The Years Between Us

by Stephanie Vercier

  “Beautiful and not drunk. I guess I’ll take it.” I nudge him back, loving the easy back and forth he and I have had since the first day we met in class. His laptop had died, and he’d asked if I had a pen, and he swore that me giving him one had saved his academic life, at least for that day.

  “I didn’t want to bug you or put you on the spot, but they won’t take no for an answer next time they’re in town. They’ll want to meet you in the flesh.”

  “Um, Bernard… your parents do realize you’re gay, right?” I ask this gently, just in case they don’t, just in case he was hoping I’d pretend to be his girlfriend to keep them off his back.

  He laughs. “Of course they do! They just really like the idea I’ve met a good friend. That’s all.”

  “Sorry… I didn’t mean—”

  “It’s okay, Claudia… really. And maybe there is some small part of my mom who thinks if I just met the right girl.” He shakes his head and shrugs.

  “Hopefully a very small part,” I assure him. “But I’ll totally do it. It’s just that, depending on how long it takes for them to visit again, I’m just going to keep getting bigger.”

  “Oh… the baby,” he says, like my pregnancy had slipped his mind.

  I can still disguise my baby bump, but it’s only a matter of time before that becomes more difficult. I may have been able to hide it from Douglas Anders, but that won’t be happening again, and I don’t know if Bernard really wants to introduce a pregnant girl to his parents.

  “Yes, the baby,” I say. “It’s going to be weird walking around here in maternity clothes. I’m not sure what percentage of college sophomores have kids, but I’m guessing it’s pretty low.”

  “Who cares?” Bernard rushes in. “I won’t be ashamed to be walking with you—actually, I think it’s kind of cool as long as you can still finish up here when you pop it out.”

  “I don’t know…” I pause, knowing I’ll finish but with no real idea of where that will be. I’d like it to be wherever is closest to Luke, but with each passing day, that feels less realistic. My parents have yet to back away from their threats to destroy him, and I won’t let them do that—I won’t allow them to bring more pain into his life.

  “You don’t know if you’ll finish college?” he asks with concern. “You kind of have to, don’t you? Didn’t you tell me you wanted to prove to that future kid of yours that you can do it all?”

  “Oh, I’ll finish,” I tell him. “I’m just not sure if it will be here at U-Dub.”

  “I’d really miss you if you left,” he tells me.

  “And I’d miss you, Bernard. You’re incredibly sweet.”

  “I’ll take sweet,” he replies as we turn into our lecture hall and sit next to one another in our usual seats. “You want to get together tonight, to study… in my dorm?” he asks me just before the lecture begins.

  “Sure, tonight is good,” I tell him, taking any excuse at all to get away from my parents.

  I’d avoided checking in with Luke today so far because, for once, I wanted to be able to provide him with good news, even if it were something small, but today wouldn’t likely be any different or better than the many before. I wanted to be able to tell him that my parents were loosening their death grip on our relationship and were beginning to see the light, but if anything they’d just been doubling down as of late. They started talking about graduate school being my next step after UW and kept mentioning Douglas Anders, and the last thing I wanted when I called Luke was to let it slip they were pushing a guy on me. It didn’t matter that I had no interest in him—all that mattered was that it would make Luke jealous. And maybe in response to that jealousy, he’d do something without thinking, something regrettable, something that would turn my parents even more against him.

  “You actually wish you still lived in the dorms?” Bernard asks me once we’ve settled into his very cramped dorm room, his roommate thankfully out for the evening.

  “I miss my old dorm back at WSU, but that was mostly because of my amazing dorm mate. We’re kind of like sisters.”

  “Danielle, right?” He’s on one end of his bed while I’m on the other, both of us attempting to nestle into our corners while we flip open our laptops, though Bernard takes up much more space than I do.

  “Yep… you have a good memory.”

  “I just listen, especially when it comes to you.” He looks over his laptop at me, and for a moment I have a feeling I shouldn’t be here, that Luke wouldn’t like this regardless of how harmless it actually is considering Bernard has no interest in women, at least not for anything more than friendship.

  “Well, I hope you were using those listening skills with Professor Romano because I accidentally deleted half of my notes.”

  “Today is your lucky day then. Should I just email you mine?”

  “Yeah, that would be great.” When my phone rings, I think at first that it must be my parents wondering where I’m at, and I’d really like to ignore them. But it could be Luke. It’s past seven, and I really should have checked in with him, regardless of how poor my prognosis for escaping my family is. I open up my bag and grab my phone. Seeing Luke’s name on the screen, I tell Bernard, “I just need to get this.

  “Hey, Luke,” I say, getting that warm butterfly feeling in my gut the way I always do before I talk to him.

  “Everything okay? You didn’t check in.” The unease in his voice is real, and I hate myself for putting him through that.

  “Yes, everything is fine. I’m sorry… I guess I just wanted to have something really good to report to you, but my parents are still being dicks.”

  “All I want is to hear from you,” he tells me. “We’ll figure out your parents eventually, but I just need to know you’re okay… that the baby is okay. That’s all I want.”

  Instinctively, I touch my hand to my stomach. “The baby is fine, and my morning sickness has calmed down quite a bit.”

  “But you still have it? I want to be there for you, Claudia.” The pain in his voice comes through so clearly. Our separation is hurting him so much, and I feel a pang of guilt for even partially enjoying my time here at UW.

  “You are here for me, even if it’s just a text or a call. And you’ll be here for our baby. The last thing my parents are going to want is a screaming infant in their house. They’ll be more than happy to send me back to you when that happens.”

  He eases enough to laugh. “You think he or she is going to be a screamer? We might have to hire some kind of nanny.”

  “We won’t need that.” I relax in imagining us all together again as a family. “You and I will take care of it just fine, even if we have to lose some sleep over it.”

  “Hey, I’m more than ready. And remember that spot I proposed to you at?”

  “Yes, I remember,” I say, feeling the emotion associated with him getting down on one knee and surprising me with that ring, with that proposal. “I’ll always remember that day.”

  “Well, that chunk of property went up for sale, and I grabbed it. Great views.”

  “Really, Luke? I’m so happy for you. More hiking space.”

  “For both of us,” he says. “And your ring is still waiting for you… among other things.”

  “What other things?”

  “It’s a surprise,” he teases. “I’m hoping it will all be ready by the summer.”

  “Okay, now you have to tell me.”

  “Oh, do I?”

  “Yes! You can’t just say you have some big surprise for next summer and then not tell me what it is. I’ll go crazy with anticipation.”

  “Sorry, but you’re just going to have to wait. Besides, we have a lot of other stuff we need to accomplish in the meantime.”

  “I just emailed them to you,” Bernard says quietly.

  I look up at him and smile. “Thanks,” I reply, even more faintly.

  “You’re with someone,” Luke says.

  “I’m studying with a friend.”

  “A male f
riend?” He’s trying so hard not to sound possessive of me, but it’s still coming through.

  And how can I blame him? I’d feel the exact same way, but Bernard isn’t a threat.

  “Yes, he’s a man, but he’s also gay,” I inform him. “You think I’d be able to move on from you?” I wouldn’t even be talking to Bernard if he was straight.

  There is a sigh and a small laugh. “I just miss you. And you’re on a campus full of young guys who would sell a part of their soul for a chance with you. You realize that, don’t you?”

  “Bernard protects me,” I tell Luke, and I look over at a smiling Bernard. “Any guy tries to get too close to me, and Bernard swoops in or I just tell them I’m pregnant—that one is even more effective.”

  There is something between a laugh and an exasperated sigh that comes out of Luke. “I guess I’m just going nuts here without you. I need to see you. Any chance of that?”

  I’ve wanted to see him too, desperately. But I also hadn’t wanted to get caught and have my parents step things up to some new level. And yet things at least feel somewhat settled now, in the sense that my parents partially trust me, maybe even think they’re seducing me with getting me into UW and making me question my relationship with Luke.

  “Then come and see me,” I tell him, my heart doing flip-flops at just the thought of it.

  “Seriously? You just name the time and place.” The excitement in his voice is undeniable.

  “Tomorrow? I can cut a few classes and meet you on campus.”

  “I can absolutely do that.”

  “Okay. My first class is at ten, so can you meet me that early?”

  “I can meet you whenever you want, so yeah, ten it is.”

  For the first time in a while, my entire body is filled with warmth and unyielding excitement. “I’ll see you tomorrow then. And Luke?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I love you so much.”

  “I love you too, and we’re going to be okay.”

  I close my eyes when we hang up, hold the phone to my heart, needing a moment to catch my breath.

  “Damn, you’re in love,” Bernard says from his spot on the bed. “I think I need a reminder of what this Luke guy looks like.”

  With a simple nod, I pull my phone from my chest and swipe through my pictures, easily finding one of Luke. I take a moment to stare at it myself before proudly turning it over and showing Bernard.

  “Holy shit, he’s hot,” he says. “He happen to have a brother?”

  “He does, but he’s straight… and kind of an asshole… and married.”

  “Of course.” He shrugs. “How old is Luke again?”

  “Thirty-six,” I answer, remembering the first time I’d told him the father of my child was in his mid thirties and seeing Bernard’s eyebrows rise in a kind of wonder.

  “He doesn’t look much over thirty to be honest. I’d totally do him.”

  “Well, you can’t,” I tease. “Because he’s all mine.”

  “Lucky, lucky girl.”

  And I am. I know how much. And I’ll feel even more so when I see him tomorrow. Of course my luck with Luke is tempered by my parents’ actions, and I can’t escape the fear in the back of my mind that tells me my luck can just as easily run out.

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  LUKE

  I’d have probably wanted to kick the ass of the guy Claudia is standing with if she hadn’t informed me he was gay. I’m assuming this is the guy, Bernard, as I make my way toward them, not having been on this campus since I’d graduated college nearly fourteen years ago, not even to see the Huskies play.

  I’m drawn back to the time I’d gone to school here, when I’d go home to Isabelle and Danielle every evening. I’d known then that I was Isabelle’s second choice, but I’d accepted that and convinced myself we were going to have a long, happy life together. But even then I think I knew that wouldn’t happen, that Isabelle was already pulling away from me, that real love was out of my grasp. And now, nearly fifteen years later, I’m with a different girl, one that I love more than I ever loved Isabelle and who I believe loves me with the same force. But every day she’s away from me, I can’t help but feel the fear that I’m slowly losing her.

  “Luke!” As soon as Claudia spots me, she’s running to me, and I put my arms out just in time for her to jump into them.

  I pull her close to me. “God, I’ve missed you,” I murmur into her, my hands underneath her thighs, supporting her completely while she wraps her arms around my neck, her lips finding their way to mine.

  She makes me feel so many things, but right now, what I feel is contentment in having her so close. This moment could only be made better if I knew I’d be taking her home with me.

  Eventually, our lips do have to part, and I slide her down along my body until her feet are back on solid ground.

  “You’ve kept your beard,” she says, drawing her finger along the bristles.

  “You approve?” I ask, knowing I’d shave it right off if she asked me to.

  “Of course, I approve.” Her smile is so sweet, so innocent, one that I’ve missed so completely.

  I go to kiss her again, but she puts her hand up, letting out a small giggle. “Luke, this is my friend, Bernard.” She turns to the guy who is nearly as tall as me but looks a hell of a lot younger. “And this is Luke.”

  I step forward, just as he does, and shake his hand.

  His face is red, his hand kind of clammy. “I’ve heard a lot about you,” he gets out.

  “I hope none of it’s too bad.” I withdraw my hand and turn back to Claudia, wanting to take in as much of her as I can in the time we have.

  “Nope… not at all,” he says. “Well, I should probably leave you guys to it. I’ll make sure to share my notes with you, Claudia. See you tonight?”

  “Thank you,” she says earnestly. “And yes, I’ll see you tonight.”

  “Nice to meet you,” I tell him but damn glad I’m about to have Claudia all to myself again.

  “You too!” He waves his hand as he turns and heads back toward the cluster of buildings in the center of campus.

  My eyes snap right back to Claudia. “Do I really have to give you up by tonight?” I pull her body back to mine—the idea of having to let go of her again is almost as bad as not seeing her at all.

  “If you don’t want my parents to go ballistic.” She snuggles right back into me, a perfect fit. “After you called me last night, they were blowing up my phone,” she says, her cheek against my chest. “They were wondering when the hell I planned on being home, pretty much inferred I’d been meeting up with you somehow.”

  “We can put an end to that, you know?” I remind her. “I’m not afraid of them.”

  “I know you aren’t.” She sighs, steps out of my embrace, then takes my hand and pulls me in the direction I’d just come from. “But I still have to think about my brothers. I haven’t even told them I’m pregnant yet.”

  “If they love you, they’ll understand, won’t they?” I’ve never met them, but I sure as hell hope that’s true. I think Claudia needs at least one person in her family to support this.

  “I think Cory will more than Kyle. He’s got his first serious girlfriend, and there’s a new sensitivity in him I’ve not seen before.”

  “Would he also understand you not seeing them for a few years if that’s what it took?”

  “I’m not sure,” she says with some resignation. “I tell them I love them every day to make sure they really know... which is kind of awkward with teenage boys. But they haven’t quite faced the brunt of my parents disapproval yet, so they might not understand my need to go against them… they might just think I’m abandoning them.”

  “You’re stuck in a pretty tough place,” I tell her, stopping, turning her toward me and bracing her arms with my hands. “All I have to lose is money and reputation, but you’ve got your brothers. That makes me feel pretty guilty.”

  “My parents are the only ones that sh
ould feel that, not you.”

  She’s probably right, but it’s still hard to shake that feeling even when I’m so damn happy to see her.

  “Let’s go to your truck… or your car,” she says, escaping my grip and grabbing my hand again. “I just want to be alone with you.”

  “I’m all for that,” I easily agree.

  Once we’re in my truck, parked at the far end of a half empty lot, I can really smell the strawberries, that scent that I’d always identified with Claudia. Having asked about it once, she’d told me it was a lotion and promised to keep using it knowing how much I liked it. That beautiful smell is just one of the countless reasons I can’t keep my hands off of her.

  “I want you, Luke,” she whispers, and I’m feeling the same exact need.

  And just like that, I’m hard as an iron rod with a desperate need to be inside her. “I’ll get us to a hotel,” I say, though I’m not sure how well I’ll be able to pay attention to the rules of the road when my only focus is her.

  “No… here… now,” she gets out, dragging her fingers through my hair, her nails leaving a trail of heat along my scalp.

  She’s right. We can’t wait.

  With as much finesse as I can muster, I push the passenger seat back as far as it will go, then lift myself, one leg at a time, over the console, reposition a giggling Claudia before I ease her into my lap. “You sure you want to do it here?” It’s a private enough area, trees all around, my truck parked at the very end of a lot that not many people seemed to want to park in today.

  “Beyond,” she says, kneeling over me and making quick work of my belt and then unbuttoning my jeans. I lift myself just enough to pull them and my boxer briefs down, my erection less painful in being released, but now I feel like a man wild, a man on a mission, one who desperately needs to be inside of this gorgeous woman on top of me.

  She slides to my side, pulls up her dress and tugs her panties down over her thighs, then her knees, and then off and onto the floor of my cab.

  “You’re so damn beautiful,” I tell her, my hands on her curves and pulling her back into position so that she’s on her knees straddling me, her long hair cascading around her beautiful face. I grip her hips firmly before I guide her down, her wetness enveloping me, making me even more desperate for her.