by Holt, Leah
I had an uneasy feeling that day, one that sent my stomach into a nauseous spin. Kevin was actually leaving for a year, and I suddenly felt all alone. Even though he was still standing right in front of me, a piece of my soul had shut down.
There was already a hole, an emptiness that was Kevin's place in my world.
“I'm not making any promises, a year is a long time. And you know I have no patience.”
Hugging my brother, I squeezed tighter than I ever had. He was about to walk onto foreign soil, stepping into a world that none of us could even imagine.
Kevin was willingly putting himself in harms way for others. I was proud of him too, but a fear like no other had wrapped around my heart.
“I' promise, I'll be home before you know it.” Sliding closed knuckles softly across my chin, Kevin smiled with closed lips. “Don't touch my car.” Turning, he paused for a moment on the airbridge, giving one final smile to my parents.
And all I wished from that day on was his safe return.
Jolting up, I looked around my empty apartment. T sat by my feet, head perked up staring at me confused.
It was a dream, just a dream, Avni.
I had a lot of dreams about my brother; dreams of happier times, dreams of the day that changed my life.
There was a part of me that loved having those dreams, I felt close to him again, especially when the dream was something that we actually did. But every time I woke up, that fucking pain would come back and stab me in the chest.
And I would have to remember the truth, how things are now.
Cupping Mr. T in the crease of my elbow, I sat on my couch, feet up on the coffee table. Looking at the clock, it was almost six, and still nothing from Levi.
There was no text, no call yet, nothing. And even though I thought that would bring me a little ease to not hear from him, it didn't.
I wanted him to call me, and all I wondered then was, 'where is he?'
Stop. If he does call, going to dinner would only be a kind gesture of gratitude. If I decided to go at all.
Looking down at my tiny companion, I ruffled the top of his head. His face stiffened, ears perking up as he stared at the door. Shifting to look at the front door, I waited to see if someone was going to knock.
Mr. T was good at alerting me to people outside my apartment, and usually if he cocked his head that way a knock would follow.
But after a few seconds nothing happened. “Silly dog, are you getting old? Hearing things that aren't there?” His tongue slid out of his mouth, head lowering to my belly.
The soft ding of my phone rang, lighting up against the cushion. Glancing down at the screen, there was a number I didn't recognize. Picking it up, I slid the screen open.
'Ready?' Arching a brow at the single word, a knock echoed against the wood. Mr. T jumped from my lap, and ran to the door, short growling barks hit the back of his throat.
“Who is it?” I asked, pushing myself off the couch.
“It's Don Juan, who do you think it is?”
“Levi? What are you doing here?” Yanking the door open, he stood there, holding his arms out with a huge shit-eating grin on his face.
“I'm here for our dinner date,” he said, leaning over and petting Mr. T. “Hey big guy, miss me?” T rolled over, his tiny legs extended up as far as they could go, wildly wiggling his ass against the floor.
“I thought you were going to call me?” Folding my arms across my chest, my head tilted to the side. “What happened with that?”
I wanted to be annoyed, frustrated, anything but the feelings that were actually running through my body. Instead, my stomach was a rampaging storm of butterflies, and excitement was making its way through my chest and down my thighs.
Shrugging his shoulders, Levi stood back up. “Yeah, I was going to. But the way you talked when you dropped me off earlier...” Pausing, he ran his fingers over his jaw. “I figured this would help with your decision, make it a little harder for you to say no.”
The butterflies went into a torrent, crashing against the walls of my gut. Tingles flooded my spine, sparking my entire body to life. And I didn't expect that, I didn't expect to be hit so strongly.
A smile started to lift, curling up to my ear. “Well, maybe I'd planned on agreeing. But you didn't even give me that chance.”
“Nope, I wasn't risking it.” Holding his hand out, he said, “Are you going to invite me in? Or are you just going to make me stand here with my thumb in my ass?”
Stepping to the side, my arm fanned out, guiding him in. “You know you're real ballsy showing up here like this, I could have told you to go away.”
“You could have, but you didn't.” His eyes narrowed, jaw pulling tight. “So what's first tonight, dinner or errands?”
He took me by surprise, I wasn't thinking he was going to just show up at my place. And yet I was happy he did. Levi could have been right, there's a chance I might have let his call go to voicemail, or ignored his message.
But deep down I was glad he didn't give me the chance to. I'm not the type of person who opens up to people.
I liked my world small with the ability to hold it in my hands. It all came down to control, and when things seemed to spiral down for me, I took control anyway I could.
“Are you hungry?” I asked, slipping my feet into the flats by the door.
“Nice, how'd that one feel?” Levi nodded his head, eyes set on the tattoo on the top of my foot.
“Not too bad, not nearly as bad as I thought.” Holding my foot off the floor, I twisted my ankle side to side.
“Why the praying mantis?”
“They're supposed to be good luck, I thought maybe if I had one tattooed on me then I'd have better chances.” Pursing my lips, I shrugged my shoulders.
“How's that working for you so far?”
“Well, I didn't end up in a gutter the other night. So I think it's doing the job.” Laughing, I grabbed my purse off the hook on the wall, tossing it over my shoulder. “I don't really have any errands to do, so let's go grab a bite to eat.”
“I didn't think you did.” Chuckling under his breath, Levi raised his fingers to my arm, drawing small light lines up and down.
Goosebumps broke across my skin, riding my arm in a wave. The tingle turned to a heat, a fire that spread and swirled across my inner thighs.
His tender touch, the delicate swipe of his fingers made my panties turn to molten lava.
I found myself staring at the size of his hand, the thickness of his fingers. Their rough exterior was lined with a sensual touch; a softness to his skin I didn't expect to feel.
And a rush of sparks I didn't expect to break open inside my chest.
My eyes expanded, throat struggling to swallow the gulp of air I was holding in my mouth. “Alright, let's go.” The few words were the only ones I could form across my tongue. The rest of my mind was wrapped up in him.
Thoughts of his hands finding their way down my belly, and over the hot mound below started to take over.
His deep blue eyes glistened, tongue dragging across his bottom lip. He could see it, Levi knew I was getting turned on by just his touch.
I watched his chest puff up, muscles hardening beneath the form fitted t-shirt hugging his ribs. Each muscle rippled against the fabric, pressing off in a downward slide.
And I couldn't stop my eyes from following the domino effect, freezing on his waist as the final muscle bulged beneath his jeans.
Inside my head I was smacking my cheeks, slapping the life back into my brain.
Stop!
Stepping back, I threw my hand into my purse, digging around for my keys. A deep laugh pushed off his throat. “Looking for these?” he asked, holding my keys up on one finger and twirling them around.
Grabbing them quickly, I let my lungs fill with a slow breath. Get a hold of yourself! I screamed inside my head.
Levi walked back out the door, shoulder brushing against my breasts. I felt my nipples perk up, hardening beneat
h my bra.
This man was making me want him, he was methodically pushing my buttons. I could feel my panties sticking to my pussy by the wetness he forced out.
And in my head, I knew; no matter how much I tried to deny it, he was going to fuck me. Levi had just soaked me with a single brush of skin. My pussy was on fire, ready to take whatever he had to offer.
No! Avni get a fucking grip! What is wrong with me? I wondered, unsure of where my defenses had gone. I didn't want to let myself fall into this guy. That's when you get hurt, that's when your heart could be torn from your chest and stomped on.
My heart had been through enough, I was still broken from losing my brother. The last thing I needed was some playboy strolling into my life; then leaving just as soon as he entered.
Levi was a walking image of what I needed to protect myself against. He was bleeding bad boy, and I wasn't strong enough to pick my heart back up when he decided he was done with me.
I wasn't going to let any pain into my world, not anymore. I had control over that, I took control over that.
And that's what I kept reminding myself, I was the one making the decisions.
Not him.
Chapter Four
Levi
Teasing her hair as we made our way on to the street, I gently spun the long strands. Cupping the middle of her back, I guided her past her car. “We're taking your car? I can drive if you want, I don't mind.” Avni twisted her face up, fingers closed around her keys.
“No, we're not driving at all. It's nice out, let's walk. Besides, the place I'm thinking of is only a couple blocks away.” Bending my fingers, the tips slid over her spine.
I felt her body tremble, a subtle quiver that was visible against her skin. The prickles shot up, row after row claiming her flesh. And with my head held forward, a smile emerged.
I loved the way her body showed me what she was feeling. I don't think she realized how visual her cues were.
When she spoke; her eyes, her face, her lips; it all told me what was really going on inside that body of hers.
Even if she didn't want to accept it.
“Where are we going?” she asked, tucking her keys into her purse.
“Do you like sushi?”
Avni's eyes expanded past their limit, like a child who just heard Santa was on his way. “I LOVE sushi.” Her voice rode out from the back of her throat, head snapping up. “None of my friends like it, so I only eat it a few times a year. And that's usually because I begged my mom to go with me.”
Her eyes, the unintentional way they gleamed at me from the flashes of headlights against the surface; they were stars in the form beauty. I could take her now, right here.
I swear I've met her.
“Really? None of them?”
“Nope. My bro...” Her voice trailed off, fingers twining around a thin lock of hair. Letting out a heavy breath, she said, “None of them, not anymore.”
“What were you going to say?”
“Nothing, it was nothing. There used to be someone close to me that liked it, but that was a while ago.” Avni swallowed hard, her neck angling up to make it flow down easier.
She seemed to go somewhere else in that moment. Her eyes were fixed straight ahead, lids static. I couldn't tell exactly what she was thinking, but it went deep. “Who was that?” I asked.
Shaking her head side to side, her lips pulled tight. “I don't want to get into that right now.”
Nodding, I didn't press her. We all have things in our lives we want to forget, or leave in the past. If she wanted to tell me, that was up to her. “Sure, I can understand that.”
Her eyes flicked up, lashes fluttering against her face. “Thank you,” she said, reaching her fingers out, she softly gripped my arm.
I wanted her to keep going, let her hand fall to my waist and work its way onto my cock. Picturing her fingers wrapping around my shaft, stroking my length, it sent a surge of static through my gut. The buzzing took shape, melting from my belly over my dick. The blood rushing down made my cock beat against my briefs.
“You don't need to thank me, it's common courtesy. You don't want to talk about it, I'm not going to force you. But for the record, I am a pretty good listener.”
Avni smiled, her lips tugging to one side. “I'll keep that in mind.”
Grabbing the handle to Mizu's, I pulled the door open. “After you, Princess.”
Sitting in a small booth by the window, the scent of the food around us floated up into my nose. My stomach rumbled something fierce, a loud gurgle made its way out over the table. “You sound hungry,” she said giggling. Holding the straw to her lips, Avni wrapped them slowly around the plastic.
I was mesmerized, watching her plump lips form into a soft circle. She had no idea how badly I wanted those lips wrapped around my cock; or maybe she did. The sultry look in her eyes spoke a different language.
They called to me, crying out for me to brush her cheeks. But I held back, kept my hands tucked tightly away. If I was going to ignite a fire across her skin, it wasn't going to be from across the table in a restaurant.
“I'm starving, and I haven't had sushi in ages. This will be the first time I've had a decent meal in almost six months.” Rubbing my abs, my eyes opened wide.
“Six months? Why so long?” Twirling her straw, she played with the ice as it bounced inside the water.
“I just got back into the states, yesterday to be exact. Same day as our little chance encounter on the street.” Tilting my jaw up, I rubbed the knot still claiming the back of my head.
Smiling, she nodded in my direction. “Were you traveling?” Her head perked up, shoulders rolling back. The wide eyed woman teemed with curiosity and wonder.
“Not exactly,” I said. Gripping the chain around my neck, I pulled out my dog tags. “I'm a soldier.”
Avni's jaw dropped, her face turning a pale white. “Soldier? You're a soldier?”
“Yes, Ma'am.” Snapping my shoulders square, I sat as tall as I could against the seat.
“How come I didn't see your tags last night?” Her tone had suddenly heightened, dragging out off her tongue.
“I tucked them in my pocket before I stepped in. I didn't want one of those assholes tearing them off my neck.”
She began to wrap her fingers together, tapping the table. I could feel her leg vibrating, and hear the sound of her heel hitting the floor at a quickened pace. “Well, alright then.”
“What? Is that a problem?” I didn't understand why her demeanor had changed so drastically. She suddenly seemed tense, her muscles tightened, eyes darting around the room.
“No, no it's fine.” Avni's chest lifted heavily, her breaths short and shallow.
“Then what's wrong? Why do you look pissed?”
“I'm not pissed, I'm not. I just can't...” Pausing, her head fell to the table, fingers tearing apart the wrapper to her straw. “Look, I... I have to go.” Standing quickly, Avni threw her purse over her shoulder and took off for the door.
I was stunned, that seemed to come out of nowhere. One moment she's giving me the sexiest eyes I'd ever seen, and the next she's hightailing it out of the place.
What's her problem? I'm a soldier, what the fuck is wrong with that?
Gripping the edge of the table, I slid out. She had already made it to the door and was hitting the pavement hard by the time I finally got outside.
Searching the street, I saw her frame gliding rhythmically between the other people on the sidewalk. Avni was almost in a slow jog, dipping and dodging to avoid the shoulders of strangers.
“Avni! Avni, wait up!” I yelled, waving my arm. Breaking into a run, I bumped into a few people as I made my way to her. Grabbing her shoulder, I tugged her around. “What the hell was that? Why are you taking off?”
Throwing her hand up, she held her palm out firm. “Don't.” Her voice was short and stern.
“Don't what? What's going on?” Arching a brow, I cocked my head to the side.
�
��I can't do this, okay. I'm going home.” Folding her arms tight across her chest, she kicked her leg out to the side.
What the hell is she talking about? I couldn't grasp what had just come over her, one minute she was smiling over sushi, the next she's stiff arming me in the street.
“Do what?” I asked, holding my arms out. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
“Look, I'm going home. And you should do the same.” Whipping around, she pulled her purse up high on her arm. “See you around, Levi,” she said over her shoulder.
“I thought we were going to have dinner? What's causing this freakout of yours?” Running a hand through my hair, I tugged the strands tight against my skull. “Because I'm a soldier? Really?”
I was baffled, not just with her, but with me too. Had this been any other woman in my past, I would have let them go. There was no way I was going to chase down some over the top drama queen.
Yeah, I'm a soldier. What the fuck did that matter?
But Avni, she gave me a feeling I hadn't felt before. And a small voice deep inside forced me to go after her. She was a light and I was the moth, I was drawn to her. And I couldn't explain it.
My heart had turned to marble after going to war. The life I knew had changed, the life I saw after was dull and cloudy.
There was so much hurt, suffering, and rage in others for things that were intangible. I saw it, I saw all the blackness that seeps through others, saw all the evil that turned men into animals.
And after it happened, after my life hung in the balance...
My heart never beat the same rhythm.
Until Avni.
“I told you, I'm not doing this.”
“V, it's just dinner. Stop being dramatic.” The instant the words fell off my lips, her entire body froze.
Avni stopped short, shoulders flicking taut. Slowly she turned to look at me, veering her stare. “What did you just say?”
“I said stop being dramatic, it's only dinner.” My hands fell to my waist, jaw jetting to the side. “It's not like I'm asking you to marry me or anything, it's just dinner.”
