Lust & Lies Box Set-Sexual Awakenings, Excess, Predator & Prey
Page 23
“So you and Sandra?” I asked, suddenly feeling guilty for even having the discussion.
“I hate her, but she has Chris, so I stay. She threatens me with outing me all the time to keep me in line. You know my parents. I would lose everything.”
“So you aren’t into—”
“I’m gay,” he admitted.
“And all the phone calls?” I asked.
“At her insistence. And now that I think about it, I’m sure she wanted you to know. She’s sick—”
I held my hand up. “No, it’s you. Blaming her is easy. You did this to yourself and to me. You let it all happen. Jesus, Alex, how could you be so cruel?”
“Violet, just know that I’m sorry. What I did was unforgivable and I’ll always regret hurting you, always.”
“I can see you’re sincere and I sincerely don’t give a shit. I can also see that you’re drowning in misery.” I took a step toward him, my curiosity getting the best of me. “Tell me, Alex, why, if he’s the one you want, can’t you get him away from her?”
“He loves her,” he said with a humorless laugh.
“Hurts, doesn’t it?” I said, unable to keep the bite from my words. “God…” I exhaled. “What happened to when things were just simple,” I said, not really wanting an answer. I turned from Alex, needing to distance myself from him, and from the entire situation.
“It looks simple with him, Violet...with Rhys. He seems to really care about you. I know I have no right to ask, but how did you end up here? Involved with him?”
I whirled on him. “You’re right. You have no right to ask. And don’t you dare give me permission, Alex. I don’t need it from you.” He nodded quickly, but was watching me closely.
“The vasectomy?” I asked, knowing the answer. It had nothing to do with Sandra or Chris. He hadn’t met them when he took the possibility of a family with me away. It was simply the first nail in our coffin.
“I think I knew all along we wouldn’t last, Violet. I didn’t want to take that chance,” he said, pushing gravel with his shoe, unable to look at me when he spoke.
“I’m sure your new Dom found it so very convenient,” I said, disgusted. Disgusted with him, with his excuses, with the whole situation, I could no longer stomach any more truth.
I would never believe he ever loved me. I’d been nothing more than a cover for his sexuality, a way of him to save face and keep his secret from his parents. It was never a real marriage.
Alex took a step closer to me as I took one back. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Violet. You were a good wife, the perfect wife, and I never deserved you. Please know that,” he said in a plea then turned and made his way back toward the club. He looked back at me briefly before entering the club, remorse in his posture, and something I’d never seen written all over his features...defeat.
I stood staring at the door as it closed.
The very door I had opened months ago that led to my new adventure, the door that led me to Rhys, was now the door that had answered so many questions; questions I had agonized over for almost a year. I got into my car and stared out my windshield, all of the answers swirling around in my head.
The familiar heaviness in my chest returned. It had nothing to do with Alex or the unraveled truth. It had everything to do with the man who had just walked away from me...again.
I watched Bryce sleeping in the guest bed at my parents’, unsure of my next move. It was times like this that I was certain I was in over my head. Physically, I craved her more than ever, but even deeper I could feel the tear of her absence. It was debilitating and had started to take its toll.
I’d watched her confront Alex in the parking lot. I knew then I had nothing to worry about. He was never a threat to me. Then again, as long as Sandra was around I couldn’t be sure.
The revelation that Sandra’s level of toxicity had spilled into both of our lives should be more surprising to me, but it only affirmed what I already knew.
She was pure poison, and now, somehow, she’d managed to seep into everything good in my life and taint it indefinitely.
When I saw Alex take a step closer to her, I cringed. I had no regrets when I right handed the son of a bitch. No problem at all with the crack of his jaw against my knuckles. Thinking that she still cared for him in any capacity had sent me over the edge. With her, I was selfish. I wanted all of her. I didn’t want to acknowledge any part of her that still harbored anything for him, in any form. I watched their exchange closely, white knuckling my steering wheel, unable to tear my eyes away. Fucking vulnerability was not my strong suit and I had no cards left to play. I had to leave it all up to her. I had overreacted, but then again, so had she.
There wasn’t a damn thing I could do to help her. My jealousy got in the way of that and might have pushed her away from me. That and the fact that I hadn’t told her about Sandra’s unannounced visit, or my short meeting with her ex-husband. Things that seemed so unimportant then might now be the reason I lose her.
She’d deserved the answers, and the apology attached to it; one I had no right to deny her.
The sinking feeling in my chest told me that I might never get a chance to explain.
I walked down River Street with my mother, still reeling from revelation.
“He was in love with a man, Mom. A MAN! I never in a million years thought that would be the reason. It all makes sense now.” I spared her several of the details, knowing my mother couldn’t handle it. I couldn’t even handle most of it. I had been dying to tell her about the events of Christmas Eve, but up until now my father had been present.
“Violet, have you talked to Rhys today?” My mother gave me a sharp look.
“No, he’s upset with me for my reaction. But, Mom, he had to know what a shock this is, and Alex—”
“Let’s go in here and get a praline.” My mother guided me into The Savannah Candy Kitchen and spent the next ten minutes shoving chocolate covered peanuts and pralines into my mouth—all of which she grabbed from various bags she was carrying. I was trying to get the words out as she shoved the candy in. I needed her perspective. I opened my mouth again and she shoved in a chocolate covered pretzel.
“Mom, stop it,” I said, chewing quickly. “It’s very good. Are you listening to me?”
“I am but are you taking my hint, kid? I don’t want to hear about Alex and his lover. I’m happy you got your closure but you are dwelling on this a little too much, don’t you think? Do you still love Alex?” she whispered as the cashier rang up her purchases.
“Of course not. I love Rhys,” I said, honestly. “I just can’t believe—”
“Believe it, accept it, and move on. It’s a lot to process, baby, I know. And I know it’s all a shock, but where your heart belongs is where it is. Forget Alex. Forget Sandra and Chris. Think about you and what makes you happy, not what happened.” She stepped onto the cobblestone street and I followed her, watching as the trolley passed us by. She grabbed my hand and wrapped it around her elbow as we walked.
“Have you talked to Rhys?”
“Mom, you just asked me that. I told you no. I’m upset with him. I texted him earlier and he never replied.” I was irritated. She wouldn’t let me vent. I couldn’t stop thinking about the insanity of it all.
Rhys spent Christmas on Tybee Island with his family and was staying until after the new year, as he’d planned. Although I was unsure of turning down his invitation to join him prior to our fight, I was happy with my decision now that he’d never bothered to answer my text. I had become accustomed to his silence when he was angry. Well, I was angry too and had every right to be. I wasn’t sure even a phone call was a good move at this point.
My mother read my mind as she said, “He probably didn’t reply because I’m assuming he’s a little hurt and could use some reassurance right now.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Listen, you have an amazing thing with that man and you are blowing it by obsessing over what could ha
ve been.” She turned to me quickly. “Get your head out of your ass, Violet. Stop worrying about the man who left you and start paying attention to the man who loves you.”
“Mom, it’s not that simple. He said some things—”
“Things that he didn’t mean,” she scolded.
“He lied to me again.”
“He protected you, again,” she said as she let go of my arm. “You have got to learn to choose your battles, baby. He’s not in this to hurt you and right about now he’s thinking you’re not in this at all.”
I paused in the street, thinking of how Rhys must have felt when I reacted to the situation. Of course I had hurt him. I was so worried about me, how I felt, too selfish to think of how it affected him. My reaction to Alex and his shit was ruining my newfound happiness...for the second time.
Did the details really matter? Why did I care so much about the way things happened? What is it in me that couldn’t just let it go and be thankful like Rhys was?
No, when it came down to it, the details didn’t mean anything.
Rhys was all that mattered, and his silence was deafening.
I left my mother on River Street to finally head home and get on with living. As soon as I stepped through the door, my phone vibrated.
“Hey, Molly,” I answered, less than enthusiastic.
“So do you have plans tonight with that hot as hell new boyfriend or did I just get lucky enough to catch you without any?”
“Tonight?”
“Yes, Violet. It’s New Year’s Eve.”
I had spent an entire week at my parents!? No wonder my mother was ready to kick me out. I had been nothing but a moping pain in the ass.
“No, he’s at his parents’ house until tomorrow. But I will never go out on a holiday again. I’m cursed.”
“Come on, Violet, just a few drinks before the road becomes dangerous. Then we can bring in the new year at your house.”
“What happened to Roger?” I asked about her current fling.
“He’s on a last minute business trip.” I could tell from her tone she was lying. From the sound of things, she needed me. I looked down at my clothes and caught my reflection in my freezer door. I had once again turned into a slob of a woman, a pitiful mess agonizing over a man.
Old habits die hard.
“Fine, where?”
“Girl, you won’t regret it. We will have a relaxed night, I promise.”
God, how I wanted to believe her.
Molly and I sat at the bar, laughing hysterically at the events of Christmas Eve. Though the situation was anything but funny, she had a way of making the disaster seem so as she tried to put it all in perspective.
“You are an insensitive ass, Molly, really,” I said, catching a tear from my last bout of laughter.
“Seriously, Violet, you can’t make shit like this up. I mean, dear God, what a fucking story.”
“It’s not funny,” I said firmly as the corners of my lips lifted. She stared at me for a full minute before we both burst out laughing.
“Okay,” she said, lifting the cocktail straw to her mouth, “if you honestly want to know what I think, I say take him with all his flaws and his baggage, Violet, because he has to take you the same way. It’s really very simple. In this fucked up situation, even with all the drama, you two make each other happy. Your coincidences make you miserable, but they are no longer in the picture. She is no longer in the picture. He’s going to fuck up and so are you. That’s a given. I don’t blame you for holding your ground on the ‘omission’ thing, but don’t drag it out until you two are strangers. You are so ready to stand up for yourself in this relationship because you didn’t do a damn thing in the previous one to defend yourself, but you are punishing the wrong guy.”
“I will not be treated like that, ever again,” I whispered to her, and to myself.
“And I’m glad you’ve seen the light. Just don’t let it blind you from seeing the guy who deserves you,” she said, nodding to the bartender to refill her glass.
Maybe I was being an ass by dragging it out, or maybe the Old Fashioned I was drinking was doing a good job of making my situation a little less serious, less devastating. Either way, I was less angry, and for the first time in a week, I felt like I could recover.
And I missed him.
“Ladies, these drinks are on the gentlemen at the table behind you.” We looked over our shoulders and lifted our glasses in thank you.
“Thank you,” Molly said flirtatiously in a singsong tone.
“Happy New Year’s,” I said cheerfully.
Minutes later, the four of us were making small talk. I had protested Molly leaving the seat next to me, and was stuck in the position of entertaining Luke, a dark-haired, dark-eyed friend of the gentlemen that Molly had quickly become smitten with. I made polite conversation, but gave no indication whatsoever that I was interested. In truth, I felt guilty and was on edge with the way he was looking at me. I had dressed in a sexy, form fitting, backless dress and worn a curtain of pearls that draped down the center of my back to cover some of my exposed skin. After a week of infomercials and Ben and Jerry’s, I wanted to feel like a woman again, a decision I was regretting as the man to my left fucked me with his stare.
Nothing about the situation felt innocent and suddenly I needed to talk to Rhys. I pulled my phone from my clutch and saw I had just gotten a text.
RHYS: He couldn’t make you come with a detailed map of your clit and an instructional video.
Oh, shit!
I looked over my shoulder and scanned the bar, coming up empty.
I sat stunned as Luke spoke in circles. Pausing when it was my turn to reply, I completely drew a blank.
“I’m sorry. What were you saying?”
I could feel his eyes on me, though I couldn’t see him. My mother must have told him where to find me. She and I would have to have a long talk about boundaries. She had never interfered before, but I couldn’t help but smile about the fact that I knew whose side she was on tonight—or in the last week, for that matter; it wasn’t mine. Luke trailed his hand down my shoulder and I flinched at the contact. I looked over my shoulder and found Rhys standing close, fury in his stare. He closed his eyes briefly, as if in pain, and walked out of the bar.
“I’m sorry, Luke, but I’m in a committed relationship.” I took a twenty out of my purse and signaled to Molly that I was leaving. She gave me a ‘please don’t go look’ as I stood, waiting for her to join me, but she refused.
“I expect a call or text in a few hours,” I said to Molly, shrugging into my coat. As I made my way toward the door, I quickly texted him.
VIOLET: Where are you?
I walked outside the bar and saw his taillights as he drove out of the parking lot.
What in the hell?
I got into a cab and was at his door within minutes. I turned the knob and was rewarded. He stood at the foot of his stairs, looking gorgeous in a tailored suit as he gripped the top of a freshly filled tumbler that rested on his thigh, his phone in hand. The house was completely dark except for a small amount of light gracing the stairway from above. I could feel his frustration and see it in his eyes.
We stared for a full minute before I took a step toward him.
“Don’t come any closer,” he cautioned, eyeing me. “I’m angry.”
“Why did you leave?” I asked, ignoring his warning. “Why are you so angry, Rhys?”
“Why?” His laugh did not indicate in any way that anything was funny.
I unbuttoned my jacket and let it fall to the floor as I took another step forward.
“Don’t, Violet,” he warned, gripping his drink and tapping it lightly against his thigh, making his ice cubes clink. I stared at his glass, mesmerized by the memory of what those small cubes could do to me. As if he read my mind, he threw his glass against the front door, shattering it along with my confidence.
“You never do listen do you, Violet?” This time he took a step forward. �
�You took yourself away from me for another week. I give you space and I find you at a bar, dressed like that, sitting next to a man that’s not me. I’m angry, Violet, and right now I want to hurt you with my cock. I want to fuck you until it really hurts, and if you take another step forward, I’m going to do just that.”
I damn near moaned at his words as I pulled my arms out of the sleeves of my dress, baring my breasts to him, letting the remainder of my dress rest on my hips. He refused to look at my peaked flesh as he glared at me. I swallowed hard, pushing the material over my hips slowly and letting it fall to the floor. I pulled the curtain of pearls from my back to the front of me, covering my front half with the silky strands as I took a step forward. He pulled his belt off and held it as his side. I took another step forward as he held up his hand, trying to pin me where I stood.
“I need you, Rhys. Please don’t make me beg.”
“What do you need? Me or my cock, Violet?” I took another step toward him as he perused my body, lust clear in his eyes.
“Both,” I admitted, taking yet another step forward. “I don’t want to fight. I just want —”
“You don’t know that, either,” he said, gripping the belt tighter.
“Rhys, I wasn’t with him. I was—”
“This is me...” he said, pulling me to him by my long necklace and twisting the pearls so they constricted around my neck, “jealous.”
I placed my hands on his chest, staring into his cold gray depths, mouth parted and pussy aching to be filled. He turned me to face the front door as he gripped my arms behind my back, securing them just above my elbows with his belt. It was painfully tight and the buckle dug into my skin. He pulled back on the pearls so that I was looking up at the ceiling, arms bound and completely at his mercy. I gasped at the strength in which he was handling me. I braced myself for the slap of his hand or more harsh words, but he stood there, his breathing heavy, his erection brushing against my back.