by Kate Stewart
“Was it intentional with him?”
She watched me in the mirror as she circled a soft brush on her cheekbones. “I’m no longer capable of being that callous.”
“So you are telling me this is just coincidence?” Unfuckingbelievable.
She nodded once, as if she didn’t care one way or the other whether I believed her. This was going to take work—a lot of work.
“Why do you two hate each other?”
When I hesitated, she noticed, but I stayed silent, trying to figure out how to tell her the truth. She was looking for a quick explanation I didn’t have. The contempt she had for me at that moment told me it was definitely not the time. The truth would only push her further away. It was over between them. That’s all the mattered. “As much as I love not getting any answers from you, I have to get to work.”
“It’s complicated, but I promise to tell you everything. Just let me have the deed to the land and I’ll—”
“What?” She was shrieking now.
Not good.
“Fuck you, Devin! Are you serious? Is this why you’re here? Jesus, couldn’t you have let me have my meltdown in peace? I can’t be manipulated like that anymore, haven’t you learned?” She was furious, and I felt my balls creep up slightly at her glare. I stood, coming toward her.
“You don’t honestly think I’m here for that, and you know it. You’re just scared.” I knew I struck a nerve when she threw her brush at me.
“Get out. Seriously, get out.” She pointed toward the door. “He wanted to love me, to make me happy. He want—”
“Don’t finish that sentence, Nina. He can’t have you!” I felt the rage rush through me as I clenched my fists. “Stay the fuck away from him.”
“I intend to, as I do you. The land is not for sale, and if your cunt of a wife wants it, she can come get it herself.”
“So this is once again about your war with my wife.” She flinched as I said the word wife. The woman that loved me was in there somewhere. “As much as it pains me to say this, you are no match for her. I don’t know what lengths she will go to. Just let it go.”
She stomped into her closet and pulled a dress off the rack before throwing it over her head.
“Tell me what you want so I can tell you no,” she huffed.
“I want you.”
She stopped her busy hands to utter a quick “No.” She stopped at her mirror, checked her lips then grabbed her purse. “Let’s go.”
“I came here to tell you that I’m sorry. That I cared, that I still care, and that I was wrong.” Fuck, that was hard but long overdue. My heart was in her hands, and I could already see her twisting the knife in.
My eyes implored hers as I gave her the long overdue words. She had built a solid wall, and I had my sledgehammer ready.
“You know I can’t forgive you.”
“I know.”
“So how could you possibly get me?”
“Time, effort, and orgasms.” I gave her a wolfish grin, and her flying keys caught me in the jaw as I cursed the same fucking leprechaun who brought me into this room. Okay, maybe charm wasn’t the best tactic. Reminding myself that losing my temper may set me back, I tried again.
“I didn’t sleep with her that day. You walked in right after she threatened to ruin my career and you. She told me you were coming and if I wanted to protect you, I had to play along. She got naked, and I let her. You saw what she wanted you to see. And in a way, I wanted it to happen because I wasn’t fucking strong enough to let you go. I wanted you as far away from me and my bullshit as possible. I wanted to protect you. I was ambushed and made the quick decision to go along with it. I was a fool and a coward.” My balls were shrinking as the leprechaun kicked them repeatedly. “What I did, the way I acted after you found out, you know that wasn’t me.”
“I don’t know you at all.”
“You know me better than any woman ever has.” I saw the words strike her and one brick fall, but the wall remained standing.
She stopped at her doorway and turned to me, giving me a hard look. “Doesn’t matter.”
“I’ve loved you for as long as you’ve loved me, Nina.”
She dropped her shoulders, tears quickly springing in her furious eyes. “Two weeks ago, I would have forgiven you!” She walked up to me, slapping me hard as she screamed. “Two weeks ago, I could have worked to forgive you! I’ve always known she had something over you, Devin. I’m not a complete idiot. You didn’t trust me, and you didn’t love or respect me enough to let me in. Instead, you treated me like a useless whore, and I let you because I loved you that much. No more! Two weeks ago, I started dating your polar opposite, and I wanted that, Devin. I wanted Aiden. I deserved him. And now you’ve taken that from me, too.”
I gripped her arms, shaking her slightly. “Stay the fuck away from him, Nina, or I swear to God—”
“Or you’ll what?”
“Jesus, who are you exactly?”
“You should know. You helped shape me into…this.”
“No, you did that all on your own,” I snapped as I gripped her harder. “You turned into a ruthless bitch all by yourself, and it disgusts me.”
“But it was okay that you were always a lying, cheating bastard!”
I deserved that. Letting go of her arms, I shoved my hands into my pockets, our eyes staying connected.
“We were happy. You can’t deny it anymore than I can. It worked, and we worked in and out of the bedroom, no matter how fucking wrong I was with the way it started.”
“We can’t go back, Devin.”
The searing pain in my chest silenced me as I followed her out her front door. I wondered just what the hell I was thinking as Carson pulled up, his contempt for me clear in his eyes. She was completely shutting down and time was running out.
“Please, Nina, give me a fucking chance here.” I ran my hands through my hair as she watched me carefully. I saw her decision before she spoke.
“You have no right to ask me for anything.” Slipping into the car, I saw her resolve as Carson slammed her door, preventing me from speaking further. I opened the door and slipped in with Nina just as Carson took his seat up front.
“Carson, please excuse us.”
He looked back to Nina, who was staring out the opposite window, and she gave him a quick nod of her head. As soon as he shut the door, I attacked, gripping her wrists and pinning them next to her head.
“Okay, I tried the nice-guy-I’m-sorry-for-the-things-I’ve-done shit. Didn’t work, and thank God for that. It won’t happen often, so let’s do the I-still-know-how-to-make-Nina-listen part.” Her eyes widened as I knelt down in front of her on the floorboard, still holding her wrists.
“Let’s pretend for just one second I am capable of being sincere.” She rolled her eyes, and I gripped her tighter. She stared at me blankly, and I let go of her wrists, leaving them at her sides and smoothing my hands over her skirt down to her thighs just beneath her dress.
“Go to hell, Devin.” I heard the ache in her voice. She still loved me, and it was up to me to remind her.
I licked my lips, and her breathing picked up as her gray eyes beckoned me to do more, fuck her senseless…and then go to hell.
“You think I never cared for you?” I ran my hands up her thighs, softly brushing her smooth skin and watching her reaction to me. I gripped the thin sides of her panties, pulling them down slowly and discarding them. “Answer me,” I snapped firmly.
“No,” she whispered, keeping her eyes locked with mine.
“That is a fucking lie.” I pushed her knees apart, and she didn’t stop me. I stayed still as she watched me expectantly. “This is just sex, right?” I licked the pad of my finger and slowly swiped her sex, her arousal coating it. I watched her study it along with me.
“Yes,” she said carefully, her chest heaving. “You taught me the difference.”
I pulled her bottom half toward me, spreading her wider as she looked on, her lips parting wit
h want.
“Wrong again,” I said, letting my breath hit her sex. Her nipples drew tight underneath her thin silk dress as I strummed her creamy smooth thighs with my thumbs. “I didn’t know the meaning of the words, Nina.” The air was thick with expectancy as I looked up at her. “You showed that to me.” I leaned in, swirling my tongue over her clit once, twice, and then began lapping her slowly.
“Devin,” she rasped out as her body began to quake.
“You’re so close already, and you think this is just physical,” I reminded her as I moved my mouth away. “I could tongue you and fuck you all day every day for the rest of my life. I’ll never stop wanting you, and I’ll never stop wanting you to need me. And only because it’s much more than this and I’m going to need you to admit it now.” I leaned in and licked her smoothly once. She gripped my hair, pushing her soaked pussy toward me. “You taught me the difference between just saying the words and saying them because you mean them.” I saw the emotion cross her features as her lips trembled. “And you’re the only woman I have ever really meant them with, and I can’t let you go. I won’t, Nina.” I buried my tongue inside her, tasting all of her as she silently cried and moaned my name. Sucking on her clit gently, I looked up and watched her body shudder.
“Devin,” she pleaded as I pulled my mouth away reluctantly and looked up at her. Her body vibrated her release waiting with just another swipe of my tongue.
“I know everything there is to know about you, Nina Scott, and it’s mostly because you never shut up while we were together. You’ve changed me, whether I wanted it or not.”
I pushed two fingers inside of her as her eyes widened, filled with passion, heat, and the love I knew was just under the surface. “I’m completely enamored by you, and it has nothing to do with this,” I taunted, licking her with a lazy tongue. “But you see it’s so fucking good I think I’ll take it all.” Her body went rigid as she reached the brink and I pulled away, watching her face twist in agony.
“It’s not too late. I can make this right.” I slid my fingers in and out of her as she let her tears fall silent and moved her hips, searching for her release. “You will let me make this right.” Continuing to taunt her with my hand, she thrust her hips desperately.
“Devin.” She said my name, but I heard please. I wanted her to scream it, to realize her need for me on both levels. I had to have her confirm she felt the same, and that I hadn’t completely lost her. I was asking too much when I had given so little, and I didn’t give a fuck. This woman had consumed me.
Reaching up, I freed her breast by sliding the silky material of her dress off her shoulder. I took my fingers from her center and soaked her nipple with her arousal before leaning in. Just a breath from devouring her puckered, taut flesh, I whispered, “I don’t want to go back. Here, now, this is enough.” I pulled hard on her nipple, sucking mercilessly as she gripped my head, digging her nails into my scalp.
The car got warmer with each passing minute, but I kept my mouth latched onto her as I took off my jacket.
“Devin, please.” I stopped my assault and sat back on my heels, caressing her thighs.
“You still love me, Nina.”
“Don’t do this, Devin.” She shook her head as her hand made its way down in an effort to relieve her ache. I grabbed it and kissed it front and back.
“I waited a year to touch you, knowing it was wrong. Knowing that I was a married man and all I had to offer you was a hard on and a headache.” I leaned in again, knowing she was still on the verge, and spread her gently, licking up one of her folds and down the other. “You see, I know how to fuck, and I know how to please a woman.” I darted my tongue around everywhere but where she needed it. “But I’ve never been so fucking satisfied as I was when I had your perfect cunt trembling around my cock.” I darted my tongue on her clit and took it off right before she came. Her tears were coming fast now, out of frustration and hurt. “It didn’t take me long to figure out why it felt so good, so different, and so totally fucking perfect. Can you tell me why?”
She was in no shape to answer. “Take out my cock, Nina.” She lifted up, slowly unbuckling my belt and unzipping my pants, freeing me and stroking me with our eyes locked.
“Why, Nina? Why did it feel so fucking good when I was inside you?”
Her face was burning with heat, her eyes darting to my mouth as I whispered, “Why? Tell me why.”
Her tears continued as I gripped the top of the leather seat behind her shoulders. Eyes still connected, I sank into her, filling her tight, wet, greedy pussy. She grabbed my hips, trying her best to control my thrusts as I remained still, throbbing, eager for more. “Answer me!”
“It was love,” she cried. “It was love.” The defeat in her voice fueled me as I kept a slow pace, punishing her without her deserving it. I leaned in, taking her mouth, moving my tongue against hers in sweet fluidity as I pushed deep. I hooked my arms under her thighs, pulling her closer and circling my hips so I could feel all of her.
“And why does it feel so good now, Nina?” Face straining with her impending release, she dug her nails into my arms. Need built, but I fought for control as I stilled again. “Nina,” I ordered in a menacing plea of my own.
“It’s still love.” She wrapped her arms around my neck as I pulled her off the seat and onto my waiting lap. She lifted up and down achingly slow as we got lost in each other. I braced myself as she came, wanting it to last. I pulled her bottom lip in between my teeth and gripped her ass, impaling her as her orgasm continued on and on until she broke in my arms.
“It’s still love,” she whispered again as her limbs shook and her insides twitched. Gripping me tighter, she hugged me to her as I continued stroking deep, her clit rubbing along my hardness as one orgasm led to another and another until she was limp in my arms. My arms wrapped around her and I held her tightly to me as we both let out moans of appreciation.
Refusing to give in to myself, I pushed deeper as I pulled her hair so she was forced to look at me. Seeing a small slip in her resolve, I reached in and sipped her lips before my next confession, still driving into her as hard as I could.
“You are all I want.” I licked the shell of her ear. “You are all I will ever want.” With one last push, I gave her the rest of me. “It is love, Nina.”
Leaving us connected, I twisted us around so I was sitting on the long, leather seat and she was resting on my lap. After a few quiet moments, she looked up at me, her face stained with mascara and her hairline damp, a sign of her exertion.
“How could I ever trust you again?”
“Just give me some time. I’ll try to be the man you deserve.”
Her small laugh had me looking at her in confusion. “Devin, no offense, but you aren’t exactly the white picket fence type of man.”
“And that’s neither what you want or need from me, is it?”
Looking at her, for the first time in forever, I saw a new future. She lay curled on my lap, vulnerable and raw and absolutely beautiful. This was the woman I fell for.
“Why now?”
I brushed her hair away from her face then gave her the truth. “I never saw a way out, until I realized what I feel for you was my way out.”
“What does that mean?” Her voice was still a whisper.
“I’ll show you.” She seemed relieved that I was offering action instead of words. It was the only way to prove it to her. She moved from my lap and straightened her dress. I pulled up my pants and grabbed my jacket. “No more closets, no more scandal, and no more hiding. Until I can give you that, I won’t touch you again.”
A whole new expression crossed her face as she mulled over my words. When I was satisfied she’d really heard me, I took her lips again, moving my tongue slowly over hers, closing the kiss when we both were struck with renewed arousal.
I smiled down at her, knowing her wheels were turning with new scenarios. She looked back at me, her lips slowly turning up at the sides before her expression ev
ened out. She was still fighting it and probably would be for a long time to come. I both expected and respected her for it. Regardless of what she thought, I knew her strong appetite never really outweighed her reasoning. She saw her hunger as a weakness, but it only made her more irresistible to me. In my eyes, only a truly strong woman could acknowledge her desire to be dominated and admit her thirst for it. She’d become more accepting of that, and I couldn’t help but wonder if that motherfucker had anything to do with it. I let her see the anger flash in my eyes. I’d unleashed the hunger in her, and I had no intention of letting another man reap the benefits. It relieved me to know Aiden was no longer a threat. He’d ended it.
Smart move, motherfucker.
Regardless, I wouldn’t let him near her again.
“Wait for me,” I implored one last time before I took my leave of the limo. She didn’t give me an answer, but she didn’t need to. Her refusal to do so fueled me all the more.
I drove off in my Audi with a renewed sense of purpose. I had moves to make.
“Man is not what he thinks he is, he is what he hides.”
― André Malraux
§§
Nina
Love.
Devin.
Loves me.
And I fucked him. I fucked him…again. I stood in the shower for the second time this morning in a daze. Devin’s words circulated through my mind, his touch reverberating throughout my body as I stood stunned. My mind was at war with my heart, and both were in complete upheaval. My heart ripped through the grave, gasping for air as my mind continued to shovel dirt on top of it, both with their own screaming opinions, leaving me eager for silence.
That was Devin: a perfect storm of everything I did and didn’t want. And I’d given him hope and found myself hoping as well.
“I’m leaving her.”
Oh, God, if that were the truth, what did that make me? Next?
Even if I didn’t believe Devin was capable of doing the same thing to me, even if I believed his intent, could I respect myself for trying with him? It had never been an option for me before. That option had flown right out the window the minute I saw Eileen naked on his desk. And even before that, he’d warned me we could never be more.
