Marriage Made of Secrets

by Maya Blake

  ‘Oh, don’t take me for a fool. You two were making enough moon eyes at each other to keep this villa illuminated for a month!’

  ‘I’ve known her for a very long time. There is a familiarity between us—’

  ‘Yes, it’s called sex.’

  He took an unchecked step towards her, as if to physically restrain her from speaking. At the last moment he lurched away and stalked to the window. Shoving his fists into his pockets, he stared out into the softly lit garden.

  ‘Celine is the daughter of one of my father’s oldest friends. I’ve known her since she was born. We’ve always been friends but she was much closer to Roberto.’

  Ava tensed at the mention of his brother’s name.

  For as long as they’d been married, Cesare had remained close-lipped about his reclusive younger brother. All she’d ever been able to find out was that he lived in a castle high up in the Swiss Alps and only permitted Cesare to visit him from time to time. Ava had never been told why Roberto di Goia had withdrawn from the world.

  ‘So Celine is Roberto’s friend, not your girlfriend?’ Stupid hope flared to life.

  He shrugged. ‘I think our respective parents hoped Celine and Roberto would marry one day. I know Celine waited a long time for Roberto to propose.’

  ‘You mean before he went to live in Switzerland?’

  ‘Yes.’ The word emerged with a poignancy that scraped her heart.

  ‘Don’t tell me. The proposal Celine wanted never arrived and now your parents want you to step in and do the right thing by her? Honour the agreement or something?’

  He turned from the window, his tawny eyes gleaming with grim amusement in the half-light. ‘You’ve watched too many vintage mafioso movies, Ava. No one demands honour marriages like those any more. There was never any agreement, just a wish.’

  A pang of discomfort made her realise she was twisting her fingers into knots. ‘So what happened between Roberto and Celine?’

  The fleeting amusement faded, to be replaced by a pain so deep and gut-wrenching she took a step towards him. ‘Cesare?’

  He didn’t respond for a long while, his bleak gaze fixed in the middle distance. Finally, he heaved a heavy sigh.

  ‘I should’ve told you... I’m sorry, there didn’t seem to be the right time to announce that sort of thing.’

  She frowned. ‘Announce what? What didn’t you tell me?’

  ‘Roberto...’ He stopped and another pain-filled sigh ripped from his chest. Fear clutched Ava’s chest.

  She bit her tongue, torn between screaming for an answer and the need to protect him from the obvious pain of what he fought to say.

  The need to know won out. ‘What about Roberto?’

  He inhaled again. ‘He...died two weeks ago.’

  Shock ripped through her. ‘What?’

  Cesare shot her a dark, tormented look. Then he glanced absently around the room. When his gaze returned to hers, his features were once again resolute.

  ‘Roberto is dead. Celine never got the chance to marry him. The fact that she didn’t doesn’t mean I see her as anything more than a friend, so you can contain your hysteria about us having an affair. And I would appreciate you curbing any such future outbursts in front of our guests.’

  This was the Cesare she knew—commanding, resolute, domineering.

  He strode past her, ready to walk out.

  She grabbed his arm. ‘Wait! You can’t just announce that Roberto is...you can’t just drop something like that and walk away. Why didn’t you tell me this earlier?’

  Another flash of pain crossed his eyes. ‘Think about what’s happened between us lately—the earthquake, the trauma you and Annabelle have been through. When do you suggest I should’ve dropped this on you?’

  ‘You could’ve found a way to tell me. He was my brother-in-law—’

  ‘A brother-in-law you never met.’

  ‘And why was that? You’ve always been reluctant to talk about Roberto, what happened to him or why you two weren’t close.’

  His eyes grew bleaker. ‘Leave it, Ava.’

  ‘Why should I? You accuse me of jumping to the wrong conclusions. How can I arrive at the right one when I seem to be operating in the dark? Tell me what happened between you and Roberto.’

  For a long time she thought he wouldn’t answer. ‘Valentina happened,’ he slid out.

  Ava was almost too afraid to ask. ‘Who’s Valentina?’

  ‘Celine’s older sister. Seven years ago, I’d just opened my New York office when I met her at a party. She was thinking of relocating and she had a good head for numbers so when she asked me for a job, I offered her one.’

  ‘Did you sleep with her?’ The words shot out before she could stop herself.

  His eyelids descended. ‘Ava...’

  ‘It’s okay; it was before we met. I guess I have no right to ask you that.’ Although the jealousy that seared her insides told a very different story.

  ‘The answer is no, I didn’t sleep with her. But Roberto thought I had. He turned up in New York a month later and accused me of poaching his woman. Turns out they’d been dating in Rome before she came to New York. I didn’t know.’

  ‘Hell. Surely you explained things to Roberto?’

  He gave a bitter laugh. ‘Until I was blue in the face. But he wasn’t in a listening mood. We had the mother of all fights, right in the middle of a meeting in full view of my board members.’ He paced to the window and turned back sharply. ‘Unfortunately, that wasn’t the worst of it. In the middle of all that carnage, Valentina announced she was pregnant with Roberto’s child.’

  Ava frowned. ‘How was that worse?’

  ‘Roberto got down on one knee there and then and asked her to marry him. She declined his proposal.’

  ‘Oh no.’

  ‘I got the blame for that too but I convinced him not to give up so he kept trying. She told him she wasn’t ready to get married or settle down, even though she intended to keep the baby. Roberto begged her to return to Rome with him. I think he wore her out in the end...’

  ‘But...?’

  ‘Roberto never truly believed the child was his—Valentina liked to party hard and often. He talked her into having an amniocentesis. She nearly lost the baby.’

  Ava gasped. ‘Oh my God.’

  ‘After that she flatly refused to stay with Roberto. She came back to New York...asked for her job back. She was carrying my brother’s child. I could hardly say no.’

  ‘And Roberto blamed you all over again?’

  He shrugged. ‘We’d never been particularly close growing up. He was ill more often than not, constantly in and out of hospital as a child, while I was away at boarding school ten months out of twelve. Valentina was his first and only serious relationship.’

  Her heart clenched hard. ‘So the big brother he thought had everything had swooped in and stolen the only woman he cared about.’

  Cesare’s jaw clenched hard. ‘Si. He refused to believe that I’d had no hand in Valentina’s defection. Nothing I said made a difference. I tried to talk to Valentina but she refused to return to Rome.’ He sighed. ‘I gave her all the support I could. In hindsight, I think I may have given her too much support.’

  ‘She never went back to Roberto?’ The question slid from numb lips as it struck her just how very little she really knew about the man she’d married.

  ‘No, she never got the chance.’ His husky reply broke through her thoughts. ‘She overdosed on sleeping pills midway through her second trimester. Turned out she was manic-depressive and her state had been heightened by her pregnancy. Roberto lost his mind with grief. He cut me off, he cut our parents off and moved to Switzerland.’

  Ice drenched her soul and, for the first time in her life, Ava found herself struck dumb
. Neither of them moved for what seemed like an eternity.

  Then he exhaled a harsh breath. ‘You wanted to know. Now you know.’

  The words hit her like a slap in the face. ‘You still should’ve told me. At the very least our child deserved to know she’d lost her uncle.’

  His gaze slid away. ‘Roberto died two weeks after the earthquake. I didn’t think it was fair to burden you with that news.’

  ‘And in the time since then? You could’ve texted, emailed...hell, you could’ve Tweeted me, for heaven’s sake.’

  A rough hand shoved through his hair. ‘Yes, I could’ve done all of that. But I didn’t. Let’s just chalk it up to me being the heartless bastard you think I am and move on, shall we?’

  Ava wanted to rail at him but, seeing the grief behind his words, she opted for peace. ‘Will you at least tell Annabelle? She deserves to know.’

  Cesare’s gaze met hers and Ava’s heart caught at the pain in the dark depths. ‘Sì, I’ll tell her about Roberto when the time is right.’

  A thought niggled, but danced away before Ava could fully grasp it. ‘Was that what Celine meant when she insisted you tell me?’

  ‘She thought you needed to know about Roberto, yes.’ His tone implied he would very much prefer if she dropped the subject. Pain stung again.

  The niggling persisted. ‘But why did she insist on seeing Annabelle? It all seemed a bit OTT to me, to be honest.’

  A grim smile crossed his mouth. ‘Celine, like most women, doesn’t know the meaning of subtle. She knows about the earthquake and has been asking to visit since you and Annabelle returned. She takes her role of honorary aunt very seriously.’

  ‘As long as that’s the only role she’s banking on.’

  ‘Drop it, Ava.’ The warning was back in his voice, tension sizzling in that flattened line of his mouth. ‘You insulted her and jumped to the wrong conclusions. You should thank your lucky stars I’m not rescinding our truce after that performance.’

  Her heartbeat thundered. ‘It’s your fault. If you’d told me all of this before she arrived, we wouldn’t be having this conversation!’

  Cesare pinched the bridge of his nose. ‘You push me...all the time you push. You never stop.’

  The bone-deep weariness behind his words pulled her up short. ‘What do you mean?’

  Tawny eyes turned grave. ‘From the very beginning you pinned high hopes on me—your need for a family, for togetherness. Don’t think I didn’t know what the Bali trip was all about. Did it occur to you that I wasn’t in a position to provide you with all of that?’

  Ice skated down her spine. ‘Where is this coming from? If you felt like this, then why did you bother to come to Bali?’

  He looked away. ‘You rarely ask me for anything any more. You asked for that and I couldn’t refuse you.’

  ‘So you came anyway, knowing I was trying to save our marriage but knowing you had no intention of engaging with me?’

  ‘I was hoping you’d see we were beyond help.’

  ‘Well, silly me. That sailed right over my head.’

  His jaw tightened. ‘I was wrong, of course, to think things would go smoothly with you around; wrong to think I would be spared the reminder that I’ve failed you.’

  ‘I’m just trying to understand—’

  ‘Understand why I don’t fit into your mould of a perfect husband and father? Because, above all else, it’s what you want, isn’t it?’

  ‘Above all else? God, you make me sound like a needy, pathetic creature.’ He remained silent and the ice unfurled. ‘Is that what you really think of me?’

  ‘I’ve never been good at the family thing, Ava. My parents had their hands full with Roberto. He was their number one priority for a very long time. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t neglected but I learned very quickly to be content with my own company. After a while, I preferred it.’

  ‘Then why marry me?’

  ‘You were carrying my child.’

  The numbing ice encased her whole being. He stilled for a moment then jerked closer, the edges of regret on his face as he lifted his hand. She ducked out of reach before he could touch her.

  ‘You don’t need to soften the blow,’ she forced out. ‘In all things I would prefer brutal honesty.’

  ‘Has it ever occurred to you that I keep you in the dark for your own protection?’

  ‘I’m not a child, Cesare. And I especially don’t want to be kept in the dark about things that affect our daughter. I want the truth. Always.’

  A bleak look entered his eyes and his shoulders stiffened. ‘In that case you need to know something else,’ he said.

  Her heart lurched. ‘What?’

  ‘Although he was sick on and off for months, we don’t actually know what Roberto succumbed to in the end. That was part of the reason for Celine’s visit.’

  ‘Her...what exactly does Celine do?’

  ‘She’s a doctor.’

  Her brain cogs slowly engaged until his meaning sank in. ‘So asking about Annabelle...?’

  ‘She also wanted to check on her medically. On all of us.’

  Fear tightened her chest. ‘What does she think could be wrong? And please don’t sugar-coat the truth to protect me.’

  ‘We honestly don’t know. Roberto refused medical treatment in the weeks before his death. It could even be that he took his own life.’ Raw pain drenched every word.

  ‘Suicide?’ she rasped. ‘Dear God.’ She sank into the chair. After several minutes, she raised her head. ‘Is there anything else I should know?’

  He visibly pulled in the reins of his control. ‘No. The results of the cause of death should be available in the next few days. But tomorrow morning we’ll call Celine and you’ll apologise for your behaviour. Si?’ The soft, dangerous tone sent sweet shudders chasing up her spine, melting the ice just a little.

  ‘And if I refuse?’

  ‘Cristo, why do you challenge me at every turn?’

  ‘Because I’m not a doormat. You liked that about me once, remember?’

  ‘I’m not in the mood to reminisce about us.’

  She wanted to tear her gaze away, to stomp away in fury, but she was frozen, held captive by the magic of his voice, the seductive uniqueness of his scent that filled her senses, made her want to linger a while longer, breathing him in.

  ‘If you meant what you just said about your...deficiencies, I think it’s in all of our best interest that we tackle the subject of us sooner or later, don’t you think?’

  ‘Don’t push me tonight, Ava. I’m at my limit.’

  Something softened inside her. ‘Not tonight.’ She stepped closer, an invisible cord pulling her to him, his heat a craving she couldn’t resist. Tentatively, she touched his firm cheek. ‘I’m truly sorry about Roberto. Will you tell me if there’s anything I can do?’

  He muttered something low under his breath. Incoherent and pithy, but it caught and stopped her breath nevertheless. Mesmerised, she watched one hand come up slowly, building her anticipation as it touched and traced the skin underneath her ear.

  She shuddered. The pad of one finger traced the vein pulsing heated, frantic blood through her body. Her breath grew shallow, causing her heart to accelerate even more from the lack of oxygen. When his finger came to rest on the pulse at her throat, it was all she could do not to moan.

  He caught her to him, one strong arm snagging her waist and lifting her off her feet like a pirate claiming his bounty.

  His mouth replaced his finger and she moaned at the relentless drum of desire beating in the swollen flesh between her legs, at the urgent tightening of her nipples. But he didn’t relent. He lapped her flesh with his tongue, driving her nearly out of her mind before he sucked, deeply, mercilessly.

  Oh dear God, she’d have a m
ark on there tomorrow, blatant evidence of Cesare’s rough possession.

  But right at that moment Ava didn’t care about anything except prolonging the pleasure of Cesare’s hot mouth on her. Eagerly, she tilted her head, offering the sensitive expanse of her neck to him.

  With a groan he accepted her offer, kissing the length of her throat and back again, before biting hungrily on her soft lobe.

  Her nails dug into his shoulders. Holding on tight, she lifted and threw her legs around his waist, anchoring herself against the pleasure of his lean frame. The hard rigid evidence of his arousal grazed her damp panties.

  The shockingly intimate position made them both tense, then draw together as if unable to resist the magnetic force of the desire arcing between them.

  When he started raining kisses along her jaw, she turned her head, met his mouth in a fierce kiss that rocked them both. She was hardly aware of him moving, barely aware of the firm sofa behind her back as he lowered her onto it.

  All she knew and craved was Cesare, above her, around her. Everywhere but inside her, where she desperately needed him to be.

  Frustration bit deep. Tightening her thigh muscles, she tried to draw him closer to the centre of her, to the place that wept for his possession.

  ‘You do this to me every time,’ he said against her lips. ‘You drench me in this...this insanity.’

  ‘You make me sound like some witch, wielding a potent spell.’

  The moment the words left her lips she regretted them. Because, just like the first afternoon of her return, her voice reacted like ice on his skin.

  Tense muscles locked in fierce rejection as he disentangled her from his body. Face taut, he levered himself away and stared down at her. When he stumbled backwards, she clutched his arm.

  ‘Please tell me this wasn’t another stupid caveman demonstration?’

  His pupils dilated and she glimpsed his turmoil before, with jerky movements, he removed himself to the other side of the room.

  ‘It wasn’t an intentional one, no,’ he replied huskily.

  ‘Then what exactly was it? God, Cesare, you’re blowing so hot and cold, anyone would think you were a virgin.’