by Kate Stewart
Restless from the day’s events, I made my way back to The Barracks, and gave pause when a pair of startling blue eyes greeted me at the bar. I sat next to her with a grin. “Sandra.”
Present Day
Christmas sucks.
“Violet, come hang your ornament,” my mother called to me from the living room as I stood in the kitchen staring at my phone. “Can you just do it, Mom?” I asked, pouring my fourth cup of bourbon with a splash of eggnog.
“No, ma’am. Thirty-three years, it’s tradition,” she said to me as I rolled my eyes. “Don’t you roll your eyes at me!” I shook my head, my cup halfway to my mouth, knowing she hadn’t seen it. She was a damn freak of nature.
“Call Rhys and have him come over and bring the baby,” she said, walking into the kitchen and grabbing my eggnog out of my hand and capping the bourbon. “What’s the matter with you?”
“Nothing,” I said, eyeing my father who was tinkering with a train piece from the set that toured the bottom floor of the house every Christmas.
My mother eyed me as I avoided answering her. “Fine, I’ll assume Rhys has plans tonight. Come hang your ornament and stay out of your father’s bourbon,” she scolded.
“Here, here,” my father replied, looking up at me through his glasses as he inspected his project closely.
Hmph, men and their toys.
“Fine, no booze, no boys. Let’s party,” I said dryly as my mother whisked me away to the tree. The house, as usual, looked incredible. My mother had always made it so during the holidays. But this year, I wanted no part of it.
“You want to tell me what stick has crawled up your butt? You usually love Christmas,” she said, handing me my ornament. I stuck it on the nearest branch, my mother immediately catching it as it popped off.
“Whoops,” I said under her heavy eye, hurt in her stare as she re-hung it carefully.
“What happened, damn it?” she asked in a harsh whisper, her hand on her hip.
“I happened, Mom. I happened.”
He happened.
She happened.
They happened.
I felt sick. Collapsing on the couch, I threw a pillow on my head to cover my face, feeling the burn move through me from the bourbon. I hiccupped as she pulled the pillow away.
“This is not how you act on a holiday, madam,” she scorned, pushing me so I was forced to sit up then plopped down next to me.
“Mom, I’m thirty-three. I should have my own family now, not be bothering you two on Christmas Eve.”
“That’s the dumbest damn thing I have ever heard in my life,” she huffed. “Even if you had a family of your own they would all be here. I’d make sure of it.”
“Fine. True. Whatever. I sure hope I’m enough,” I said, throwing my own personal pity party. I knew for a fact my mother wouldn’t put up with it for long. So much so, that when her back was turned, I carried my bourb-nog up to my parent’s guestroom—my old bedroom—and drank it until I felt comfortably numb. I stared at my phone, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t call Rhys when he was probably surrounded by family. What would I even say? What else was there to say? Tears fell heavy as I tossed and turned, thinking of how it had all played out.
At midnight, I sent him a text then passed out during my second viewing of A Christmas Story.
I sat on the couch at my parents’ house on Christmas morning as my son screamed “Vi tet, Da DAAA! Vi tet!” in delight at the TV. My sister Heidi heard him and came rushing in to see him wiggling back and forth as he watched the Christmas parade. The host did look a little similar to Violet, with long blonde hair and green eyes. My heart became heavier as his excitement grew with the thought it was her on screen hosting. She had invaded my every thought since the day I met her, and now she had my son’s attention.
“Vi TETTT!” He shook animatedly to the music as the dancers surrounding the Snoopy float dazzled the spectators.
“Vi tett...Violet.” Heidi smiled as she caught on, averting her gaze from Bryce to me with a smug smile. “I knew it, brother. You are a true ass for keeping this from me, you know that?”
“Shut it, little H. I mean it,” I said sternly. She waddled over to me, her belly completely full and near bursting and took a seat on the footrest in front of me, forcing my attention to her.
“Is this the one that will finally tame you, dear brother?” she asked, all smiles as she giggled at Bryce who was dancing his tail off, imitating the dancers as best as he could.
“Heidi, drop it,” I snapped, unable to hide the grit in my voice.
“Not this time. As a matter of fact, I’ll bring it to the table if you don’t spill it.” She nodded toward the kitchen where the rest of the family was gathered, prepping the day’s feast.
“Okay, dear brother, so you introduced a woman to your son? Come on, Rhys, she must be important to you. I remember her from the restaurant. She was beautiful and seemed really nice.” My sister refused to move from her spot, her expectation clear as she watched me.
I gripped the edge of the couch as I gave in. “She is important,” was all I could manage.
“And Bryce, he seems to like her,” she added, watching me carefully.
“He loves her,” I said quietly.
“You love her,” Heidi said, reading my expression.
“Can we please not talk about this here?” I pleaded with her.
“Oh my GOD, you do love her. Rhys, that’s incredible!” My mother leaned back from her kitchen stool to look into the living room at the two of us talking, and I quickly stifled Heidi’s excitement.
“Shut up right now. And anyway, I’m not so sure it’s going to work out,” I said, dismissing the whole conversation.
“Brother, I love you, but this time, I won’t shut up.” She looked at Bryce and then to me. “I never thought you were the type to settle down, but watching you with Bryce, I can’t see you any other way. Honestly, if you have finally found a woman who will put up with your shit, and your son loves her and you love her, I don’t see what the problem is.”
I gave her a warning glare.
“Mom, guess what!” Heidi said, rubbing her belly as she eyed me with nothing but mischief.
“What, honey?” my mother answered from the kitchen.
“Fine,” I gritted out. “What do you want to know?”
“Never mind,” Heidi chimed in reply to my mother, victory in her voice.
I leaned in, ready to strangle her. “What, Heidi?”
“It’s just...I want to see you happy. You’ve been alone for so long.” She looked down at her stomach then back to me. “If you can find someone, it kind of gives me hope, ya know?” Once again, my sister had misplaced her affections for the wrong man and found herself alone, but this time with a constant reminder of the failed relationship.
I understood her need to see a different result for me. She was about to be a single parent, a predicament I was all too familiar with.
“She’s everything I’ve ever wanted,” I admitted. “I hate being without her. She’s smart and so completely beautiful. She’s real and raw and embraces her flaws, when to me she has none. Her vulnerability is refreshing and yet she has no issues calling me out on my shit or putting me in my place. You should see the way she looks at Bryce...She’s not anything like the women before her and she makes me feel...everything.” Heidi’s eyes filled as she nodded. That’s all it took to reduce my very pregnant sister to tears.
I didn’t want to admit to Heidi that I was uncomfortable and felt helpless for the first time in my life when it came to a woman; that my past may have completely screwed up my future. That I had selfishly forced her from being my submissive into a relationship she may not have been ready for, then broken her trust repeatedly because I hadn’t trusted her enough with the truth.
“He doesn’t want anything to do with the baby,” she said, her eyes reflecting her sadness. “I don’t understand that, Rhys.”
I put my hands on her full belly and her smile returned. “Yo
u’ve got everything you need right here,” I said, rubbing her swollen stomach. “And you will always have me, I promise.”
She threw her arms around me and gave me a quick hug. I braved a look at my phone as she went to join the rest of the family in the kitchen.
VIOLET: Merry Christmas.
“Take off your panties and hand them to me.” Rhys had been waiting for me in his bedroom, his black bag on the dresser. The bed was covered in things I’d only read about and I quickly looked at him with wide eyes. I did as I was told as Rhys held out his hand, dressed in his unbuttoned, crisp white shirt that revealed his perfectly etched chest, jeans, and sexy bare feet. He took my hand and put it through one of the leg holes of my panties, twisting them until they were tight then pulled my other hand through, securing them until they were clasped at the wrist.
Bound with my own panties, oh God, yes!
“I still have a lot of work to do with you, Violet, so I need you to do as I say. No questions, or you will be punished. Do you understand?”
“Yes, sir,” I said with a slight hint of sarcasm that he didn’t miss. It was answered with the painful thump of his finger on my hard nipple. I glared at him in response and was graced with a seductive smile.
“Still so ready to defy me. Have you not learned anything by now?” He leaned in close enough that our lips almost touched and I moved in to kiss him, but he pulled away. “That is where you fuck up, sweetheart. You must think I’ve gone soft. What do you say we remedy that right now?” he taunted as he pulled a black ribbon out of his magic black bag and secured it around my eyes. “Do yourself a favor tonight and don’t think, don’t speak, just obey.”
I stood naked before him as I waited for his next order.
“So beautiful and such a sweet pussy,” he growled, turning me away from him and pulling my bound wrists up to hook over the bedpost then sliding them down so I was forced to bend over, completely bared to him.
“Spread them wider, Violet. I want to see it all.” I spread wider as my legs begin to burn under the strain. I waited patiently as my breath quickened with each passing second. I had been ordered all day by text to touch myself to the point of climax but never come. I’d almost given in as I stroked myself in one of the houses I was showing while I thought of him. In the end, I’d kept my part of the bargain, showing up at his house with a swollen and aching center, dying for release. He knew the minute he saw me I had obeyed him and promised me I’d be rewarded.
“I can smell how much you need me.” My body jumped as his breath hit my center. I pushed it toward him in question. “Still giving orders, even without the use of that sassy mouth,” he teased. I felt him set what felt like a stick on my back, balancing it just above my ass.
“If you drop the whip, you don’t come. I really wouldn’t test me this time.”
I groaned in frustration, but it was cut short as I felt a slap on the inside of my thigh. I cried out but remained still and was rewarded with the feeling of the weight of the whip on my back.
I was completely wound up and ready to burst, sure that no matter what he did I would shatter in seconds.
“I’m going to fill every part of you tonight, and you will not come until I allow it.” He spread my legs further apart and I gasped at the feel of his hands on my ass, smoothing it carefully, leaving the whip undisturbed. He separated me and I felt his tongue touch my ring of muscle and gasped out, almost buckling.
“Careful, Violet. I need to eat your sweet ass. Don’t fucking move.” My sex pulsed out of control as I gripped the bedpost, my entire body shaking in reaction to the stroke of his tongue. I took in steady breaths, moaning loudly as he continued to lick me. I felt the whip shift slightly and quickly regained my stance as he filled my backside with his tongue. Without warning, I felt a cold probe replace his tongue and screamed out in pleasure when he slid it in.
“Oh fuck. Oh God, Rhys. Jesus, oh fuck,” I breathed out, pleasure dripping from my shaky voice.
“I knew you would appreciate that.” He chuckled. “Do I need to remind you not to come?”
He quickly pulled the whip from my back and struck me with it. The pain was all-consuming as I tightened around the metal; pleasure shot through me as I almost went to my knees.
Unable to speak unless I wanted to use my safe word, I praised him in moans.
“Taste so fucking good. I need more.” He placed the whip across my back again and I felt his breath on my sex. He licked me once, turning the cold steel inside me as I began to beg.
“Rhys, I need to come. I have to come!”
“Violet!” I felt the absence then the lashing of the whip and fell to my knees. He quickly brought me to my feet, pulling me back further. I felt another sharp sting, then another and another. “You will obey me!” My legs shook uncontrollably as I moaned in response. He set the whip across my back again and thrust his tongue between my drenched pussy lips.
“You like it”—lick, lick, lick—“when I fuck you with my tongue.” He sucked my clit hard as I gripped the bedpost, trying my best not to fall to my knees. “Maybe you don’t need my cock tonight.” I groaned in protest as he twisted the metal that stretched my ass and lapped me up furiously. I felt the orgasm push its way to the surface, no longer able to control my screaming. I held on, tears coming fast behind my blindfold as he pushed his finger inside me, twisting and stretching me, filling me completely. The sensation from the metal and his fingers sent me past my limit.
“Come for me.” He pulled the metal out of my ass and thrust his tongue deep as I exploded, repeating his name with each shockwave, each pulse that poured through me. He took my release into his mouth and with one last lick, he swiped his tongue to the top of my folds, sucking them hard. I collapsed to my knees as he massaged me and released my hands from my panties then held me to him while I shook from the effect of what he’d done. I was covered in sweat and my heart was pounding as we locked eyes. The look of tenderness in his took the breath from me as he stroked my face, soothing me. He lifted me from the floor and carried me to bed, kissing me deeply.
“Can I talk?” I asked, wide-eyed when he’d taken his fill of my mouth.
“You said it all,” he mused as he smiled down at me.
“Rhys, please...I want your—”
“Daughter! Just what in the hell are you doing?” my mother asked, making me jump out of my skin and stumble backwards only to fall over a stack of boxes before landing hard on my ass on the garage floor. My face was still flushed with arousal from my memory of that night with Rhys. He’d kept me tied to the bed while I slept so he could fuck me on his whim. I quickly started working again, grabbing a stack of old newspapers and throwing them into the trash.
“Jesus, Mother...I was...I am trying to keep you and Dad safe. There are enough old papers in here to set the entire neighborhood on fire.”
“Did it ever occur to you that we might not want our garage cleaned out?” She put her hands on her hips and I mirrored her stance with an “Are you going to do it?” face. I ignored her for several minutes, trying desperately to calm myself as she watched me work.
“Mom, just let me finish this. I just need to keep busy right now. I don’t want to talk. Just let me handle things my way, okay?”
“Fine, I’ll bring you some iced tea and, Violet, as much as your father and I love your company, you have to go home sometime. You can’t avoid life forever.”
“Says who, Mom?” My voice cracked, though I hadn’t let myself get upset since that night. “Reality, I have no use for it, none. You go live there. I’m happy to ignore it.”
“Baby, I know you’re hurting.” She took a step toward me.
“Do you, Mom? Do you have any idea what this is like? I don’t think so. You got the man you wanted. Me, I have to jump through a hoop of fire and swallow a pill of shit just to date mine.”
“Violet, what are you talking about? Is there something you’re not telling me?”
I sighed heavily, knowing I’
d said too much. “I’m simply saying it’s becoming more apparent that dating when you’re thirty-three is not as simple as when you’re twenty-three.”
And when you’re dating an ex-Dom who totes a diaper bag, has a split personality, and psychotic ex-girlfriend, it gets much more complicated.
Rhys’s past gave a whole new meaning to the word baggage. Then again, I had severe trust issues and they were more apparent now than ever.
Oh, what a pair.
My mother watched me closely as I ignored her and took on a new shelf in her garage. I must have been a sight with my worn out denim jeans, grease covered white t-shirt, ratty hair and circles under my eyes from lack of sleep. I didn’t want her to know that Rhys was anything less than the perfect man she assumed he was.
He was far too secretive, controlling, and infuriating at the moment.
And still I loved him. It was way too late to save myself from it.
Thankfully, my mother left me to my brooding to go get my tea while I collapsed on a set of boxes and buried my head in my hands. My pocket vibrated and my heart leaped as I looked at the text.
RHYS: Talk to me, Violet.
VIOLET: And exactly whom would I be talking to today?
RHYS: You don’t want me to give up any more than I’m willing to.
VIOLET: Maybe you should ignore that fact. I can’t trust you, Rhys.
RHYS: Maybe you could if you would stop fucking running away from me.
VIOLET: Maybe I would if you would stop fucking lying to me.
RHYS: Omitting.
VIOLET: Same thing. And I’m not running. My parents need me.
RHYS: For what…to clean out their garage?
I saw red as I realized my mother was texting him. “Mother!” She didn’t answer and I knew she was cowering in the kitchen. Minutes passed as I waited for his next text. I knew he was angry with me as well. We were both hurt. If we were to go any further, I had to make it crystal clear I would no longer put up with lies and omissions. Even if he did it to protect me, even if it was for my own good, I wanted full disclosure. I never wanted to be put in the position again where she or any other woman knew more than I did. Not when I was the woman in his bed at night. My love and devotion now came with a price: honesty, loyalty and everything in between. I would get as good as I gave and I would never settle for less, ever again.
