Too Good Girl
Page 26
“It’s over.”
Syra
Issues by Julia Michaels
Happy by Marina And The Diamonds
JACK RESTED HIS chin on my shoulder and peered at my reflection, catching my eyes.
“Do I look okay?”
“No.”
I spun around, batting him playfully. “What do you mean no?”
He pulled me to him by the waist and kissed me. “Okay is an inadequate word to use when describing how you look. You look beautiful.”
I wrapped my arms around him, splaying my hands out across his broad back. “Are you trying to butter me up? Because, you know I can’t hang around today. This isn’t something I want to mess up.”
“I know.” He fingered the strands of my dreadlocks and smoothed his fingers along the bright blue material of my headband. “I like you hair like this.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. I can see you properly.” He kissed me again. “I like looking at you.”
I blushed. “Well I like looking at you too.” I found myself combing his hair back from his face, taking in the fading bruises, and holding it at the nape of his neck. “I think I’d like to look at you everyday for a very long time.”
His eyes swam with blues and greens. “Are you sure you want to do this on your own?”
Nodding, I let go of his hair and swept my knuckles down his cheek. “I am. I need to. This…” I sighed. “This is probably going to be the most important thing I’ll have ever done, and I need to do it for me. I have nothing else left that belongs to me except this, and I have to know it’s the right thing to do.”
“I belong to you.”
I smiled. “You know what I mean.”
“I do. At least let me drive you.”
I nodded and turned back to the mirror, smoothing my hands down the front of my dress. I’d never worn a dress in my life, but today was a special day. Today I was going to meet my sister for the first time, and I needed to make a good impression.
Jack dropped me off beside the small seafront cafe painted in bright yellow. I was a little early, but I sauntered inside, ordered a drink and sat at a table near the back of the room.
I was so nervous. I had no idea what to expect, but equally, I had no idea what they were expecting of me. Did Ruth know anything about my mum? Had Doug given her any information about me or was my contact through social services the first she’d heard? They were questions I would be desperate to ask her, but the biggest thing for me was meeting Alice.
She was the same age I had been when my father fell ill. And now her father had been taken away from her too. The thought of that made my heart ache, and I inhaled deeply to suppress the pain.
I’d filled the days leading up to this moment job hunting and finally having my position reinstated at the supermarket. Liam no longer worked there, not unusual for an upcoming manager to move on to pastures new, so I was able to start afresh with no bad feeling. The house we lived in still belonged to Doug, so we were on the lookout for somewhere else. Jack had managed to secure a job working for a friend of his father’s in his motor repair shop, and the future wasn’t looking quite so bleak.
My phone chirped and vibrated along the table top, and picking it up I saw Ruth’s number flashing across the screen. Swiping across it, I lifted it to my ear. “Hello?”
“Hello, Syra. It’s Ruth Patterson. We’ve arrived but can’t get parked anywhere near. I’m going to dump the car at the far end of the promenade and start walking in. I wondered if you’d like to meet us on the beach instead.
I smiled into the phone, lifting my eyes to the glass front of the shop and across the sea. “Of course. I’ll see you in a few minutes.”
Leaving the rest of my drink, I hurried outside, crossing the road to the concrete steps that led to the sand. I slipped out of my Vans and ran down them, now barely able to contain my emotions as the moment I would see her drew closer.
The sun was low in the sky, a sure sign of autumn, but its unusual warmth bathed my face as I scanned the beach for my first sight of them. I was alone for the first few minutes of my walk, but as I padded barefoot in the shallow waves at the edge of the water, my shoes dangling from my fingers, I looked up and saw two figures in the distance. They were just black dots to start with, but as they came closer I began to make out long, flowing brown hair and a small dog on a lead. A painful lump in my throat rose as the two of them came clearly into view and I stopped, needing to take a minute.
The young girl skipped and twirled in the sand, her grandmother taking charge of the dog, and I held my breath.
She looked just like me.
I swiped at the rogue tears that had found their way onto my cheeks and continued to walk towards them. They were mere yards away now, and Ruth lifted her hand in a wave, calling to me. “Hi there!”
I laughed to myself, almost choking on the happiness that bubbled inside of me at how easy this was turning out to be. I mirrored her action, waving and shielding my face from the sun. “Hi!”
Before I had a chance to move or say anything else, a small Jack Russell was yapping at my feet, shouting at me to give it attention, and I squatted to stroke its head. “Hello there.”
“He’s called Rex.” Alice stopped in front of me and assumed a similar position, patting the dog’s back. “He’s quite smelly and doesn’t ever do as he’s told.”
I laughed and looked up at her. Her eyes were my mother’s: dark brown, like chocolate buttons. “Is that so?”
She nodded. “Yep. But he does do tricks. Wana see?”
I glanced up at Ruth, who stood back a few steps and she lifted her hand in greeting again, mouthing another ‘hi’.
“Hi.” I turned back to face Alice who had stood up and grabbed Rex’s lead. “I sure do. Let’s go.” Standing, I watched on, giggling and laughing as Rex played fetch with a stick and then twirled around on his back legs when Alice teased him with it. “They’re great tricks.”
“He’s the best dog.” She smiled and threw the stick for him again before plonking herself in the sand at my feet. “Wana build castles with me? I sometimes think maybe I’m a bit too old for this, but it’s still fun, right?”
I smiled and joined her on the sand. “I don’t think you’re ever too old for sandcastles. Shall we have a competition or do you want to build one together?”
She grabbed a fistful of sand, letting it trickle between her fingers as she looked out to sea. “I think we should work together so we can talk to each other and I can get to know you.”
“I think that’s a very good idea.”
Ruth approached us with Rex causing havoc at her heels. “I think I’m going to have a wander over to the ice cream hut. Do you girls want anything?”
“99 with a flake and strawberry sauce, please.”
“99 with a flake and strawberry sauce, please.”
We looked at each other and burst out laughing before Alice shuffled closer to me and picked up my little finger, hooking it with her own. “Well I guess we really must be sisters then.”
We spent the next half an hour collaborating and creating the most elaborate sandcastle the world had ever seen without so much as a bucket or spade. Alice ran up and down the beach looking for shells and bits of seaweed to decorate it, and we sat back and admired it, side by side, leaning back on our elbows.
“You’re quite the little designer, Alice.” I turned to look at her, watching the way her hair blew in the wind and how her nose scrunched up when she was thinking, just like mine. “Do you think you’d like to create things when you’re older?”
She shook her head quite adamantly. “I want to be a marine biologist.”
“You do?”
“I love the sea and I love the creatures in it. I have been to loads of aquariums and I know that’s what I want to do.”
“That’s quite impressive. It’s pretty cool that you already know what your heart is set on.”
I smiled. “We do, kind of. And I kind of like that. It makes me feel close to you.”
He finger trailed over my forehead and down my cheek. “I like it too. I like your hair. How do you get it like that?”
A small laugh escaped me. “Lots of patience, some tangling and twisting.”
She ran her fingers through her own hair. “Sounds like way too much hard work. I don’t even like getting mine washed. It takes literally forever to dry.”
I leaned in and whispered. “Why do you think I have mine like this?” I winked and she giggled.
“Ice-cream anyone?”
Alice jumped to her feet and ran to help her grandmother, and the three of us sat quietly, staring out to sea and just enjoying being in each other’s company.
The time for them to leave came around way too quickly, and I felt sadness shroud me before I’d even said goodbye.
“Hey, Syra, can we get a selfie?”
Leaning in and wrapping my arm around her shoulder, I took my phone from my bag and held it out. “Silly or serious?” We both looked at each other and scrunched our noses up before laughing and shouting ‘silly’ in unison. We took at least four different poses and fell about laughing at each other’s daft faces, and after I’d sent them to Ruth’s phone, we stood to our feet, brushing sand from out bottoms and prepared ourselves for farewell.
“Will we get to do this again sometime?” Alice looked at me and then her grandmother. “Can we come and see Syra again, Gran?”
“She smiled and stroked the top of Alice’s head. “I’m sure we can arrange something.”
Alice fist-pumped the air and grinned. “I’ve always wanted a big sister!”
Ruth told her to run along ahead and then invited me to walk with them for a little while. She apologised for not knowing I existed and for knowing nothing about who I was. She told me Doug had never disclosed who Alice’s mother was, and when she found out that it was Victor’s wife a few weeks previous, she was shocked and devastated that such a huge secret had been kept. She gave me their address, a small cottage along the cliff, and told me I was welcome anytime.
“You mother, too.”
I smiled sadly. “We’ll see. She’s not really in a fit state to be getting involved at the moment, but one day, perhaps.” Having to say that about her caused my eyes to sting with tears, and Ruth stopped to wipe them away.
“Alice knows she has a mother somewhere. She knows that one day she will get to meet her, and she is accepting of that at the moment. Don’t you beat yourself up over my selfish son’s choices.” Her eyes shone with tears this time, and I couldn’t stop myself from wrapping my arms around her and holding her tight.
“I’m glad I’m going to get to know you. And I’m so thankful that you’re letting me get to know her.” I pulled back and we held each other at arms’ length. “My whole life, the people that mattered to me, my family, have either disappeared or let me down. Alice is my second chance. She’s the only family I have left and that means so much to me.”
Ruth rubbed my shoulder. “Well I’m getting a bit old to know what ten-year-old girls need, so I’ll definitely be glad of the support.” She winked and we laughed. “Go catch up with her and say goodbye, and we’ll arrange another get-together soon.”
I kissed her cheek, hitched the skirt of my dress up and ran along the sand, scooping Alice up by the waist and spinning her around to the sound of our laughter.
I watched them leave, all of us waving like maniacs, and I knew I’d formed a special bond—one that I would hold tight to my chest for as long as I lived.
When I couldn’t see them anymore, I called Jack.
“Hey, you.”
“Hey. What are you up to?”
“Nothing much. You okay?”
I squinted out at the ocean, watching as the waves crescendoed. “I’m okay.”
“Are you sure?”
Inhaling, I held the air in my lungs for a few seconds, and then blew it back out. It was the first time in such a long time that I felt like I could truly breathe. My past was finally beginning to make sense, and my future was laid like an open road in front of me, waiting for me to navigate the way with a confidence that was starting to blossom.
“I’m sure. Meet me on the sand dunes in ten?”
“Sure. See you soon.”
I hung up, continuing my lazy walk along the beach until I reached the grassy dunes near the back of our house. Jack was already there, the wind in his hair, his signature leather jacket flapping around his body, and I ran.
I ran so fast I almost tripped and fell in the deep sand, I ran until my chest hurt and tears streamed down the side of my face from the cold breeze. I ran until I was in his arms, melting against his warm and sold frame. I wrapped myself around him, tipping my head back and looking into those eyes I had been in love with forever. He looked at me like I was a jewel, a gemstone, polished to perfection, and I lifted onto my tiptoes, pressing my lips to his in a single kiss, loaded with a million words.
Pulling back I looked up at him. “Today is my favourite day.”
“It is?” He pulled me closer to his body, his hands in the small of my back. “And why is that?”
“Because I got to meet my little sister and then race home to the man I love.”
He smiled. “You had fun, huh?”
I nodded. “The most fun. We had ice-cream, built a sandcastle with our hands and we talked. She’s a lot like me.”
“Sounds like the best fun. I’m so happy for you, Sy.” He leaned in and captured my mouth again, gifting me a kiss that filled me up from the inside with his love, and when he’d finished, I turned and stood beside him, breathless and looking out to sea.
The world had darkened, the moon shining its light on us, and I slipped my hand in his. “Do you know what though?”
He squeezed my fingers and kissed the top of my head. “What?”
I breathed in and out, the sea air giving me a renewed sense of purpose and I smiled. I’d come so far since the day I lost my father. I’d made mistakes and given up on my future. But Jack had saved me, pulling me from the destruction I’d created for myself, and he’d showed me exactly what I was worth.
I was good enough.
Emptying my lungs, I threw my head back to look at the sky, catching sight of the tail end of a shooting star. “It’s my favourite day because it’s the day I came back to life.”
Rise Up by Andra Day
AUTHOR’S NOTE
Too Good Girl deals with real life issues. If you or anyone you know or love is dealing with grief, loss, mental health issues or drug related problems, I urge you to reach out, either by speaking to a family member, a close friend or colleague, or by accessing the wonderful charities and organisations that are set up to give the kind of support that you or they deserve.
You are good enough.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Writing this book has been a journey for me in so many ways, and I could not have even contemplated having it ready without the wonderful support of so many amazing people.
First and foremost, as always, I have to thank my penguin, Katie Fox. First of all, I must thank you for formatting my words into a beautiful book. You rock. You are my constant, the one I can message at any time of the day and recieve the support or the arse kicking I need. I value your opinions, I value the way you challenge me to think differently, but above all, I value your friendship. Thank you for pushing me to get this book finished, for reading it, for catching my typos and for questioning holes in my plot line. Thank you for encouraging me and pushing me when I’m doubting myself. I love you somethin’ fierce, dude. Always.
Similarly, I need to thank Heather. You’ve become one of the people I speak to every day and whose friends
hip I have come to value so very much. You’re one of my biggest cheerleaders and have been from the start of this crazy journey, and I can not thank you enough for your support. You are selfless, and I swear your heart is made of skittles or something. Thank you for believing in and loving this story so bloody much and for your constant encouragement throughout the writing of it. Thank you for snipping and red-penning my words so they shine and for shouting my name from the rooftops on social media. You’re amazing. I love you.
Thank you to my BETA team. You are superstars. You are the ones who help me make this the best it can be. Thank you for reading my ‘not quite ready’ manuscript and loving it anyway.
I want to thank my Jelephant House members, the ones who put up with my crazy, or my absense because I’m so damn busy all the time, who support me and share my posts and tell other people about my work. I’m not listing anyone, because I will miss people out. You know who you are, you know how much you mean to me and how grateful I am to each and every one of you. I love you all dearly and am so thankful for everything you do for me.
Thank you to the Facebook community—to bloggers, readers and fellow authors for supporting, sharing and promoting. You are all just wonderful human beings.
Thank you to Ena and Amanda from Enticing Journeys for their promotion and for getting the word out about this story.
Thank you to S who does the washing and puts the bins out so I can sit here and follow my dream. I know you won’t see this, but I love you muchly. To B for making me the proudest Mum on the planet and for understanding when I’m busy and on a deadline. You’re the best boy in the world.
And finally to you, the reader. As always, you’re the one who keeps this dream alive for me, and the one I hit publish for. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.