Lust & Lies Box Set-Sexual Awakenings, Excess, Predator & Prey

by Kate Stewart

  I felt the ache, the need to let go as I studied the long, vein-filled muscle in his hands. I pulled away from his fingers and straddled him, hovering above his ready dick. My hands on his shoulders, I looked him right in the eye. “Then I’ll do it for you.” I pushed his hand away from his hard length and put him at my entrance. His eyes lit fire as he cursed under his breath. I gasped in surprise as I let my hips sink slightly on the width of him. Mouths parted, my pussy gripped him further as I let more of him inside me and welcomed the sting.

  Ray froze, biting his bottom lip so hard I thought he would draw blood, his fingers dug into my hips painfully. “If I’m going to hell, then this is worth it.” He began to slowly move under me, coating his cock with my wetness as I sank down the rest of the way, feeling the burn and discomfort. Once seated, I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned in to take his lips. He moved his face away and took a nip at my neck and lips before whispering in my ear, “Kissing is for lovesick fools. You get my fortune and my cock. That has to be enough. My heart is no good.”

  I nodded as I pushed through the pain and began to move on top of him. Maybe it was his hesitance to uphold this part of our deal. Either way, I knew this move had sealed my fate and made our contract iron-clad. He was risking everything to keep me with him. His reputation was at stake. I knew that.

  I winced as he picked up his pace underneath me, feeling all of him. It was uncomfortable and not at all what I thought it would feel like. But as soon as he spread me across the table, driving into me, still in his suit and jacket, his eyes covering me with their lust, it began to feel better, much, much better. He didn’t take it slow; his strokes were deep and painful. My virginity was no longer a question as he dug in deep, his frustration rolling off him and into his fucking.

  “Jesus,” he grunted as I writhed beneath him, taking his thrusts and choking on the full feeling. He circled his hips, and my eyes widened when I felt pleasure began to swell inside my abdomen. Ray grunted and pulled his cock out, coating my thighs with his cum. He looked right at me as he finished himself with his hand. Once he recovered and caught his breath, he pulled a linen napkin off the table and wiped me down before running it through my sex. Shortly after, he hit his knees then placed my legs over his shoulders. His tongue flicked over my middle, and I gasped at the feeling. Before I had a chance to process, he dug in deeper, his fingers inside me while his tongue lit my whole body on fire. The feeling of falling came over me as I gasped out his name and my body shook with my release. Warmth leaked out of me as Ray slowed to a stop and lifted from his knees, his fresh erection bobbing proudly. He took off his jacket and tie then held me still with his hand on my thigh. I looked up at him, eager and willing to do whatever he had in mind. When he was fully naked, I studied his toned body and thick arms, and my desire grew more intense. I noted a huge scar in the middle of his chest, and before I had a chance to ask, I was turned on my stomach, my hands bound behind my back with the tie. Ray gripped my fastened hands, spread my legs and entered me again slowly. As uncomfortable as it was on the table, the rush of him inside me for a second time had me pushing through the pain.

  “This will be quick,” he assured me as he began to pound away. My heart hammered as I pushed through with gritted teeth, loving the foreign feeling, the distraction. My body was coated with a thin layer of sweat as I began to twist my lower half to move with him, feeling him even deeper. I reveled in the fullness, the heavy bite of each stroke. He pulled out of me with a grunt, and I felt the spray of his release all over my exposed ass. Exhausted and sore, I lay panting on the table as he freed my wrists and collapsed in the chair behind me. I remained still, waiting on him. I maneuvered my face and neck, so I was able to see him and noted the weary look in his eyes.

  “Everything that was decent in me is gone,” he whispered. Discouraged by his words, I moved to get up, and he helped me, pulling me to my feet. He corrected my skirt, pulling it down from my hips, and then looked up at me. Though I was standing in front of him, I felt he was looking past me.

  “You should go to bed,” was all he said as I waited for some sort of confirmation, anything to tell me what we had done wasn’t wrong. I needed his acceptance. I needed to know that I was enough. I needed to know that I still had his home as a retreat and that Harvard still belonged to me. Whether he sensed my unease or not, his words were bone dry as they came out.

  “We will meet with my lawyer tomorrow to discuss your inheritance.” His eyes finally focused on me, his voice full of finality. “You will be my greatest investment, my legacy.” He stood towering over me and then added, “And my downfall.” I felt the ache in my chest as he walked away. I stood for what seemed like an eternity, staring at the table and reliving what had just happened. I let a few tears trickle down as I thought of Laz, feeling as if I’d betrayed him in some way. He’d been the one I’d always pictured taking this part of me. I’d loved him, but not enough to throw my life away for it. Drying my tears, I let my contempt for Laz overshadow the new scar I’d just helped to create. I pushed my shoulders back, did as I was told, and after a thorough shower, went to bed.

  The day after I lost my virginity, I signed a non-disclosure agreement regarding my relationship with Ray and was rewarded as a beneficiary to a trust I would have access to on my nineteenth birthday.

  The minute I saw that sum, I became addicted to the source of the power: sex.

  I no longer needed validation from Ray.

  Sex, money, and power would be my new motivation.

  They ruled the free world.

  And I would have it all.

  Amber stared at the vast expanse of the sea before her. Her mind seemed adrift in its contents. I understood her fascination. I too had very much been just as in awe of the ocean the first time I’d seen it. It was confirmation for her that she was light years away from the hell that she’d called home her whole life. Seagulls drifted above, their cries echoing as she sank her bare feet into the soft sand. The water put on a spectacle as waves crashed into the shore. Though the beach was crowded near the pier, we’d found a quieter place to dwell. I’d told her when I brought her to Charleston that this was the first place that I would take her, but her recovery had taken a bit longer than expected. And with her meeting with the lawyer and starting her new job at Scott’s solutions, it had taken the better part of two weeks to get her there.

  “I don’t belong here,” she whispered on the wind. I wasn’t sure if she meant for me to hear her or not. I took in her appearance as she stood in awe of the sight before her. She had gained a small amount of weight. Her color was a lot less gray. Her beautiful auburn hair was slightly windswept as she hugged herself, staring at the water.

  “Neither do I,” I said as I walked to stand next to her. She turned to look at me, a small smile on her lips.

  “You look like you do.”

  “I’m polished brass, Amber.” She nodded as if she understood. “And no one really belongs anywhere. It’s up to you to make your place, stake your claim. This world will not apologize to you for what you have been through, ever. You take what you want and never use the past as an excuse for anything. And you do that by deciding you do belong here and are entitled just as much as anyone else.”

  “I’m not like you,” she said weakly. “I don’t have an inklin’ to run a corporation. I just want my son back. I just want to raise him and make him strong. He’s my life. I don’t care about anything else.”

  “This isn’t about turning you into someone you aren’t. This is about giving yourself a chance to be who you are without the world you lived in dragging you down. Once I got used to having . . . just simply having whatever I needed, it was easier to concentrate on what I wanted to do, who I wanted to be.”

  “Looks like you did good,” she whispered as she looked back to the water.

  “I did well,” I corrected, unable to help myself. She turned to me again with twisted features. “When you came back, you know, to get me, I couldn’t
believe it was you at first. You were so well dressed, so put together, so damned pretty, and I was so shocked that you came. I was afraid to go to you, afraid that somehow me being around you would ruin this new version of you. I didn’t want to screw it up for you.”

  I tried to understand her selfless reasoning because deep down I knew my selfishness was the reason I stayed away for so long.

  If there were ever a time to open up to someone, that was the moment. For years, I’d kept a side of myself hidden from my every business associate, every acquaintance, from every lover, every friend. Aside from the small piece of myself I’d revealed to Daniello, I had maintained my silence regarding that part. But Amber was here now, just as broken as I was when I left Tennessee. I moved to stand closer to her as I freed myself for the first time in years to finally tell her all that I felt.

  “Some days I am paralyzed with guilt over having left you. I try to wrap myself up in justification for leaving, but it didn’t matter how I escaped or how well I did with my freedom after or how successful I became. I couldn’t stop the horrible guilt attached to leaving you there. I—” My voice cracked as a flood of emotions took hold of me. “She was a terrible mother, a monster, and they were horrible parents. What she did to you, to us . . .” I paused again as I choked on a sob. I saw twin tears slide down Amber’s face as she listened to me finally come clean.

  “I did everything I could to protect you and in the end, I just . . .” I let a sob escape me. “I just left you there. To fend for yourself. God, you were so small, so helpless. You needed me, and I ran. I’m so sorry, Amber.” She lifted her hands to her face as her whole body began to shake. “I don’t feel like I deserve your forgiveness, but I want it. I so selfishly want it.”

  “There’s nothing to forgive.”

  “That’s not true,” I said, taken aback.

  “I’m a mother, and so I see it a bit more clearly than you.” She pulled her hands away from her face, scrubbing her tears before she looked at me. Her red-rimmed eyes kept me still as she spoke. “It’s the mother’s job to protect her child. You did the right thing by leaving. You would have just been another version of me, or maybe worse. It wasn’t your job to protect me. It was our mother’s. And she can burn in hell for what she did to both of us.”

  We stayed silent as I stewed on her words, knowing even if that were the truth, I’d never really see it that way. I could have done more. But my selfish reasons for staying away would always haunt me. So, I gave her more truth.

  “I still get scared, Amber, afraid that this life I built will all disappear one day and I’ll again be that penniless kid surrounded by a world of shit. That’s why I work so damned hard, to make sure it doesn’t happen, to make sure I never have to go back to that. Even if my thoughts are irrational, even if with every dollar I make and with every mile I keep between me and that fucking place, I still have that fear.” I felt the heavy weight of my next words but pressed on, knowing she deserved the truth.

  “It will never go away. At least it hasn’t for me. I can go for days, and if I’m lucky, months without thinking of her, of the past. But when I do, it can hit hard. That sick feeling creeps in, and I can’t do anything about it.”

  Amber looked over to me. “You put on a brave front.”

  “It got easier. The more time I spent away, the longer I was able to maintain. I got stronger. That’s what I’m hoping for, for you.”

  “Are you happy?” It was the same question I’d asked Daniello and just as hard to answer. Knowing I had already bared the deepest part of myself, I told the truth.

  “I’m busy. That’s all I’ve ever been since I left. Lately, I’ve been restless, so much so to the point I’ve been reckless. Content . . . maybe. God knows I’ve worked hard enough for it.”

  She nodded as she watched me. We stood quietly for several minutes.

  “About Laz,” she started.

  “Please, Amber, don’t try to plead his case. Your history with him is very different from mine. I am curious how you even became involved with him.”

  She swallowed and took a step toward me. “It was right after you left. A few days after you went missing, he came to the house.” I waited, a dead part of me threatening to come to life as she continued. “He was out of his mind high and threatened Momma, telling her it was all her fault. She was scared. I could tell. Daddy wasn’t home.” Amber bent down and picked up a light orange seashell, brushed the sand off, and then put it in her pocket. “Before he left, he looked over at me and promised he would bring you home.”

  I fought my budding emotion, pressing in hard to keep it down. Laz was dead to me. He’d almost killed me. I could still feel his hands on my neck, squeezing the breath out of me.

  “He would come by every few months when Momma and Daddy weren’t home. He would give me a little money, check on me, and make promises he never kept.”

  “He’s good at that,” I countered.

  “I never expected to see you again, and I knew he didn’t either. He disappeared for a few years without a word. I knew he was still around because I heard stories about his run-ins with the law at school. He had made one hell of a reputation and was feared by a lot of people.”

  I bit my lip, remembering the days and nights I’d run alongside him, causing just as much chaos. Sometimes it was hard to believe it was the same lifetime I was currently in.

  “When I turned sixteen, I started working at the gas station. I did whatever the hell I could to make money and get out of that house, but Momma always took my paychecks.” She looked at me and rolled her eyes. “That’s when I saw Laz again. When he spotted me the first time, it was as if he saw a ghost. I knew he had mistaken me for you until he got a good look at me. After that day, he just kept coming by. He would talk to me a little and be on his way. I didn’t think much of it, but . . .”

  I turned to her, patient, silent.

  “I kind of developed a crush on him. It was stupid, really. He was so much older, but I found myself looking for him every day.”

  I shut my eyes tight, trying to keep myself even.

  “Do you want me to stop?”

  “No,” I replied quickly. With certainty, I gave another quick, “No.”

  “Nothing ever came of it back then. Laz didn’t look at me that way. I kept my crush a secret, and he kept coming to see me. We got closer, and I told him momma wasn’t any different. He saw the bruises. Even when I defended myself, she still gave them to me. It was always worse when I tried to stop her.”

  “Jesus,” I whispered as my chest ached and my head began to pound. The ever-present guilt I felt deepened slightly with her admission though I knew she wasn’t trying to guilt me.

  “When I turned eighteen, I had managed to save enough money to get a place with a girl I worked with. Momma refused to let me leave when I told her. I didn’t expect that. I thought she’d just accept it and tell me to get. Instead, she tore my room apart and took all of my things, my clothes, even my underwear, and refused to give them back. She stayed home watching my every move, threatening me. When I told Laz what was going on, he made it to where I could leave.”

  “How did he manage that?” I asked.

  “He gave her the only thing she cared about more than keeping me hostage.”

  “Meth.”

  Amber absently nodded.

  “Your invitation will be with the driver, and he will pick you up at six,” Ross said as she brought in the black bag that held my dress and hung it on the back of my office door. “I’ve arranged hair and makeup to be here around four thirty. Are you sure you don’t want me to look through your contacts to find you an escort?”

  “No, that will be all, Ross. Thank you.”

  I sat back in my chair, contemplating my next move. I’d thought about inviting Amber to the event but wasn’t sure she was ready for something as formal as a corporate party. She had been working her ass off, and we’d been spending all of our free time together—what little we had—to ge
t to know each other again. After her confession that Laz had finally freed her from the hell of that house, she’d told me of her loyalty.

  They had been close due to their circumstances. Laz came clean one night when he was coming down off of a high and told her everything about his relationship with me. After years of his protection, Amber had confessed to me that her feelings for him had only grown deeper. She was confident that Laz saw her differently than she’d hoped, but she’d thrown herself at him in a moment of weakness. He’d been drunk and down, and she’d been convenient.

  “It only happened once,” she said one night as we dined on my back porch. “I thought I was in love with him. It’s just . . . no one had ever looked out for me like that, cared for me like that. He regretted it the minute after it happened. It took me a long time to forgive him. And when we found out I was pregnant, something inside of him broke. He knew . . .” She looked at me with careful eyes. “He knew you would never forgive him. I think he assumed you would eventually come back, that one day the two of you would be together again.”

  “He was delusional,” I said with contempt. “The man was morally bankrupt when I left Dyer. I was never going back to him. I was finished with him the minute I left.”

  “He began to hate you then,” she said as an afterthought. “I could never really understand what went through his head, but I knew. I’ve always known he loved you. But when he spoke about you after I got pregnant, it was like he blamed you for everything. I can’t explain it, but it was like he wanted you to pay for everything. When Joseph was born, he became fiercely protective over us both. Our relationship changed. He saw our son as a kind of ownership over me. Things got worse. He started using more and began to really become reckless. Joseph’s arrival did absolutely nothing to slow him down.”