Lost and Found

by Lilian Carmine

  She gave him a faltering smile, the hope and trust in Tristan’s eyes weighing down on her shoulders. “Thank you all for your concern, but I do have to go now.” She turned quickly and almost crashed into Simon in her hurry to get away from the pressure of Tristan’s expectations. “Oh, it’s you, Simon. We’re leaving, son. Say goodbye to your friends.”

  Simon looked at us, his eyes vacant and unresponsive. There was no emotion that I could pick up in there, nothing I could read. He extended his hand for me to shake, in an automatic goodbye gesture.

  “I’m sorry, Simon. We tried. I hope you will be all right.” I looked at him, searching for a sign that he was listening, that he understood, but no answer came. Feeling deflated, I sighed and shook his hand. “Take care of yourself.”

  He slipped a piece of paper into my hand without anyone noticing and turned away from me, walking back to his parents’ car with wobbly steps, his mother right at his heels.

  It was only after their car was a long way down the exit road that Celeste risked talking again. “You know, for someone who’s the best empathy reader around, you sure can’t pick up on my warning glares.”

  “Oh, I picked up on them, all right, Miss Smarty Pants. But I had to try to talk to his mother. I gave Simon my word, Celeste. I couldn’t just let her take him straight to those League bastards!”

  “Bastards?” She frowned. “Why would you say that? You continued to ask about them, didn’t you? Even after I specifically told you not to!”

  “Well, yeah. And I found out that they are utter bastards, and that I don’t want anything to do with them!” I said snippily.

  “That’s exactly why I told you to stop asking questions!” Celeste berated. “If only you’d listen and let me handle things, for once!”

  “There’s nothing to handle any more. I’m quitting, anyway.”

  “You’re quitting your investigations?”

  “No. I’m quitting magic. I’m done with it. I’m not studying it, practicing or talking about it. I don’t need you to be my tutor any more,” I told her firmly.

  “What? Why?”

  “I hope you don’t take this the wrong way and think I’m ungrateful, Celeste. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me – all your patience and willingness to teach me – I truly do. But I’ve realized magic has brought me a lot of trouble, and I don’t want it in my life any more.”

  I decided not to tell Celeste about my recent discoveries. The fewer people who knew about my father and his secrets, the better. And I’d keep quiet about my fire ability, too, so that people wouldn’t end up making the same connection as Craig had. I had to disappear now, just like my father had once done.

  “What? It was not only trouble! You helped a lot of people with your magic,” Celeste countered. “Like Tristan, for instance. And Vigil – you helped him solve a lot of problems.”

  “Well, Tristan is the one true good thing to come out of all this, you’re right about that. But Vigil has retired now; he doesn’t need me any more. I’m not even sure I helped him that much. You saw how his last job turned out. I brought him more trouble than help in the end.”

  “You just need practice, Joey, that is all. You’ll get better at it.”

  “It doesn’t even matter any more. I’ve been thinking about magic a lot, lately. How it has a good and a bad side. But this incident with Simon . . . the boys almost got trampled in the middle of it. That’s the bad side, Celeste. They could have gotten hurt pretty badly in the forest. And it would have been my fault.”

  “Aren’t you exaggerating a little, Joey? It was Simon’s fault, really—”

  “No, Celeste,” I cut in. “It’s my fault. The boys are at this camp because of me. And that’s the thing, don’t you see? They will always be in my life. If it’s not Simon, it will be some other danger that’s bound to happen. I’ve learned that magic always comes with a price, and I’m not willing to make someone else pay for it. I want others to be safe from all of this. If I have to let go of magic, so be it. The most important thing is that Tristan, my mom and the boys are safe. They are my family. And family matters more than magic. They are all that matter to me.”

  “I understand that you worry about them, Joey. But I’m not sure that you can banish magic from your life. It is in you. You can pretend it’s not there, but it will still be a part of you.”

  “I know that. I’m not trying to pretend it doesn’t exist. But I can choose to stay away from it, stop using it. I can stop being involved in this world. The less I know about it, the better I will be. I want out. I want a normal life for me and for the people close to me. No more trouble, no more danger or magical messes.” I wrapped an arm around Tristan’s waist and gave a reassuring squeeze.

  “Even if you’re running from it, magic seems always to be at your heels,” Celeste mused. “I’m not sure if you can will it to stay away. It will find a way back into your life again, whether you want it to or not.”

  “I’ll have to be faster and not let it catch up to me, then,” I said firmly. “And if trouble still finds me, I’ll just have to deal with it the good old-fashioned way.”

  Celeste mulled that over for a while in silence, and when she spoke again, she seemed to have come round to the idea. “All right, Joey. I still think you could achieve great things with your magic – I have an intuition that, with time and practice, you could have been the greatest – but if this is what you truly want, I respect your decision. I am proud to see that you really understand the cost of using magic. Most people only see the power that it can bring, the rewards, the gain. Very few understand what it truly means and how much it can take from you. You are wise for choosing this path. I won’t insist any more. You have my blessing and my friendship always.”

  “Thank you for understanding, Celeste. It is the right thing to do, trust me. I would never forgive myself if anything ever happened to Tristan or the boys because of me and my magic. Speaking of which, have you seen the boys?” I asked, and looked around. “I’m worried about Josh. He got his leg squashed by this huge branch, but he wasn’t where we left him.”

  “They are all inside the main house in a restricted room, so people won’t bother them,” Celeste said. “Josh is in good hands. Arice is tending to him now; she’s an excellent healer. But I think he’ll need a splint for that ankle; Arice says it seems to be broken.”

  “Oh, God. I hope he’s going to be okay,” I said, full of concern. “He said he was fine! I don’t know why he has to do the tough guy act all the time!”

  “Yeah, I don’t know where he gets it from,” Tristan scoffed, amused. “For someone who prefers to pass out rather than let me carry her back here, you really shouldn’t be mocking someone else’s tough act, you know.”

  “I was not acting tough!” I protested, despite knowing he was right. “And I’m not ‘mocking’; I’m worried about him! That’s the point of this whole conversation. I don’t want to see my friends getting hurt!”

  “He’ll be fine, stop fretting. He splints his ankle once every trimester. He did it during our last show of the tour, remember? And before that, in his martial arts class.”

  “Don’t worry, Joey. He is going to be fine,” Celeste reassured me, and extended a hand to me. “Well, I guess this is farewell for us, then. Take care, you hear? And if you need me, I’m always a phone call away.”

  “Thanks, Celeste.” I pushed her hand away and gave her a tight hug instead. “You’re the best.” She chuckled and hugged me back.

  Another car arrived and she hurried off to greet a set of worried parents, while Tristan and I stayed by the front steps. I glanced down and remembered the small piece of paper that Simon had handed me. “Simon slipped this into my hand, right before he left.” I showed Tristan the folded note.

  He eyed the paper with a frown. “What is it?”

  I opened it up and, inside, found a message written in shaky handwriting:

  I won’t tell.

  “I guess we don’t have
to worry if he’s telling on me, then,” I murmured, staring at the crumpled note.

  “You think we can trust him?” Tristan asked, still not convinced.

  “We don’t have a choice. We’re just going to have to.”

  “I guess so.” He nodded pensively. “So, what are you really going to do now?” he asked, watching me with intent silver eyes that sparkled in the sunlight.

  “I guess I’m really quitting magic,” I told him, as firmly as I had said to Celeste. “From now on, I will try to stay out of trouble, and most importantly, keep out of sight and off the radar, like my dad wanted in the first place. And I’ll focus on our band, the concerts, the new album, the boys and you. I want to live a normal life, Tris, I really do. I mean, sure, magic is thrilling and exciting, but we can still have a good life without magic being involved, right?”

  “Yeah, but . . . I think Celeste might be right, Joey. You can’t really quit magic. It’s a part of you. You can’t quit having it, in the same way as I can’t quit having gray eyes, or fading or being an ex-ghost. Magic is a part of us. Believe me, because I’ve learned this the hard way: Denying what you really are won’t bring you happiness.”

  “I’m not denying what I am, Tris. I’ve accepted magic into my life and have embraced it fully without question for all these years. But I can’t let it rule over me or control my life any more. It is my choice to use it, and I’m choosing not to. I know we can’t be normal, but we can live normal lives.”

  “Hey, you don’t need to sell me the idea. I’m all in favor of normality!” He chuckled and leaned in to give me a playful peck on the lips. “But we did a pretty good job back there in the forest using our magic, with my fading and your fire wall. Are you really okay with giving that up?”

  “Yes. I’m serious about what I said: I don’t want anyone hurt because of this. The more I think about it, the more it sounds like the right thing to do, Tris. These abilities will only put the people we love in danger. It’s not worth it.”

  “I have to confess, though . . . it was pretty exciting using my fading today,” Tristan said shyly. “The guys were looking at me like I was some sort of superhero. For the first time, I didn’t feel like a total freak. I felt – I don’t know – important.”

  I held his hand, gently. “You are important, Tristan. It’s not your fading that makes you so. Make no mistake about that: your fading doesn’t define your worth. It’s your heart and what’s inside it that does. But hey, I get it. Using it does give you a kind of rush. It’s a deceitful feeling, though.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, I mean . . . I know that, at first, using these powers makes us feel incredible, ecstatic, like we can do anything. But that sense of control is an illusion. We’re deceived into believing we can control the magic, but we can’t, not really. It takes over in the blink of an eye. I almost couldn’t restrain it today, Tris. That fire could have burned that whole tree trunk to ashes, quick as lightning. With Josh underneath it.”

  “Oh.” He exhaled in recognition of the danger our friends had been in.

  “How can we know for sure what will happen when we use these abilities? How do we know when I might lose control and my fire will break free and run rampant? How do we know what you might be bringing back from the place you go to when you fade? It is something given to you from the dead. Do you know for sure the price that comes with it when you use it?”

  “W-what? Do you think something bad can happen when I use my fading?” he asked, shocked at the idea.

  I shrugged. “It could, some day . . . We may never know, that’s what I’m trying to tell you. Whenever I cast fire, dark whispers run a little louder each time, inside my head, urging me to unleash it all, burn everything down. We have no control over this. It’s foolish to think we do.”

  “But nothing has ever happened to me, though, when I used my fading.”

  “Because you hardly ever use it. Maybe that’s why. You’ve been avoiding using your fading since the first day you discovered you had that ability. Maybe you’ve been doing the right thing all along. Maybe it’s time for me to follow your example and stop using my powers, too.”

  “I have never thought about it this way,” he said quietly, frowning.

  “I’m only now coming to realize all of this, too. In the beginning, it was all so exciting and full of enchantment and wonder. That’s the tricky part, I suppose. We fall under the spell of all the amazing things magic can do, how it makes us feel important, different . . . special. But then comes the price to pay for it,” I said, trying to make him understand. “I almost died trying to get in contact with Sky in the first year we met. I have this mark on my wrist from my fight with Vigil that will never go away. I got away lightly with that; it could have ended very badly. I barely kept hold of my sanity during the power switch incident. I could have seriously hurt you with my jealousy when I had Vigil’s powers. Back then in the forest, Josh could have been badly hurt, or worse, and the boys too. I’m telling you, Tristan, it’s a risk I’m not willing to take any more. Magic is not worth it.”

  “But doesn’t this decision go against our deal with Sky, Joey? You promised her a life full of possibilities . . .”

  “Yes, and we will live by that promise. Just because magic isn’t going to be in our lives any more, it doesn’t mean we will stop having an interesting life, Tristan. That’s what I’m trying to explain to you. Life without magic can still be amazing, don’t you see? We still can have normal lives full of wonder, adventure and excitement. People don’t usually see how much beauty there is all around, out there in the world. They think glamour, power and sparkly things will make it more special, but there is wonder in the ordinary, if you know how to look at it. Sky will still have amazing things to see in our lives, don’t you worry.”

  I had come to Misty Lake Camp trying to find answers about my past and my father’s history. I came to see if I could belong here, if there were other people like me in this place. I discovered those people were very unpleasant and dangerous. And that it was best to leave the past behind.

  I’d realized I belonged with Tristan and the boys, my friends and family. I didn’t need anything more than that. Magic was not going to bring me happiness: Tristan and the boys were. Magic wouldn’t make my life better, easier or more special: their love and friendship would.

  I guess that was the true lesson I’d learned from this Gathering. To cherish what I already had, and leave the tricks and illusions behind.

  In the end, magic really was just smoke and mirrors, sparkly things that only made you lose focus on what really matters.

  “So, from now on, we’re just ordinary people living an amazing, normal life,” I told him.

  “Ordinary people who play in concerts in front of thousands of other people.”

  “Fine. We’re not-so-ordinary-and-more-like-famous-people, then, living rock-star lives – but with no magic whatsoever. There. Happy?” I shot him a cheeky grin.

  “That’s more like it,” he agreed, smiling.

  “Now, can we go see how Josh is doing? Then we should round up the boys, go somewhere else and get started on the album and this normal life, ASAP. Shall we?” I proposed excitedly. “To a life filled with music, friends and normality!”

  “To a normal life,” Tristan cheered along with me, as we hurried up the front steps and into the main house, in search of the other Lost Boys.

  “It’s going to be a good life.”

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  A Normal Future

  “SO FAR, HOW’S your normal life going, then?” Tiffany, my best girlfriend in the whole wide world, asked me, resting cozily on my living-room couch.

  It had been a while since we’d had any girls’ time together, and today we were making up for it as we stuffed our faces with cupcakes, tarts, biscuits and every kind of delicious goodie we could get our hands on. The amount of food on the table was impressive, but even more impressive was our tenacious effort to eat it
all up, every last crumb.

  “So far, so good,” I replied, sipping my pink champagne – Tiffany’s special treat for the afternoon celebration.

  “No bumps in the road whatsoever?” she asked, sounding skeptical.

  The boys and I had been back from our road trip slash witchy boot camp for a week now, and Seth had been quick to bring his girlfriend up to date on the latest events. Tiffany had come to see me as soon as she heard about my resolution to quit magic, to “show support during these trial times”, as she had gently put it.

  “Road’s been smooth and clear as ever,” I replied, sticking half a cupcake in my mouth and trying to chew it all in one go, just so I could watch her wrinkle her pretty little nose in disgust at me.

  Tiffany had been trying to teach me to be more civilized since the first year we met, but I stubbornly refused to learn. I knew that, deep down, she didn’t really care. I wasn’t as posh and fancy as all her other friends, but she knew that I loved her to pieces.

  Plus, delicious cupcakes were made to be devoured like this. Everyone knew that.

  “It’s only been a week since I decided this, though. We might have to wait a little longer to see how it goes,” I mumbled around a mouthful of cake.

  “How’s Tristan dealing with it? Is he having trouble coping with normality?”

  “Even though he started to enjoy exploring his supernatural side during this last trip, he agrees that we should avoid using magic from now on. It’s the best thing for all of us, really.”

  “I hear the boys aren’t feeling the same way, though,” Tiffany mused, with a chuckle.

  “I know! Can you believe it? They’ve always freaked out whenever there has been any magic involved in my life, and now they are sulking because I’ve given up on it. Go figure,” I grumbled, annoyed. “I reckon it’s mostly because of Tristan. The way he walked through fire made quite an impression on the boys. They are looking at him like he’s a superhero now.”