Swimming in Sparkles

by Debra Anastasia

  Teddi wiped at her eyes. I put my gaze on Tiger. I didn’t want Teddi sad, but I was grateful she was feeling the history.

  “She loved me. Mom did a ton wrong, but she loved me. She was scared that all the time I’d spent without a home, without school would get me taken away from her. And maybe they would have been right. She needed help to have a kid. To keep a schedule and stuff like that. But she taught me things that would help me survive. The stuff she thought mattered. Her favorite books. The library that was magic for her. How to build a fire. How to pick a lock.” I pulled out my tool with the arrow on it. “She used to say, ‘Anytime you need to be safe and warm, you make them share. Make them share the shelter with you. Don’t take what you don’t need and don’t break anything, Ruffian.’”

  I was doing her voice and cleared my throat. I looked at the fire some more. It was mesmerizing. The wind that was causing panic in my chest along with the thudding of trees and branches next to the house faded a bit.

  “I think your mom was magic. She sounds awesome.”

  I flashed my stare up to her face, not sure if she was making fun of me or not. But she was straight. Steady.

  “You’re made of the same stuff she was. I saw that with Larissa. And then again down in Midiville. Good stuff.” I flipped the arrow tool in my hands and Tiger put out a sleepy paw to touch it.

  “Thank you. That’s a big compliment.”

  Again, her eyes were true, not making fun. Not trying to appease me. “I meant it that way.”

  The fire crackled and the wind picked up again.

  “So what makes Teddi tick? You could be queen fucking bee in that school if you wanted to. Prom queen, head cheerleader. They’d follow you off a cliff.” She seemed genuinely offended by my assessment.

  “They’re my friends. They like to help out.” She picked up a coat and put it over her shoulders. It was frigid outside now. We would have to keep an eye on the inside temperature. We were in a house with insulation, which was the best, of course. But still.

  “What makes you want to do the stuff you do?” I felt like I was revealing something to her even though I was asking the questions.

  “I learned early that if you had the time, then you could help someone else. And I thought that was really powerful.” She put her hands through her jacket sleeves.

  “We’re not that different after all, Theodosia Rebecca.” I bit my lips to keep from smiling. We weren’t joking around, but I really, really liked how this girl’s mind worked.

  A huge thud hit again. “Did that sound like it hit the house?” She stood.

  “I think we need to stay downstairs for now.” I stood with her and Tiger gave me a grumbly protest.

  “Yeah, I guess.” She shivered and zipped her coat. Stepping away from the fire let us both know that the house had grown colder.

  She moved closer to the fire, and in turn closer to me. I opened my arms. “No fooling around. We might need to cuddle tonight. Especially if we run out of the dry wood we have here.”

  She looked over her shoulder and then at her feet. “You might be right. But we don’t get to enjoy it. That ship has sailed.” When she inched closer to me, I waited until her body was touching mine before I enveloped her. I would be a perfect saint, a gentleman for the rest of the evening.

  TEDDI

  WELL, WE’D MADE out, fought, and now we were survival cuddling in my living room. It was like an extreme reality show. He was warm, I’d give him that. He was also ridiculously hot. Stupidly hot. It made sense why Meg went for him. She always wanted to give me the business. It had been an interesting friendship, not necessarily one I looked back on fondly. I shifted in his arms until my legs were tired.

  “I guess we should sit?” I tilted my head to look at him and my traitorous lips wanted to kiss him badly.

  He bit his bottom lip before lifting an eyebrow. “Sure. Let me sit.”

  He plopped down in the center of the blankets and I sat between his legs. With my back on his chest, I was cuddly warm.

  “Are you chilly? Your back is hanging out.” I looked over my shoulder and came eye to chin with him.

  “In a few we can really pile up the blankets. I’ll be fine, I’m used to the cold.” I could see him smile from this upside-down place.

  Being this close to his heart, mine started doing the flip-flops again. The zap that made my whole body tingle wasn’t something I could turn off. I leaned my head against his chest.

  “Thanks for telling me about your mom.” My guard was slipping down like the strap of an old tank top.

  I felt his voice rumble in his chest. “Thanks for listening.” He rested his chin on the top of my head.

  The wind kicked up again. “It’s almost like the bands of a hurricane the way it’s subsiding and then firing up again.”

  He tightened his arms in response. He smelled good. “The house is solid. We’ll stay dry and warm.”

  Tiger made his way back over to us, and I opened up my blanket to let him into our cocoon.

  “It’s hard to be mad at you like this.” The other strap on my guard was falling to the same fate.

  “I hope so. I hate the thought of you mad at me. It’s like having the Tooth Fairy or something angry with you.” He was speaking close to my ear. The sensation feathered from my earlobe to the bottom of my spine like a bird that was set free.

  “What scares you, Teddi?” He shifted a little, but managed to keep me in my spot.

  “Why do you want to know? Planning on creeping me out?” I petted Tiger who was expanding in my lap from a little circle to a stretched-out kitten.

  “No. Nothing like that.” He held his hand out, palm up. I regarded it for a few seconds before putting my hand in his.

  “I guess I’m not thrilled with the sounds outside. I also just want to make sure I’m not forgetting anyone or missing an opportunity to make a difference. Your community? It really shocked me.”

  His hand closed gently around mine. “How so?”

  “I just feel like I’ve not been doing enough. There’s not enough time in the day to do it all. And that scares me.”

  We listened to the wind whip back up again, and this time the side of the house was pelted with something that sounded like a handful of rocks.

  “I think that’s hail.” I felt Ruffian flinch at the noises.

  “What scares you?” If I had to reveal mine, I wanted to hear his.

  “That I’ll be the only one that remembers my mom. And this storm.” He gently ran one of his fingertips along the side of my hand.

  We stayed like that until he had to add a log to the fire. I was starting to feel sleepy, despite all the noises outside.

  When Ruffian was done poking the fire, he spread out under the blanket and motioned for me to get in between him and the fire. I slipped under and Tiger reorganized himself to be next to my leg.

  “Sleep. I’ve got this. I’ll make sure we’re good.” I felt him kiss the top of my head while we cuddled together. I closed my eyes and let the noises of the night fade away.

  RUFFIAN

  TEDDI WAS IN my arms. The fire was tossing beautiful shadows on her elegant face. Having her caged in my arms made me feel like a caveman superhero. I stayed hyperaware. It was like that some nights growing up. As soon as I was old enough, I had to stay up and keep watch. Mom and I rarely slept at the same time unless we had a door to lock.

  I could do this night easily. I gently moved a lock of Teddi’s hair away from her face as she took deep, steady breaths.

  Then I laid my head back and looked at the shadow puppets the flames threw on the ceiling. This girl and her remarkable heart was a test I might not pass. I spent a good number of hours trying to find excuses to just stay here. Be with her. Be a Burathon and accept all the things that were at the edge of my fingers.

  When the fire finally sizzled to an end, daylight was starting to paint the edges of the windows. I let my eyelids stay closed. Just a few beats. Sleep here on the floor with Te
ddi in my arms.

  _______________

  I woke up in the encampment behind the stores. When I sat up, the tent was the one that had been our last. The zipper that was our door pulled down, and my mother peeked her head in.

  “Hey, you’re up! Good morning.”

  “Mom?” There was something off. Something floaty and unattached about where I was. A dream. It was a dream.

  “How’d you sleep?” She came all the way inside the tent and sat on top of my sleeping bag.

  “You’re here?” I knew that was wrong.

  “Just for a bit. What’s got you up this early?” It was hard to see her. Like I had the sun in my eyes.

  “Worrying about this job I’ve got to do. It’s gonna hurt people.” I wanted to reach out, but my hands weren’t listening.

  “Well, you know we aren’t supposed to do any harm. That’s what we focus on.” The sunlight shifted and I could make out the side of Mom’s face. I missed it so damn much.

  “But sometimes we have to break in to get the good stuff. No one’s going to be physically hurt, but there’s this girl—well, two girls and a whole family that’s trusting me. They’re going to be really hurt by this.”

  “Then reconsider the job, my sweet Ruffian. Reconsider the job.”

  TEDDI

  RUFFIAN WAS MUMBLING in his sleep, so I reached my hand backward until I patted his shoulder. He seemed to come out of whatever was distressing him. I heard a car door slam and some talking in the distance.

  “Kittens!” Austin. Austin was here.

  Ruffian squeezed me tightly and rolled over me.

  “It’s okay. It’s Austin.”

  “Everyone okay? I was concerned when I heard you guys were by yourselves. Couldn’t have my Teddi Bear and my new brother freezing to death. Teddi, in other news, girl, answer your damn phone. I hitched with a friend of mine that drives one of the sanders for the county, so instead of you being alone, you have me.” He spread his arms wide and gave us a theatrical bow.

  “Did you see the damage outside yet?” He walked to the nearest window and twirled the blinds so we could see out. The window was blocked by leaves.

  “It’s freezing in here. Teddi, why didn’t you get the generator going?” He walked back to the garage. I stumbled to my feet and Ruffian did the same.

  I followed him outside. The garage’s hole was bigger looking in the light. “Because I have no idea how to work it? And I thought Dad gave that to Uncle Al?”

  Ruffian stood behind me.

  “No, he gave it back over the summer. If we have gas, we can have heat.” Ruffian disappeared behind me and then returned in jeans and shoes. He was clearly planning on helping Austin.

  While Ruffian crawled out of the garage, Austin came up to me and pulled all his rings off. I put my hands up so he could slide them over my fingers. He had on a hoop earring as well. By the time we were done, his fingers were naked except for the black polish.

  He touched his forehead to mine. “You okay?”

  I nodded, the motion moving both of our heads. “I’m good.”

  “Great. Call Mom before she loses her mind. They are still stuck in Mahopac for a while.” He hefted the heavy generator through the hole Ruffian had cleared.

  I went back to the living room and my phone was already ringing. I had messages from Taylor and Peaches and Tasker.

  “Hey, Mom.”

  “You guys good? We want to know if you’re okay.” While I was trying to answer, the FaceTime started ringing, too. Mom was calling me while she was calling. I hit the green button, amazed that she could do the two things at the same time.

  Both my parents’ nostrils were framed by the camera. “You okay? She’s okay.”

  I waited while they oriented the camera. “I’m good. Ruffian and Tiger are great, too. How’s Rocket?”

  Rocket heard my voice and barked. “She’s driving your father crazy. Austin and Ruffian setting up the generator?”

  “Yeah. If Dad has gas. I didn’t even know we had one still.”

  Dad offered, “Uncle Al had brought it back and how could you miss the giant generator that we all have to maneuver around all the time?”

  I shook my head. “I don’t know.”

  In the distance the sound of a motor roaring to life made my dad smile. “Yup. Sounds like they got her running again.”

  The lights came on inside the house and some of the appliances beeped to life. “Well, there you go!”

  “Do you guys have power?” I couldn’t tell from the angle I was looking at.

  “Not yet. You guys have it made. When Austin gets back, have him Facetime us. Dad wants him to check a few things.”

  I nodded and walked upstairs. When I looked out the kitchen window, I gasped.

  “What?” both my parents asked at once.

  I flipped the camera around. There had to be five trees down in the backyard. One was resting on Gaze’s basketball hoop.

  I heard my parents grumbling on the other side of the call.

  “There was a ton of noise last night. And there’s a hole in the garage door.”

  Dad stood up and moved away, but I could still hear him explaining to Mom, “I’m going to call the insurance company now to get a head start on claims.”

  Mom started talking to my father and left the phone facedown on something. I took that as a cue to hang up.

  When I went back to the garage, Ruffian and Austin were stomping their way inside.

  “Thanks, man.” Austin held out his hand for a shake. They were still a little new at it, but it was coming along.

  “Anytime. I’m a huge fan of electricity.” Ruffian flipped his hair out of his eyes and had the softest smile for me.

  “Call Mom and Dad when you get a chance, Austin.” I slid my phone into the pocket of my coat.

  Austin shook out his coat and left it on a weight bench in the garage. “Will do.” He walked past me while pulling out his phone.

  “So what’s the damage?” I tried to peek around the hole in the garage, and the sunlight was too blinding to see anything past it.

  “Some branches, a few cracked windows, and a bunch of trees down in the backyard.” He put his phone on the other weight bench. “The whole neighborhood’s power is out.”

  “Damn. I guess we’ll have to shovel and stuff.’’ I touched the snow shovel that was leaning against the wall.

  “Not yet. Wind’s still pretty bad, and we’ve got branches still falling. The trees must have like an inch of ice on them. Super pretty but makes it dangerous after a night like that.”

  I kept my jacket on and followed Ruffian in the house. Austin was fiddling with the thermostat and talking to our parents about what needed to be hooked up to the generator at top volume. All we could see was their nostrils.

  Ruffian saw the screen and tried not to laugh. I pushed up my nose so it looked like it was against glass. It was easier to be like this. Laughing. I thought back to our night. I knew him more now, and it made my crush that much worse.

  RUFFIAN

  IT OCCURRED TO me that with the power out, I could do a little recon on Meg’s house. All the security measures would be down. I thought back to my dream seconds before Austin had woken us up. Maybe the power outage was a message from Mom that I was on the right path. I hadn’t dreamed of her since she passed, so it was a welcome change. And also a gut-wrenching reminder that she wasn’t with me anymore.

  Austin was busy making sure the fuse box was all set. I went upstairs to distract myself with checking on the appliances we’d be using. The fridge was doing a great job, because it was cold as hell in the house already. But it might need to be hooked up as the house warmed.

  Teddi was gathering things from the pantry for some sort of breakfast. She was grabbing the paper plates, which weren’t great for the environment, but made sense being that we had to watch our water usage. No dishwasher for a while.

  Austin hung up and walked into the kitchen. “Hey, we have a few neighbo
rs to check in on, make sure everyone is okay. You want to come with?”

  Teddi placed the cereal on the table. “You guys aren’t hungry?”

  Austin and I ate our bowls while standing up. As soon as we were done, all three of us suited up to see if any of our elderly neighbors needed a hand. We weren’t alone, as other neighbors started the same search as us. One of the older women in the neighborhood started a makeshift crew and sent us to specific houses she was concerned about.

  We had to keep an eye out for falling branches, but two of the neighbors did need help. While Austin shoveled a car out, Teddi was helping an older lady find her missing cat. While they were both busy, I branched out on my own.

  On my way, I was able to walk to Meg’s compound. The gate was pushed open and there were fresh tracks from a vehicle. There was no light on at the intercom. And then just when I started to think about heading in, the green light popped on. They had power.

  I retraced my steps to catch up with Teddi and Austin. When we were all back in the driveway, Austin touched my elbow. “You wanna help me get more wood in case we need it for tonight?”

  I answered by following him to the backyard.

  When Austin ripped a tarp out from under the shed, the stack of firewood underneath was surprisingly dry. After the wheelbarrow was full, I wheeled it to the steps of the porch. Austin grabbed the front and we hoisted it onto the porch.

  “This will make it easier to keep the house warm until we get the electricity restored.” Together we started unloading the wood into neat stacks. “We’ll need to make sure the generator has gas, too.”

  “You here until it gets sorted out?” I pictured how I woke up this morning. Teddi curled in my arms. I was pretty sure if Austin was here, that wouldn’t be happening.

  “Well, I don’t have a ride. I figured I’d work from here until you were set. I can get some good pictures in the yard for my content.” He took out the last piece and I navigated the wheelbarrow back to the woodpile.

  As we packed in more, I stated the obvious so I could get him started on the inevitable conversation, “Do you want to hold an ax or something while warning me away from Teddi, or should I get you the chainsaw?”