First Chances

by Kant, Komal

  It didn’t take me very long to come to a conclusion.

  Him—it was because of him. My father. He had always lied about everything, and I wanted to be nothing like him. That’s why I had to tell her the truth. There was no way I was going to be the man he was—I was going to be more of a man than he had ever been.

  From the way Hadie was angling her body away from me, I could tell the truth wasn’t going to go down well. But she had a right to know. Lies were poison we fed to others to appease them, but eventually the poison would spread, and sometimes there wasn’t a cure. Sometimes there was only destruction.

  “Well?” she demanded, her eyes narrowing into slits.

  “Yes,” I admitted. “I recommended Philip’s support group to your parents after Lincoln passed away.”

  “Are you freaking serious right now?” Her eyes blazed with anger as she shoved me hard in the chest. “How many times did I tell you to stay out of my business? I hate coming to this support group, and now I find out you’re the reason why I’m here in the first place! I can’t believe this!”

  Hadie threw her hands up in anger and strode away from me as though she’d suffered a huge betrayal.

  That was when I lost it. I mean, I’d already lost it a few times at her, but this time I was pretty sure my next words were going to make or break my relationship with Hadie. I was so goddamn sick of her getting mad at me all the time for helping her. There was nothing wrong with accepting help from someone.

  “Get the fuck over yourself, Hadie!” I snapped, stalking after her. “If the worst thing someone’s ever done to you is recommend a support group then you need a reality check!”

  “Don’t talk to me like that!” she yelled, getting right in my face. Her entire body was emanating anger. A part of her was coming to life, even if that life was being fueled by the rage she felt towards me. “You don’t get to dictate what I need to do in order to move on! You have no idea! No idea at all!”

  “Really?” I demanded, my hands shaking as I spoke. I was tired of Hadie acting like she was the only one affected by bad shit. “You think I have no idea? Do you know why I come to the support group? Do you even care? Do you see beyond the miserable bubble you live in?”

  She was breathing heavily as she stared at me, and from the way her face scrunched up, I knew my words were hitting her hard. She opened her mouth as though she wanted to say something, but I wasn’t going to give her that chance. I had put up with her bullshit for long enough. Now, it was time for her to listen.

  “My dad bailed on us last year. No note, nothing. One day, he was just gone. My mom wasn’t herself for months. Still, she continued to live and survive for Hailie and me. She didn’t give up; she didn’t turn into a different person.” I looked Hadie up and down to make my point clear. “She stayed strong, and she realized that life has to go on even when someone important isn’t a part of it anymore.”

  “Eddie, I didn’t know,” Hadie breathed, lowering her head and staring down at the snow-covered ground.

  I held up my head as I spoke, not wanting to break down over my douchebag dad. He wasn’t worth my emotions. “There were days where I wondered why this was happening to us. We’re struggling with money, we’re struggling to make Hailie understand where her dad is. That’s why I come here, Hadie. Because it helps to talk. It helps knowing there are other people in the world who have problems, too; people who manage to survive.”

  Hadie gazed up at me, and our eyes met. There was something slowly dawning on her face; maybe it was understanding, maybe it was simply sympathy. Either way, her anger was fading away and I could tell she was beginning to see why I’d told her parents about the support group.

  I took a deep breath. “Lincoln wouldn’t have wanted you to turn into the stranger you’re trying to become. He would’ve wanted you to be strong and to get through this without losing yourself.” I went on in a gentler tone. “Lincoln didn’t walk out on you; he would’ve stayed if he could.”

  With those words, Hadie’s mask crumbled and tears pushed their way out of her eyes. She fell into me, crushing her face into my chest, and I held her. I held her because this was what she needed. She needed someone who truly understood her, and it was something she would never find with Three.

  I let Hadie sob into my chest for as long as she needed to. I wasn’t sure how long we both stood there in the freezing cold—two lost souls bound together—but finally she pulled back and looked up at me with a tear-stained face.

  “You’re right,” she said, her voice soft. “You’re right about everything.”

  “It’s okay,” I whispered back, running a hand through her hair. “Though, I’m sure he would’ve found the purple hair pretty hot.”

  Hadie let out a laugh, sniffling a little at the same time. Her eyes landed on my lips, and my mind immediately flashed back to the moment we had finally kissed. My body was already dying to be pressed up against her, but I wasn’t sure if she was still feeling it, so I didn’t make a move.

  “I’m cold, Eddie,” Hadie said, her breath releasing icy smoke into the air.

  I’d been too fired up to notice how chill the night had grown, but now that I was relaxed, the iciness was settling into my bones.

  There were a couple of ways I could think of warming us, but both of my options involved taking our clothes off and was probably too inappropriate to express to Hadie right now. I was more of a ‘go with the flow’ kind of guy. If something happened, it happened. And if it didn’t then I wasn’t gonna be bothered by it.

  “Let’s go back to your car,” I suggested casually. I wouldn’t mind kissing Hadie some more if she was up for it.

  “Sure,” she said with a small smile.

  I pulled Hadie’s small hand into mine as we left the dead garden and made our way over the covered bridge, back towards the parking lot of the support group building.

  As I rubbed Hadie’s cold fingers with my own, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and sent Philip a quick message. He hadn’t messaged me yet, which meant he was probably still cleaning up the room.

  Don’t worry about taking me home, I’m getting a ride with Hadie

  “So, were you a little jealous that Fiona was talking to me?” I asked, my tone light as we reached Hadie’s car.

  She turned to me in surprise as she unlocked her car, and her cheeks flushed their tell-tale shade of pink, immediately giving away her feelings.

  “Um, well, no it wasn’t that, I just, it’s annoying when people block places of, uh, thoroughfare with their annoying flirting.”

  Places of thoroughfare? What in the hell? Was that even a thing?

  “You’re full of shit, Hadie Swinton,” I teased, grabbing her around the waist and pushing her against the side of her car.

  She let out a small gasp, her eyes wide as she studied me, but made no move to push me away.

  “Because-” I lowered my mouth to her neck and planted a kiss on her soft skin. “I know-” My lips slowly moved up her neck. “You wouldn’t have reacted like that-” I stopped short of her mouth, and I was almost sure she had stopped breathing. “Unless a part of you wanted me.”

  With that, I planted a fierce kiss on her lips, one that she returned with just as much intensity, her hands seeking out my arms, shoulders, the back of my head, fingers running through my hair. Hadie was pushing her body into mine, building a heat that burned through me and creating a need for her I’d never experienced before.

  Somehow, Hadie managed to pull open the door to the backseat of her car, and I picked her up and threw her onto the cold leather seat. I climbed in after her, shutting the door behind us.

  In the muted darkness, we studied each other like two strangers seeing each other for the first time. My fingers trailed up her soft skin. Her eyes closed as she leaned into me. I let my other hand tease the hem of her ridiculous dress.

  Why she was wearing such a short dress in January was beyond me, but right now it didn’t matter. Right now the only thing that m
attered was my body against hers and how badly I wanted her.

  I dropped my hands to her almost knee-high boots and began to unzip the one that clad her right leg. She was dressed provocatively, and even though I wouldn’t normally find that appealing on a girl, in this moment I was incredibly turned on. This was Hadie, and I had wanted her for so damn long.

  And fuck, did she look hot.

  Pulling off the boot, I reached over to unzip the other one and let it fall to the floor. Then I slowly moved my fingers up her leg and towards her inner thigh.

  Hadie let out a moan, and I wound my other hand around the back of her neck to brace her. My fingers grazed the soft skin of her thigh before moving upwards.

  Hadie’s body shuddered, and she let out a moan that had my hard-on pushing against my jeans.

  “Do you want me, Hadie?” I asked, my voice a low growl.

  Her brown eyes locked onto mine and she nodded silently. I could see the yearning in her eyes as my gaze wandered over her face.

  “Tell me,” I ordered, trailing a finger down her arm.

  “I want you,” she whispered, and I could see she was struggling with several different emotions at once, “but not here, not like this.”

  I nodded. She was right. Our first time didn’t need to be in the backseat of her car. Maybe we could go to my house. My mom wasn’t super strict, and she wouldn’t freak out if we had sex as long as we were safe about it. She had given me the sex talk a long time ago, in way too much detail.

  Before I could suggest my house, Hadie was already saying, “We can go back to my house. My parents are out to dinner with some clients and I don’t expect they’ll be back for hours.”

  “Sure,” I said with a nod.

  I’d have to let my mom know I wouldn’t be home tonight, but I didn’t think it would be a big deal since it wasn’t a school night.

  I helped Hadie pull her boots back on, before we both shuffled around and climbed into the front of the car. Hadie turned on the engine, letting warm air sweep through the chill interior.

  When she didn’t pull out of her spot right away, I dared a glance at her, wondering if she’d changed her mind. Instead, I found her studying me, her head tilted slightly to the side.

  Hadie blushed and quickly turned to look straight ahead as though she was embarrassed to be caught staring. She put the car into drive and slowly pulled out of the parking lot, but I continued to gaze at her for a few more seconds.

  It finally dawned on me that I loved her despite who she was. Whether she was book smart Hadie, or Hadie struggling to overcome a loss that wasn’t her fault, I loved her for her. I loved her for the person she was.

  I had spent all this time trying to bring back a girl I didn’t want to lose without stopping to think that maybe there was nothing wrong with the girl Hadie was now. Maybe Hadie was fine being whoever she wanted to be.

  I loved her, anyway.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Hadie

  I was a teenage whore.

  That was what I felt like when I rolled over and found Eddie Cavallari In my bed.

  I was as good as one. I’d gone and done the one thing I’d told myself I would wait a long time to do again. The one thing I had refused to do with Three on so many occasions had felt so right with Eddie.

  Sex. Amazing sex with an amazing guy. Lost in moments I didn’t want to resurface from. Lost in Eddie. Lost in the way he touched me; the way his mouth teased my skin; the way a torrent of feelings rose up in my chest.

  I hadn’t wanted another guy to touch me in the ways that Lincoln had. I had wanted the memory of being with Lincoln to stay with me for as long as possible.

  Why did Eddie have to make it so easy to fall for him? He didn’t realize it, but this was part of the reason why I’d been so determined to put distance between us. Because I knew the very second I opened up to him, I would fall helplessly in love with him.

  A part of me had always known that Eddie would be my happily ever after, but that part of me had also resisted because I didn’t think I deserved a happy ending if Lincoln didn’t get to have one either.

  My eyes wandered over Eddie’s face as he slept. His expression was peaceful, untroubled; the opposite of what it had been when he’d spilled his darkest secret to me last night. And he didn’t have to. God knew how terribly I’d treated him.

  At the same time, I was selfish; I wanted to be around his goodness and bask in it. He was the only one who made me feel like I could be a better person than the one I was now.

  Eddie let out a soft groan, and his lids fluttered open. His green-brown eyes peered at me in confusion. He quickly sat up in an upright position, this time releasing an even louder groan.

  “Shit. What time did we go to bed last night?”

  I thought back to the hours we had spent lying in my bed, whispering to each other in the darkness; running our hands over each other’s bodies; eager mouths kissing uninhibited. “A long time,” I responded, sitting up beside him and putting a hand to my throbbing head. “Why did we do that?”

  Eddie turned his head slightly so we were making eye contact. “I don’t know, Hadie. Why did we?”

  From the look in his eyes, we both knew we were asking a question that we already knew the answer to.

  “Uh, um.” Suddenly feeling shy, I broke away from his gaze and clumsily tried to find my clothes on the floor.

  I felt Eddie’s hand on my elbow. “Was it a mistake?”

  The power of his words made me look back at him. There was something in his face that relayed everything he felt for me, and I easily shook my head at him. “No, it wasn’t.” I paused. “But there is so much wrong with me, Eddie.” My voice broke, and I quickly swallowed down the lump in my throat.

  “I don’t give a damn, Hadie.” He moved around on the bed until he was on the floor, kneeling in front of me. He grabbed my face with both hands, looking me right in the eyes. “I’ve been waiting for you for a long time. I’ve been waiting for you to open your eyes and see me. But I don’t want to wait anymore. I don’t want to waste any more time waiting.”

  The lump in my throat refused to go away, and tears pricked at my eyes. “Someone like you can’t be real.”

  “I am real, and I’m right here in front of you. You were never alone. I was always here. You just didn’t see me.”

  His words broke my heart, reminding me how awful I’d been to him. I really wanted to lean forward and kiss him right on those soft lips of his, but I smelled terrible—like a gross combination of sex and sweat. He did not need to smell that.

  “Thank you for not giving up on me,” I said, giving him a small smile instead.

  He returned the smile and dropped his hands from my face. “Do you wanna grab something to eat?” he asked, reaching over the side of the bed for his clothes.

  “Sure,” I agreed with a nod, “but first I need to sneak you out of my house before my parents realize you’re here. Let me see if the coast’s clear.”

  “Alright,” he said as he began putting his clothes back on.

  Last night, my parents had gotten home right around midnight. Eddie and I had been awake, and as soon as I’d heard their car pull into the driveway, I’d made Eddie hide in the closet. I’d pretended to sleep when my parents had opened the door to check in on me, so they had no idea Eddie had spent the night in my bed.

  A flush of embarrassment hit me as I fumbled for my clothes and quickly put them on. I knew there was no point in being embarrassed since we’d had sex last night, but in the daylight I felt so vulnerable and naked—literally.

  Once I was dressed, I walked over to my door and quietly opened it, peering outside like a burglar in my own home. In the air, I could smell the delicious scent of bacon frying. Damn. My parents were up-

  My eyes grew wide as I stared at the piece of paper taped to the wall directly opposite my door.

  Hadie,

  When you and Eddie are up, we would love to have you both join us for breakfast.


  Love, the parents who tried not to listen to you getting it on last night.

  Fuck. All the fucks in the world.

  My face was burning hot as I shut the door and turned to face Eddie who was watching me expectantly.

  “We’re screwed. My parents know you’re here.”

  Eddie ran a hand through his messy hair and shrugged. “Well, what do you wanna do? Should I say hi?”

  “They want us to join them for breakfast,” I said with a resigned sigh.

  “It’ll be fine,” he said with encouragement. “Your parents are cool.”

  I groaned inwardly. My parents were not cool. My dad wanted to kill Three; who knew what he would do to Eddie who had spent the night in my room.

  Reluctantly, I led the way out of my room and towards the kitchen, dreading what would await me there. My parents were weird and random, so who the hell knew what was about to happen.

  The smell of bacon and eggs frying grew as we approached the entrance to the kitchen, and I glanced over at Eddie to see him give me an encouraging nod. Then without any warning, he pulled my hand into his just as we stepped into the kitchen.

  His skin against mine sent shivers racing through my stomach, but at the same time comforted me. This boy definitely made me feel things that I had been denying for a while.

  Chance and Halo immediately jumped up and ran to me, tails wagging. I reached down to pet them both, but my attention was on my parents—Mom was standing over the stove, while Dad sat at the kitchen table with a newspaper in his hands.

  “Well, well, well,” Dad said, casually gazing up from his newspaper, “if it isn’t Eddie Cavallari, stealer of my daughter’s good name and virtue.”

  “Dad!” I choked out as my face flamed. I shot Eddie an apologetic look. “I am so sorry about him!”

  Luckily, Eddie didn’t seem unnerved by my dad’s weirdness. Instead, he was trying his hardest not to laugh as he bent down to play with Chance and Halo, appearing entirely at ease. Chance was licking Eddie’s hand, while Halo jumped up on him with too much enthusiasm.