Swimming Home

by Mary-Rose MacColl

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘In all the pictures, she has those two big dogs. They swim with her and then they put the dogs in the pictures. It’s less about her, I suppose. Or maybe you need to get married and have some children. They’re not putting Mille Gade in the paper so much. Or not in her swimming suit, at least. Mostly it’s pictures of her hugging her children.’ Mille Gade was another New York swimmer who’d announced her intention to attempt the Channel. She had two young children and her husband, a naval officer, was her coach. She said she’d be the first mother across the Channel. It was true they hardly ever pictured her alone in a swimming suit. She always had her children with her.

  Catherine laughed. ‘You really think it’s all right?’

  ‘Of course it’s all right. Eppy wouldn’t let them do anything wrong.’

  Early one morning, just before Louisa was due to return, before any of the photographers were awake, Catherine caught the trolley car down to the pier. She swam out past the first buoy, past the end of the pier, out further towards the ships that were sailing away from New York. Take me home, she wanted to say, but she realised that now she had no home. Even if she could get back to the island, there was no one for her there. They’d forgotten her. She was completely adrift in a sea of her own making.

  27

  LOUISA WAS STAYING AT THE EMERSON, WHICH HAD BEEN built by one of Black’s friends. The hotel was beautiful, its two-storey foyer lined with white marble and ornate timber carvings. Louisa was in a penthouse suite on the twenty-first floor and she had a view taking in the harbour, city and surrounds. The weather held while she was there, with cold, sunny days and chilly nights. Other than her visits to Black’s clinic, she was free to do as she pleased. She wandered Baltimore, a surprisingly pretty city that she’d somehow missed when she’d been there last. Where were you, Louisa? she wanted to ask herself. It was nice to come back now, after so many years had passed, and discover she could enjoy a place so much.

  The city was different too. There were motor cars everywhere now, a lot like New York; horses and carts had disappeared. It was cleaner, Louisa noticed, and when she started at the clinic she quickly learned the diseases that were largely caused by unclean water, which had done such harm when she’d last visited, were unheard of now. Louisa had visited the new School of Public Health, the first of its kind in the world, and Black’s clinic had grown from that school’s work.

  And now the hospital and medical school had blossomed. Black’s clinic, in the East Baltimore docks area, had so much more money and equipment than Louisa’s Princes Square clinic.

  On her last night in the city, before she returned to New York, she and Black had dinner in the hotel restaurant. She was supposed to be giving him advice but, really, they wanted for nothing.

  ‘You seem despondent,’ he said. They’d eaten local clams, and now they were eating lobster.

  ‘I suppose I don’t know why you brought me here. You have so much more than we do. That X-ray facility is extraordinary. And the theatres! I’d give my eye teeth to have half the set-up you have here.’

  He smiled. ‘Yes, we’ve done the great city of Baltimore proud,’ he said. ‘But there’s a network of donors. They’ve been a great help.’

  ‘From what I hear, no one gives more than you do.’ The doctors Louisa met with, including Emily Masterton, couldn’t speak highly enough of Black, who gave money and time to the clinic. Their success had largely been dependent on his support.

  ‘Well, Louisa, when I think of giving, I only have to look at Johns Hopkins himself to realise I don’t do nearly enough. He had the good fortune to be successful financially, and he gave back. It is incumbent upon those of us who are fortunate to do something for the less fortunate, don’t you agree?’

  ‘Of course,’ Louisa said. ‘And as I say, I really don’t know what it is you think I could do for you.’

  Black smiled. ‘You’re too modest, Louisa. We have all the gimmicks, but your quality of care is better. I’m not a fool and neither is my board. That’s what our doctors are telling us. They say your care is the best in the world. Your brother was immensely helpful when we were setting up, but I want you to make sure we’re on track, especially as we move to confinements.’

  ‘Nurses and midwives,’ Louisa said. It was the one thing she’d noticed during the week. His clinic relied heavily on doctors, with less emphasis on nursing care.

  ‘Nurses and midwives?’

  ‘Yes. When my mother did medicine, she had to start in nursing because there was no way for her to work as a trainee doctor. She always said it was her nursing training that made her a good doctor. And she always said if doctors thought more like midwives there would be a whole lot less unhappiness in the world.

  ‘In medicine, we’re so busy trying to work out how this bone connects with that bone that we forget sometimes that those bones connect to a patient. Nursing and midwifery start there rather than with the bones.’

  ‘That’s just the advice we needed,’ he said, lighting up a cigar. He nodded, as if thinking about something.

  ‘But that doesn’t mean you just fill the place up with nurses and midwives. At Princes Square we recruited well. We have a physician, Ruth Luxton, excellent with people, who selects the nurses for our wards, our reception, our theatre. And they’re very good. Our midwives are just as good.’

  ‘And ours are not?’

  She smiled, took a sip of her wine. ‘I didn’t say that. The Johns Hopkins Nursing School was set up with help from Florence Nightingale. It’s a fine school, and if you recruit from the school and make sure you keep standards up, things will stay on track, as you term it.’

  He leaned back in his chair. He was looking at her intently and seemed about to speak. But he stopped himself, leaned back in. ‘I want to thank you for trusting me,’ he said. ‘I’m very glad I was able to assist with your clinic, Louisa. You’ve had nothing to worry about on that score.’

  Whereas previously, Louisa might have been relieved, now his mentioning his help unnerved her a little. She had continued to feel uneasy about Catherine and the swimming. She’d tried to raise the issue with him during the week but he’d always skirted around it, changed the subject. It had even occurred to Louisa that his support for the clinic, even his bringing her to Baltimore to give him advice, was all a ruse to have Catherine swim. That was ridiculous, though, she thought now. He’d been proper in all his dealings with Catherine, hadn’t he? Except in relation to the swimming, which he was obsessed with, he’d been kindly.

  There was a piano playing somewhere and the music trickled over to them in soft waves.

  ‘I’ve been wanting to talk to you,’ she said.

  ‘About the clinic?’

  She shook her head. ‘No, about swimming. I don’t think Catherine wants it.’

  ‘Wants what?’

  ‘The Channel. Charlotte told me you’ve assigned a journalist now to cover her swim.’

  He nodded. ‘I’ve got Andrew on it; Catherine feels comfortable with him. And it will get the others out of her hair if we have exclusive rights. That’s all.’

  ‘But your paper stands to benefit.’

  He let out a short laugh. ‘You think my paper needs to benefit from Catherine? I mean, I should hope we’ll benefit. I’m paying for the swim. I have some rights here. And yes, it will help circulation, especially given that the Post has Lillian Cannon. But I told you that already.’ He waved his hand, dismissing the notion. He looked at her. ‘She wants this, Louisa. Ask her yourself. She wants this.’

  Louisa saw that he could have anything in the world; that’s what his money could do. She nearly told him that she knew about his mother and sister, but she felt he would not take kindly to being confronted with her knowing. It would mean she and Charlotte had spoken of him and Louisa felt sure he wouldn’t like that. ‘Oh, Lear,’ she said, ‘I wish the world were a kinder place.’

  ‘What on earth does that mean?’

  She
looked at him for a long time. ‘Life’s just not as easy as it could be,’ she said finally.

  28

  CATHERINE HADN’T EXPECTED ANYONE TO MEET THEM, but there was Nellie, the dear, in a coat and hat, looking like she was dressed for winter although the day was warm.

  ‘It’s nearly summer, Nellie. Oh, but it’s sweet of you to come.’

  ‘I swear you’ve grown another foot, Catherine,’ Nellie said, hugging her warmly. ‘Look at you now, though. You’ve lost weight. Are you all right?’ She looked beyond Catherine, to Louisa, who stood behind her.

  ‘Nellie, dear, it’s good to see you,’ Louisa said.

  ‘You must come to New York with me next time,’ Catherine said. ‘Mr Black says I can run the table if I swim the Channel. Do you know what that is? It’s a gambling term. It means running the gambling table because you’ve won so much. Mr Black doesn’t gamble, he told me, but he knows all about it. He’s been so kind, Nellie. You were wrong to suspect him.’

  ‘Was I now?’ Nellie said, looking at Louisa again. ‘Let me look at you properly,’ she said, stepping back and returning her gaze to Catherine. ‘Yes, you’ve grown. As for Mr Black, I will reserve judgement, young lady.’

  ‘Listen to you calling me “young lady”. You’re only a few years older than me.’

  ‘But they’re the ones that count. Did you not miss us at all?’ Nellie was smiling.

  Catherine frowned. ‘Of course I did. Especially the food. How I long for one of your beef stews.’

  Nellie laughed. ‘Oh, that’s so kind of you to say, Catherine.’ Nellie was proud of the way she looked after them. ‘And, Louisa, you’re looking marvellous.’

  Louisa laughed. ‘I feel marvellous. Come, Nellie, let’s get Catherine home, so she can show you what she brought you.’

  Catherine looked around. ‘Louisa, there are no reporters.’

  ‘No what?’ Nellie said.

  ‘Doesn’t matter,’ Catherine said. ‘Let’s get away.’

  They collected the suitcases and took a taxi-cab back to Wellclose Square.

  ‘So was it very grand?’ Nellie asked when she’d made tea. There was fruitcake too.

  ‘Oh, Nellie, New York is so busy,’ Catherine said. ‘Everyone is going somewhere and has something important to do.’

  ‘And what we do in London isn’t important?’ Nellie said as she poured.

  ‘It’s different. It’s just more easy. You know, it reminded me strangely of the island. There are the Negroes, of course. But it’s more than the colour of people’s skin. It’s free, Nellie. It’s a place where people are really free.’ She thought suddenly of one of the reporters on the day she’d left, asking her to show some leg. That hadn’t felt free.

  ‘Are you all right?’ Nellie said.

  ‘Oh, yes, fine. I was thinking about something unpleasant.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Nothing that matters now. And I know how to drink gin.’

  ‘You shouldn’t be drinking anything. Is that young Mackintosh fellow corrupting you?’

  ‘Pink gin,’ Catherine said. ‘It’s called a fizz and I’ll make us some tonight.’

  ‘We don’t have gin,’ Nellie said.

  ‘And I didn’t know about this,’ Louisa said. ‘Nellie’s quite right. You shouldn’t be drinking anything, Catherine.’

  ‘Oh, fally-bally,’ Catherine said. ‘We’ll get some gin. Oh, it’s a truly marvellous place, Nellie. You would love it.’

  ‘I’m not sure the Negroes would agree about freedom either,’ Louisa said. ‘When women fought for the vote they had to take the Negroes out of the equation or it would have failed.’

  ‘The Islanders don’t vote in Australia,’ Catherine said. ‘I hardly think that makes a difference.’

  ‘Of course it does,’ Louisa said. ‘Voting’s the one thing that you can make a difference with. Have I taught you nothing?’

  ‘I couldn’t care less for voting,’ Catherine said. ‘The people in New York are free. I could smell it in the streets.’

  ‘Have it your way,’ Nellie said. ‘Freedom’s a smell then. So what did you bring me?’

  Catherine went back out to the front hall and took from her bag the little statuette. She went back to the kitchen. ‘You come into New York Harbor and it’s the first thing you see. It’s freedom and it’s a woman.’

  Nellie looked at Liberty. ‘I do like boiled sweets, you know.’

  Catherine laughed. ‘Oh, stop it, Nellie. Seriously, it’s a symbol

  of freedom.’

  ‘In your last letter you said you were unhappy.’

  Catherine looked at Louisa. ‘I was. The swimming wasn’t going very well until we could get out of the silly tank we had to swim in. Once I did that, we were fine. Except …’

  ‘Except what?’

  ‘Nothing. Oh, I sound ungrateful saying it but they kept putting my picture in the paper, and I didn’t much like it. It’s not at all private. It’s like I’m everyone’s.’ Catherine walked over to the back door. ‘I do like about London that no one knows me. And the dogs are glad to have me home.’

  ‘So am I,’ Nellie said. ‘I just don’t run around your feet snorting. Come, sit and have some more tea. I made jam roly-poly, which is what the Scotties are after. No one will put your picture in the paper in this house. And jam roly-poly will put some meat on those bones.’

  Oh, but it was good to be home, Louisa thought. Travel was all very well, and she’d had the most marvellous time in Baltimore, but Nellie gave her a warm hug and the Scotties ran around her feet, crying with delight, as she came in the front door. No, there was nothing like home.

  She decided not to go to the clinic on her first morning back, but instead to spend some time in her little house. Catherine had gone in, ‘to see what they’ve done to my schoolroom,’ she said. Louisa was in the kitchen with Nellie.

  ‘She has a hunted look,’ Nellie said.

  ‘Don’t be dramatic, Nellie,’ Louisa said, but in truth she was worried about Catherine too. ‘They were there all the time in New York. You wonder what they do when there are no swimmers around to photograph. She was in all the papers when she won the race, and then again when they announced the Channel team. It’s like a madness over there. But she’s back here now and all will be well. You’d have to agree she’s in better spirits.

  ‘Yes, she is,’ Nellie said. ‘She’s growing up.’ She looked squarely at Louisa. ‘And have you given her those letters?’

  Louisa shook her head. ‘It’s been too long now, Nellie. I can’t. And anyway, she’s stopped asking.’

  ‘I can’t help but feel we’ve done her wrong.’

  Louisa wanted to argue with Nellie but found she didn’t have it in her to do so. Nellie was right.

  ‘Did she like the swimming?’ Nellie said.

  ‘Oh, yes,’ Louisa replied, wondering if she should try to explain to Nellie what worried her. She wasn’t altogether sure she could articulate it, but it had something to do with Black. ‘Anyway, she’ll just go over and try the Channel. Mr Black says she has a good chance. And then she’ll come home.’

  ‘Won’t that just make it harder? Those Channel girls are in all the papers even here. Once they get wind of Catherine …’

  ‘Let’s worry about one thing at a time,’ Louisa said. ‘For now, it sounds like she’s happy at the clinic. I’m going to do something about a school for her. I think everything is going to be fine.’

  Ruth Luxton was waiting for Louisa when she arrived the next morning. ‘I’m very happy you went,’ Ruth said, embracing her so hard Louisa nearly fell over. ‘But, oh, we missed you. Just for your surgeon’s hands as much as anything.’

  ‘Not for my surgeon’s temperament?’ Louisa said.

  ‘Perhaps,’ Ruth said. ‘I think you get more done in a day than I do.’

  ‘But you do it so much more kindly.’

  They sat down in the little office. It was still early and Ruth made tea. ‘You’re looking better
,’ she said.

  ‘I am,’ Louisa answered. ‘I think I’ve learned something about myself.’

  ‘And what’s that?’

  ‘I think I’ve spent my whole life since … since Edinburgh working too hard.’

  ‘Well, that is good news. How did you come to that realisation?’ Ruth smiled. ‘Don’t get me wrong, Louisa. I’ve always understood. But it’s got to feel good to let that go.’

  ‘Who said anything about letting go? My intention is to hold on as tight as I can.’

  They both laughed.

  ‘It was Catherine,’ Louisa said.

  ‘Oh, yes,’ Ruth said. ‘I hear she’s been a grand success over there. And the Channel now.’

  ‘It’s not so much the success that struck me as the girl herself. You see, Catherine isn’t trying to be successful or win races or do anything. She’s just happy in herself. Everyone else was so amazed when she won that race, but she didn’t even care.’

  ‘I totally agree she’s a delightful girl,’ Ruth said. ‘But what does that mean for you?’

  ‘I think that’s how I might have been too, before … It’s just been a very extraordinary experience to watch her, to spend time with her. Almost an opportunity to travel back in time, to see what might have been.’

  ‘Does that lead to regrets?’

  ‘A little, yes,’ Louisa said, tears in her eyes. ‘But perhaps also, one day, peace.’

  ‘What a lovely holiday you’ve had, my dear. We don’t get to plan when we’re given insight. Now, should we tackle the mountain of paperwork over there?’

  ‘No,’ Louisa said. ‘Let’s not. Let’s see some patients and worry about the paperwork later.’

  ‘Well, you really have been transformed. I’ve never known you to put off paperwork given a chance!’

  ‘There’s something else,’ Louisa said.

  ‘Yes?’

  Louisa hesitated. ‘Nothing,’ she said finally. She had been going to ask Ruth about the letters, what she should do. Nellie was still insisting that Louisa give them to Catherine, but she didn’t want to. It was too late. And what if Catherine didn’t forgive her? Maybe after the Channel, when Black was out of their lives, she’d tell her. But maybe she’d just let sleeping dogs lie.