by Kate Stewart
“I love you, Devin.” He froze in place, holding his phone as I repeated it. “I love you. I’ll take your damn friendship and sex, but that’s how I feel.”
I didn’t let him say anything as I pulled myself into his lap. I refused to meet his eyes as I kissed him feverishly. It felt amazing to let the words out after feeling that way for so long. I didn’t look at him as I busied myself, latching my lips to his perfectly toned chest. He didn’t say a word as he ran his fingers through my hair, softly tugging at the ends, prompting me gently to look up at him. I kissed his chest, ignoring the soft pull as he continued to ask me for my eyes. His touch was so gentle, I cursed the burn in my throat that led to the stinging of fresh tears.
I finally braved a look at him, letting my eyes drift from his sculpted chest to his Adam’s apple, then his smiling lips. I returned his smile before I reached his eyes. “I’m not sorry I fell for you,” I said, finally lifting my gaze to his. His eyes were filled with emotion as well. It looked like confusion and happiness. I allowed myself to be satisfied with it.
“So, I was changing the subject,” I said, gripping his hard cock. He was gloriously naked along with me, and I traced every inch of his body with my greedy fingertips.
His smile turned wicked as he continued to stroke my hair, my nipples peaking underneath the sheet still covering me.
“Nina—”
“Yes?” I cut him off, stroking him hard, the way he liked. Whatever excuse he had for not returning my affections, I didn’t want to hear it. I’d said what I’d wanted to say. I wouldn’t ask him for more than he told me he could give. I took his lips, sucking greedily, and began to rub my pussy along his stiff cock.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and tilted my head back, getting lost in my own seduction as my orgasm built from the friction of simply grinding myself along his length. He captured my neck in his mouth, moving his tongue up and down its contours, and along my collarbone as I arched my back, moving at a faster pace. He still wasn’t inside of me, and it amazed me he didn’t need to be to drive me to the edge.
“Oh, God, it feels so good,” I panted, just on the brink. My whole body shivered in anticipation as Devin, typically full of filthy talk, remained silent. I looked up to him to see a passion so intense that it pushed me over the edge, and I came hard, calling his name.
“Devin,” I murmured as he captured my lips and pushed me down on the bed beneath him. He kissed me softly before pulling back to look down at me with kind, gentle eyes.
“I’m not good enough for you.”
“Really? I like it. It’s a lame excuse, but I like that you’re working that out for yourself. And just so you know, this is love, Devin. This…us…This is love.”
He landed a string of intimate kisses down my neck. It wasn’t like him to be so gentle.
“I want it hard.” My confession seemed to surprise him. I knew he wasn’t capable of sharing his heart with me, and I couldn’t bear the thought of living through his lovemaking. I’d fallen hard, and his unrequited love would be the end of me if I felt his affection in his fucking.
Without warning, he pulled away from me, grabbing the belt from his pants on the floor. Coming back to the bed, he fastened my ankles together with it, leaving me bound.
“How about deep?” He gave me a sexy smile as he pushed my ankles up and lifted my lower half, so it was resting on his knees. I couldn’t see him around my legs but felt the tip of him invade me, making me moan.
“Fuck, Nina, you are ruining me.”
“I want you to come in my mouth.” My voice was so hoarse with arousal that I didn’t recognize it.
“What am I doing, Nina?” he rasped as his length slid into me.
“Taking what’s yours,” I moaned back.
Because of the way he’d bound me, the sensation was amazing. He was deep, so deep, and the friction was surreal. It was torture not being able to see his blue depths as he fucked me hard and deep. I heard his grunts match his exertion as he lifted up higher, bending my knees so my feet rested on his chest and we were finally eye to eye. Our lips parted further with each thrust, and suddenly our mouths were praying out to each other in appreciation.
“I want you so much, Nina, all the time. You are all I see.” I came hard, feeling the explosion through my limbs as he pulled out, unfastening my ankles and slipping between my legs, massaging the back of my calves and thighs.
“Devin, please come in my mouth,” I protested as he slipped back inside of me.
“No,” he whispered into my ear as he kept his pace hard.
“Why not?”
“Because I want to hear you say it again when I come.”
My heart jumped in surprise as he looked down at me, and as soon as his cock jerked in release, I looked right into his beautiful, blue eyes and repeated the words to him.
“Wake up.” It was Taylor. I rolled onto my side and away from her, trying desperately not to fall apart as I recalled the rest of that day. Devin had taken me sailing again, teaching me the basics. We dined on oysters and cold beer, then tortured and soothed each other’s bodies on his boat until the sun rose, neither of us willing to break away. We missed work and spent the day sleeping, talking, and fucking until we were forced to go back to reality. It had been absolutely perfect. Though he’d never said the words back, I knew he loved me too. He’d loved me all along.
“Taylor, the next time you have a hot tip on where my ex-boyfriend is, please keep it to yourself.”
“I’m so sorry about what happened. Why didn’t you come inside or at least fucking call me! I would have blown a hole through that fucking psycho.”
She was referring to Aiden.
Aiden, the psycho. Jesus.
I couldn’t help the pain that spread through me. The loss of who he was like a death to me.
“I handled it, along with Mrs. Leroy Brown.” I sat up, covering myself in my sheet as I looked over to Taylor. She regarded me with sympathy and concern, and I shrugged my shoulders.
“I’m going to be all right.”
“This much I know, but honestly, if you wanted to fall apart, I would understand.” She turned away from me so I could grab a robe. I excused myself to the bathroom, and when I came out, she looked up at me.
“I’m sorry, Nina. I don’t know what I was thinking telling you about Devin. I was just so fascinated. When he walked in, he didn’t see me, and I wondered what the hell he was doing in there. I was so stunned, I guess I had a teenage moment and wanted to gossip.”
I walked into my closet.
“Nina, you have to know I had no idea about any of this.”
“You think I thought this was some conspiracy?” I poked my head out of my closet to eye her.
“Nina, with what you’ve been through, I can’t imagine you being able to trust anyone. Cedric has a new black eye, by the way.”
I walked out of my closet with wide eyes. “You shouldn’t have.”
“Son of a bitch deserved it, keeping me in the dark. Apparently, he and Devin are new best friends.”
I let out a small chuckle. “It would appear so.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not really,” I said, surprised. “I’m getting really good at coping with unbelievable circumstances.” Taylor nodded, her red, sculpted ponytail falling over her shoulder. She was looking down at my carpet with what looked like remorse. She seemed vulnerable, something I wasn’t used to seeing on her. I didn’t like it.
“Taylor, I’m not angry with you in the slightest.”
She nodded once. “I’m sorry I’ve been so fucking evasive. I know that you are just trying to know me, to be a friend.”
“Well, the offer still stands.”
She looked up at me with a smirk. “You know, I’m almost crazy enough to trust you with the truth. I need a friend too, Nina. I’ve been alone for a very long time.”
“And what about this new boyfriend in Savannah?”
“Cedric’s oth
er eye will match,” she spit out with disdain.
“He didn’t really tell me anything. I assumed as much. So are you in love?”
She laughed as she pulled at her red hair with her fingers. “No, not in the slightest. Actually, it’s not one man.”
“Really? I should warn you that can be dangerous.”
“When we met Violet after she showed us the land, she confided in me that she met her husband, Rhys, at the club. I guess she smelled the Dom in me.”
“You are a Dom?”
“No.” Taylor smiled. “I just hate referring to myself as a sub.”
I laughed as I took a seat next to her on my bed. “Of course you do.”
“I wouldn’t put myself in any category, but I saw the opportunity to play around a little, and I’ve kind of let it get out of hand.”
“Oh?”
“I’ve just been…experimenting.” She winked. “Anyway, that’s what I’ve been doing. Nina, I’m truly sorry for what happened. I’ll hire more security.”
“You know, I think I’ll keep Cedric.” She looked up at me with surprise.
“But he kept you in the dark.”
“It wasn’t his truth to tell. Besides, he knew me well enough to know I could only handle the truth in small doses like Devin did.” Saying his name brought that same burning lump to my throat.
“I misjudged him.”
“So did I,” I said.
“What will you do?”
Cedric’s knock on my door had us both staring at it as if the boogeyman were behind it.
“Nina, channel six,” he called from the other side of the door.
I raced to my bedside, clicking it on, and sat next to Taylor as we watched.
“Business mogul, Devin McIntyre, came forward this morning with some shocking news. Apparently, he took part in a cover-up for a scandal involving Georgia’s governor, Ronald Matheson. Jeff Talbertson, our field correspondent, has the story.”
“Thanks, Sue. Devin McIntyre has come forward stating that on February 13, 2013, he was an eye witness to the aftermath of the brutal beating of Matheson’s daughter by his cousin, Aiden McIntyre. Allegedly, Aiden practiced some very dangerous sexual ritual and coerced Matheson’s daughter into taking part. When the situation escalated, Jenna Matheson went home to her father to have McIntyre arrested. This is where the story gets interesting. Instead of having McIntyre brought up on charges for his daughter’s assault, the governor agreed to take a large lump sum from Aiden McIntyre to help fund his 2014 campaign.
“Devin McIntyre states that he never intended to be a part of the cover-up, and that he did not participate in any of the events. When asked why he was coming forward, he simply stated his cousin ‘is a sexual predator, ‘ and he ‘wants to avoid anyone else falling victim to his crimes.’ So far, much of this is speculation. As of now, Governor Matheson’s camp has declined to comment. We will have more on this story as it develops.”
“Thanks, Jeff. Can you tell us a bit more about Aiden McIntyre?”
The story went on, profiling Aiden and his accomplishments as I let the noise drown out. Devin had told the truth, exposing Aiden and possibly ending his sick practice for the time being. But deep down I knew there was no hope for Aiden. No help for him, either. He was a lost cause, and I’d seen it firsthand.
I felt my entire stomach drop when they showed a picture of Aiden smiling. He looked gorgeous in a t-shirt with the beach in the background, and I was thankful he wasn’t looking at the camera. There was no way I could suffer looking into his eyes.
“Devin will lose all his clients. He’ll go bankrupt,” Taylor said, her eyes still on the screen.
It dawned on me then that this was the leverage Eileen used. Aiden’s sickness had cost Devin his business, his freedom, his livelihood…and me.
I felt my heart break again as I looked at Taylor.
“He did nothing but protect me.”
“Like I said, I misjudged him, and that’s so rare.” She seemed thoughtful as she looked at the TV.
“But he’s a bad man, right?”
Taylor looked at me, seeming to form an answer and then stood. “I am in no position, nor will I ever be, to dish out this type of advice.”
I laughed at the stunned look on her face. “It’s okay, Taylor, really. I’m good with the occasional tough love and how to paralyze a man with a bullet kind of advice.”
She smiled at me with a wink. “I’m going to go have a chat with Cedric.”
“Take it easy on him, Taylor. I need him whole.”
“You got it.” She looked at me one last time. “I’m proud of you.”
“For what? I was scared shitless and shot the wrong man.” We both laughed a little.
“You know why.”
I nodded, and she shut the door behind her. I looked up to see Aiden’s picture splashed on the TV again and turned it off.
I looked at my bed, tempted to let it consume me, to drown out the noise and give in to the pain pulsing through my veins and continuously pumping through my heart. Instead, I grabbed a bathing suit and took it out on the waves of the Atlantic.
“Forgiveness is alchemy of the soul in which the feeling of possibility returns to the human spirit.”
― Jake Ducey
§§
A week later, I was sitting at my desk at home writing out a disbursement schedule for charitable funds for the upcoming year. It was Sunday night, and I was at home working—my new normal—and was okay with that, but the gnawing in my chest wouldn’t go away. As much as I tried to concentrate, I heard the voice.
“Nina.”
It was Devin’s voice that whispered to me through the silence. I set down my pen and leaned back in my chair. This was guilt. Sure, I would feel a little guilty about what had transpired. Okay, a lot of guilt. The man had proven his love over and over. But he was right, it was his mess to clean.
“I’m a bad man.”
“No you aren’t,” I argued with him as I sat alone in my chair. “You’re a liar, and selfish, and calculating, and so damn stupid. What you did was stupid!” My chest heaved as I heard my name again, a whisper on his lips.
“Nina.”
“And controlling and manipulative.” Twin tears slid down my cheeks as I continued to berate him. “And adolescent. Your temper is ridiculous.” An image of his dazzling smile surfaced. “And brilliant and beautiful and so damn sexy.” I was sobbing now. “And I still hate you.”
“I love you.”
“Devin,” I croaked in my chair, turning it around, away from the door, and burying my face in my hands.
“He’s gone.” I jumped at Cedric’s voice. “Last I heard, he was leaving on his boat.”
“Cedric, we are going to have to set some privacy parameters,” I sniffed out, trying to mask my obvious breakdown.
“Sorry, Nina, I was just walking in and heard you.” I wiped my face, turning my chair to face him. It was so evident Cedric cared for me.
“I know, Cedric, and I’m thankful I have you watching out for me.”
“I’ll be checking the system out if you need me. We’ve made some adjustments.” I nodded, pulling my seat back to the desk and picking up my pen. Cedric lingered in the doorway, and I looked up at him in question.
“Yes?”
“Nothing,” he said, moving toward the living room.
“Say it,” I snapped, resuming my scheduling. “We both know you have some sort of bromance going on with him.” I looked up and gave him a wink.
“I respect the guy,” Cedric defended.
“Okay.”
“You could do worse.” Cedric walked off, making his way out of the room.
“I have,” I whispered before getting back to work.
§§
Devin
I lay on my boat, looking up at the night sky. Tomorrow I set sail for the Keys. I’d been making preparations for a week and had everything a man could possibly need. All I had to do was pull up anchor.
That had proven to be the most difficult.
Leave it to me to hold out hope Nina would come around. It was asinine to think as much. In the last few months, I’d been as strung out as a lovesick puppy that just had his first good piece of pussy. And even now as I lay there, I wished for her to be next to me, talking my ear off about anything trivial.
There is so much healing in the right woman’s kiss, and for me that woman was Nina. She had done that for me. All the sordid and sick parts of me were healed when her lips met mine. My affection for her and the way she regarded me had once again shown me the difference between right and wrong in a world of fucked up. And my weakness for her had finally fueled me to do the right thing and let my cousin drown in his demons while I exposed them.
Acceptance was a painful bitch.
When I’d first met Nina, I’d accepted the fact that I had to love her from afar. As time went on, I had to accept the fact that I could have her, just not the way either of us wanted. The next bitter pill would be the acceptance that I had to once again deal with the first.
The silver lining was she was safe.
Aiden had left Charleston, and I’d made sure of it. He’d abandoned his club and his home. Apparently, hiding was something he was extremely good at. He was being investigated by both Charleston County and Savannah. A woman had come forward claiming to be a victim. If he ever returned, there was a chance he would be brought up on charges. Slim was better than none. My parents weren’t speaking to me, and I found that easier to live with than hiding the truth.
My mother was to blame for Aiden’s coddling. She never did fully grasp the idea of Aiden’s demons. He had perfected the art of deception by being completely believable. Even I had been deceived for a short time. The only way of ending it was to bring it public. I’d always known that and the fact that Aiden had chosen to damage the governor’s daughter made it news. It was my only chance, and though I was years too late, I took it. I’d done my part in helping, but it didn’t help me sleep at night.
