My Soldier: A Miliatary Romance

by Holt, Leah

  It was disgusting and he wasn't subtle about it at all. Bringing himself around front, he inched closer to me.

  His eyes were pale, emotionless. And it was almost like I could see the images he was letting his brain mull over. His nostril flared on one side, breathing getting heavier as he let his gaze shift around my body.

  Instinctively I wrapped my arms over my chest to block his view of my breasts. “You know my eyes are up here, Pervert.”

  “Bitch, don't—” His voice turned to a harsh gurgle, sounding like he had a mouth full of water.

  Throwing my head up, Levi had wrapped his hand around Brian's neck. He was lifting him up, raising him to eye level.

  Brian stared at Levi, eyes bulging from the sockets as he tried to force air in to breathe.

  “Do not talk to her like that.” I watched Levi's knuckles whiten against his throat, nails disappearing into the skin. Brian was trying to talk, trying to breathe, trying to shake his head as he clawed at Levi's hand. “This is my woman, and you are not going to talk to her like that.”

  Brian's words crept out, a mix of saliva and weak oxygen. “I'm sorry, Levi. Sorry.” His fingers were wildly tugging at Levi's wrist as he attempted to keep his balance on the tips of his toes.

  Levi's lips turned razor thin, teeth peeking out of his snarl. “You're going to be sorry. You just said you had a baby girl...” Breathing in through his nose, his chest puffed out. “Would you want some sick fuck talking to your daughter that way?”

  Brian shook his head 'no,' face turning a blended shade of red and blue. He was struggling to breathe, his eyes glossing over from the slow suffocation.

  And inside I was smiling. To watch Levi throw his muscle around, the raw animal that took over when that asshole called me a bitch.

  It sent quivers down my thighs, the intense rush hitting my toes and driving back up like a rollercoaster riding the rails.

  Watching him protect me, his possessive nature to save me. He didn't even have time to think, he just acted. He was holding the muscle of Brian's neck before he had time to finish his sentence.

  My ribs were vibrating, heart beating so fast sweat was beading up on my shoulders. I felt the cool droplets roll down my skin, chilling my spine as they broke free.

  Teasing my fingers into the crease of Levi's pants, he held me firmly in place. I was safe in his arms, untouchable to the world around me.

  And I loved it.

  Lowering Brian back down, Levi loosened his grasp. “Get the fuck out of here. Go home and tell your little girl you love her, and if I find out you so much as think about talking to another woman that way, so help me I will find you and make you wish you never crossed my path. Understand?”

  Brian was leaned over, panting and holding his chest. His eyes were locked on Levi, shaking his head 'yes.' He had the look of fear painted on his face as he caught his breath. With one final wave, he mouthed 'Sorry,' and took off on foot.

  Let me tell you, I had never seen a grown man look so afraid in my whole damn life. The mark of terror was a spark in his eyes. He didn't even glance back at us as he ran off, he was just gone like the wind.

  Holding my shoulders, Levi bent down close to my face. “No one will ever treat my girl with any disrespect. I won't have it. You deserve the pedestal I'm putting you on.”

  Coiling my arms around his waist, I hugged him tight. “I don't need a pedestal, but I do need your help. I didn't want to admit it before, but I can't handle Vito alone. I need you, I need you to make me feel safe.”

  “V, you will never be hurt again. I promise you that. I'm a soldier, I'm your soldier. And I will never let anything bad happen to you.” Cupping my chin in his large palms, he flicked his eyes between mine. “But I need something from you.”

  Fuck, of course he does. Nothing comes free.

  “What? I don't have anything, you know that. I gave everything I had to Vito already.”

  “I don't want money.”

  “Then what? What else is there?”

  His massive thumb traced my jaw, following the line up to my ear. “You're going to let me in, you can't close yourself off to me. I won't let you, you're mine.”

  My eyes fell to the ground, wildly searching the pavement for the answer I already knew. The one I had been convincing myself of since I met him. “Levi,” flipping my neck up, I looked deep into his eyes. “I can't do that.”

  “Yes, you can. And you will.”

  “No, I can't. I can't give you what you want, I'm sorry.” Pinching his elbows gently, I ran my fingers across his arms. The strength that I desperately needed, the safety I longed for, it was all there. And I couldn't touch it.

  “You don't realize it yet, but I'm not asking. You're going to.”

  Throwing my arms up, I jerked my body in the other direction, stepping back. “Stop, I can't do that. I won't do that. You know I can't, Levi. So just leave it alone. I understand what you were trying to show me earlier, but we're not the same. I can't give myself to you, there's a piece of me that no one can touch. Not even you.”

  I had gone from happy and needing him, to angry and wanting him gone. He didn't have the right to demand something I couldn't give.

  No matter how much I wanted him in my world, my heart wasn't whole. He couldn't have what was left.

  “Avni, right now you're still raw. But you won't me let go, I know you won't. And I'm not letting you go anywhere, I've claimed you. You're my woman, the more you pull, the more I'll push.”

  My insides had begun to tremble, I didn't like him trying to tell me what I would do. I was the one in control of what I felt... Or what I chose to give.

  Not Levi, only me. He had no right to try and change that, and I wasn't letting go of Kevin. But I wasn't letting anyone else in, I had shut that down long ago.

  Holding my hand up, I snapped at him. “You can't do this, try all you want. But I'm done, there's nothing here for you. I need your help with Vito, but that's it. This...” Flicking a finger between us, I said, “This is simply a fling, a no feelings attached romp in the sack. That's all it was, Levi. No strings attached, I'm not looking for a love.”

  “You don't look for it, it happens on its own. That's naive, Avni. You can't control everything, it doesn't matter how much you want to, you can't.”

  “Fuck you, watch me.” I spat, whipping around on my heels and storming off.

  Who does he think he is!? I can control one thing, and that's me. Levi didn't know me enough to tell me I couldn't. He'd been through a lot, and I felt for him and what he'd seen and gone through.

  I knew I wouldn't try and tell him how to feel about the shit he'd been through, so who the fuck was he to tell me?

  He's a hard-bodied soldier, he's nailed himself into my fucking head and I can't get him out. I didn't ask for this! I didn't want this!

  Levi had decided to crash into my world, I didn't go looking for him. But I wasn't going to fall for him, he wasn't getting what he wanted.

  That wasn't for him to decide, he didn't have the right to try and tell me what my heart wanted.

  The clicking of heels against the sidewalk echoed in my skull, the high pumps surging pain through my heels.

  Slipping them off my feet, I tucked them under my arm and headed home. I knew I should have listened to my gut to begin with.

  I had tried to talk myself out of going with him to dinner. I should have left him in the street that night. No, no, Avni. That would've been wrong, you couldn't do that.

  But I did wish I was stronger, I wished my lust to feel him against the inside of my pussy hadn't been so tempting.

  I had weakened to that desire, to the image of who Levi was.

  A solid-muscled savior, who protected me from danger.

  That was what made me falter to his hands, causing the rush of pure sexual need.

  Had I been stronger, I could have resisted him. I should have listened to myself, and I didn't.

  I'm done.

  No more Levi.


  Chapter Eleven

  Avni

  Six days, it had been six days since I talked to Levi. He showed up at my place the night I stormed off, but I didn't answer. He stood outside for over an hour till finally giving up and heading home.

  Well, that's where I figured he had went, I could be wrong. Maybe he went out and got wasted on piss flavored beer, or the singeing flame of whiskey.

  I don't know, and I don't care. He can do whatever his thick headed brain decided. I didn't own him, just like he didn't own me.

  Luckily, I had three twelve hour shifts at the group home to keep my mind off him, and my thoughts elsewhere. I had the split second thought that maybe he tried to come by. But I wasn't there if he did, and I was glad.

  I was surprised he didn't send me one text message, not one.

  And I checked.

  Over and over I kept clicking the screen throughout the day to see if he had. Catching my own disappointment over the empty message box, I shook my head.

  Why do I care? This is what I wanted. Why am I tormenting myself?

  I wanted a life free of any distractions, free of any possibility to be hurt. That's what I had, he was gone.

  And yet my stomach churned with an uneasy feeling. My lungs felt heavy, chest aching from the inside out.

  Am I missing him?

  No. That wasn't possible.

  I had only known him for a short time, there was no way I could really be missing him. It was a stupid idea that found its way into my inner voice. You can't miss what you barely know.

  Could you?

  No.

  “Avni, you alright?” Rebecca, another staff in the home asked. Her curly brown hair was pulled up in a bun, a hint of green eye shadow tinted her lids.

  She had become the only other person in my small world that wasn't family, the only other person I made a small space for in my life.

  Shoving my phone into my back pocket, I grabbed the chalk board off the counter to write down the residents dinner menu for the week.

  “Yeah,” I said within my breath, plopping down at the table with folded shoulders. “I'm good, it's nothing.”

  Her brow twisted up, jaw crooking to the side. “So why don't I believe you?” Grabbing a seat, she sat down folding her hands on the table. “Talk.”

  Rebecca was good at reading people. That was one reason she worked so well in the group home. She could tell when someone was getting agitated, or upset before they exploded. And she could read me just as well.

  “It's nothing, I'm over thinking it really, just like I always do.” Twisting the chalk in my hands, I stared off into the blank canvas.

  “Would you just spill it already, don't dance around it. Spit it out, girl.” Propping her head on a balled fist, she peered at me. “I'm listening, spill it.”

  Taking in a deep breath, my eyes rolled up to the ceiling. “Alright, I met this guy last week, he sorta flew in like Superman and helped me out of a tight spot,” I said, chewing my lip.

  Rebecca didn't know about Vito, that was something that until Levi, only I knew. Absolutely no one else.

  If she did know, she would yell at me to go to the police, have him arrested, and blah, blah, blah.

  But there was no way in hell I was doing that. That would air all of Kevin's dirty laundry to my parents, and God knows how they'd react.

  I didn't want them to ever be disappointed in their son. He was their hero, their bold and shining son who gave his life for others.

  My hope from the beginning was to pay Vito, clear Kevin's debt, and then Vito would disappear. He'd have to, there would be no other reason for him to stick around harassing me.

  And in the end no one would find out about Kevin's sinful addiction...

  It would die with me.

  “Ooo.” Her lips rounded, head leaning in closer. “Tell me more, was he built like Superman too? I mean, if I had to pick a superhero to save me, I'd go with Thor. Uh, the mighty hammer—”

  “Becca, does it matter?”

  “Sorry, go on.” Her hand rolled, eyes pulling back from the inside of her own drooling daydream.

  “I just can't get him out of my head. We went out a few times, but I sorta flew off the handle on our last date. I don't know, I just have an issue with anyone getting close.” Placing my fingers on my temples, I drew light circles with my fingertips. “And he was getting way to close.”

  Thinking about how he called me 'his,' how he went into a red haze when another man got out of line; I wanted to feel sick about it.

  I wanted to think he was possessive— controlling— a pompous jackass who thought he could just say I was his and his magic tongue would beckon me to his side.

  But my belly was heated, warming with pin pricks of excitement. The goosebumps surged up my spine, my brain exploding with raw emotion.

  I didn't want to feel him like marrow in the center of my bones, but I did. If I admitted it to myself, wholeheartedly said the words out loud...

  My center, my sun that held me in its gravity. Everything would become all too real, the emotions would take shape, have form; I'd have to accept what I wanted to dismiss.

  “Avni, sometimes you can't control how you feel. I know why you're afraid to let him in.” Becca's hand reached out, rubbing my arm. “I don't want to sound harsh, but there comes a time when you need to let go. You can't live like this.”

  Dipping my head, I cupped my hands over my face. “He said the same thing.”

  “Maybe it's time for you to start listening to something other than your head, try listening to your heart. You might find it has a different answer.”

  It does have a different answer.

  I didn't have to listen, I could feel it. I just wasn't sure I was ready for that type of bare exposure. That feeling of being completely vulnerable to the same hurt I was forced to experience made me ill.

  Rubbing the sides of my cheeks, I let my head fall into my hands. “It's just something I'm not sure I can handle, what if something bad happened to him too? That would kill me, I'd be fucking done.”

  “Would you? Isn't there that saying, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger?”

  Flipping my eyes up at her, Becca veered her stare. “I'm not sure that's true.” I felt more vulnerable, weaker to the idea or image of hurting.

  Time was supposed to heal all wounds, but in my eyes, time only gave you more chances to dwell on it.

  Time set in stone all the things you missed out on, time made everything concrete, time had become my enemy.

  Every single day Kevin went through my head over a hundred times. There wasn't a thing that wouldn't trigger a memory of him.

  If it rained, I'd think of us jumping in the mud puddles and our parents getting pissed when we tracked the dirt inside.

  When it snowed, I'd remember building giant snow forts in the weather that made our noses red as cherries, then huddling beside the fireplace while drinking warm milk.

  Fuck, even opening the fridge would trigger a memory. He used to prank me all the time, and once he set up the fridge so I'd get hit with all the condiments.

  As pissed as I was when it happened, now I missed his adolescent boy humor.

  “Avni, I haven't been through what you have, but I know life is too short to live it miserable. And you're miserable. You need a change, maybe your savior is the answer to your problem.”

  My savior? My savior and tormentor all balled up into one body.

  One gilded, formed, hard as lead, take me any time please body...

  The third shift staff walked in, breaking us from our talk, and my brain from the picturesque image building inside .

  Standing, I quickly jotted down a loose menu for the week and hung the board back up. “Alright, I'm heading home. T is probably doing the pee-pee dance at the door right now.”

  Becca shot me a, 'we're not done, but good luck,' glance. Gifting her with the biggest smile I could muster up, I nodded a reassuring bob of my head.

  But in reality, I had
no clue what the fuck I was going to do.

  Grabbing my bag, I walked outside to my car and headed home. The streetlights passed by like a blur, Levi's face kept popping up in my mind.

  His hard jaw, the small dimples that broke in his cheeks when he smiled; the way his hands touched my flesh with a delicate stroke. He made my heart thump, my lungs strain, and my nerves go numb when he was around.

  I felt safe in his arms, for the first time ever in my life, I felt protected. He gave me the feeling of safety in a way I had never experienced.

  And right then I knew the feeling that was riding my muscles all day was loss.

  I missed him.

  Wow, I miss him. Maybe I was supposed to meet him for a reason.

  Could that be? Could it be a higher power that sent him to me to break me free from the prison I threw myself in?

  Was that possible? Is it possible to meet a man and in no time at all need him more than anything else?

  T threw himself at my feet when I opened the door. Picking him up I nuzzled his miniature face against my cheek.

  “Miss me?” Kissing his head, he slobbered my face with his love. “Aw, I know you did.” Letting him go, I dropped my bag with a heavy thud onto the floor.

  Six days now, six days and no Levi. I'm not the one caving, if he doesn't try to contact me then it definitely wasn't meant to be.

  Meant to be? Seriously, Avni?

  Crazy talk...

  But I was aching for him to call me, text me, show up at my door. Anything at this point.

  I wanted him here, here to keep me safe, here for me. He promised that.

  Was he a man of empty promises?

  No, he's a soldier. He was conditioned to protect and serve. He was trained to be bold and committed.

  Levi was what every commander wanted in their troop, he was...

  What? What was he?

  I didn't know him well enough to give him any labels.

  Why am I so hooked on a man that dropped into my world and left once challenged?

  He could have tried to come back anytime and he didn't.

  Glancing down at a pile of unopened mail sitting on my counter, I grumbled at the mass of what was probably bills and junk mail.

  Fumbling through the white envelopes, I pushed all the bills to the side. A hand scripted note sat in the middle of my pile.