The Secrets We Held

by Blair, E. K.

  Immediately, I grab on to his arms before my knees give way and kiss him back, because, oh my god, Trent is actually kissing me. I can’t even wrap my head around what the hell is happening when some dick bursts into the room. The kiss is over and done before I can even open my eyes—over before it even really began.

  “You got some chick asking for you,” the guy says.

  “Here.” Trent hands me the joint as if he didn’t just kiss me. “I’ll catch up with you later, okay?”

  I stand here dumbfounded, trying to figure out if that really even happened or if I’m just so baked that I hallucinated it.

  He stops short of the door and turns back to me. “Don’t smoke all that shit. Save some for me.”

  He closes the door behind himself, and I manage to push off the wall and make it to his bed to sit, all the while trying to figure out what the hell just happened.

  I catch a whiff of the pot, lick my thumb and finger, and extinguish the joint. After setting it on his nightstand, I begin to feel a pressure inside my chest. I thought Trent was an easy person to read, but that kiss has me questioning everything.

  Was it intentional or was he just so drunk that he swayed a bit too close to me?

  Did he mean to do it?

  As soon as I ask myself, I already know the answer.

  No.

  If he had, he wouldn’t be out there talking to another girl.

  Stoned and way too vulnerable, I feel foolish. I should not be sitting here mooning over something that was an accident.

  Pathetic.

  The sounds of everyone having a great time echo through the door, yet here I am—alone. Aside from Brody, I’m not sure I have any real friends out there. Sure, Trent and I hang out casually, but so far, we’ve kept conversations pretty surface. And it isn’t like Ady and Micah aren’t cool, but I wouldn’t exactly put them on the close confidant list either.

  High and alone, I flop back onto the bed, ignore the scent of Trent that clings to the sheets, and close my eyes, trying not to think about anything at all and failing. When my phone vibrates in my back pocket, I’m offered the distraction I need.

  Caleb: Hey, sorry it’s taken me a few days to text. Midterms were no joke this semester.

  And just like that, my smile returns.

  Me: How do you think you did?

  Caleb: I think I did all right? How about you?

  Staring at my phone, I find it hard to gather my words, so I simply repeat his, hoping I don’t sound like a weirdo.

  Me: I think I did all right too.

  Caleb: So, what are you up to tonight?

  Me: I’m at a party.

  Caleb: You want to just text me another time?

  Me: No, it’s fine. I’m about to bail anyway.

  Caleb: That bad?

  Me: I’m just not into it tonight.

  And that’s the truth. I mean, I was totally having fun until Trent kissed me two seconds before dipping out for some other girl. Now, I’m high and in a shit mood, which is the worst combination. The only reason I haven’t left yet is because I need this buzz to fade before I get into my car.

  Caleb: I hear you. I ditched out on hanging with my friends. This week has drained me.

  Me: So what are you doing?

  Caleb: I hit the gym and now I’m eating ramen and watching crap TV.

  Ramen sounds good right now.

  That bud is already giving me the munchies.

  Me: Doesn’t eating ramen completely defeat the purpose of going to the gym.

  Caleb: LOL! True. I’m just trying to keep the balance.

  Me: Ha ha! I guess.

  The two of us continue to text back and forth, and when my high starts to wane, I sit up and stare at the wall where Trent kissed me. The longer I look at it, the more pungent my sour mood about him turns. I’m over this party. Honestly, I’d have more fun at home in my pajamas, texting Caleb.

  Me: Hey, I’m going to head back to my place. You mind if I text you later?

  Caleb: Sounds good. Drive safe.

  The music overpowers my head as I walk back into the living room. As I approach the door to the condo, I catch sight of Trent and stop in my tracks. He is in the kitchen, and the girl from the beach a couple of days ago is sitting on the island in front of him. Trent is standing between her legs with his tongue down her throat. It’s a vile display that punches me right in the gut. What makes it worse is knowing that the bed I was just laying on is going to be the same bed he fucks that bunny on later tonight.

  A mixture of disappointment, jealousy, and rage fire through my system, and I don’t even know why I gave Trent the time of day as I slam the door behind me. Ady not only told me it was a bad idea but she also warned me about the type of guy he is, and even though I listened, I didn’t really listen.

  Maybe I’m better off resigning to just being friends with him.

  As soon as I walk through the door of my condo, I head straight to my room, change into a pair of pajama shorts and a baggy T-shirt, and crawl into bed. Finally comfortable, I pull my vape pen from my nightstand, take a small hit, and text Caleb.

  Me: So glad to be home. That party sucked.

  Caleb: I’m glad it sucked.

  Me: Why?

  Caleb: Because now I get to talk to you.

  KATE

  “You’re coming, right?”

  “I don’t think so,” I tell Ady while I stand in my closet and flip through my tops, trying to decide which one I should wear tonight.

  “Oh, come on. It’ll be fun.”

  “Fun?” When I land on my cute yellow silk cami, I pull the hanger off the rod and turn to show Ady. “What about this one?”

  “I love it.”

  I toss the hanger aside and slip the cami on. “How do I look?”

  “Perfect,” she says as she sits on my bed and watches me get ready for my date tonight. “But seriously, you have to come.”

  “It would just be weird.”

  “Why?”

  I walk over to my dresser and open my jewelry box.

  “What’s going on, Kate?”

  After I slip in a pair of earrings, I turn back to Ady and admit, “Trent kissed me.”

  Her mouth drops. “What? When?”

  “The night of the party at your place.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Because it was stupid.” I walk over to the bed and sit next to her. “It isn’t like it meant anything.”

  “What happened?”

  “Nothing really. We got stoned, and he kissed me for a split second before one of his friends barged in the room. That was it.”

  “He didn’t say anything?”

  “No. He literally left me in his room to go talk to some girl who was asking for him, and when I sobered up enough to leave, the two of them were making out in the kitchen.” Her eyes fall to pity. “Stop. It isn’t a big deal. Plus, I’m over him.” I stand and go in search of a pair of shoes.

  “Great! Then you have no reason not to come to Key West with us.”

  I fall back on my heels and sigh. She’s right. I’m not sure why I feel weird about seeing Trent again. It isn’t as if I’m not totally into Caleb, because I am. Still, there’s an awkwardness since I’m not even sure he’s aware of what happened that night.

  “Don’t make me go with the two of them alone,” she says, unrelenting in her quest to talk me into spending spring break with them.

  “You say that like it’s a bad thing when we both know it isn’t. The three of you are best friends, you’ll have plenty of fun without me tagging along.” I finally find my pair of nude strappy heels and start fastening them on.

  “You wouldn’t be tagging along. I want you there because you’re my friend . . . I don’t have many of those.”

  When I look over at her, there’s a sadness behind her words I relate to. It isn’t easy finding solid girlfriends, and since the only other one I have is slipping away, I agree. “Okay, I’ll go.”

  Her
smile grows. “Thank you.”

  “It isn’t like you’re really giving me a choice with all your begging.” I then step in front of the full-length mirror. “Do I look all right?”

  “Yes. Stop fussing and go have fun.”

  As soon as she says it, there’s a knock on the door.

  The two of us head into the living room, and when I let Caleb in, he hands me an understated bouquet of flowers and smiles. “You clean up nicely.”

  “Thanks. So do you.”

  The one and only time that we’ve hung out together was at the beach, but seeing him now, I’m a little surprised. He’s attractive, but his style is not what I expected. He is nothing like all the guys I hang out with. Where they are casual and chill in their appearances, Caleb is on the polished side with his dark-wash denim, trendy button-up, and perfectly styled hair. He’s different from what I normally go for, but maybe that’s a positive. It isn’t as if I’ve had the best track record. Hell, I barely even have a track record at all.

  “I should get going,” Ady says as she grabs her keys.

  “Oh, you remember Ady?”

  “Yeah, it’s good to see you again,” Caleb says.

  She gives him a smile. “You too.” She opens the door, but before she slips out, she turns back to me with a flirty, “Call me later.”

  “Get out of here.”

  She laughs as she closes the door behind her.

  “What was that all about?” Caleb asks as I walk over to the kitchen to set the flowers down.

  “Oh nothing. She’s just nosy, that’s all.” I find a pitcher for the flowers and fill it with water. “These are beautiful, by the way. Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. You ready?”

  “Yeah.”

  He takes my hand and leads me down to where his expensive car is parked, and, like a gentleman, he opens the door for me. It feels good to have a guy know what it means to be respectful.

  He takes me to Glass and Vine, and we sit on the patio under the palm trees, which are wrapped in tiny white lights. The evening is clear with the sky painted in midnight blue, and the music from an indie folk duo plays in the distance.

  “This is nice,” I remark.

  “You seem surprised.”

  His facial features glow under the soft lights, as if inviting me to relax in his comfortable companionship.

  “More like intrigued,” I say as I pick up the stemmed glass filled with ice water.

  “Intrigued about what?”

  I take a sip and set the glass down. “About you.”

  He leans back and smiles. “What do you want to know?”

  “What was your life like in Chicago?”

  “Stressful,” he states matter-of-factly.

  I laugh lightly because how stressful can his life be at twenty?

  “How so?”

  “My father is a portfolio manager at a large hedge fund. His job has afforded our family a comfortable lifestyle, but with that comes a lot of pressure.”

  “In what way?”

  “In every way,” he says, leaning forward and clasping his hands together. “I’m an only child to two very ambitious parents. I grew up with a nanny in a high-rise with a doorman and went to a prestigious private school. There wasn’t any time to be a kid,” he says before adding, “I was expected to hold myself in a way that caused me not to have very many friends.”

  “That had to be hard.”

  “It was.”

  “So, how did you wind up here in Miami? At a party school?”

  “I needed to finally do something for me. To get out of Chicago and away from the constant pressure to be someone I don’t want to be,” he reveals. “It didn’t come without consequences, though.”

  The waiter stops by, interrupting momentarily to take our order. I haven’t had a chance to look over the menu, but Caleb goes ahead and orders a variety of small plates for the two of us to share, which catches me a little off guard.

  “What makes you think I’ll even like any of that?” I ask semi-teasingly.

  “Because everything here is good.”

  I shake my head and laugh. “If you say so.”

  “Tell me about growing up in West Palm Beach. What was that like?”

  “Simple, really. My dad is a police officer and my mom works in real estate. I have a little sister who is my complete opposite.”

  “How so?”

  “Audrina can be dramatic whereas I’m pretty laid back. She’s a social butterfly and cares too much what people think about her.”

  “And you don’t care what people think about you?”

  I shrug. “I am who I am,” I tell him. “I spent most of my childhood with sand and salt in my hair. I lived in the water while she played with her dolls and tagged along with my mother to the spa for nail and hair treatments.”

  “Sounds like most girls I know.”

  “Not this girl.”

  “Are the two of you close?” he questions.

  “We are; I’m close to my whole family, especially my dad.”

  “That sounds nice,” he says in a way that’s disheartening.

  “Are you close with your parents?” I ask, already knowing the answer.

  He shakes his head. “No.”

  “That’s too bad.”

  “And my coming to Miami has put more strain on our relationship,” he says. “They have much higher aspirations for where I should be attending college, and my trust fund continues to take major hits with each semester that passes that I don’t change my mind and go back to Chicago.”

  “Does that bother you?”

  “The money? Not really. It isn’t as if it’s going anywhere,” he says, but I wonder if he truly means it. “To them, the only thing worse than having a son who doesn’t care about his future would be having a son who is broke.”

  “Seriously?” I ask, shocked at their shallowness especially with their one and only child.

  “Appearances are everything in their world.”

  “What about your world?”

  “I guess I’m still trying to figure that one out.”

  Our server returns with enough plates to fill our table, but I find myself unable to peel my eyes away from Caleb. Sure, we’ve been talking a lot over these past two weeks, but our conversations have been far from the serious side of tonight’s. Getting this glimpse into his life helps me to understand him better and connect to.

  Even though I’m surrounded with people, most of them are surface relationships. Yes, I’m growing in my friendships with Ady and Trent, but those are still so new. What’s been missing from my life since I moved here has been a solid foundation; a place where I feel I truly belong. With some friendships fading and others blooming, there’s still something lacking in my life that’s tough to explain, but with Caleb, even though he’s new too, there’s no bullshit with him. He makes me feel like I might not be so adrift. I know we only just met, but there’s an authenticity within him that’s comforting, something that has the potential to be deeper than what I have been able to find with anyone else here.

  “So, tell me,” he starts as he cuts into a crab cake, “what do you plan on doing after you graduate?”

  “That seems a long way away.”

  “It isn’t too long,” he says. “Have you thought about it?”

  I nod. “I want to work in PR.”

  “In what capacity?”

  Unsure if he’ll think my ambitions are trite, I go on and tell him anyway. “I really want to be a club promotor. Marketing and event planning have always been an interest of mine.”

  “Have you had any opportunities to get your feet wet yet?”

  “The past two years, my mother put me in charge of her yearly banquet for her brokerage.” I take a small bite of a crab cake. “Last year, I organized a casino night. I chartered the event on a luxury yacht, hired professional dealers, and designed the entire aesthetic.”

  His brows lift. “Wow, I’m impressed. And you took all t
hat on while you were still in high school?”

  “I had a little help, but for the most part, I did it on my own.”

  “That’s amazing.”

  His praise makes me blush slightly, but enough for him to notice.

  “No, I’m serious.” He reaches across the table and takes my hand. “You really do amaze me. The more I get to know you, the more I want to know.”

  For him to see beyond my surface, to recognize that I’m not just a surf chick goes to show me that he’s genuinely interested in who I am.

  “What about you? Where do you see yourself after graduation?”

  “Hopefully, still in Miami.”

  “You don’t think you’ll go back home?”

  “It isn’t what I want,” he says. “Despite the fact that some of the top architecture firms in the country are located in Chicago, I’d like to stay here, forge my own path without it being handed to me because of the name I carry.”

  “Your family has that much influence?”

  He nods before taking a drink.

  It impresses me that, regardless of all the advantages he has, he wants to succeed on his own merit. That quality speaks highly of his character.

  As we finish dinner, he glances to my plate and a tiny frown forms on his lips. “Was I too presumptuous in assuming what you’d like?”

  “Not at all. The food was amazing.”

  It’s hard to eat when he has my captivation filled to the brim. Talking to Caleb is easy to do because there’s no beating around the bush. He’s upfront and honest and engaging. It’s refreshing.

  After the waiter packs up our leftovers, Caleb drives back to my place and offers to walk me up. His manners reflect the upbringing he has described, which is something I’m not used to. Sure, my family has money, but we’re so casual. We could’ve easily afforded to live on the other side of the bridge in Palm Beach, but my parents chose a more modest life for us.

  When we step off the elevator, he walks me to my door, but I’m not ready to say good night yet. “You want to come in and hang out?”