Sinners Football 02- Wish for a Sinner

by Lynn Shurr

  “Ah, before I do that, would you have anything to bring back a lost girl?”

  Madame Leleux considered. Nodded to herself. “Burn some of her hair or a belonging wit’ a brown candle. She come back to you if you believe. Better not use that to get yourself more women, Joe Dean, or I’ll fix you good.” The traiteur waggled a crooked finger at him.

  “No, ma’am. I got the only woman I need and more pousse-pousse than I know what to do with.”

  Nell waited in the hall along with the baggage when she smelled something burning in the kitchen. She looked down at Deanie already strapped in his car seat. “I must have left the coffee on. Wait here, lovey, Mama will be right back.”

  Joe Dean leaned over the sink, his broad back hiding his actions. The stench definitely came from his direction. “What on earth!” Nell exclaimed.

  “Hush! Blessed Mother Mary and all the saints, help us find the girl, Cassie Thomas, and bring her home.” Joe crossed himself and blew out the candle he held. He turned on the tap and washed away a small pile of ash.

  “Do you know how hard it is to find a brown candle in springtime? I been to shops I never want to set foot in again, places selling potpourri and aromatherapy products. I had so many offers to have my chakra adjusted, it turned scary. I told them, no thanks, my wife takes care of all that. Finally, I got the lady at the Hallmark store to dig one out of the stored Thanksgiving merchandise.”

  “Idiot!” Nell punched his arm. “I thought the house was on fire. Whatever were you burning?”

  “Some of Copperhead’s hair. I found a few strands from his tail caught in the stall door. I figure if we find that horse, we find Cassie.”

  “Fine time for voodoo. Your mother will be here any minute to take us to the airport. What will she think?”

  “Considering I was the result of one of Madame Leleux potions for a male child, she should think this is a good idea. Man, I still can’t get over that.”

  “Coincidence or good luck, at least for me. Now I have to scrape wax out of the sink when we get back.”

  The bell rang and the front door opened. They could hear Deanie welcoming his MawMaw with a gibberish of sounds.

  “Come on, y’all. We don’t want to get caught in work traffic,” Nadine shouted. “Poo-yie, this house needs airing out.”

  Joe loaded a month’s worth of luggage into his mother’s Honda while the women got the baby settled. They did miss the work traffic and said good-bye at the Lafayette Airport before Nell was quite ready to leave. With the tug on her heart as real as the plane ticket in her hand, she gave Deanie a hug and handed him over to her mother-in-law.

  Joe kissed his son’s head. “When we come back, we’ll be bringing you some brothers or sisters to play with—guaranteed. Be good for MawMaw.”

  Deanie’s parents stood at the top of the staircase and waved. The baby flapped both hands at them, then held out his arms. He whimpered. Nell’s eyes began to tear.

  “Come on, Deanie, we gonna have a good time at MawMaw’s, no?” Nadine offered him his favorite comfort toy, a well-chewed terry lamb, and hustled them both out to the car.

  After the flight from Lafayette to Phoenix, Joe and Nell rented a car and drove to the Sheraton luxury suite already occupied by Emily, who had gone ahead to begin the fertility treatments necessary for becoming an egg donor. Shot full of Pergonal and Lupron, she wasn’t the most welcoming of hostesses.

  She greeted them with, “I’m so horny I can’t wait to dump these eggs and go have some fun.” A magnificent silver Navajo squash blossom necklace studded with turquoise and coral and worn over a plain black t-shirt clinked as she paced.

  “Lovely necklace,” Nell said.

  “Yeah. I charged it to the room. They have some awesome gift shops downstairs. Want to go shopping? There’s a great mall with some good restaurants a couple of blocks away.”

  “Maybe later.”

  “Well, I’m out of here.” Emily grabbed a purse and rammed into the bellhop with the luggage cart on her way out. “Watch it!” she growled.

  Joe paid off the help and took a dismayed Nell into his arms. “Oh, Joe, this was not a good idea.”

  “Sure it is. And you know what? Our bedroom is way over there and we have no restrictions on sex for the next couple of weeks. Let’s check out the king-sized bed.” He led his wife in that direction.

  A week later, the suite phone rang. “Hey, the Sex Maniac around anywhere?” a gruff voice of indeterminate gender asked.

  “That would be Joe?” Nell asked cautiously.

  “Hell, yes. Tell him Bull Dyke is on the line.”

  “He’s in the shower. May I take a message?”

  “You must be the little lady and I mean that literally. I always figured Joe would end up with a tall blonde the way he put the moves on Stevie before she went with Connor.”

  “Really?” Nell stared at the bathroom door as if she could see through walls.

  “Oops, didn’t know about that, did ya? Water under the bridge, Nelly. May I call you Nelly since the tabloids do? You can call me Jackie. Joe’s the only one can get away with Bull Dyke.”

  “Oh, Jackie Haile, the pro golfer, Joe’s friend. I prefer to be called Nell.”

  “I heard Joe calls you Tink, short for Tinker Bell. Cute.”

  With some relief, Nell heard the shower cut off. Joe released a cloud of steam from the bath into the room as he exited, naked and toweling his dark hair. Her heart beat faster just looking at him, a sex god in the mist. They had to abstain from sex for the next few days. Emily’s blood test indicated she was ready to ovulate. Nothing in her life seemed to come at the right time.

  “You still there, Tinker Bell?” Jackie Haile bellowed into the phone.

  “Yes. Here’s Joe.” She handed him the receiver. “It’s Jackie Haile.”

  “Hey, Bull Dyke! How did you find me in the wilds of Phoenix?”

  “I passed through New Orleans on my way here and gave Stevie a call. She said you ran up a really big phone bill crying on Connor’s shoulder the other night and she thought you could use some neutral company.”

  Nell licked water droplets from the hollow of his back. Her hands moved over his hips and started around the front. His arousal was so instantaneous she might have pulled a rip cord.

  He batted her hands away for the first time in their lives. “No sex,” he whispered.

  “You got that right. How about letting me beat your ass in a few rounds of golf?” Jackie answer.

  “Come on, Jackie. You know I’m the only man you ever wanted. I’m naked and wet from the shower.” Nell moaned and rubbed her face between his shoulder blades.

  “You pulled that one before. Didn’t work then, won’t work now. Shove your dick into some jeans and get yourself down to the lobby. We tee off in an hour.”

  He put a hand over the receiver. “Ah, Tink, stop that!” Nell kissed the tip of his penis.

  “Ummm, fresh from the shower.” She smacked her lips.

  “Jackie wants to play some golf. I think I could use the distraction. I really need to get out of here.” Nell didn’t raise her head to answer.

  “I can be down in five minutes if I don’t shave, Jackie.”

  “Doesn’t matter to me. I’m driving, got my clubs. We can rent some for you.”

  “Brought mine along. Haven’t used them. Give me ten. I got a situation here.”

  “Right. See you in ten.”

  “Nell, you know I have to save up. They’re aspirating Emily’s eggs as we speak. I need to have a fresh supply ready to go for the fertilization.”

  “You aren’t any fun, Joe Dean Billodeaux!” Nell burst into tears.

  “Sugar, I know you’re all hopped up on estrogen and progesterone, but we can’t.”

  “I feel fat. My jeans are too tight to wear. I hate you, Joe Dean!”

  “Well, Tink, I love you and it shows. Let me put my clothes on and see if I can get my zipper closed. There now. This is safer.” He patted the back she ha
d turned to him. “Let me make you feel better.”

  “That’s what you say to all your women. I’ll bet you said that to Stevie!” Nell threw herself on to the bed and sobbed into a pillow.

  “Nope. Stevie always belonged to Connor. She wouldn’t have none of me.”

  “You say!”

  “I say I’m going to make you feel better.” He rolled his wife over and tugged at the knot on her loose drawstring pants. They came down more easily than jeans. Obviously, she had plotted to trap him with those black lace panties. He tossed them aside, parted her legs and dove into those moist dark curls face first. His nimble tongue went right to the spot and got to work. He called in one of his long fingers for assistance. His team set a new record for achieving orgasm in a minimum number of minutes. When Nell stopped writhing, he pulled the covers over her and lay down on top of the spread to cuddle her.

  Emily’s return put an end to that. She pounded on their bedroom door.

  “I’m back. Are you having sex in there? You know that’s forbidden. If I have to suffer, so do you. I’ve laid my eggs. I’m done with shots and blood tests. Joe Dean, I want my check.”

  “Sorry.” Joe kissed Nell gently on the lips. “You rest up or work out or whatever. I’ll take care of Emily. Then, I’m going golfing with Jackie. Afterward, I want to take both of you to the best steak house in Phoenix. Good red meat, yummy, yummy.”

  Despite her puffy eyes, Nell laughed. “Go. I’ll be fine now.”

  Emily pounded the door again. “Are you laughing at me? I want my half million.”

  Joe had written the check when Emily left for the clinic. It only took a moment to get his sister-in-law out of his life and left him with a very good feeling. With Emily gone, Nell satisfied and the procedure on schedule, nothing sounded better than a nice round of golf with an old friend. He snatched up the bag of clubs that gathered dust in the closet and sauntered off to meet Jackie.

  A dozen sets of female eyes followed Joe striding across the lobby and looking in each sitting area for the pro golfer. Dark hair, chocolate brown eyes, manly stubble, tight black T-shirt, snug black jeans, black running shoes worn without socks, who was this gorgeous guy meeting, they seemed to say.

  Jackie with her fireplug build, cropped hair, Izod golf shirt and khakis, stood up and offered Joe a high five. They slapped palms. Jackie searched his face, then pinched his chin with two of her stubby fingers. Jackie held up the small, dark curly hair she’d removed from his face and murmured to Joe, “Maybe you could make a lesbian happy, Sex Maniac.” She flicked the evidence away.

  Joe roared with laughter and thanked the good Lord he didn’t blush like the fair-skinned Connor Riley. “Let’s go, Bull Dyke. I’ve been penned up with emotional women for a week. I’ve taken them shopping, to museums, to a play, and to a frickin’ opera. I need fresh air.”

  They moved toward Jackie’s rental car still parked by the entrance but were swept aside by a college-aged bellboy pushing a large brass luggage cart. Emily followed the worldly goods she had accumulated during her stay and charged to Joe’s accounts. She gave the young man a lavish tip and a pinch on the behind when he bent over to load her luggage in the cab. Sliding into the back seat of the taxi, she waved good-bye to Joe with a flourish.

  “I hope you and Nell saddle yourself with a houseful of kids. I’m off to Europe to have the time of my life. So long, sucker!” The cab pulled out leaving behind a waft of gas fumes.

  “Yeah, this has been a fun week, Jackie. We get word yesterday that Emily is ready for the Transvaginal Oocyte Retrieval and I need to abstain for a couple of days so I can do my part, you know. What does my bitch sister-in-law do but come on to me while Nell is taking a bath. Hey, she says, don’t you want to do it the natural way with a real woman like you did the last time, Joey? I wanted to kill her.”

  “Because she called you Joey or because of the transvaginal oo-whatever?”

  “The TOR, the egg retrieval. I been to college, Jackie. You know I have to do my part tomorrow—in a cup.”

  “Big words coming from you, sports jock. Probably won’t be your first time jerking off either. Bet you’re good at it.”

  “I usually have women do it for me. You volunteering?”

  “No way!”

  Joe put his seat back and stretched out his legs. Jackie was like one of the guys. You could relax with her, not have to watch your language. He was set to enjoy playing SunRidge Canyon with a friend.

  Jackie’s presence made the next few days go easier. Of course, she beat his ass at SunRidge and enjoyed telling Nell about it at Don & Charlie’s Restaurant out in Scottsdale that night. Joe was glad for the distraction because his wife hunted for bear in her little black slip dress. The hormones made her breasts bigger. They pushed against the nylon and flaunted their nipples. They jiggled as Nell clipped around in high gold heels to look at the sports memorabilia crowding the walls. He was positive she bent over to read all the labels on the cases containing baseball mitts and bats just to show off how the skirt clung to her rear.

  When the manager asked for a picture of Joe Dean and Jackie to add to the collection, the group posed with Joe in the middle, his arms around the waists of the women. Jackie wore a blue silk shirt with dark slacks. Nell, apparently, hadn’t put on underwear. He hoped his sports coat hid any unsightly bulges from the camera.

  The women ordered the traditional shrimp cocktail, but Joe Dean selected the frog legs in garlic butter telling the waiter the appetizer would make him feel right at home. He hoped the garlic would ward off the vamp his wife was becoming, too. The twenty-ounce New York strip steak might make him logy enough to sleep tonight, but he had to watch the alcohol or Nell would take advantage of him for sure. Her bare foot beautifully pedicured that morning and smelling of some sort of rosy cream made its way up his thigh as he sucked on the delicate bones of the frog.

  Jackie created a distraction by relating her adventures with Joe while bringing Connor and Stevie together. “And there he was chasing a paparazzo, his shoes all covered with smashed avocado. Didn’t that damned photographer go and make it look like Joe and I were fighting over a woman.”

  She poked Nell hard enough in the side to make her drop her foot and settled in to enjoy a full slab of baby back ribs with fried onion rings on the side. Nell picked at her petite filet while Joe helped himself to some of the onion rings on Jackie’s plate.

  When Jackie complained about not being invited to their wedding, Joe told that story and promised her another chance if they ever married in the church to satisfy his mama. The meal extended into desserts no one wanted, but ordered anyhow and coffee Joe felt should have been stronger.

  “So maybe I can be godfather to one of these kids you’re going to have,” Jackie joked. Joe watched Nell’s expression go from hot-eyed to desperate in an instant.

  “Tomorrow, why don’t the three of us check out how the Diamondbacks are shaping up?” Joe cut in while Nell loaded half of her meal into a go-box. “How about you drive us back to the hotel, Jackie? I had a little too much of that red wine.”

  In the parking lot, he held the back door open for his wife, shut her in and took shotgun next to his pal. Nell stayed awfully quiet on the way back to the suite. For her own good, he would have to be quick and courageous tonight.

  Joe made sure Nell entered the hotel suite first. Kissing her neck, he murmured, “Sleep tight, Tink,” and slipped into Emily’s former room locking himself in. She scratched on his door like a cat who wanted to come inside.

  “Joe, please. If you let me in maybe we could make a baby tonight without going through all this mess.”

  Behind the door, Joe prayed for strength and crossed himself. “Tomorrow I’m going to start making love to you and I won’t quit until we go for the implant. Get some sleep, sugar.”

  She sobbed, making it hard not to go to her. At last, Nell moved away toward their room on the other side of the suite.

  It took until two a. m. for the heavy meal
to kick in and do its work. The scent of Emily lingered in the room even though the sheets had been changed. The smell of her helped him repress his urges until the sun came up. Joe opened the door quietly. Nell slept on the sofa closest to his room. She wore her old ratty Tinker Bell nightie and had covered herself with a huge blanket pulled from their bed.

  He decided not to shower, dressed quickly and went to the café across the street for a plate of huevos rancheros and wheat toast, a whole lot of coffee and orange juice for energy. Joe took the rental car from the garage and waited first in line at the medical center to do his part in giving Nell a baby. With the memory of Nell’s small white foot sliding up his thigh, her pink-tipped toes massaging his crotch, he had no trouble filling the cup in record time.

  He rousted Jackie for another round of golf on a different course and returned to the hotel around noon sure he would now have something to offer his wife if she was still in the mood. He found Nell sitting in her pathetic nightshirt with a room service breakfast in front of her. The French toast had gone cold and the coffee lukewarm. She looked up at him with sad eyes.

  “Joe, what if this doesn’t work? What if I can’t carry a child?”

  “Then, we’ll adopt. No big deal. Honest. Come on, we got a baseball game waiting—but first, let me keep that promise I made to you last night.”

  Joe held out open arms. She came to him and he cherished her until the time came to leave for the game.

  Good as his word, Joe made love to Nell so frequently for the next two days Jackie felt she interrupted something every time she rang their room. She was on the verge of packing her bags and leaving a good luck and farewell message at the desk when Joe asked her to stay until the next morning when the procedure would be done.

  “Need somebody to hold your hand, Joe?”

  “For sure, Bull Dyke. I’ll be holding Nell’s, but I may need someone to talk to—and don’t tell me to call Dr. Fuck over at the Sinners’ office.”

  “You want me, I’m yours.”

  “You know Nell and me, we can’t have sex for the next three or four weeks after this. You might look pretty good by then.”