Broken Embrace

by Dana Mason

  Brian took a deep breath and pulled away to flip through the journal again. He skipped ahead and found the entry he was looking for.

  I thought everything was going to be perfect. How could God do this to me? Must I lose everyone in my life? I wanted to be a mom…have a baby to love and care for, and now, I'm going to lose Brian, too. It's only a matter of time before he leaves. He's devastated about the baby. I've never seen him this upset. He must hate me now.

  Brian slammed the notebook closed. He'd read enough and didn't want to relive the awful day when he and Julie had lost their baby. Julie was right; he hadn't been that upset in a long time. He'd based all his decisions on that child and on being a father. When fatherhood was ripped from him, he'd been lost. Still grieving Melissa, but trying with everything he had to move on and have a life with Julie, losing his child seemed unconscionable. Those feelings didn't last long though. Seeing Julie sink into a depression after the miscarriage snapped him into action. His losses paled in comparison to hers. He pushed his own grief aside and put everything into his marriage and being the best possible husband for Julie. He did what he had to do to get them both through it…and within a few months, Julie had gotten pregnant with Erin.

  Brian scooted further back on the bed. "Erin, I know your mom talked to you about things…"

  When her eyes grew wide, he added, "About sex…and boys?"

  "I know all about that. You really don't have to—"

  "But I do. It's my job." He waved the journal at her. "I got your mom in trouble. We made bad choices, and that's why we were young parents." He crossed his legs in front of him and leaned forward. "I'm not saying I regret being a parent—I certainly don't regret having you and your brother—but I want more for you, and so did your mom. It's important to me that you understand that."

  "I understand, Dad."

  "I also want you to know you can always come to me. No matter what."

  She nodded, letting her eyes drift to her hands.

  "Is there something you want to tell me now?"

  She shook her head.

  Brian wasn't sure why she clammed up, but it scared the hell out of him. "Has a boy at school done something to make you uncomfortable?"

  "No." She snorted a little and said, "They're all scared of Matt."

  Brian lifted his brow in surprise. "Has Matty done anything to make you uncomfortable?"

  She rolled her eyes. "No, he hasn't. He doesn't even have the guts to ask me out, much less do something inappropriate."

  Brian sighed, dropping his head. He'd asked for it, and she was talking. Ugh, and now he had to hear about it. Acid churned in his stomach just thinking about his little girl with a boy.

  "Erin, Matty has wanted to ask you out for six months, and I haven't given him permission."

  Her head shot up, and she glared at him. "Why? That's not fair. Why would he ask you and not me?"

  "Because he's a good guy, and that's what the good guys do."

  "Did you ask permission from all the girls' dads when you dated them?"

  "No, but I only ever dated Melissa, and her dad was dead…and," he waved the journal again, "we've already established, I wasn't one of the good guys."

  She smiled at him, but the smile held a hint of sadness. "You're a good guy, Daddy. You married mom. You didn't have to do that."

  He nodded. "I might not be a bad guy, but I'm not a good guy either, sweetheart. I hurt Melissa really bad. I broke a lot of promises to her." He ran his hands through his hair, hating the familiar sickness he felt when he thought about her back then. "That's why I keep telling Matty no. I don't want you to get hurt, or get into trouble like your mother."

  "Dad, I'm not ready for that type of relationship…but I like Matty."

  "I like him, too, and I trust him with you, but, Erin, you have to promise to talk to me about things."

  She grinned at him, and it was the sweetest grin he'd seen in months. She held up her right hand. "I promise."

  "It can't be easy talking to your dad about sex and boys, but you have to remember, I was a boy once, so I kind of have a unique perspective."

  Her grin grew wider. "I promise."

  "Okay, I'll let poor Matty off the hook."

  "Thanks, Dad."

  "Oh, and, Erin, I don't want you to read anymore of mom's journals, okay? If you want them, I'll save them for you, and you can have them when you're older, but not until then."

  "Okay, I won't touch them again."

  "Do I need to lock that chest?"

  "No, I promise, Dad. I want you to trust me."

  He nodded then stood to put the journal back. He took the gun box out and slid it on the top shelf of the closet.

  "Why are you moving mom's gun?"

  "I don't want Cody to find it, and you stay away from it, too. Guns are not toys. You understand that, right?"

  "Yes, Dad, I remember everything you taught me." He went back to the bed and sat next to her. "So, Daddy, what about now?" she said, sitting back against the headboard of his bed.

  "Huh?"

  "You can be with Melissa now."

  "Erin…it's more complicated than you realize."

  "No, it's not. You love her, and she loves you."

  "She loves Chase, sweetheart. She's getting married in a few months."

  "She loves you more. It's obvious in the way she looks at you. If you tell her how you feel, it will change things."

  "I'm thankful we're friends. I wouldn't do anything to mess up her future. She wants to move on, and I won't interfere with that."

  "You're wrong, Dad. Maybe she's waiting around for you to notice her again."

  Brian looked down at the carpet and rested his head on his fist as he thought about the night before. She had said she loved him. She'd said it directly to him. Had those words meant anything if she couldn't even remember saying them?

  "I'm sorry, Erin, but you're wasting your time wishing for this."

  He stood up and left her alone in his room, not wanting her to see how much the conversation affected him.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  At the sound of a car door closing, Brian peeked out the front window, expecting to see Erin. He'd given Matty permission to ask Erin out, but he still wasn't comfortable with the idea. He squinted out to find Melissa walking up to the door with a bag in her hand. He jumped over and yanked the door open before she had time to ring the bell.

  "Well, Ms. Parker, what brings you by on a Friday night?"

  The surprise made her cheeks pink a little. She threw her hand up over her heart and exhaled slowly. "You scared me."

  "Sorry." He grinned. "Come on in." Once she was inside, he closed the door and said, "You're getting around well. I guess the foot is completely healed."

  She lifted her foot, pointing her toes. "Yep, completely healed." She turned and looked around the house, smiling when her eyes rested on the Christmas tree. "What a beautiful tree. Wow." She walked over and lifted an ornament with her hand. "Baby's first Christmas. This is pretty old. It must be Erin's."

  "Yeah, there's another one on there for Cody."

  "That is so sweet." She mock-frowned and said, "I don't have a tree, so my place is a little Christmas-sad."

  Brian waved at the tree. "My tree is your tree. Come and watch the twinkling lights anytime you want. I know you love that about Christmas."

  She turned to look at him. "Thank you. I'm surprised you remember."

  "How could I forget? My dad used to drive you and Ali around town every year to look at Christmas lights. When I got a car, you and I did it alone."

  "Yes." She nodded. "I remember."

  "Why don't you have a tree when you love them so much?"

  "Oh, well, it's a little silly when you live alone and don't have kids."

  Brian heard the telltale signs of Cody stomping down the stairs. "Speaking of kids."

  "Dad?"

  "Excuse me, Cody," Brian said.

  "Excuse me, Dad," Cody repeated in an obviously pract
iced way.

  Melissa put a hand over her mouth to hide her grin. It was fun watching Brian parent his kids, especially when he did it in such a delicate way. Much more fun than watching him drill them with questions like the police detective he was.

  "Melissa is here. Can you say hello?"

  "Sorry. Hi, Melissa."

  "Actually, Cody, I'm here to visit you. I have a Christmas present for you."

  He bounced on his heels. "Can I open it?"

  Brian shook his head. "Nuh-uh, no, sir, but you can put it—"

  "Yes," Melissa interrupted, lifting a brow at Brian. "Excuse me, Brian," she said pointedly. "Cody, I would like you to open it now."

  Brian waved toward the bag of presents. "Okay, fine. Go ahead."

  Melissa sat down and pulled three presents from her bag. "Is Erin here?"

  "No, uh, she's actually out on a date with Matty."

  Her eyes widened. "Really? Wow, I guess I've not heard the latest."

  "Shocking, and here I thought she told you everything."

  Melissa smiled and handed Cody his present. "Not everything, but she did hint to me that Cody would really love to have this present early."

  Cody looked up at her without speaking.

  "Go ahead and open it," she said.

  Cody ripped the paper from the box then flipped it, placing it on his lap and lifting the lid. Inside was a handmade photo album. "What is this?" He lifted the book cover and stared into the face of his mother.

  "This, Cody, is a photo album filled with pictures of your mom. They're pictures from when she was a kid, until a few weeks before she died. Most of them I took myself in our school days. The others were given to me by Auntie Ali, Erin, and your grandparents."

  Cody lifted the album out of the box and turned the first few pages. Tears spilled down his face as he stared.

  "Your sister told me you were worried about forgetting your mom. This book should help so you don't. You can look at it every night before you go to bed and remember her. You can ask your dad, or Erin, to tell you a story about the pictures they remember. I have a few great stories, too, I can share with you."

  Cody looked up with sad eyes. "I told Erin not to tell anyone."

  "I know, and she didn't want to tell me, but she thought I could help." Melissa reached over and took the book from him. She flipped the pages and found the picture she was looking for. "See this one here? That's of me and my sister with your mom." She cleared her throat and took a deep breath. "Did you know that Auntie Ali and I lost our dad when we were your age?"

  He lifted his eyes up to her face and stared at her without saying anything for a long time. It looked as if he didn't want to believe her. He finally said, "I didn't know your daddy was dead. Did you cry when he died?"

  "Yes, sweetheart. I cried a lot. Auntie Ali, too. It was hard for us. Just like this is hard for you."

  "Did your mom cry, too?"

  "Yes, she cried a lot, too, every day for a long time."

  "My daddy cries sometimes." His eyes drifted to the floor, and Melissa wondered if Cody thought he was betraying Brian by telling her that.

  "I know, honey." She reached over and took his hand. "We all miss her, especially you, Erin, and Daddy, but it's normal to cry when we lose someone we love." She tried to smile. "Even big, strong dads cry when they're sad. That's not a bad thing."

  He flipped through a few more pages and landed on a photo of him as a baby with Julie. Brian moved over from the arm chair and sat next to him.

  "That's you, Cody. You were only a couple of weeks old." Brian chuckled. "Look how happy your mom was. Look at that smile."

  "I love that one," Melissa said. "I wish I wouldn't have missed those years with you and your sister…and Julie." She swallowed against the lump forming in her throat.

  "I'm glad you're here now," Cody said.

  Brian reached a hand around Cody and gripped Melissa's shoulder. "Me, too." Then he lifted the hand and rested it on Cody's shoulders.

  "Dad, you should open your present."

  "Oh, uh, no, buddy, I can wait until Christmas," Brian said, glancing at Melissa.

  "I think you should open it." Melissa handed him a small box.

  Brian tilted his head from side to side. "All right then." He took the box and pulled the ribbon, then ripped at the seam in the paper. As soon as the paper was off, he popped the top with wide eyes. "Wow, Melissa, wow! This is awesome—too much!" The watch had a thick black strap and a black face, simple and masculine, not overstated, and absolutely perfect for Brian. That's why she'd bought it.

  "Bvlgari is a good name in watches. It should hold up well to your abuse," she said, smiling.

  "Ha, I hope so for the price." He frowned. "I wish you wouldn't spend your money on me."

  "It wasn't bad, and you needed one."

  Brian pulled the watch out of the box and examined it closely. That's when he noticed the inscription on the underside. He read it aloud: Embrace every moment, for each is a gift.

  He held his hand over his mouth, staring at the inscription. "Melissa…"

  "Do you like it?" she murmured.

  He nodded, lifting his eyes to look at her. "Thank you. It's incredible."

  "I've learned a lot over the last year, but the most important thing I've learned is that life is short."

  Brian nodded in agreement, his eyes a little misty. "Makes seventeen years of silence a lot harder to swallow."

  "Yes," she whispered.

  Brian reached over Cody and hugged her. Cody laughed within their embrace, pulling the photo album to his chest. When Brian withdrew from the hug, he said, "I have a great idea! Let's pile into the car, stop at Starbucks for some hot chocolate, then drive around and look at Christmas lights."

  ~

  Matty reached over to take her hand. "Did you like it?"

  Erin nodded, trying to fight her giddy grin. "Yeah, good ending. I was upset at first because it wasn't like the book, but I'm glad they did that last minute switch to trick the audience. It worked, too, I totally fell for it."

  Matt chuckled. "I haven't read the book, but it was pretty cool watching a bunch of vampires kill each other." He steered her toward the mall instead of the parking lot. "Your dad gave us until ten. Do you want to walk through the mall and do some late-night Christmas shopping?"

  Erin squeezed his hand and agreed. He lead her from the theater entrance into the adjacent mall. When they turned, Erin walked smack into the chest of a man and was nearly knocked off her feet. She glanced up to apologize, but the words froze in her throat.

  Dread seeped through her, chilling her and chasing away the warmth Matt's presence had provided. Coach Jeffries sneered down at her. Erin couldn't control the instant tremors as they shook from her core all the way to her shoulders, down her arms, and into her hands.

  Matty pulled her closer and put his arm around her. A ringing attacked her ears, and she couldn't get her mouth to move. Coach straightened his jacket, his eyes still firmly focused on her. When he looked up at Matty, he put on a fake smile.

  "Well…I guess now we understand why you're too busy for water polo."

  Erin's tremors increased at the insinuation and the indignant expression on his face.

  Coach eyed her from head to toe. "The apple truly doesn't fall far from the tree, does it?"

  Matt's chest went up. "What did you say?"

  Before she thought about what she was doing, Erin's hand leaped out and connected with his face, the sound of her smack echoing off the walls and the tile floor of the mall. She glared at the angry read handprint and the three distinct scratches down his cheek. "Don't you ever speak about my mother! Ever!"

  Matt grabbed her jacket and pulled her back, thrusting himself between her and Coach.

  Coach wiped a hand across his cheek. "You're a Hammel through and through, you little bitch."

  "Hey!" Matt stepped closer and stared down at him. "You asked for it, Coach."

  "Back off, Wilson." Coach took a st
ep back and stared at Erin. "I might have to share your actions with a wider audience. You're on Facebook, aren't you, Miss Hammel?"

  "No, you back off, Coach, or I'll make sure you answer for it."

  "Threatening a teacher…really, Wilson? I thought you were smarter than that." Coach glared at her one more time before stalking away.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  "What the hell was that?" Matt asked as Coach Jeffries push through the door and out into the parking lot."

  Erin tried to inhale, but she couldn't breathe. She put a hand to her chest and slumped down to the ground, fighting for air. Matt dropped to his knees and got right in her face.

  "Erin, look at me and concentrate on your breathing. In…out…in…out, slowly. Okay, big belly breaths." He placed a hand on her stomach. "Breathe from here."

  She did as he said, then relaxed into it. When her breathing steadied, she looked around at all the people staring at her. "Oh God…"

  "It's okay." He tucked his hands under her arms and lifted her to her feet. "The show's over people." He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and led her out of the mall. "What the hell was that about?"

  "Oh my God…" Erin said again. "Matty, you can't tell my dad about that!" She stopped walking and covered her face with her hands. "I hate him. I really hate him." She hiccupped a sob, but couldn't stop once she'd started crying. What was she going to do now? What if he posted those photos online? Oh my God! Oh my God!

  He pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her. "It's okay. That wasn't your fault. He was asking for it."

  She felt so stupid. What was she thinking when she let Coach talk her into taking her freaking clothes off. She sobbed for another couple of minutes, then felt stupid when she couldn't stop her tears. She fought to control her crying and pulled back to free herself of Matty's embrace. "You cannot tell my dad about that. You can't, Matt."

  "If I'm going to lie to your dad, I need a good reason." He threw his hands out. "Why does he keep messing with you? What's he trying to pull? You need to speak up because this isn't only about your mom."