The Discipline

by Jade A. Waters

  “She did, and she very quickly remarried. Kole didn’t know much of his father—divorced parents and all.”

  “That’s why he’s so fond of Dean.”

  “Yes. He saw what Dean was going through at home, and with Dean wanting to help on the docks all the time, you can see how they ended up palling around on the boat together as much as they did. Did Dean tell you Niko put him through school?”

  “He mentioned it, yeah.”

  “Well, he did it on the grounds that he not sever ties with his family. I think it was a boon for everyone.” Cassie held her wine glass to her chest, her hair rustling with our glide along the water’s surface as she reflected. “Does he talk to his parents much?”

  “I think so. They seem close, though I don’t think he’s seen them in a couple of years.” At her acknowledgment, I said, “He’s really close with his brothers.”

  “That wasn’t the case when he was young. They were troubled. His parents were strapped, working all the time. Dean looked out for the boys, but I think he resented it in some ways. He was a kid, you know? I’m glad it’s changed and they’re talking. And that Niko pushed him to be closer. He wanted the best for Dean and always has. It’s good to see them both thriving all these years later.”

  Cassie’s expression was warm as she gazed at them, making it easy to see how much she cared for Niko, and Dean. With the sway of the waves and the wind flaring up at various points of our sail, I couldn’t hear much of what they said behind us. Whatever it was inspired Niko to thump Dean’s arm with his big palm, then he smoothed it over Dean’s back in a paternal gesture. They’d laughed and joked most of the night, and they looked comfortable side by side in the close manner of people who’d known each other for a lifetime.

  “Are you close with your parents?” Cassie asked.

  “Yes, though I don’t see them often since they retired in Seattle. And before that, they lived in New York.” I gave her the short version of my family background; first I told her of my former musician dad, then my psychologist mother, who’d fallen in love with him during one of his sets. I also told her about Ryan and how I’d idolized him growing up since he was older. “It’ll be interesting at Selby’s wedding. Dean will get to meet Ryan, and maybe my parents if they make it out.”

  Cassie grinned. “Now what about you two?” She pivoted in her seat and faced me squarely, tapping a pink fingernail on her wine glass. “Dean hasn’t had a woman in his life that he’s wanted to meet us in a long time. Or as far as I know, his brothers, either. It’s wonderful. Tell me more about how you two got together.”

  I glanced at Dean. There it was again—another mention of how long it had been since.

  What hadn’t Dean told me? Why hadn’t he told me, when we’d talked about so much of our pasts?

  I toyed with the edge of the blanket, trying to tamp down my curiosity over Dean’s big mystery. This didn’t make sense. “So,” I began, “my best friend’s fiancé works for Fields Construction, which Dean’s company works with sometimes. When they threw a Memorial Day barbecue, we both ended up there. That’s where we met.”

  “Friends of friends.”

  “Right.” Telling her felt like gushing to a mom, and it subdued the wonder buzzing around my head. I leaned in. “And let’s say he charmed me in about five seconds.”

  Cassie laughed. “I’m not surprised. He’s much like Niko in that way. I can’t even imagine what it was like when they lived together!”

  “I know! I bet there were broken hearts everywhere.”

  Both of us laughed this time, the sound loud enough that Dean and Niko broke from their exchange to survey us.

  “Are you two gossiping?” Dean asked. Under the lights of the cockpit I made out his smile, and Niko’s rugged grin matched the easy shake of his head—casual, calm.

  Must be where Dean picked it up.

  “Yes!” Cassie said. “We have been all this time. Aren’t your ears burning?”

  “A bit.” Dean headed up toward us while Niko took the bench seat at the opposite wheel, putting us within earshot of one another on the same side of the boat. Dean sat on the couch beside me and reached out to caress my leg. “Are you spilling our secrets?”

  “Only the tame ones.”

  Niko issued a deep guffaw. He scooped up the tumbler of vodka he’d been nursing for well over an hour. He and Dean had drunk little, both of them manning the wheel, which Niko released to caress Cassie’s nearby shoulder above the blanket. She angled toward him to stroke the side of his face before he returned to his steering. She said, “I was telling Maya how lovely it is to have Dean bring a woman to meet us again. She’s a dear heart, don’t you think?”

  I caught Dean’s expression right before he lifted his glass to his lips, a shadow in his eyes twice as dark under the lights of the boat, and an obvious strain in the lines around them.

  What woman were they talking about?

  “It sure has been a long time,” Niko said, wistful. He considered this over a sip of his own beverage, but then he swept the conversation away as easily as the subtle waves lapped at the bottom of the yacht. Glass in hand, he pointed at Dean and me. “I hope our Dean is treating you well?”

  Dean didn’t speak. His gaze reflected only a hint of whatever I’d just seen, and the air of the bay felt oddly cold around me.

  Why hadn’t he told me about this mystery woman? I didn’t like not knowing, but this didn’t seem like the time to ask more.

  I took Dean’s hand and tilted toward Niko. “He absolutely does. I can assure you, Dean knows how to treat a lady.”

  Except for the secrets. Those felt shitty, and an inkling of frustration bubbled up in me.

  “Good. I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Niko said. Dean wasn’t talking. Niko, however, was apparently used to holding court. He kept the conversation going. “Tell us more about your work, Maya. Dean mentioned running fundraisers?”

  “Sometimes,” I said, attempting to dismiss the curiosity that pinged my spine. I told them about some of the events we’d done, leading Niko and Cassie to questions about social work in general. After I answered them, we shifted to more talk on the beauty of sailing and the way the ocean looked at various stops around the world. Dean rejoined the conversation with his own experiences, and whatever secret had risen up floated away. Eventually, between the rocking of the boat and the alcohol I’d consumed, I needed a bathroom break. I pushed aside the blanket to head downstairs. “Be right back.” I paused to give Dean a kiss, sliding my fingers along his arm and gazing into his face. He looked relaxed, but uneasy somehow, too. “I love you,” I said.

  “You too.”

  So many questions resurfaced as I wandered off, and I wondered if more of the story might arise in my time away. I was halfway below deck when I heard Cassie say, “You two are really sweet.”

  Had he and this mystery woman everyone seemed to be referencing been “sweet”? And how had there been a woman serious enough in Dean’s life to meet Niko and Cassie, but that I’d never heard about?

  Once the boat shifted with a larger swell, I wobbled through the cabin, keeping my palms on the hatches on my way to the tiny bathroom. I hadn’t realized how tipsy I was until I shut the door and snapped the lock into place. After I finished my business, I washed my hands and checked in the mirror. My cheeks were red from the chill outside, and probably the alcohol.

  And also, maybe from the feeling that Dean had kept something from me. I’d told him my entire sordid history with Charlie, and we’d talked about plenty of our past flings. Since he’d never mentioned someone serious, I’d assumed there simply hadn’t been someone to mention.

  Why had this enormous detail skipped his list?

  I splashed some water on my face and breathed. I’d had too much to drink if I was getting this flustered so fast. We just neede
d to talk about it at some point. Thank God Dean had kept his intake moderated to drive us back to his place, where we could spend the stroke of midnight curled together on his deck.

  That thought cheered me up.

  How cute are we?

  More calmed, I weaved out of the bathroom to head on deck. I resolved to finish my drink and call it done, because it was probably my tipsiness that gave me pause once I reached the base of the stairs at the exchange between Cassie and Dean.

  “So you are still?”

  “Of course we are! You’re surprised by this? You’ve known Niko your entire life,” Cassie said, her voice low. “My God, the two of you bachelored your way through most of San Francisco together. You know Niko. My tastes have always been a little different. This works for us.”

  “I thought you’d settled down in that regard.”

  “Why?” This came from Niko, his tone deep, firm. “Don’t you hang with Ansel?”

  “No. That’s done.”

  Ansel? Evan’s friend?

  What were they talking about?

  I gripped the rail to steady myself. I had only a few more steps before my eavesdropping would become obvious. I didn’t want to be nosy...but I stalled a little longer.

  “You two seemed to run that scene so well—”

  “It’s done. We stopped...a long time ago.”

  Stopped what?

  “Is there a reason?”

  “We just did. I don’t want to talk about it.”

  Well, I sure wanted to talk about it. Fuck. I clenched my fist around the railing. I didn’t want to be rude or learn all this from eavesdropping. I wanted Dean to tell me. I gritted my teeth, trying to appear somewhat detached when I popped up from the stairs, as if I hadn’t heard more hints of things I knew nothing about. Dean jerked his head in my direction once the heels of my boots hit the deck surface.

  “Hey.” He circled my waist after I took the seat next to him, but the boat ride felt a touch rockier, the breeze colder. What the hell had I missed? I pulled the blanket sideways to cover my legs, trying to read Dean. I got nothing beyond a subtle look of surprise.

  “I feel like I missed something big,” I mumbled.

  “You did,” Cassie said.

  “It was nothing.” Dean followed his rushed comment with a gulp of his drink, and Cassie cocked her head toward me.

  “Niko and I were asking Dean for some tips on the city scene these days.”

  “Scene?” I looked between them.

  Cassie said, “Swingers’ scene.”

  My jaw slackened. “Oh.”

  Cassie and Niko were swingers?

  I tried to piece together everything Dean had told me—that he’d picked up his tastes from watching Niko, but that Cassie was so vanilla. Obviously, that wasn’t the case.

  Her laugh flowed soft and light, and she rested her palm on Niko’s hand, reminding me how charming they were together. “I figured, dating Dean, you were safe to discuss that in front of. We’re fairly open about it.”

  “I am.” I glanced at him. “Caught me off guard a tad, but I think it’s awesome.”

  Though, I still wasn’t understanding what Ansel had to do with Niko and Cassie. And a swingers’ club? Dean didn’t meet my eyes. The number of stories I wasn’t in the loop for grated my nerves.

  “Thank you, dear. I think it’s just another way to keep things interesting.” She reached across me to give Dean’s arm a pinch. “You really thought we’d stopped that?”

  “You got married.”

  “So? We’ve never been traditional. I thought you weren’t either.”

  Dean rubbed his forehead and took another swig of his drink. His bewilderment broke down the firm command I was used to seeing on him, but we were getting serious and doing all sorts of nontraditional things.

  Did he think that would level off in time or something?

  Cassie tipped her wine glass sideways, a tiny pool of red faintly visible under the boat lights. “I’m out. I’ll go grab more. Preference, Maya? More red?”

  “I’m okay, I think.”

  “Fine. More for me.” Cassie practically sang the words as she headed for the lower level. Niko leaned against the side of the boat, his hand firm on the wheel.

  The frankness of the conversation blew my mind, but more was the mention of two people Dean had failed to fill me in on, and now his bizarre...what was it? Confusion, over people living a pretty fucking amazing lifestyle, just like us? Or was it evasiveness?

  “Anyway,” Dean said, throwing his hands out, “I’ve got no suggestions for you. I’m sorry.” Niko shrugged before Dean changed the subject. “So, tomorrow. Chinatown?”

  Niko looked him over, clearly thrown by the abrupt shift, too. What is up with Dean?

  “Sure,” Niko said.

  And there we were...back in the land of normal, safe conversation. I picked up my glass, examining the empty curve of the cup as Cassie came up from below, swinging another bottle of red.

  “Saved by merlot!” She approached her open spot on the couch, but Niko caught her hand and tugged her into him. She wrapped her arm around his shoulders to kiss him, their hips close. Then she held up the bottle. Though Niko shook his head, they kissed again before she returned to pour herself a glass.

  She offered me another, but I said, “No, thanks. I need to sober up before we head back to Dean’s.”

  “Fair enough. Let’s head back in then. Sound good?”

  “Works for me.” I shrugged off every ounce of irritation, wanting to enjoy the last of my time with them and on the boat. “This has been so fun, you two. Thank you for taking me out here!”

  “Our pleasure,” Niko said.

  Once he began turning the sails to carry us to shore, Cassie laid her head back on the couch cushion. She lowered her wine glass to her lap with a glow in her face and pointed at the sky. “Check it out. That’s Ursa Major.”

  “Oh! I used to be good with those. I forgot most of them,” I said.

  I listened to her point out more constellations in our drift back to land, where Niko tied off the boat and we stepped onto the pier. Cassie gestured toward the city lights on the street. “We’ve got some cleanup here before we head in, but are you going to be okay to drive, Dean?”

  “Yeah. I’m good,” he said, confident but quiet. The tension in his jaw had started to lift, like getting off the boat had saved him from spilling the dirt I still needed to know.

  “All right,” Niko said. He opened his arms, and I slid into them for a hug. “It’s been fantastic meeting you. You’re a sweetheart.” He kissed the top of my head and I beamed.

  “You too! I’m so happy to have met you.”

  “We’ve loved getting to know you.” Cassie embraced me against her slender frame after Niko released me, all while Dean stood aside. When she kissed the side of my face, she circled my wrists with her palms. “You’re welcome aboard any time. I hope we’ll see you again one day.”

  “Me too. Thank you! Have an amazing rest of your trip. Make Dean take you wherever you want to go, okay?”

  “We will,” Niko said, patting Dean’s shoulder. He and Cassie laughed, then gave Dean hugs after a few words exchanged about where and what time they’d meet tomorrow. Dean reached for my hand once we left them for his car. When his fingers laced with mine, they were warm against the cold air of the Embarcadero. The street was busy as ever, considering it was a holiday, plenty of cars rushing by with headlights shining in both directions and the occasional person screaming out the window.

  “Did you have fun?” He took a pulse of my fingers before we started across the street.

  “I did. Did you?”

  “I did.”

  I measured the look on his face. It was the same as usual—a faint smile on hi
s lips, the touch of lines around his eyes making him look rugged, handsome. He’d had some vodka but didn’t strike me as that tipsy, which was okay, since he was driving and I’d more than made up for it between us. Though it probably wasn’t the best time, I couldn’t stop myself from running with the thoughts in my head.

  “It was cool that Niko and Cassie were that open,” I said. He nodded. “Did that surprise you?”

  “A little? I thought they’d settled down.”

  “Do relationships need to ‘settle down’?”

  “I think you’re reading too much into the whole conversation.”

  Was I? I didn’t think so, but I went with another of what felt like one hundred questions brewing. “Okay. Can I ask a question?”

  “Sure.”

  “Well... I noticed Ansel’s name was brought up. I assume that’s Evan’s...um, your friend, Ansel. What was that about?”

  We’d reached his car, and Dean unlocked the passenger side before looking into my face. “Ansel and I used to—”

  I blurted, “Swing?”

  “No. But we hung around together.”

  I was confused. “Like, together?”

  “No,” Dean said, chuckling. “With women, together.”

  Wait. What?

  I gasped. “Threesomes?”

  Dean hesitated. Then he gave a curt nod.

  “Why didn’t you tell me about that?”

  He shrugged. “It didn’t come up. And it was ages ago.”

  I struggled to wrap my tipsy brain around this while Dean opened the door and ushered me into the car. After I tucked my feet inside, he closed the door, and I buckled my seatbelt in shock. I hadn’t forgotten Ansel from Christmas Eve.

  Those two, together, in bed with one woman?

  Holy hell.

  But why the fuck hadn’t I heard about this? Especially considering we’d talked about having our own threesome in the past?

  Dean got in the car and buckled up. I sank deeper into the leather seat, propping my elbow on the doorframe. “Are you going to tell me more about it?”