On Her Axis

by Jeanette Lynn

"The crap hit the fan when Vagineya left him," she explained, nodding her head. She was adjusting another tray of finger foods as we talked in hushed tones, making sure they were all just so.

  Neat freak! I thought affectionately, stifling the urge to tweak a couple of them just to unnerve her.

  Vagineya left him, I thought a little stunned at the idea. I remembered their hasty wedding, and Vag was the one all gaga for Exinn, making moon eyes at him, latched onto his arm, gripping it for dear life.

  Exinn had looked like he was going to be sick.

  "No!" I whispered, letting my shock at that little tidbit peek out, lowering my voice further so we weren't overheard by the guests milling about for the birthday party.

  It was still a little early for the majority of the guests to arrive, but I didn't want anyone to overhear us.

  "Yeah,” she nodded, glancing over at Exinn and Ophelia sympathetically, then, turning back, she leaned in to murmur, “she met some man at one of her gynecological seminars and they started up an affair.”

  My mouth gaped a little and my hands stilled, studied her for any sign she might be pulling my leg. Her expression was completely serious.

  I probably looked bug eyed at the moment, I was so surprised.

  "She wasn't done at that, though,” she went one, her fingers working as she talked, “She had to turn the wrench a few more times for poor Exinn. It turns out Ophelia isn't really his," she said somberly.

  My jaw dropped for real this time.

  Cripes! I leaned towards her, completely sucked in, engrossed. This was worse than a soap opera!

  The look she shared with me said she completely agreed, her large, soft blue eyes tinged with emotion.

  "She confessed everything the day she tried to leave him. She said she'd trapped him into marrying her so she wouldn't disgrace her family by having a baby out of wedlock. She admitted she didn't even really want Ophie to begin with, but didn't want her family to cut her off financially if they'd ever found out she'd gotten an abortion. So, she didn't. She trapped Exinn at the barbeque they'd met at, and set them up so he was forced to marry her." Tawn’s lips tightened, her blue skin purple with anger, her blue eyes looking stormy on Exinn and Ophie’s behalf.

  I gasped and put my hand over my mouth. "That Bitch!" I whispered fiercely.

  Oh, poor, Ophie! I wanted to cry, championing one of the biggest sweat peas I’d ever had the pleasure to be around. She was such a little angel.

  I felt my own face tightening with rage, just thinking about it.

  Vagineya didn't deserve a little girl like Ophelia, I thought angrily. Little Ophie's such a sweetie pie!

  "He wouldn't let her leave, though, until he had some papers drawn up, to the effect that she signed all of her rights to Ophelia over to him. He told Ponne he wasn't about to let her take off with his baby. Ophelia is his daughter, blood or no blood. He raised her, he loves her, he cares for her, end of story," Tawn finished, taking a deep, much needed breath, her face giving away her anger every time Vagineya's name was even mentioned.

  "Oh, smart male. Okay, okay, I get what you're saying. I’ll, uh, I’ll play nice," I told her, sighing and acting overly dramatic to lighten the mood.

  She caught on and smirked at me a little, rolling her eyes at my intentional bit of dramatics.

  "So, maybe, he's not such a bad guy anymore after all," I admitted a little grudgingly, glad- despite the situation that led to it- that Exinn had finally grown up in the end. Even if it took all of that to do it.

  Poor guy.

  Never thought I'd see the day, though, I thought idly. Moi, pity Exinn? Hmm… Will wonders never cease?

  My mind was still trying to wrap around Vagineya’s selfishness as I shook my head at her warped way of thinking.

  "Her own daughter, though... she just signed the papers? Didn't even care? Just walked away from her? Like that?" I asked, snapping my fingers, my face a study in incredulity.

  "Yep. They haven't seen or heard from her since. It's better that way, though, if you really think about it. Ophie's better off, in my opinion. Never did like Vagineya or the way she was with Ophie. Vagineya always struck me as a spoiled brat whenever she let her guard down enough to let her true colors peek through."

  Tawn screwed up her face then and grimaced, probably remembering an interesting tidbit about her husband Ponne's terrible cousin.

  "Exinn's a good daddy, anyways, and you can tell he loves Ophie to death. She has him wrapped around her little finger. He legally adopted her too, shortly after, so there wouldn't be any issues later."

  "Okay, you've made your point, Madam. I’m convinced until proven otherwise! I'll play nice," I chuckled, winking at her.

  Tawn nudged me with her hip playfully, then motioned for me to get the lead out and follow her.

  I picked my finished tray up and proceeded to follow her out. "Lead on, Tawny!"

  We carried the finished trays of snacks we'd made out to one of the food tables in the backyard.

  "By the way, thanks for all your help, Mags. You're the best!" Tawn thanked me.

  She started to straighten the trays, and I just couldn't help myself as I followed behind her and tweaked them again, making them all slightly crooked.

  "Really, though, I don't know if I could have done it all without you." She turned suddenly, whirling to face me, and I pulled my hands back, smiling at her innocently.

  "Oh, Tawn, hasn't anyone ever told you, honey..." I sighed in fake exasperation, rolling my eyes and looking at her after a moment, then batting my lashes, "flattery will get you everywhere."

  Tawn snorted at me, the corner of her mouth kicking up a little as she shook her head.

  I crossed my eyes at her and that was all it took, she honked out a laugh worthy of a goose, setting me into peals of laughter along with her.

  We giggled together as we fell into our familiar groove and began to talk each other’s ears off, jumping between topics sporadically, like we always do, as we brought food to the masses.

  This is so much fun!

  It’s not easy being pink...

  Marre

  "Mmmm, Tawn, these are awesome," I moaned, my mouth full of the best cookies I've ever eaten.

  "Mags made them. So, if you want more, you're gonna have to go find her. I don't know where she put all the extras. I do know she's around here somewhere..." Tawn muttered, more to herself than me, looking around for Magenta questioningly.

  Magenta is Tawn's best friend.

  My brother Ponne says his wife Tawn and Mags have known each other their whole childhood, and when those two get together, they're practically inseparable.

  I grabbed up a pot sticker looking thing and popped it into my mouth, groaning out loud in ecstasy at the taste.

  "Mmmm, what the heck are those? And what's in them?" I moaned as all these different flavors burst onto my tongue.

  Cheese, spinach, onion, soft yet crispy crust and some kind of spice or spices that give it a bit of a kick. Good gods and goddesses, yes.

  Tawn grinned at me, her eyes laughing as she handed me a napkin.

  "Mags made most of the food, those included. She really enjoys baking and cooking. Usually helps me out at parties and stuff. So if you want to know anything specific, ingredient wise, you'll have to ask her." She smiled anyways at the compliment, pleased I enjoyed their efforts so much.

  I was too busy to respond- food heaven overload over here- so I just nodded and chewed.

  She started straightening the trays after a moment, deftly excusing me, or so I thought.

  "You know what," she said after a moment, her expression thoughtful, "she's probably hiding from that green charmer that's always following her around like a lost puppy. Poor guy can't take a hint." She snorted, shaking her head in exasperation on Mags' behalf.

  "No big deal, I was just wondering because they're awesome. I'll ask her if I see her." I tilted my head a little towards her and nodded in acknowledgement.

  Looking around surrep
titiously, I pulled out the two cookies I'd hidden in my pocket earlier and munched on them happily.

  This should hold me over until I can find the little red headed baker and her stash of cookies.

  "If you see her scrambling away from a green skinny guy, could you have a heart and rescue my best friend for me, please?" she pleaded, her hands clasped together and held out in front of her. Her blue eyes were practically twinkling as she tried to make them look even bigger than they already were.

  I had to laugh at the look on her face.

  She had the pouting lip, pleading puppy dog eyes, and the batting of the eyelashes down pat.

  "Sure, why not," I chuckled out, and she winked.

  "Thanks, bub, you rock! You do know you're my favorite brother in law right?" she said and threw me a big, Tawn sized grin.

  She turned to recommence her mingling, and upon spotting her husband, Ponne, made a bee line in his general direction, where he was busy wrestling with the birthday boy, their son, Jenne.

  ˜˙˜˙˜˙˜

  I finished off most of the goodies on my plate and changed Mags' title from just plain old ‘Baker’ to 'Queen of the Kitchen'. No! No, 'Baking Goddess', I amended as I chewed my last bite of chocolate chip oatmeal cookie heaven.

  "Hey, Pink Stuff! Where's your twin?" Jaye asked suddenly from beside me.

  I groaned inwardly as the blue Rellian pest looked around fruitlessly for Perre, who wasn't here.

  Guess my twin couldn't be bothered to come.

  Our Dads were wrong when they’d said we couldn't function separately. We've been doing it for the past six months and I don't even miss it anymore- the twin bond connection.

  Perre had started blocking me out of his mind, somehow, shortly after I came back from my walk that night six months ago.

  Neither one of us has really spoken to each other since...

  And that is just fine with me. He doesn’t need me... well, then I don’t need him.

  I shrugged, ignoring Neyenn's annoying little brother, Jaye, in favor of savoring the cookie flavor.

  Mmm... mmm... mmm.

  "It's weird, though, aren't you two always together or something?" Jaye asked after a long moment, genuinely surprised.

  "Nope," was all I said, not bothering to elaborate at all.

  "Oh, well, it's... Joey, no. No! Don't do that! That's your cousin Jenne's lizard! Put it down! He doesn't like being... TOSSED IN THE AIR! Oh, my god! I gotta go!" Jaye garbled out as he rushed to save Jenne's lizard, Skippy, from Joey, one of his exuberant twin sons.

  I watched on as Jaye rescued the lizard, and then listened as Jaye, the overly dramatic shit starter, lectured his son about the importance of being a ‘good boy’ and how you should treat animals.

  It took all I had in me not to laugh out right at the humor of the situation.

  Karma, anyone?

  That was just comical.

  Jaye lecturing someone on being good...

  Now there's an oxymoron if I ever saw or heard one.

  Jaye has mellowed out the past few years, I have to admit.

  Could just be he hasn't had the time to really do anything extracurricular in that sense. I don't think he's really had a good opportunity to mess with anyone since the twins made their debut into the world.

  Joey and Darren are a handful and then some.

  Those two are the best tag team duo I've ever witnessed and they're only going to get better at it with age.

  I chuckled as Darlah, Jaye's wife, peeled Darren off of Joey as they now fought over a piece of candy.

  Joey put on a fake pout and wailed dramatically, "Mama! Hims pickin' on me. He did it! Mama! Him, him! Ober here! Mama!"

  He finished his performance by crossing his little arms over his chest and jutting his lower lip out in a pout.

  His little foot was tapping on the ground impatiently as he glared at his brother, a perfect imitation of his overly dramatic father.

  Darren, who was silent up until this point, pushed his glasses back up on his little nose, looked at his mom with big doe eyes, and calmly told her, "I no know what he's talkin' 'bout, Mama." Shaking his head sadly, he looked at his brother sympathetically, like he thought Joey was a few crayons short of a box.

  When that avenue didn't work on their mom, and Darlah asked, trying to keep a straight face, where they got the candy from, the twins looked at each other, as if in communication, then proclaimed in unison that it was all Daddy's fault.

  They were pointing at Jaye and jumping up and down as if to say 'See! See! It was him, Ma!'

  "Hey, you little traitors!" Jaye grumbled, as if truly exasperated with them, but anyone could see the mirth dancing in his eyes.

  "See if I ever help you two out again," he grumbled, sighing dramatically, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at his two young sons.

  Darlah just snorted, rolling her eyes at Jaye and her young brood, eliciting a wink from her Rellian husband.

  Joey and Darren looked at their daddy, then giggled hysterically.

  Guess they saw through his act too.

  Jaye growled at them and made his hands into claws, eliciting more giggles from the troublesome twosome as he started chasing after them, pretending to be a monster on the loose.

  They squealed excitedly and hurried off so he couldn't catch them, their powder blue hair bobbing to and fro through the crowd as they dodged their daddy.

  I watched on with envy as Jaye enjoyed everything I wished I had.

  A wife, who truly loves me... kids to play with and chase around... a family to love.

  I sighed and looked around at the party, watching as people chatted happily or sampled all the delicious food laid out to eat; just enjoying themselves and having a good time.

  Isn't it odd how sometimes you can feel completely alone in a crowd full of people?

  I decided to shrug that thought off and the feelings along with it, making my way over to the food tables to load up.

  I'm surprised I haven't gained fifty pounds the way I've been scarfing down food lately. But, hey, what can I say? I shrugged inwardly. I eat when I'm upset...

  Hmm... I had to stop to contemplate that. Maybe this whole thing with Perre is bothering me more than I'm willing to let on.

  The art of being Kertt. I mean curt.

  Magenta

  "Hello, Magenta, my flower. How are you this evening?"

  I cringed, but forced a polite smile on my face.

  "Hey, uh..." I trailed off.

  Crap! I can't even remember his name!

  "Kertt," he said shortly, keeping his smile in place.

  That's right, Kertt. How could I forget Kertt? Mother has been pushing him on me ever since my birthday last year.

  She has it in her head that I need a man, and I'm guessing she feels ol’ Kertty boy over there, is the answer.

  Too bad for her and him, I'm not interested.

  A fact they both know very well.

  "Kertt, right. Sorry," I apologized, giving him a sympathetic smile.

  "How have you been, my flower?" he asked again, repeating his earlier question, pretending I hadn't just unintentionally insulted him.

  "I'm great!" I told him happily, faking it, hoping he'll find something else interesting soon and bugger off.

  "Really? Because I've been miserable. It's been too long, my flower. Didn't you miss me, my sweet Magenta? Even a little?"

  “Uh...”

  He could tell by the look on my face that he probably hadn’t even crossed my mind more than twice, if at all, and definitely not in a flattering light.

  “Did you not think of me at all, since we’d last seen one another?” he pouted, and I had to fight not to laugh. Kertt had his lower lip jutting out and a petulant look on his face.

  He's too much of a pretty boy to do the fake pouting thing. Makes him look kinda feminine when he does it... Kinda like a girl.

  Now, I'm not saying he's girly by any means, because he's not.

  That male is an
ything but girly.

  What with his swimmer's body, all those lean muscles under his light green skin, and he's at least six feet tall to my five foot three inches.

  He has short wavy blonde hair and eyes so dark, they looked like deep pools of onyx. I'm pretty sure they were pitch black.

  Taking in all that pretty packaging and putting it into perspective, he looks like he just walked right out of the cover of a magazine.

  Kertt’s too good looking, and I'll be the first to admit I find it intimidating at times.

  And even though he's a real sweet heart- once you get to know him- and has a grin that could charm the pants off a nun... he does nothing for me.

  Nothing.

  Nadda.

  Zip.

  Absolutely nothing.

  I let him kiss me once, you know, to see if we had chemistry. Just the one time, mind you, and I'm somewhat disappointed to tell you that there was no spark at all, none whatsoever.

  It just wasn't meant to be, him and me.

  It was like kissing a guy friend- if I kissed my guy friends.

  Mm... More brotherly than anything.

  I tried to tell him that too, but he just won't listen to me, and apparently, has trouble taking a hint.

  "Erm, I've been busy,” I fake coughed into my hand, “Uhm, what have you been up to?" I asked, getting back into the conversation when he’d inquired earlier about what I’d been up to, ignoring the mushy love talk he wanted, but wasn't going to get.

  Dude’s totally barking up the wrong tree with that crap.

  I continued my jabbering on, hoping to bore him to tears- annoy him into going away. Something!

  Anything!

  "You’re changing the subject, Magenta," he murmured quietly, cutting me off, taking a step into my personal space.

  I backed up a step at his advance and tried to think of a new tactic.

  I think I might have wounded his manly pride when I’d told him about the lack luster kiss. Oopsie.

  Of course, leave it to me to open my mouth and wound a man's pride who happens to be part Rellian.

  A prideful bunch, they are.