First Chances

by Kant, Komal

  Shit happened. What mattered was if you let yourself get swept away in the currents or if you fought the tide. Every day was a fight. You just couldn’t give up.

  ***

  “Eddie!” Hailie exclaimed, jumping on my back.

  I bounced her around and she squealed as her tiny hands wrapped around my neck. Placing her down, I turned my attention back to the stove. Mom was at work and I was in charge of dinner tonight. The guys had wanted to practice at Luca’s house, but it was a school night and Hailie had to be in bed by eight.

  “What’s up, Hails?” I asked, stirring the pot of spaghetti and meatballs.

  “You got a message.” She held out my phone to me.

  Taking it from her, I saw that the message was from Hadie. Huh. She never messaged me anymore. That was strange.

  Hey, sorry to bother you. I was wondering if you could cover my 5-11 shift tomorrow night.

  Irritation swamped me. Of course she only messaged me when she wanted something. I quickly punched back a short response.

  Sorry, cant.

  Hadie and I both worked part-time at Belle’s Diner after school and on the weekends. Lately, she’d been trying to get out of her shifts last minute. I’d picked up some of her shifts, but I refused to do it any longer.

  I put the phone down on the counter and reached for the pot of spaghetti that I’d already drained, trying to brush off Hadie’s message. It was frustrating that she didn’t message me asking how I was or wanting to hang out. Well, I refused to be used by her.

  “Was it Mommy?” Hailie asked, staring up at me expectantly with her bright blues.

  “Huh? Oh.” I began filling two plates with the spaghetti and meatballs a little too furiously. “No, it was Hadie.”

  “Is she your girlfriend?” Hailie asked in a teasing voice as she sat down at the kitchen table and studied me with interest.

  “No, she’s not my girlfriend, Hails.” I said with a chuckle and placed the plates down on the table. “What do you want to drink?”

  She paused, her expression thoughtful as she swung her legs back and forth. “Sprite, please.”

  I poured her a glass of Sprite and sat down at the table across from her, trying to ignore the twisting in my stomach. It was hard to break away from Hadie when she was present in all aspects of my life.

  “I like Hadie,” Hailie commented, finally breaking the silence.

  I glanced up to find her staring at me intently, and I couldn’t help but chuckle again. Hailie was six—she pretty much liked everyone.

  “Do you like Hadie?” she asked, when I didn’t say anything.

  I shrugged, pushing my fork through my spaghetti as I considered her question. “I guess I do.”

  “Then why isn’t she your girlfriend?”

  If only things were as simple as that. Soon we would be adults going off to college, and I knew I would always think back to this time and wonder the same thing.

  With a sigh, I put my fork down and leaned back in my chair. “Because she isn’t ready to do that yet.”

  “Why?” Hailie’s brow furrowed.

  “It’s complicated,” I said slowly. “Hadie has a lot of problems.”

  “Like what?” Hailie’s eyes were wide with curiosity.

  I tried to explain it as best as I could to a little kid who was still struggling to understand how complex people could be. “She lost someone she loved, so she’s very unhappy and no one’s been able to help her.”

  “Oh.” Hailie’s face fell, and I could see her mind working. She finally looked back at me with shining eyes. “Then you should help. You’re good at fixing problems.”

  I smiled at her as I reached across the table and took a gulp of her Sprite. “Trust me, Hails, I’ve been trying, but nothing seems to be working.”

  She shot me an annoyed look. “You have to romance her, duh,” Her expression dead serious.

  My brows shot up at that. I had no idea where my little sister had learned about romance from, but from the look on her face she seemed like she knew what she was talking about.

  “And what do you know about romancing?” I asked, struggling to keep the smile off my face.

  “Billy Walker gives me candy and a love letter every Friday,” she stated a matter-of-factly as she slurped up a forkful of spaghetti.

  “What?” I almost choked on a meatball. “Who is he? How old is he? Where does he live? Why didn’t I hear about this before?” My instincts kicked into overprotective big brother mode.

  “He’s in my grade.” Hailie rolled her eyes at me. “And Mom knows. I told her not to tell you because I knew you’d go psycho.”

  “How do you even know that word?” I asked, staring at her in disbelief. My sister was growing up way too fast.

  “I know a lot of things,” she said, eating another forkful of spaghetti. She studied me with wise eyes. “That’s why you should listen to me and give her candy.”

  “Huh,” I mused as my mind began working.

  I wasn’t sure about candy and love letters, but maybe there was something else I could do for Hadie that would make her see that she meant a lot to me.

  The fact that I was being schooled by a six-year-old on romance wasn’t lost on me. Usually, I was the one giving my friends relationship advice. I guess it ran in the family.

  “If you like her you should,” she said with a bossy tone. “Mom got flowers from-oops!” Hailie clamped her mouth with both hands, her eyes wide.

  “Flowers?” I asked, suspiciously. “From who?”

  Hailie made a zipping motion across her lips. “I promised I wouldn’t tell!”

  And with that she went back to eating her spaghetti and meatballs, leaving me completely stumped. What in the holy hell was going on? Was my mom seeing someone and not telling me about it?

  I mean, I’d had my suspicions, but it seemed as though things were getting serious, especially if Hailie was in on it. I would definitely have to ask her about it, and this time get an answer out of her.

  As for Hadie, maybe my little sister was right. If I liked her then I should show her that I did. Still, there were other girls I could put my time into—like Fiona. She was a really cool chick who’d had a rough life. She was a good person and actually wanted to hang out with me.

  Hadie consumed my thoughts so much, and it wasn’t getting me anywhere. At some point I had to move on and live my own life. At some point I had to come to terms with the fact that maybe Hadie wouldn’t be a part of it.

  But maybe that didn’t have to happen just yet. Maybe there was still a chance for Hadie and me.

  Don’t give up on her.

  Lincoln’s words echoed in my mind, like a mantra I couldn’t escape from.

  Chapter Eleven

  Hadie

  I had the Friday night shift at Belle’s Diner, which was just about the worst shift to have.

  Everyone always got something to eat before heading off to a typical Friday night event. The quieter people did dinner and a movie, but the people looking for a good time braved a field party in the cold temperatures.

  When you lived in a small town in the Midwest, your Friday night options were pretty limited. Prior to losing Lincoln, I had been pretty content to just stay at home and read a book, but now that made me feel suffocated and trapped. Now I wanted to be at a party, losing myself in the crowd, or on the back of Three’s motorcycle.

  Belle had two servers working tonight; me and a junior named Laura Dempsey who had porcelain skin, pale red hair, and wide-set eyes. She was a nice enough girl, although she loved to gossip and often tried to direct the conversation onto my former exes. One was of course Lincoln; the other was Bennett Anderson.

  Since Lincoln and Bennett were jock-type guys, I could understand people’s interest in how a bookworm like me had managed to date them. Labels didn’t matter to me, but at Statlen High they mattered to a lot of people.

  I wasn’t even sure if I was still a bookworm anymore. I didn’t know what I was. I was the g
irl with purple hair stuck in limbo, in a place where I didn’t quite know myself.

  “Oh, my God!” Laura hurried over to where I was furiously cleaning a table. “Look who just walked in!”

  The diner was almost at full capacity and we were getting slammed. I was trying to get this table in my section clean so it was ready for the next people that came in. Another girl—Jill Hembley—was supposed to be working tonight, but she’d called to say she was too sick to come in. I was pretty sure she’d skipped work to go to a party.

  When I glanced over at the doorway, my heart sank. It was Bennett, along with three of his Neanderthal friends. He was definitely the last person I wanted to be around, considering he’d cheated on me and then turned his nasty friends against me. Unfortunately the only free table was the one in my section that I was cleaning right now.

  As though sensing my thoughts, Bennett’s eyes fell on me. Something in his face changed, and he made his way over to where Laura and I were standing.

  “Hi!” Laura said brightly. Too brightly. I knew she was internally squealing inside. She’d told me many times how attractive she found Bennett. Too bad he was a total jerk. “This table is free for you guys.”

  Bennett responded with a nod. I didn’t know one of the guys with him, but the other two guys were brothers—Carter and Hunter Hammond, the richest guys in our school. They were both very attractive, and while Carter was a nice guy, his younger brother was a total douchebag from what I’d heard.

  “Let me get you some menus,” I said, trying to sound cheerful. I was anything but cheerful.

  I walked away with Laura following closely behind me. “Oh, my God! Carter and Hunter are here!” She said this as though I was blind and couldn’t possibly have seen them.

  It was weird that they’d come to a simple diner to eat. Sure, there weren’t a lot of great places to eat in town, but I figured Hunter would think he was too good for this place. Rumor had it the Hammonds had a private chef.

  “Laura, you’re ignoring your section,” I pointed out. I could see some of the customers glaring in our direction, and I was sure they were done and just wanted their checks so they could leave.

  “Oh, right!” she said, staring at one of her tables in disdain. “Let me know everything they say!”

  With a nod, I grabbed four menus from behind the counter and dragged my feet back to Bennett’s table.

  “What can I get you guys to drink?” I chirped as I handed them each a menu.

  I wanted to gag at the enthusiasm in my voice, but I had to be polite and this was me pushing it to the extreme because I hated Bennett so much.

  Hunter snatched the menu out of my hand without so much as thank you, while Carter was the only one who smiled at me.

  “A sprite, please,” Bennett said, his face pale. He seemed uncharacteristically nervous. I’d known him since we were kids, so I could tell when something was bothering him.

  When I had all their orders, I went back into the kitchen to get their drinks and to catch my breath.

  “You won’t believe who’s out there!” I fumed, my pleasant manner disappearing when I caught sight of Eddie. “Bennett and his lackeys! Why does he come here when he knows I’ll be working?”

  Eddie was over by the fryers, pulling out a basket of hot fries. He stared at me in confusion, and I felt myself blush. I’d forgotten that we weren’t exactly on talking terms. The thing was, we’d been working together for almost a year now and he was my go-to-person who I vented to. Now I didn’t even have that anymore. It was no one’s fault but my own.

  “Sorry,” I mumbled and began getting the drinks the guys had asked for.

  When I had them all, I hurried out of the kitchen, feeling incredibly uncomfortable. I also felt like a complete bitch. Eddie Cavallari was about the nicest guy you could get, and I had pushed him to a point where we couldn’t even speak to each other.

  With a buzzing head, I gave Bennett and his friends their drinks, took their food orders, and relayed them back to the kitchen. As I waited on their food, I cleared away some tables, got some people boxes to go, and collected a few decent tips.

  As I handed a table their check, my phone vibrated in my pocket.

  Help me find something.

  It was Three. I quickly replied.

  What?

  A rebel child with crazy purple hair.

  I hear she’s doing responsible things like waiting tables while ur not

  Promoting the importance of sustaining a living through hard work? Hmm I prefer mugging little old ladies myself

  I laugh escaped me as I typed back a response.

  Were you trying to impress me with your big words?

  Idk. Did it work?

  I laughed again. I liked Three a lot, and there was always a warm feeling in my chest when we spoke or spent time together, but it was nothing compared to what being with Lincoln was like. Floating and free-falling at the same time. That was what love was to me.

  And that was something I didn’t have anymore.

  Maybe. C u after work?

  Sure thing

  As I put my phone back in my pocket, two people walked into the diner holding hands. One of them was very familiar to me.

  “Mr. Bracks?” I said, feeling a little out of breath.

  “Hello, Hadie.” He gave me a small nod, as he released the woman’s hand. “That’s a lovely shade of purple.”

  My eyes shot to the woman standing beside him. Was he seeing her? Were they on a date, or just friends? Did this mean that things were definitely over between Mr. Bracks and his wife?

  “Um, thanks.” I felt awkward being around him, mainly because I just didn’t know him well enough.

  “How is school, Hadie?” the woman asked with a pleasant smile. There was something familiar about her, but I couldn’t quite place how I knew her. She was definitely acting as though she knew me.

  So that I didn’t come across rude, I simply responded with a bright smile. “School’s the same as always.”

  “Same, old boring stuff?” she asked, and I decided there was something in her face that I liked.

  “Pretty much,” I responded with a small laugh. “Um, so will it be just the two of you tonight?”

  Mr. Bracks slipped his hand back into the woman’s hand. “Yes, just us two.”

  She beamed at him, her face practically glowing. It was pretty clear they were newly dating, because everything about them said ‘honeymoon stage’.

  “Okay, follow me,” I said, purposely leading them to a corner booth Laura’s section so that I wouldn’t have to interact with Mr. Bracks further.

  “Your server, Laura, will be right with you,” I said, as they both took a seat across from each other. “Enjoy your night.”

  As I turned to walk away, Mr. Bracks called out to me. “Hadie, just a second.”

  “Yes?” I asked, turning around to see him studying me with a sad expression.

  “If you ever need to talk about anything, you know where to find me.” His tone was melancholy and I could tell that he meant well.

  The thing was, I didn’t want to talk anymore. I was sick of talking to people about Lincoln. I just wanted everyone to let me be. Mr. Bracks had good intentions, but I couldn’t see any reason why I would ever have the need to speak to him.

  “Okay, thank you,” I said, trying to be polite, but wanting desperately to be away from the man who resembled Lincoln so much.

  A deep breath escaped me as I turned to finally leave with a bowed head. My heart was hammering so fast that I wasn’t paying attention and walked right into someone.

  “I’m so sorry!” I apologized, taking a step back and feeling mortified that I was so uncoordinated.

  Bennett was standing in front of me, and I immediately regretted apologizing to him. Now I kind of wished I’d knocked him over instead.

  “Hadie, can I speak to you for a second?” he asked, sounding nervous.

  My stomach clenched at his words. What the hell did h
e want?

  “Yes?” I asked, my tone curt.

  “You’re, uh, hair, um looks cool,” he stammered.

  I glared at him. “Is that what you wanted to talk about?”

  “Uh, no.” Bennett visibly swallowed. There was a sheen of sweat on his brow. He was freaking out about something. “I-uh. I just, I really wanted to tell you how sorry I am about Lincoln.”

  My insides froze. How dare he talk to me about Lincoln after he’d humiliated him in front of so many people? Lincoln had been keeping his illness a secret from everyone, until Bennett and his friends found out about it and revealed it in front of the entire school.

  I found my voice again and shot him a glare. “I hope you and your friends got something out of ruining the last few days of a dying boy’s life. All Lincoln wanted was peace.”

  Bennett’s face was distraught as he faced me, and he looked like he was about to start crying. “Hadie, I can’t explain to you how bad I feel about what I did to Lincoln. I was jealous. I wasn’t thinking straight. I don’t think it even registered to me that he was dying. His sister seemed so easy going about it and a part of me downplayed his situation.”

  If I ever saw Becky Bracks again, she would have hell to pay. “Trust me, Bennett, I have a special place on my shit list for Becky. It’s probably better for you if you don’t ever talk about her around me again.”

  He nodded and glanced off to the side. “What I did was terrible. I’m a terrible person, Hadie. After we broke up, something about me changed. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

  As I stared into Bennett’s devastated blue eyes, I wanted to feel sorry for him. I wanted to forgive him. I wanted to tell him that people made mistakes. But I couldn’t. I could never forgive him for what he and his friends had put Lincoln through. And now Lincoln was gone. Now it was too late.