by Kate Stewart
It wasn’t.
Another scream, followed by another, ripped through the dark night and the serenading of the crickets. Even they seemed to quiet after the next piercing howl. I picked up my phone to dial for help and realized I had no signal.
I had to help her.
You can do this, Nina.
My heel sank into the pluff mud, and I left it there, swiftly relieving my foot of the other. Turning my head toward my idling car, I reassured myself that it was still there, the door left open in case I needed to escape in a hurry. Hearing another bloodcurdling scream, I walked toward the dim light. Fear shot through me in waves as Shel Silverstein’s words fumbled around in my head, “Clooney the Clown” a horrific internal monologue resounding through my frightened mind. My senses heightened with each step I took toward the cracked door. There was soft music playing in the background. I knew the song but couldn’t make out the words. It was upbeat and a little jazzy, and totally unfitting.
I could hear the crunch of crisp grass under my feet, and then another scream echoed in the night. Reaching into my purse, I fumbled inside and let out a way too audible breath of relief when I felt the cold steel.
Another scream, louder, more desperate. Pain…this was pain.
“Enough!” It was a loud boom of a familiar male voice.
I recited the poem over and over in my head, the way I used to when I heard my parents fighting, and yet I knew that what I was about to see was far worse than what I used to hear. I took another step forward, and a motion light came on, alerting my presence to those inside. Sweat from the humidity, along with adrenaline from fear, had me dripping, my now soaked blouse clinging to my torso.
Terror raced through my every pore as I gripped my gun and took aim in front of me.
A dark figure appeared out of the door, but I instantly knew who it was. He came toward me in a black blur, yelling my name as I squeezed the trigger with a scream of my own.
§§
Devin went down, gripping his shoulder with a string of curses as I pointed the gun at him.
“What did you do, Devin?!” My voice was unrecognizable even to me; it was laced with fear and confusion.
“Nina, fuck, don’t shoot me again.” He tried to stand, but slumped down again next to the shed door with a wince, still gripping his shoulder.
“What the fuck did you do, Devin!” I roared as I moved closer, refusing to believe that my weapon would keep me safe. I was shaking, and my gun looked like it was on vibrate. I pointed right at him as I approached the door with no choice but to either shoot him or go around him to get to whomever he’d hurt.
“Is she dead?”
“Nina, listen to me. Really listen, okay? Don’t open that fucking door.” Devin stood slowly on shaky legs, holding his shoulder as I pointed the gun at his head.
“Step back!”
He took a step back, his eyes pleading as he begged. “Baby, please listen to me. Don’t open that door!” The gentleness in his voice betrayed me, jogging my memory as tears fell at random, ignoring my need to be strong and in control.
“What did you do to her?” It was a hoarse whisper.
“Nina, I’m begging you. Don’t go in there.” He took a step forward, and my hand stiffened at my head’s command.
“Step back, Devin!”
He took another step and stayed silent, accepting that I wouldn’t leave until I was satisfied.
I opened the door.
“The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.”
— Keyser Söze, The Usual Suspects
§§
The first thing I noticed was the blood splatter on the single light bulb that lit the small shed. I took in the sight in front of me as Devin slipped inside the shed, his hand up in defense.
It wouldn’t have mattered. He could have taken me down easily because my eyes were fixed on the man in front of me wearing a red hood, and a coat of armor tattoo smeared in blood. A girl was violently shaking in front of him in a chair, her back to me as he pricked her arm with a needle, pushing whatever poison he’d meant to inside of her.
“Ahhh, Nina. You’ve caught me at a bad time.” His eyes were fire underneath his red hood. Soaking in his blood-spattered chest, I took a shaky step forward again, lifting my gun.
“Aiden…what the fuck are you doing?”
“What I’ve always done, Nina.” He leaned in to whisper in the girl’s ear, and she nodded.
He picked up a knife, and I tilted my head as if to challenge him. He opened his fingers in surrender and released her bound wrists then handed her a towel. I saw her cover her face with it as she stood slowly. I cringed and gasped at the gaping skin on her back and the oozing blood. She leaned in, and Aiden whispered again, wrapping her in a thick, pink robe, which quickly became soaked with blood.
“Get the fuck away from her,” I croaked, too weak to move, knowing I couldn’t carry out my threat if I had too. Devin slumped against the side of the building, clutching his shoulder and staring at me.
“Nina, please, please, leave.”
I looked to Devin only briefly as his eyes implored me to go. Aiden kept his eyes on the girl, looking her over as if he was proud of his handy work.
“What the fuck is going on?”
The girl finally turned toward me to leave the shed, giving me a small smile as I choked back the bile threatening to make its presence known.
She was completely destroyed from the head down. Small cuts and gashes encompassed the entirety of her body, and what I couldn’t see I could make out through the fresh stains on the robe. As she came closer, I could smell the urine soaking her hair. I took a tentative step back as not to touch her. Blood was clotted and crusted around her nose, and her neck was lacerated from burns—either by rope or something more painful. My whole body cringed in sympathy.
As she got closer, I asked, “Can I help you? Take you somewhere? To a hospital?” I offered. Her lips were swollen, and her cheek was purple.
“I’ll see you soon, Aiden,” she voiced back at him, ignoring me completely. I stood there in shock, completely dumbfounded as I heard a set of tires pull up and then speed away with her departure.
“Aiden?” I didn’t know if I was talking to him or to myself.
I looked at Devin who shook his head as he returned my stare.
“Nina, please leave.”
“I really never wanted you to see this,” Aiden said, ignoring Devin altogether and flipping my attention back to him. “But I don’t like to hide. I’m not a fan of denying who I am. But seeing your face now, I know it would have never worked between us.”
“She needed help! Medical attention!” I screamed at the both of them. Devin, now standing next to me, reached out for my hand.
“Nina, put down the gun.”
I pointed it at Devin and cocked the hammer.
“Tell me what the hell is going on, or I swear to God you both will need medical attention.”
Aiden chuckled as Devin watched me closely. I was definitely a loose cannon. There was no way to undo what I had just witnessed.
“You ruined her,” I whispered to Aiden.
“I liberated her, and myself. Nina, it was consensual.”
He took off his hood, and I physically cringed, even though I knew it was Aiden. The confirmation shook me to my core. Aiden eyed me without a hint of remorse. He picked up a tool from the small bag he had on a table next to the chair and began to clean it as he spoke.
“I have cravings you can’t meet, and only women like her can supply what I need. Needs you couldn’t possibly understand or—” he gave me a wicked grin “—maybe you could. I think that’s one of the things that attracted me to you—your inability to keep your morality when you were hungry. Maybe that’s why I was so drawn to you in the first place. But there’s a big difference between you and me, naughty girl. I own my darkness. You resent yours.”
I bit back another wave of nausea as I stared A
iden down. He was completely calm.
A chameleon. A shrink. A master fucking manipulator.
“But you’re—”
“I’m what!” he snapped, ready for my reaction. “I’m what, Nina? A fucking figment of your imagination? Yeah, I can play that part. The caring, sensitive lover, tortured artist? I’ve got that down pat, too. A slacker bar owner with no ambition, an old soul with comforting words of wisdom? I am all of these things, and I am this, too: the man who likes to play with his food before he devours it. I am not ashamed of this. It’s a part of me. But unfortunately, I have to hide it from the narrow-minded like you, and him, and the rest of the world. You are my hindrance.”
“I’m calling the police,” I said, backing away as far as I could from both of them.
“Please, by all means,” Aiden snapped. “And what will you tell them?”
I had nothing. The girl had left on her own and promised to see Aiden again. This was wrong, so fucking wrong. I looked to Devin who was trying his best to remain standing. He was growing pale with his blood loss, and I knew I needed to get him seen. At the same time, I wondered, who the fuck was he?
I swiped the moisture from my face, envying women who suffered unrequited love. At least they would never have to see the monster their object of affection would become.
How do you know when you’re falling for a manipulative psychopath? The answer is: if they do their job, you won’t. He told me he was a chameleon. He’d told me. As if he read my mind, he snapped his tool kit shut and fixed his gaze on me.
“And now you’ve seen all my colors.”
“Shut the fuck up, Aiden,” Devin hissed.
I looked at him and for the first time clearly saw his worry for me. Even though he was wounded, he stepped between Aiden and me.
Aiden chuckled, and not even the devil himself could have sounded more menacing.
“Ahhh, Devin, so guilty as well. And so busy trying not to let your dark side show, you let me have a second helping of her in the process. Imagine my surprise when after finding out about us, you didn’t confide in the woman you were so desperately trying to keep away from me.”
“Now she knows you’re the fucking boogeyman. Is that why you strung her along? You wanted this moment?” Devin was visibly shaking with rage. “Or is it because I wanted her?”
“The latter, maybe. You’ve found so much pleasure in ruining my fun. Though I could see why you were taken with her. She was a lot of fun.” Aiden winked at me, and I felt the bile rise.
“As of this moment, I’m done. I’m going to the governor and giving him a chance to expose this mess or I will. You’re still just that sad, little fucking boy that blames his useless father for his fucked up life. You’re a coward like he was, and I’m done trying to help you. Instead, I think I’ll end you.”
Aiden leaped for Devin, and I trained my gun on him, stepping forward.
“I’m really fucking close to pulling this trigger.” Aiden stopped his advance and looked at me as if to reassess the situation.
“You know, Nina, you have always been the wildcard. I liked that about you. You gave me a power few women of your stature would allow. It gave me hope.”
So many emotions ran through me, our time together, the way he looked at me, touched me. Jesus, how would I ever know the truth from a lie ever again? Fuck, this was insane. How in the hell could I’ve not known something was wrong with this man? He played me so easily and had skills beyond measure.
I’d been fucking Hannibal Lecter.
I let out a sad, hysterical laugh, shaking so badly I couldn’t grasp the world I now lived in. I re-gripped the gun as hot tears fell down my face. I knew this was the end of the road for what was left of my sanity. I couldn’t handle anymore. I tilted the gun at Aiden, who was finally taking me seriously.
“Stay away from me, both of you.”
“Does this mean I don’t get to meet the family?” Aiden said comically. He made a disappointed tsking sound and closed his kit as he wiped his chest, cleaning off the blood before slipping on a t-shirt.
“Nina, listen to me,” Devin said, watching Aiden with disgust. “We can leave. He won’t do anything.”
“He’s a fucking monster!”
“Nina, let’s go.” Devin held his hand out to me, but I couldn’t take it. “Fuck you.” It was half scream, half cry. “Jesus, you knew this? You knew he was doing this?!”
I began to back out of the shed with the gun pointed at both of them as they stood perfectly still, Devin’s composure falling, Aiden indifferent. I moved with my eyes glued to the door as I walked backward to the car, prepared to shoot my way out if I had to.
Once in my car, I sped away, driving erratically for miles before stopping outside of a busy McDonald’s. Suddenly exhausted from the adrenaline rush and not having any idea how to process, I simply screamed until I was hoarse and then everything went black.
“And we all know love is a glass which makes even a monster appear fascinating.”
― Alberto Moravia
§§
I came to with a tap on my window. It was Cedric. Shooting up in the seat, I looked around me, recognizing where I was. I was safe, and Aiden was insane.
Aiden. Oh, GOD, AIDEN!
Rolling down my window, Cedric eyed my gun in the passenger seat.
“You didn’t check in. I was worried.”
“Well, I had a reason.” With the flick of his chin, he asked permission to join me in the car. I nodded, feeling my heart crack with thoughts of Devin. Was he okay? Did they hurt each other? Should I care?
“Pick up your gun?” He gestured at the shiny metal, and I placed it in my lap. “Okay, Nina, tell me what happened.”
How long had I been out?
I knew he wanted me to tell him what had happened, but my mouth couldn’t form the words. Instead, I dialed 911. Yes, I cared, and if Devin was left to bleed to death and I could have prevented it…I couldn’t live with that. After I called the police and gave them the address of the injured man I shot—conveniently leaving that part out—I hung up.
“And you shot him?”
“Yes, out of fear. He was standing when I left.” I took several calming breaths before I questioned him. “How did you find me?”
“Tracking device on your cell and cars. We discussed that, remember?” I nodded, very much in the same state of mind as he was when he’d told me about it months ago. He sent a text as I looked around us, suddenly terrified I’d never feel safe again.
“Oh my God,” I cried into my hands. I couldn’t stop shaking. I reached in my purse for my emergency Xanax, but Cedric stilled my hands.
“Okay, Nina, before you medicate, let’s switch seats, and I’ll drive you home, okay?”
I looked down at my hands, sure I would see blood on them, but there was nothing. I pulled at the rearview to look at my face and realized I had makeup on. Makeup, how trivial was makeup? Why the hell did we try so hard to hide our flaws? What was the point? Anyone who truly knew you would see them; no amount of paint could truly cover up the ugly in someone.
Suddenly the dim light from the parking lot showcased every flaw I had. I began wiping at my face furiously to erase them.
“Nina,” Cedric said calmly. “I need you to listen to me. I want you to get into the passenger side, okay? I’ll give you a few more minutes to collect yourself, and then you will need to tell me what happened.” I nodded, still not really hearing him, but moved to get into the passenger seat, keeping my gun close.
I buckled my seatbelt, but Cedric stayed where he was as he waited for me to talk. It was a little over ten minutes before I was calm enough to relay the story.
“He was…mutilating her. With her consent!” I closed my eyes, trying to erase the image of the bloodied girl from my mind.
“He’s in the one percent.”
“Pardon?”
“I’m sure you have heard of BDSM.”
“Oh, God, not the Dom shit again!” Despite my co
mment, I perked my ears up because I knew whatever he had to say might actually be on point.
“The community has a small amount that practices extreme BDSM. It’s not news to me, and honestly, if I stumbled upon it, I would have to take action. It’s some sick shit, consensual or not, and highly illegal. If you could find the victim, we could have him arrested. She wouldn’t even have to press charges because the state would.”
“I have no idea who she was. She left and actually refused my help before she did.”
“That’s how he gets away with it, and it’s typical. Some of these people have serious issues. Some of the women either enjoy the abuse or find release in it. They are like cutters, but to the extreme.” He glanced over at me, and I shook my head, disgusted. I remembered the girls moan in between screams and shuddered.
“Look,” I told Cedric, pointedly, “this may not be news to you, but my life, my childhood, my upbringing, and what I thought was nightmarish about it was pretty fucking normal. This…shit…is not normal.”
“It is to Aiden.”
I felt the nail drive through my heart at the loss of who I thought he was. “He’s a monster.”
“Very much so. But to him, it’s pleasure.”
“How do you know so much about this?” I turned to Cedric, who eyed me with concern. “I’ve become aware in a few situations I’ve had to get involved in. Nothing as extreme as the one you’ve described.”
“So there is nothing we…I can do, to put him away? To stop him?”
“Yes and no. It would be extremely difficult.”
A few minutes of silence lingered as I let my mind wonder. All I felt was dread at the thought that Devin might be lying there. Aiden had called us his hindrance. Without Devin, how far would he go?
“I have to know if Devin’s all right. I just left him there!”
“I have a confession,” Cedric said suddenly.
Oh, God. I eyed the gun I still held in my lap and he smirked. “Nothing you’ll need your gun for, Nina, but you really are improving on awareness.” I let my shoulders slump as the calming effect of the Xanax kicked in. I gave him a What is it? look.
