didn’t know why he was digging into this part of her past or what his motivation was for offering this thing she most definitely didn’t want …, but Delilah had no choice. She couldn’t afford to pass up any chance to get closer to him, no matter how her mind and body rebelled at the thought. Maybe they already knew about the phone and this was all some elaborate plan to kill her and stage it as an accident?

  It didn’t matter. She had no choice.

  Delilah forced a smile. “Are you offering?”

  “Yeah, I guess I am.” He jerked his chin toward Pleasure. “Come on.”

  Chapter 5

  Ryu hadn’t intended to end up in a pool with Delilah Velásquez, but his shock at hearing she couldn’t swim overrode everything else. They were on an island, for fuck’s sake. What if something happened and she drowned simply because she didn’t have the skills necessary? Unthinkable.

  And the reason behind it? He’d made a mental note to dig deep into her history and find out where this father of hers currently lived. The man deserved to be punished for what he’d put Delilah through—and Ryu suspected that the baptisms were only skimming the surface—and anyone who abused power like that with their own children wouldn’t hesitate to do it to others under their power.

  He might have laughed at the realization that they had that in common, if on different scales. It didn’t lessen the horror of what she’d gone through, of course. Ryu wasn’t all that inclined to offer up his own history to let her know she wasn’t alone. Some things were better left to the dark to rot.

  That said …, he wanted to give Delilah a better memory. A gift of sorts since there wasn’t much she couldn’t buy herself, and throwing money at a problem felt crass. This was something meaningful that he could do to balance out the harm he�
��d dealt her.

  He hoped.

  Ryu hadn’t thought through the implications of his offer until the moment she appeared in a wrap that barely covered her curves. The first warning bell went off, increasing in volume as he led her to the private indoor pool designated for Horsemen use. It was really only Amarante who utilized the space, swimming laps until her plans fell into place in her head. She wouldn’t be able to relax if it was available to the general public, so it was only family allowed in here, which meant the room usually lay empty.

  Just like it was now.

  Ryu had changed quickly after their conversation on the beach, and thankfully none of his siblings were around to question why he had dragged his mostly unused swimsuit out of a drawer. He felt particularly naked without his usual suit, and that feeling coupled with the woman who stood just out of reach, taking in the pool, left him in a bad way. “No one will bother us here.”

  “If you were anyone else, that might sound like you’re making a pass at me.” She moved away before he could think about that too hard—and fuck, he tried not to. Her next words were the equivalent of dumping cold water over his head. “Or that you’re going to off me.”

  “I’m not going to off you.” He also wasn’t going to make a pass at her. Doing so was out of line for a thousand different ways. She worked for him, even if it wasn’t directly. He’d hurt her, intentionally or not. And there was the small factor that he was about to do the equivalent of ride off into war with his own fucking father. No, spending more time with Delilah was selfish and wrong and a dick move.

  She shrugged out of her wrap and Ryu forgot to breathe. In the last forty-eight hours, he’d seen Delilah done up for the stage, he’d seen her barefoot and rumpled, and he’d seen her in what passed for beach wear. He’d dream about the way those shorts hugged her ass.

  None of it compared to her in a tiny neon-green bikini.

  She tugged at the tie on the bottoms, the first gesture he’d seen her make that betrayed her nerves. “When I bought this, I was thinking more about the lack of tan-lines than I was about actual functionality.”

  He barely, barely, kept a comment internal about how she wouldn’t have shit for tan-lines with so little fabric to work with. She was obviously nervous and leering at her made him the worst kind of asshole. Ryu cleared his throat, his voice coming out in a rumble. “It’s a swimsuit. It’ll work.”

  Delilah turned to look at the pool and he choked. The back was a fucking thong. Her perfectly rounded ass spoke of plenty of time in the gym, and it was everything he could do not to drop to his knees and …

  And what?

  Touch her?

  Press his mouth to her skin and see if she tasted as good as he imagined?

  Ryu turned away and took several slow breaths. Delilah was off limits. If he couldn’t keep that truth straight, he had no business spending any time with her, making up for his dick move or not. Falling on her like a starving man was a thousand times worse than what he’d done to her wrist.

  “Ryu?”

  His name on her lips almost undid him completely. He ran his hands over his face, fighting for control. “Yeah?”

  “Is everything okay?” She still sounded nervous, like she might bolt if he made a sudden move.

  He scrubbed his hands over his face, surprising himself by answering honestly. “I wasn’t expecting the thong.”

  A thread of amusement worked its way into her warm tone. “Do you want me to go buy a different suit?”

  Goddamn it, he could do better than this. He gave himself a full three seconds to regain control and finally turned back to her. “No. It’s fine.” It wasn’t fine. It wasn’t anywhere near fine. He’d get over it, though. They could stand there talking as his control slowly unraveled, piece by piece, or they could do what he’d brought her here to do. “Let’s get this over with.” He took two steps and dove into the water.

  The coolness slapped some sense into him. If he could teach Delilah how to swim, that would be sufficient payment for the wrong he’d done. Oh, he’d already transferred monetary compensation into her employee account, but Ryu knew better than most that money didn’t really fix anything. It helped. It helped a whole hell of a lot, but simply throwing a bunch of zeroes at Delilah after what he’d done was insult to the injury he caused.

  He had to make it right.

  Teaching her how to swim would make it right.

  He surfaced to find her standing before the stairs into the water. Her white-knuckled grip on the railing matched the tension lining her body. She still hadn’t taken that first step into the pool. “I really don’t know if this is a good idea.”

  Ryu swam to the shallow end and stood. “I won’t let anything happen to you.” A statement he had no business making.

  She reluctantly moved down to the first step and then the second. “Did I mention that this is a great way to make my death look like an accident? Because it is. If you’re going to kill me, torturing me first is really rude.”

  “Delilah, I’m not going to kill you.”

  She shot him a look. “Consider me not comforted in the least.” But she cautiously moved the rest of the way until the water lapped at her ribs. At her barely covered breasts.

  Fuck. Stop ogling her.

  He wanted to set her at ease, but it was never a skill Ryu cultivated. The only people he usually cared about were his siblings, and simply existing was enough to put them at ease. Everyone else? He’d never bothered. In fact, he’d worked hard to ensure the opposite reaction. These days, his reputation did most of the work for him on a day to day basis. People bent over backwards not to piss him off, and that made his life easier. It also meant Delilah was scared of him, of what he was capable of.

  The thought made him sick to his stomach, but he’d spent too many years ensuring he emanated danger. He didn’t know how to turn it off. Ryu wasn’t even sure it was possible to turn it off when it’d melded so thoroughly to every part of him.

  Still, he could try. He looked away and pulled forth a little honesty. “I didn’t grab you in the private room because you broke the rules. I don’t like being touched by strangers.” Touched by people he didn’t trust, people who could and would hurt him just like he’d been hurt as a child. Even offering this small bit of information had his gut churning. Some things, it was easier not to talk about, to shove the pain and fear into the past where it belonged.

  He’d left that scared little boy behind when he left the camp. He was strong and scary and more than capable of taking care of both himself and the people around him. But no one could have survived what he did without scars, internal or otherwise. His brother Luca wore those scars on his body. The rest of them wore marks of their trauma in ways that weren’t as easy to spot.

  “I see,” Delilah said slowly, seeming to turn that new piece of information over in her head. Finally, she frowned. “Uh, Ryu, I hate to be the one to bring this up, but how the hell are you going to teach me to swim without touching me?”

  He really didn’t want to keep talking about this. Bad enough to even mention it. Digging in was out of the question. “Don’t worry about it.”

  “What happens if I start to drown? Are you just going to glare at me really hard until I float?” She took a step back, her breath coming too fast. “This was a mistake.”

  No two ways around it. He was fucking this up. He held up his hands. “Delilah, wait.” The next words stuck in his throat, but he powered through. “The touching thing only goes one way. I can touch you without losing it.” He couldn’t promise safety. Not in life, and not on the island. Not anymore.

  But he could promise her this. “I won’t let you drown.”

  “Oh.” Nothing in her tone to give away her thoughts. For once, nothing in her expression gave him any help, either. Delilah gave herself a little shake. “So what you’re saying is that as long as I don’t touch you, we’re good.” A slow smile pulled at her lips. “But you can touch me.” Enough innuendo there to sink
a ship.

  He muscled down his body’s reaction. She was just making jokes so she didn’t feel afraid. She didn’t mean anything by it. He couldn’t afford to assume she meant anything by it. “That’s what I’m saying.”

  “Huh.” She laughed suddenly. “Okay, Ryu. Teach me how to swim.”

  He walked her through the motions required to tread water, and Delilah looked a little put-upon but followed his instructions exactly. She had a point. The best way to really learn was to get her deeper. He glanced at the other end of the pool. “Come on.”

  “You gave me a five-minute prep and you want me to just waltz into the deep end?”

  “Yes.”

  Delilah took a slow breath and waded after him, the water rising higher and higher until it reached her chin. She winced. “I changed my mind. This is a terrible idea. I know you said you want to make things up to me, but this feels a whole lot like punishment.”

  “It’s not a punishment.” He motioned for her to keep going. “A little farther.”

  She bit her bottom lip. “What happens if I go under?”

  He hated that she was afraid. “Just move your arms like I showed you. Nice and smooth. Don’t fight the water. Don’t panic.” He spoke slowly, calmly, trying to infuse her with something besides trepidation. She could do this. If she could pull off some of the gravity-defying moves on the pole that she managed with ease, she could tread water. She had to learn to tread water, even if she never swam.

  “I’m already panicking.”

  “Delilah.” He didn’t mean to put so much snap into his voice, but he couldn’t help it. “You live on an island. There are a dozen ways something could go bad in a way that ended with you in the water. If you can’t at least tread water, you’ll drown.” When she still hesitated, he fought down the fear demanding he shake some sense into her. “It’s a stupid fucking way to die when you have someone standing here offering to teach you.”